People Styles at Work...And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton Flashcards
If you could figure out how to bridge the gap between yourself and others, you could make your life—and theirs—much easier, happier, and more productive.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
It’s about making people differences work for, rather than against, you.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
“I could save myself a lot of wear and tear with people if I just learned to understand them.” —RALPH ELLISON
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
PEOPLE DIFFERENCES TRIGGER PEOPLE PROBLEMS
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
people with significantly different behavioral patterns: • Have a harder time establishing rapport • Are less likely to be persuasive with one another • Miscommunicate more often • Tend to rub each other the wrong way—just by being themselves
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Nora Ephron said, “You fall in love with someone, and part of what you love about him are the differences between you; and then you get married and the differences drive you crazy.” Don
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
“It is never possible to completely understand any other human being,” wrote anthropologist Edward T. Hall, “the complexity is too great.”
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
1960s, Dr. David Merrill, an industrial psychologist, developed a typology that focused on the behavioral differences between people. The people styles model (also referred to as a behavioral styles model)
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
There are four people styles, none of which is better or worse than any of the other styles. • Although each person is unique, people of the same style are similar in important ways. • Each style has potential strengths and weaknesses that aren’t shared by the other styles. • No style is more or less likely to be a predictor of success or failure. • The behavioral patterns of each style tend to trigger tension in people of the other styles. • Getting in sync with the style-based behaviors of the person you are with helps reduce interpersonal tension, thereby fostering well-functioning and productive relationships.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
we can’t avoid categorizing people or anything else that we want to understand and communicate about. We can categorize well or we can categorize poorly. But we can’t not categorize.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
once you have a high-quality set of categories, you need to use them skillfully.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
benefit from recognizing that people differ in valuable ways and supplement your own abilities with the strengths of people who are very different from yourself.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
figure out how to bridge the interpersonal gap so you are in sync with the other person’s way of working.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
People Are More Predictable than You Might Think
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Lewis Thomas, the noted physician and essayist, wrote in exasperation, “Our behavior toward each other is the strangest, most unpredictable, and almost entirely unaccountable of all the phenomena with which we are obliged to live.”
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Arnold Mandell.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
When Mandell saw a neat locker, he would predict, usually correctly, that the player was on the offensive team, liked structure and discipline, enjoyed the repetitious practice of well-designed plays, and was rather conservative. When he saw a messy locker, Mandell was generally successful in assuming that the player was on the defensive team, disliked structure, was apt to challenge rules and regulations, and would be more difficult to manage than his counterparts on the offensive team.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
A GOOD MODEL HELPS YOU MAKE BETTER PREDICTIONS
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Models are tools for the mind.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
how models function: • Models identify and concentrate attention on the few really significant factors in a situation. • They enable you to interpret what you observe. They help you organize your observations so you can find new and rich meaning from data that previously would not have had much, if any, significance for you. • Models provide a reasonably accurate picture of reality despite all the data they eliminate from consideration. • They enable you to predict the probable outcome of a course of action, with the result that you are able to perform model-related functions better and faster.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
A people style is a cluster of habitual assertive and responsive behaviors that have a pervasive and enduring influence on one’s actions.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
organizational consultant,
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
An employer has no business with a man’s personality. Employment is a specific contract calling for a specific performance, and nothing else. Any attempt by an employer to go beyond this is usurpation. It is an immoral as well as illegal intrusion of privacy.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
You don’t need to probe the inner sanctum of your co-workers, friends, or loved ones to improve your relationship with them. All you need to do is better understand the behavior that’s there for you and everyone else to see. Then respond appropriately.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
One’s style is determined by habitual rather than occasional behaviors.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
people aren’t robots doing exactly the same behavior again and again. Rather, they do the same type of behavior repeatedly.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
assertiveness and responsiveness are two clusters of behavior that are especially important in determining a person’s style.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Since you can’t change your dominant style, you’d be wise to accept and celebrate it. And because other people can’t change their dominant style, you’ll interact more effectively with them when you respect and get in sync with their natural style.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
There are four people styles, none of which is better or worse than any of the other styles. • The population is evenly divided among the styles. • We are all four-style people—that is, each of us has some degree of access to the characteristic behavioral tendencies of all four of the styles. • Each of us, however, has a dominant style—a set of behaviors that we’re more adept at, especially comfortable with, and use frequently.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
When you are dealing with people, there are no certainties—but there are significant probabilities.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
“Who am I and what, if anything, can I do about it?” —ALDOUS HUXLEY
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Machiavelli noted in his treatise on leadership, “To lead or attempt to lead without first having a knowledge of self is foolhardy and is sure to bring disaster and defeat.”
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
read each item from the standpoint of the way you think other people see you. It may help to think of three people you work
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Discipline yourself to be as objective as possible.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
select the statement that represents how a majority might view you—even a small majority of 51 percent. Force yourself to make a choice
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
think in terms of “more than” or “slower than” half of the population.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
- More likely to lean back when stating opinions More likely to be erect or lean forward when stating opinions 2. Less use of hands when talking More use of hands when talking 3. Demonstrates less energy Demonstrates more energy 4. More controlled body movement More flowing body movement 5. Less forceful gestures More forceful gestures 6. Less facial expressiveness More facial expressiveness 7. Softer voice Louder voice 8. Appears more serious Appears more fun-loving 9. More likely to ask questions More likely to make statements 10. Less inflection in voice More inflection in voice 11. Less apt to exert pressure for action More apt to exert pressure for action 12. Less apt to show feelings More apt to show feelings 13. More tentative when expressing opinions Less tentative when expressing opinions 14. More task-oriented conversations More people-oriented conversations 15. Slower to resolve problem situations Quicker to resolve problem situations 16. More oriented toward facts and logic More oriented toward feelings and opinions 17. Slower-paced Faster-paced 18. Less likely to use small-talk or tell anecdotes More likely to use small-talk and tell anecdotes __ __ __ __ Total Scores
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
a person’s level of assertiveness is the degree to which his behavior is typically seen by others as being forceful or directive.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
lower levels of assertiveness indicate submissiveness. Not so. While some less assertive people are submissive, most of these folks simply use less forceful ways to achieve their goals.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
assertiveness refers to a person’s behavior—that which can be seen and heard—rather than to inner qualities. Many less-assertive people have a strong inner drive, despite the fact that what people see—their behavior—would not generally be perceived as forceful or directive.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
They achieve success in a manner that’s softer and quieter than that of their behaviorally more assertive colleagues.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Characteristic Behaviors of More-Assertive People Compared to less assertive people, those who are more assertive: • Gesture more vigorously • Have more intense eye contact • Move more rapidly • Exude more energy • Are more erect or forward leaning, especially when making a point • Speak more rapidly • Speak louder • Speak more often • Address problems more quickly • Decide more quickly • Exhibit more risk-oriented behavior • Are more confrontational • Are more direct and forceful when expressing opinions, making requests, and giving directions • Exert more pressure for making a decision or for taking action • Demonstrate anger more quickly
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Characteristic Behaviors of Less-Assertive People Compared to more assertive people, those who are less assertive do the following: • Gesture less vigorously • Have less intense eye contact • Move more slowly • Demonstrate less energy • Lean back a bit when making a point • Speak less rapidly • Speak more softly • Speak less often • Are slower to address problems • Take more time to arrive at decisions • Exhibit less risk-oriented behavior • Are less confrontational • Are less direct and less forceful when expressing opinions, making requests, and giving directions • Exert less pressure for making a decision or taking action • Demonstrate anger less quickly
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
A person’s level of responsiveness is the degree to which she is seen by others as showing her own emotions and demonstrating awareness of the feelings of others.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Individuals who tend to be emotionally reserved are said to be “above the line.” Those who are more emotionally disclosing and more aware of the feelings of others are referred to as “below the line.”
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Characteristic Behaviors of More-Responsive People Compared to the less-responsive half of the population, more-responsive people: • Express feelings more openly • Appear more friendly • Are more facially expressive • Gesture more freely • Have more vocal inflection • Are more comfortable with small talk • Use more anecdotes and stories • Express more concern about the impact that decisions and policies may have on people Figure 4-2 The responsiveness continuum. • Prefer working with others to working alone • Dress more casually • Are less structured in their use of time
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Characteristic Behaviors of Less-Responsive People Compared to the more-responsive half of the population, less-responsive people: • Are less disclosing of feelings • Appear more reserved • Have less facial expressiveness • Gesture less often • Have less vocal inflection • Are less interested in and less adept at “small talk” • Use facts and logic more than anecdotes • Are more task-oriented • Are more comfortable working alone • Dress more formally • Are more structured in their use of time
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Analytical is the name given to the style in the upper-left portion of the people styles grid. Analyticals combine greater-than-average emotional restraint with lower-than-average assertiveness. • The Driving style is found in the upper-right section of the grid. Drivers combine greater-than-average emotional restraint with a higher-than-average level of assertiveness. • The Amiable style is located in the lower-left quadrant. Amiables integrate higher-than-average emotional responsiveness with less assertiveness than half of the population. • Expressives are positioned in the lower-right area of the grid. They blend a higher-than-average level of assertiveness with a higher-than-average level of emotional expressiveness.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Early in life, one style emerged as your favorite, and you now rely primarily on that style.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Merrill and his colleague Roger Reid noted: When our research was completed … we had evidence to challenge the notion that the most successful persons in business are more assertive. In addition, responsiveness or lack of it did not appear to be consistently related to success. Successful, well-regarded career persons were found along all ranges of the assertiveness and responsiveness scales—just as were less successful individuals.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
the “thought person” [Analytical], the “action person” [Driver], the “people person” [Amiable], and the “front person” [Expressive]. Drucker
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Benjamin Franklin wrote, “There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self.”
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
half of the people doing a People Style Self-Assessment don’t identify their style correctly. That’s why it makes sense to treat this self-assessment as a working hypothesis.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
THE DRIVER STYLE
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Drivers are fast-paced. They speak rapidly, walk swiftly, decide quickly, and work efficiently. When they delegate, they’re apt to want the assignment completed “yesterday.” They sometimes get impatient if you are not speaking, deciding, and producing at the fast clip they expect. These are get-it-done people.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
come up with a motto for the Driver style,
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Drivers are often puzzled by others’ strong reactions to their reversals of position.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Drivers are so fast-paced and action-oriented that they sometimes improvise a hasty and ill-conceived change of course that merely sets the stage for a new set of problems.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
excel at time management.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Drivers love to set high but realistic objectives and then make steady and efficient progress toward achieving them.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Much of the Drivers’ body language telegraphs their purposefulness.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
so preoccupied with the immediate situation that they are unaware of valuable lessons from the past.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Drivers are tell-oriented. Their speech is fast-paced, their comments are direct and to the point, and they include less detail and redundancy than most people.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Drivers tend to be more task-oriented than people-oriented.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
the Drivers’ exceptionally strong focus on task sometimes makes them oblivious to other people’s needs and interests.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Drivers are generally so busy doing and talking that they don’t do nearly enough listening.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Expressives love the limelight. They work best when they receive lots of positive feedback. This spirited style bristles with energy.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Expressives want to be where the action is. They gravitate toward exciting, fast-moving activities. They like to be continually on the go.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Expressives tend to be visionaries.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Follow-through is where Expressives tend to be especially weak. They’re quickly bored with the many humdrum details
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Expressives are impulsive. They’re likely to change directions on the spur of the moment. People of this style have a tendency to act first and think later.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
You Analyticals plan for eventualities that never happen. And planning is such a drag.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Time management is a major challenge for Expressives.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
They’re often late to meetings or may miss them altogether.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
The Expressive is the most outgoing of the styles. These extroverts relate easily and seemingly effortlessly to strangers and have a large circle of acquaintances.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Emotions play a dominant role in the Expressive’s decision-making process. They rely less on facts and more on hunches, opinions, and intuition
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
crank up the volume when they speak.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
When Expressives speak, their whole body joins in.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
“I speak to find out what I’m thinking.”
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Storytelling is part and parcel of the Expressive’s approach to communicating.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
The Expressive will likely be up-front about saying what he does or doesn’t like. This is a tell-it-like-it-is style.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Expressives are long on talking and short on listening.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
When you want to communicate with an Expressive, do it verbally if you can, and face-to-face if that’s possible.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
key to a lively gathering is to be sure a number of Expressives are invited.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
THE AMIABLE STYLE
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
The Amiable gets things done in a manner that’s less assertive than average,
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Amiables are very people-oriented. Their friendly, easygoing manner lends warmth and harmony to their interactions with others.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Amiables undergird their friendliness with empathy.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
They’re concerned about what other people think and want. They’re often more interested in hearing your concerns than in expressing their own. Amiables are especially sensitive to other people’s feelings.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Amiable normally likes to work with others, especially in small groups or one on one.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Amiables are less likely than the more assertive styles to seek power for themselves.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
they are the unsung heroes of many a team effort.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Amiables are often more able than other styles to speak realistically about the human consequences of a decision under consideration.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
The Amiable’s body language is relaxed and low key.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
They’re comfortable with eye contact and are facially expressive. Many Amiables are reluctant to “tell it like it is” for fear of alienating the other person.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
When seething inwardly, they often present a calm exterior.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Amiables treasure harmonious relationships, they are natural peacemakers
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Some Amiables prefer to have the organization define their role and set their goals—as long as the demands aren’t unreasonable.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
If you persist too long in treating them in ways they don’t like, they’ll eventually become angry and can be slow to forgive or forget.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
THE ANALYTICAL STYLE
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
They value exactness, prefer quality over quantity, want things they’re associated with to be right.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Their watchword is, “Let’s do it right the first time so we don’t have to do it over.”
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
These people are sticklers for detail since they’re convinced that rigorous attention to every aspect of a project,
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
The Analytical is known for being systematic and well organized.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Many take calculated risks, but some are reluctant to do even that. As a rule, they’d rather be safe than sorry.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
The Analytical’s perfectionistic quest for quality leads her to set exceedingly high standards.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
This is the most introverted of the styles. Analyticals are private people who are often seen by others as aloof.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
The Analytical likes to be alone or with just a few other people.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Henry David Thoreau wrote, “I have a great deal of company in my house; especially in the morning when nobody calls.”
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Analyticals are the quietest of the styles.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Analyticals are similar to Amiables in their tendency to be indirect when making a request or stating an opinion.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Analyticals don’t wear their feelings on their sleeve, and sometimes are seen by others as cold or detached.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Expressives, in particular, become even more upset when an Analytical tries to get them to talk calmly and rationally during brouhaha.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
• Note the gifts—the potential strengths—of your style. • Develop those gifts into actual strengths. • Capitalize on those strengths.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Figure 8-1 Potential strengths of each people style.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
The Gallup Organization asked more than 1.7 million employees, “What percentage of a typical day do you spend playing to your strengths?” Less than 20 percent responded, “most of the time.”
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
researchers found that people who are mismatched to their jobs are significantly less productive, less customer-focused, and more likely to leave their place of employment than those whose abilities are well matched to their work.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
AVOID OVERRELYING ON YOUR STRENGTHS
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Alexandre Dumas. The line, “Any virtue carried to the extreme can become a crime,”
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Figure 8-2 Drivers’ strengths become weaknesses when overused.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Marcus Buckingham, a former executive of the Gallup Organization, emphasized, “You will excel only by maximizing your strengths, never by fixing your weaknesses.”
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
In dealing with your weaknesses the challenge is to focus narrowly on one crucial weakness—the one that could most damage your performance.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
planning fallacy often plagues efforts to change a dysfunctional pattern of behavior.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
• The time needed to overcome the weakness • The effort required • Distractions like unexpected problems (and opportunities) that sidetrack them from the planned improvement • After overcoming a flaw, how much maintenance will be required to preserve the gains for the rest of their lives
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
A complementary partner is someone who is strong where you are weak and will supplement your efforts to achieve a goal.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
No style handles excessive stress graciously. Each has its predictable and unproductive way of reacting to too much pressure.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
backup behavior relieves some stress for the short term, it has very costly side effects and is highly contagious.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
A person’s backup style is an automatic reaction to an overload of stress, which results in an extreme, inappropriate, and inflexible distortion of the person’s normal style-based behavior.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
People’s speech and actions when in backup are inappropriate; what they say and do is unsuitable for the situation and ignores the needs and feelings of others.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
One’s backup style is a protective mechanism that’s set off by excessive stress.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Hans Selye, M.D., regarded as the world’s leading stress researcher, emphasized that suitable levels of stress add zest to life. On the one hand, he found that optimal levels of stress contribute enormously to one’s performance.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
excessive stress erodes one’s performance and causes such wear and tear on the body that it can be a major factor in all manner of diseases.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Even when you are not aware of being overstressed, your subconscious gets the picture and propels you into backup, thereby limiting the escalation of stress.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Although the shift to one’s backup style is instinctive, there’s no need to let it run your life.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
• Expressives (who normally are highly assertive and emotionally demonstrative) attack. • Drivers (who normally are highly assertive and emotionally restrained) become autocratic. • Amiables (who normally are less assertive and more emotive than most people) acquiesce. • Analyticals (who are less assertive and less emotive than most people) avoid participation and emotional involvement.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Expressives in Backup: Attacking
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
they become even more assertive and more emotional.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
tends to be relatively short-lived. Almost immediately after the Expressive has blown his stack, he’s ready to resume normal interactions as if nothing had happened.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Drivers in Backup: Autocratic
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
these normally strong-willed people become even more controlling.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
The normally fast-paced Drivers tend to decide and act even quicker when in backup, which puts enormous pressure on the slower-paced styles.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Amiables in Backup: Acquiescing
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
In periods of low stress, Amiables are quiet, friendly, and cooperative people who like to relate to others with minimal interpersonal tension. Excessive stress increases the Amiables’ efforts to avoid conflict by appeasing others.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
In backup, Amiables go overboard in appearing cooperative and in trying to minimize interpersonal tension.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
It’s often difficult to know when an Amiable has moved into backup.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
if you carefully observe the Amiable’s body language you’ll note that there has been a subtle change. Although you may hear agreeable words, the “music”—the body language—has changed.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Amiables take longer to move into backup than the more assertive styles. Once in backup, however, Amiables tend to remain in backup quite a bit longer.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Though slow to anger, they are also slow to forgive and forget.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
poet Dryden cautioned, “Beware [of] the fury of a patient man.”
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Expressives and Drivers have little patience with the peace-at-any-price behavior of an Amiable in backup.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Analyticals in Backup: Avoiding
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Analyticals are quiet, emotionally reserved people. When they experience an overload of tension, they withdraw further into themselves, withholding both their thoughts and their feelings from others.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Drivers, who like to tackle things head-on, are frustrated by the Analytical’s avoidance when in backup.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Expressives and Amiables dislike the extreme emotional withdrawal of an Analytical in backup.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
secondary backup style that is out-of-the-box behavior at the opposite end of the assertion continuum.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
when anyone is in the secondary backup style, he is extremely ineffective.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
you can decrease the likelihood of shifting into dysfunctional behavior by improving your stress management.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
- Keep tabs on your stress level, and when it surges, find ways to reduce it.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
- Identify the kinds of events and the types of people that trigger your overreactions.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Forewarned is forearmed.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
four ways to contain the damage when you find yourself in backup. Take a “Time Out” for Yourself
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
Decrease Your Use of Backup Behavior
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
the movement into one’s backup style is an automatic reaction, not a conscious choice. However, once you are in backup, it’s possible to regain control of your behavior.
People Styles at Work…And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better by Dorothy Grover Bolton and Robert Bolton
