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Book Notes > People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton > Flashcards

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton Flashcards

1
Q

If you could figure out how to bridge the gap between yourself and others, you could make your life—and theirs—much easier, happier, and more productive. 90

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

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2
Q

It’s about making people differences work for, rather than against, you. 98

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3
Q

“I could save myself a lot of wear and tear with people if I just learned to understand them.” —RALPH ELLISON 135

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4
Q

people with significantly different behavioral patterns: • Have a harder time establishing rapport • Are less likely to be persuasive with one another • Miscommunicate more often • Tend to rub each other the wrong way—just by being themselves 159

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5
Q

Nora Ephron said, “You fall in love with someone, and part of what you love about him are the differences between you; and then you get married and the differences drive you crazy.” Don 186

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6
Q

“It is never possible to completely understand any other human being,” wrote anthropologist Edward T. Hall, “the complexity is too great.” 219

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7
Q

1960s, Dr. David Merrill, an industrial psychologist, developed a typology that focused on the behavioral differences between people. The people styles model (also referred to as a behavioral styles model) 232

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8
Q

There are four people styles, none of which is better or worse than any of the other styles. • Although each person is unique, people of the same style are similar in important ways. • Each style has potential strengths and weaknesses that aren’t shared by the other styles. • No style is more or less likely to be a predictor of success or failure. • The behavioral patterns of each style tend to trigger tension in people of the other styles. • Getting in sync with the style-based behaviors of the person you are with helps reduce interpersonal tension, thereby fostering well-functioning and productive relationships. 238

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9
Q

we can’t avoid categorizing people or anything else that we want to understand and communicate about. We can categorize well or we can categorize poorly. But we can’t not categorize. 262

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10
Q

once you have a high-quality set of categories, you need to use them skillfully. 270

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11
Q

benefit from recognizing that people differ in valuable ways and supplement your own abilities with the strengths of people who are very different from yourself. 279

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12
Q

figure out how to bridge the interpersonal gap so you are in sync with the other person’s way of working. 285

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13
Q

People Are More Predictable than You Might Think 298

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14
Q

Lewis Thomas, the noted physician and essayist, wrote in exasperation, “Our behavior toward each other is the strangest, most unpredictable, and almost entirely unaccountable of all the phenomena with which we are obliged to live.” 303

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15
Q

Arnold Mandell saw a neat locker, he would predict, usually correctly, that the player was on the offensive team, liked structure and discipline, enjoyed the repetitious practice of well-designed plays, and was rather conservative. When he saw a messy locker, Mandell was generally successful in assuming that the player was on the defensive team, disliked structure, was apt to challenge rules and regulations, and would be more difficult to manage than his counterparts on the offensive team. 311

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16
Q

A GOOD MODEL HELPS YOU MAKE BETTER PREDICTIONS 323

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17
Q

Models are tools for the mind. 330

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18
Q

how models function: • Models identify and concentrate attention on the few really significant factors in a situation. • They enable you to interpret what you observe. They help you organize your observations so you can find new and rich meaning from data that previously would not have had much, if any, significance for you. • Models provide a reasonably accurate picture of reality despite all the data they eliminate from consideration. • They enable you to predict the probable outcome of a course of action, with the result that you are able to perform model-related functions better and faster. 332

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19
Q

A people style is a cluster of habitual assertive and responsive behaviors that have a pervasive and enduring influence on one’s actions. 346

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20
Q

organizational consultant, 358

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21
Q

An employer has no business with a man’s personality. Employment is a specific contract calling for a specific performance, and nothing else. Any attempt by an employer to go beyond this is usurpation. It is an immoral as well as illegal intrusion of privacy. 359

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22
Q

You don’t need to probe the inner sanctum of your co-workers, friends, or loved ones to improve your relationship with them. All you need to do is better understand the behavior that’s there for you and everyone else to see. Then respond appropriately. 362

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23
Q

One’s style is determined by habitual rather than occasional behaviors. 364

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24
Q

people aren’t robots doing exactly the same behavior again and again. Rather, they do the same type of behavior repeatedly. 369

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25
Q

assertiveness and responsiveness are two clusters of behavior that are especially important in determining a person’s style. 391

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26
Q

Since you can’t change your dominant style, you’d be wise to accept and celebrate it. And because other people can’t change their dominant style, you’ll interact more effectively with them when you respect and get in sync with their natural style. 410

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27
Q

There are four people styles, none of which is better or worse than any of the other styles. • The population is evenly divided among the styles. • We are all four-style people—that is, each of us has some degree of access to the characteristic behavioral tendencies of all four of the styles. • Each of us, however, has a dominant style—a set of behaviors that we’re more adept at, especially comfortable with, and use frequently. 414

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28
Q

When you are dealing with people, there are no certainties—but there are significant probabilities. 426

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29
Q

“Who am I and what, if anything, can I do about it?” —ALDOUS HUXLEY 440

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30
Q

Machiavelli noted in his treatise on leadership, “To lead or attempt to lead without first having a knowledge of self is foolhardy and is sure to bring disaster and defeat.” 445

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31
Q

read each item from the standpoint of the way you think other people see you. It may help to think of three people you work 451

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32
Q

Discipline yourself to be as objective as possible. 456

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33
Q

select the statement that represents how a majority might view you—even a small majority of 51 percent. Force yourself to make a choice 461

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34
Q

think in terms of “more than” or “slower than” half of the population. 464

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35
Q

a person’s level of assertiveness is the degree to which his behavior is typically seen by others as being forceful or directive. 532

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36
Q

lower levels of assertiveness indicate submissiveness. Not so. While some less assertive people are submissive, most of these folks simply use less forceful ways to achieve their goals. 544

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37
Q

assertiveness refers to a person’s behavior—that which can be seen and heard—rather than to inner qualities. Many less-assertive people have a strong inner drive, despite the fact that what people see—their behavior—would not generally be perceived as forceful or directive. 550

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38
Q

They achieve success in a manner that’s softer and quieter than that of their behaviorally more assertive colleagues. 552

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39
Q

A person’s level of responsiveness is the degree to which she is seen by others as showing her own emotions and demonstrating awareness of the feelings of others. 596

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40
Q

Individuals who tend to be emotionally reserved are said to be “above the line.” Those who are more emotionally disclosing and more aware of the feelings of others are referred to as “below the line.” 601

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41
Q

Analytical is the name given to the style in the upper-left portion of the people styles grid. Analyticals combine greater-than-average emotional restraint with lower-than-average assertiveness. •

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42
Q

The Driving style is found in the upper-right section of the grid. Drivers combine greater-than-average emotional restraint with a higher-than-average level of assertiveness. •

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43
Q

The Amiable style is located in the lower-left quadrant. Amiables integrate higher-than-average emotional responsiveness with less assertiveness than half of the population. •

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44
Q

Expressives are positioned in the lower-right area of the grid. They blend a higher-than-average level of assertiveness with a higher-than-average level of emotional expressiveness. 652

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45
Q

Early in life, one style emerged as your favorite, and you now rely primarily on that style. 662

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46
Q

Merrill and his colleague Roger Reid noted: When our research was completed … we had evidence to challenge the notion that the most successful persons in business are more assertive. In addition, responsiveness or lack of it did not appear to be consistently related to success. Successful, well-regarded career persons were found along all ranges of the assertiveness and responsiveness scales—just as were less successful individuals. 671

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47
Q

the “thought person” [Analytical], the “action person” [Driver], the “people person” [Amiable], and the “front person” [Expressive]. Drucker 678

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48
Q

Benjamin Franklin wrote, “There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self.” 717

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49
Q

half of the people doing a People Style Self-Assessment don’t identify their style correctly. That’s why it makes sense to treat this self-assessment as a working hypothesis. 734

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50
Q

Drivers are fast-paced. They speak rapidly, walk swiftly, decide quickly, and work efficiently. When they delegate, they’re apt to want the assignment completed “yesterday.” They sometimes get impatient if you are not speaking, deciding, and producing at the fast clip they expect. These are get-it-done people. 763

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51
Q

Drivers are often puzzled by others’ strong reactions to their reversals of position. 781

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52
Q

Drivers are so fast-paced and action-oriented that they sometimes improvise a hasty and ill-conceived change of course that merely sets the stage for a new set of problems. 783

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53
Q

Drivers excel at time management. 784

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54
Q

Drivers love to set high but realistic objectives and then make steady and efficient progress toward achieving them. 788

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55
Q

Much of the Drivers’ body language telegraphs their purposefulness. 793

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56
Q

Drivers are so preoccupied with the immediate situation that they are unaware of valuable lessons from the past. 799

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57
Q

Drivers are tell-oriented. Their speech is fast-paced, their comments are direct and to the point, and they include less detail and redundancy than most people. 806

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58
Q

Drivers tend to be more task-oriented than people-oriented. 811

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59
Q

the Drivers’ exceptionally strong focus on task sometimes makes them oblivious to other people’s needs and interests. 822

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60
Q

Drivers are generally so busy doing and talking that they don’t do nearly enough listening. 827

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61
Q

Expressives love the limelight. They work best when they receive lots of positive feedback. This spirited style bristles with energy. 848

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62
Q

Expressives want to be where the action is. They gravitate toward exciting, fast-moving activities. They like to be continually on the go. 852

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63
Q

Expressives tend to be visionaries. 853

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64
Q

Follow-through is where Expressives tend to be especially weak. They’re quickly bored with the many humdrum details 858

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65
Q

Expressives are impulsive. They’re likely to change directions on the spur of the moment. People of this style have a tendency to act first and think later. 861

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66
Q

You Analyticals plan for eventualities that never happen. And planning is such a drag. 866

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67
Q

Time management is a major challenge for Expressives. 868

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68
Q

Expressives often late to meetings or may miss them altogether. 869

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69
Q

The Expressive is the most outgoing of the styles. These extroverts relate easily and seemingly effortlessly to strangers and have a large circle of acquaintances. 871

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70
Q

Emotions play a dominant role in the Expressive’s decision-making process. They rely less on facts and more on hunches, opinions, and intuition 881

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71
Q

Expressives crank up the volume when they speak. 890

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72
Q

When Expressives speak, their whole body joins in. 892

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73
Q

Expressives - “I speak to find out what I’m thinking.” 895

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74
Q

Storytelling is part and parcel of the Expressive’s approach to communicating. 897

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75
Q

The Expressive will likely be up-front about saying what he does or doesn’t like. This is a tell-it-like-it-is style. 906

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76
Q

Expressives are long on talking and short on listening. 909

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77
Q

When you want to communicate with an Expressive, do it verbally if you can, and face-to-face if that’s possible. 912

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78
Q

key to a lively gathering is to be sure a number of Expressives are invited. 917

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79
Q

The Amiable gets things done in a manner that’s less assertive than average, 937

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80
Q

Amiables are very people-oriented. Their friendly, easygoing manner lends warmth and harmony to their interactions with others. 940

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81
Q

Amiables undergird their friendliness with empathy. 942

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82
Q

Amiables are concerned about what other people think and want. They’re often more interested in hearing your concerns than in expressing their own. Amiables are especially sensitive to other people’s feelings. 943

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83
Q

Amiable normally likes to work with others, especially in small groups or one on one. 948

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84
Q

Amiables are less likely than the more assertive styles to seek power for themselves. 950

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85
Q

Amiables are the unsung heroes of many a team effort. 956

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86
Q

Amiables are often more able than other styles to speak realistically about the human consequences of a decision under consideration. 963

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87
Q

The Amiable’s body language is relaxed and low key. 965

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88
Q

Amiables are comfortable with eye contact and are facially expressive. Many Amiables are reluctant to “tell it like it is” for fear of alienating the other person. 969

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89
Q

When seething inwardly, Amiables are often present a calm exterior. 981

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90
Q

Amiables treasure harmonious relationships, they are natural peacemakers 990

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

91
Q

Some Amiables prefer to have the organization define their role and set their goals—as long as the demands aren’t unreasonable. 993

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

92
Q

If you persist too long in treating them in ways they don’t like, Amiables will eventually become angry and can be slow to forgive or forget. 1004

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

93
Q

Analyticals value exactness, prefer quality over quantity, want things they’re associated with to be right. 1018

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

94
Q

Analyticals watchword is, “Let’s do it right the first time so we don’t have to do it over.” 1020

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

95
Q

Analyticals are sticklers for detail since they’re convinced that rigorous attention to every aspect of a project, 1022

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96
Q

The Analytical is known for being systematic and well organized. 1030

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97
Q

Many Analyticals take calculated risks, but some are reluctant to do even that. As a rule, they’d rather be safe than sorry. 1033

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98
Q

The Analytical’s perfectionistic quest for quality leads her to set exceedingly high standards. 1040

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

99
Q

Analytical is the most introverted of the styles. Analyticals are private people who are often seen by others as aloof. 1042

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

100
Q

The Analytical likes to be alone or with just a few other people. 1045

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101
Q

Henry David Thoreau wrote, “I have a great deal of company in my house; especially in the morning when nobody calls.” 1046

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

102
Q

Analyticals are the quietest of the styles. 1052

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103
Q

Analyticals are similar to Amiables in their tendency to be indirect when making a request or stating an opinion. 1064

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104
Q

Analyticals don’t wear their feelings on their sleeve, and sometimes are seen by others as cold or detached. 1069

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

105
Q

Expressives, in particular, become even more upset when an Analytical tries to get them to talk calmly and rationally during brouhaha. 1075

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

106
Q

Note the gifts—the potential strengths—of your style. • Develop those gifts into actual strengths. • Capitalize on those strengths. 1089

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

107
Q

The Gallup Organization asked more than 1.7 million employees, “What percentage of a typical day do you spend playing to your strengths?” Less than 20 percent responded, “most of the time.” 1121

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

108
Q

researchers found that people who are mismatched to their jobs are significantly less productive, less customer-focused, and more likely to leave their place of employment than those whose abilities are well matched to their work. 1125

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109
Q

AVOID OVERRELYING ON YOUR STRENGTHS 1127

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

110
Q

Alexandre Dumas. The line, “Any virtue carried to the extreme can become a crime,” 1130

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111
Q

Marcus Buckingham, a former executive of the Gallup Organization, emphasized, “You will excel only by maximizing your strengths, never by fixing your weaknesses.” 1174

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

112
Q

In dealing with your weaknesses the challenge is to focus narrowly on one crucial weakness—the one that could most damage your performance. 1178

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

113
Q

planning fallacy often plagues efforts to change a dysfunctional pattern of behavior. 1191

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114
Q

• The time needed to overcome the weakness • The effort required • Distractions like unexpected problems (and opportunities) that sidetrack them from the planned improvement • After overcoming a flaw, how much maintenance will be required to preserve the gains for the rest of their lives 1193

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115
Q

A complementary partner is someone who is strong where you are weak and will supplement your efforts to achieve a goal. 1203

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

116
Q

No style handles excessive stress graciously. Each has its predictable and unproductive way of reacting to too much pressure. 1240

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117
Q

backup behavior relieves some stress for the short term, it has very costly side effects and is highly contagious. 1243

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

118
Q

A person’s backup style is an automatic reaction to an overload of stress, which results in an extreme, inappropriate, and inflexible distortion of the person’s normal style-based behavior. 1247

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

119
Q

People’s speech and actions when in backup are inappropriate; what they say and do is unsuitable for the situation and ignores the needs and feelings of others. 1253

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

120
Q

One’s backup style is a protective mechanism that’s set off by excessive stress. 1259

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121
Q

Hans Selye, M.D., regarded as the world’s leading stress researcher, emphasized that suitable levels of stress add zest to life. On the one hand, he found that optimal levels of stress contribute enormously to one’s performance. 1260

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122
Q

excessive stress erodes one’s performance and causes such wear and tear on the body that it can be a major factor in all manner of diseases. 1263

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

123
Q

Even when you are not aware of being overstressed, your subconscious gets the picture and propels you into backup, thereby limiting the escalation of stress. 1270

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

124
Q

Although the shift to one’s backup style is instinctive, there’s no need to let it run your life. 1272

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

125
Q

• Expressives (who normally are highly assertive and emotionally demonstrative) attack. • Drivers (who normally are highly assertive and emotionally restrained) become autocratic. • Amiables (who normally are less assertive and more emotive than most people) acquiesce. • Analyticals (who are less assertive and less emotive than most people) avoid participation and emotional involvement. 1278

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

126
Q

Expressives in Backup: Attacking 1285

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127
Q

Expressives become even more assertive and more emotional. 1287

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

128
Q

Expressives tends to be relatively short-lived. Almost immediately after the Expressive has blown his stack, he’s ready to resume normal interactions as if nothing had happened. 1289

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129
Q

Drivers in Backup: Autocratic 1298

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130
Q

Drivers normally strong-willed people become even more controlling. 1299

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

131
Q

The normally fast-paced Drivers tend to decide and act even quicker when in backup, which puts enormous pressure on the slower-paced styles. 1301

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

132
Q

Amiables in Backup: Acquiescing 1305

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133
Q

In periods of low stress, Amiables are quiet, friendly, and cooperative people who like to relate to others with minimal interpersonal tension. Excessive stress increases the Amiables’ efforts to avoid conflict by appeasing others. 1306

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

134
Q

In backup, Amiables go overboard in appearing cooperative and in trying to minimize interpersonal tension. 1308

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

135
Q

It’s often difficult to know when an Amiable has moved into backup. 1309

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

136
Q

if you carefully observe the Amiable’s body language you’ll note that there has been a subtle change. Although you may hear agreeable words, the “music”—the body language—has changed. 1314

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137
Q

Amiables take longer to move into backup than the more assertive styles. Once in backup, however, Amiables tend to remain in backup quite a bit longer. 1323

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

138
Q

Though slow to anger, Amiables are also slow to forgive and forget. 1324

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

139
Q

poet Dryden cautioned, “Beware [of] the fury of a patient man.” 1325

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

140
Q

Expressives and Drivers have little patience with the peace-at-any-price behavior of an Amiable in backup. 1326

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

141
Q

Analyticals in Backup: Avoiding 1331

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

142
Q

Analyticals are quiet, emotionally reserved people. When they experience an overload of tension, they withdraw further into themselves, withholding both their thoughts and their feelings from others. 1332

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

143
Q

Drivers, who like to tackle things head-on, are frustrated by the Analytical’s avoidance when in backup. 1338

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

144
Q

Expressives and Amiables dislike the extreme emotional withdrawal of an Analytical in backup. 1339

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

145
Q

secondary backup style that is out-of-the-box behavior at the opposite end of the assertion continuum. 1358

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

146
Q

when anyone is in the secondary backup style, he is extremely ineffective. 1365

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

147
Q

you can decrease the likelihood of shifting into dysfunctional behavior by improving your stress management. 1384 1. Keep tabs on your stress level, and when it surges, find ways to reduce it. 1387

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

148
Q
  1. Identify the kinds of events and the types of people that trigger your overreactions. 1390
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149
Q

Forewarned is forearmed. 1392

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

150
Q

four ways to contain the damage when you find yourself in backup. Take a “Time Out” for Yourself 1395

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

151
Q

Decrease Your Use of Backup Behavior 1410

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

152
Q

the movement into one’s backup style is an automatic reaction, not a conscious choice. However, once you are in backup, it’s possible to regain control of your behavior. 1412

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

153
Q

Don’t Save Your Backup Behavior for Loved Ones Ironically, it’s not uncommon for people to employ more constructive behavior at work than with the people they’re closest to. They sometimes mitigate their backup behavior at work but resort to their full-blown backup tendencies in the more casual atmosphere of the home. 1418

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154
Q

Avoid Making Decisions When in Backup When “under the influence” of backup style, your judgment is severely impaired—and when your judgment is malfunctioning, it’s no time to solve problems or make decisions. 1424

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

155
Q

One of the most difficult interpersonal challenges we face is dealing constructively with others when they’re in backup. Here’s how to make the best of these difficult situations. Expect That People Won’t Always Be at Their Best 1432

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

156
Q

Marcus Aurelius, the Roman emperor and philosopher, wrote, “Every morning when I leave my house, I say to myself, ‘Today I shall meet an impudent man, an ungrateful one, one who talks too much. Therefore do not be surprised.’ ” 1435

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

157
Q

There is nothing subtle or unobtrusive about their out-of-the-box behavior. But with Amiables and occasionally with Analyticals, it can be difficult to spot the sometimes subtle differences between normal and backup behavior. 1440

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

158
Q

backup behavior is highly contagious and tends to quickly trigger dysfunctional reactions in others. 1446

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

159
Q

switch your attention from the unpleasantness of that person’s disagreeable behavior to what is triggering that behavior—an enormous buildup of stress. 1450

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

160
Q

Remind yourself that the person’s movement into rigid and frustrating behavior was an automatic response, not a conscious choice. It’s a safety valve that’s hardwired into her nervous system to protect her from the ravages of dangerous levels of stress. 1452

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

161
Q

Don’t Do Business with Someone Who Is in Backup Avoid discussing significant issues when the other person is in backup. 1456

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

162
Q

When Others Are in Backup, Don’t Try to Talk Them out of It 1459

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

163
Q

Expressive is in backup, people often say, “For heaven’s sake, stop shouting, will you? Let’s talk this over like two rational human beings.” When an Analytical in backup withdraws into his shell, people often say, “Get it off your chest.” When a Driver becomes more intense and directive than usual, people are likely to say, “Relax, take it easy.” When an Amiable is acquiescing, people may say, “Come on, speak up! It’s obvious that something is upsetting you.” These kinds of statements, which are meant to improve a tense situation, usually have the opposite effect. 1460

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

164
Q

“You never know till you try to reach them how accessible men are; but you must approach each man by the right door.” —HENRY WARD BEECHER, 1475

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

165
Q

When two people of different styles live or work together, one or both must adjust. If neither adapts to the other, communication will deteriorate, cooperation will decline, the relationship will be stressed, and in work situations productivity will inevitably slump. 1484

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

166
Q

When people of different styles don’t get along, the problem isn’t incompatibility; the problem usually is inflexibility. People of very different styles can collaborate fruitfully when one or both of them make an effort to adapt to the other. 1490

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

167
Q

Interpersonal flexibility is the ability to adapt to a wide variety of people in ways that are relatively stress-free for them. 1503

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

168
Q

“I’ll do what I can to make it easy for others to relate to me.” 1507

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

169
Q

low interpersonal flexibility are “tone deaf” to the ways other people like to be treated. 1508

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

170
Q

Low-flex people typically are confident that their way is the right way. 1511

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

171
Q

in the quest for improved relationships, people typically try to change their spouse, 1526

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

172
Q

Mark Twain observed, “Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits.” 1527

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

173
Q

The primary leverage you have for improving a relationship is your own behavior. 1529

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

174
Q

taking the initiative in improving the relationship will generally create three positive outcomes for you. First, you don’t have to wait for the other person to come around to your manner of doing things in order to relate effectively or function productively with that person. That could be a v-e-r-y long wait. 1533

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

175
Q

your ability and willingness to adapt to the other person can help you achieve your goals. 1537

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

176
Q

When you make it easier and more comfortable for another person to work with you, that person often changes his behavior in ways that you appreciate. 1544

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

177
Q

Style flex involves taking the initiative for improving the relationship. 1546

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

178
Q

Select no more than two to three types of behavior to adjust. Experience shows that most people can’t effectively make more than two or three kinds of adjustments at a time. 1553

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

179
Q

psychologists Clifford Notorius and Howard Markham concluded, “Little changes in you can lead to huge changes in the relationship.” 1560

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

180
Q

only flex your style when it is appropriate. 1566

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

181
Q

manipulate is “to manage or influence skillfully, especially in an unfair manner.” Much manipulation is “being ‘nice’ to people at their expense.” 1575

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

182
Q

three important reasons for not succumbing to this temptation: 1. To manipulate others is to harm yourself. 1577 2. Manipulation is more likely to work against you than for you. 1582 3. Manipulation is unethical. 1587

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

183
Q

One of the main reasons people conceal their opinion is to get along better with others. But if you repeatedly downplay, conceal, or misrepresent your point of view to blend in with the person or group you are with, your relationships are bound to deteriorate over time. 1594

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

184
Q

Lewis Thomas, the noted physician, says, “We are biologically designed to be truthful to each other.” 1602

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

185
Q

Doctor Zhivago, Boris Pasternak writes, “Your health is bound to be affected if, day after day, you say the opposite of what you feel. Our nervous system isn’t just a fiction; it’s a part of our physical body. It can’t be forever violated with impunity.” 1603

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People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

186
Q

Psychiatrist Erich Fromm adds, “If someone violates his moral and intellectual integrity, he weakens or even paralyzes his total personality.” 1606

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

187
Q

People sometimes get the idea that style flex is just a pretentious name for conformity. 1611

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

188
Q

Experts on interpersonal communication distinguish between the content and the process of an interaction. The content of a conversation is WHAT is said—the information that’s exchanged, the proposals that are discussed, the decisions that are made. Process refers to HOW people are communicating: the tenor of the conversation, the intensity of body language, the amount of air time each person uses, and so forth. 1614

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

189
Q

he tailors his approach, not his position. 1619

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

190
Q

By creating a less stressful interpersonal process through style flex, you can pave the way for a constructive discussion of difficult issues. 1625

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

191
Q

how a proposal is presented can be as crucial to its getting a good hearing as to what the proposal contains. 1645

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

192
Q

“When a relationship isn’t going well, don’t do more of the same; try something different.” 1646 Step 1: Identify. 1675• Step 2: Plan. 1677 Step 3: Implement. 1680 Step 4: Evaluate. 1682

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

193
Q

Monitoring During a conversation, do an occasional mental check to see if your behavior is having a positive impact on the interaction. 1719

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

194
Q

After-the-Conversation Critiquing From time to time, and especially after important conversations, take a moment to evaluate how effectively you communicated. 1722

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

195
Q

style flex is the temporary adjustment of a few behaviors. 1749

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

196
Q

Psychiatrist Leonard Zunin, in his book Contact: The First Four Minutes, points out that there’s a sense in which people “restart” their relationship every time they meet. 1754

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

197
Q

A key to enhancing your relationships is to make each fresh start a positive one. 1755

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

198
Q

Sociologist Erving Goffman’s research demonstrated that shortly after a conversation has begun it’s possible to predict with considerable accuracy how effective it will be. 1756

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

199
Q

you can make the most of many conversations by getting in step with the other person at the outset. 1759

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

200
Q

open in parallel and then, after a few minutes, relax your efforts. Keep monitoring the interaction, though, and if the other person’s tension begins to increase, resume flexing your style. Then ease into your natural conversational mode after a few more minutes. 1761

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

201
Q

Holmes told his companion, “You see but you do not observe.” 1790

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

202
Q

separate the observation of behavior from making inferences about the behavior. 1795

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

203
Q

Style identification is based on the observation of behavior. 1799

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

204
Q

when asked to observe and describe behavior, people often report their inferences. 1806

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

205
Q

When it comes to identifying a person’s style, discipline yourself to focus strictly on behavior—on what the person says or does. Avoid the tendency to jump from observation of behavior to conclusions about the person’s thoughts or feelings. 1811

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

206
Q

communication researchers estimate that a person is bombarded with about ten thousand sensory perceptions a second. 1816

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

207
Q

Seven types of behavior, noted in Figure 13-1, are especially useful indicators of a person’s level of assertiveness. 1824

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

208
Q

assertion is a syndrome—a collection of behavioral characteristics that typically cluster together. 1826

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

209
Q

Focus on three pairs of words: more/less, faster/slower, louder/softer. The more assertive styles (Drivers and Expressives) speak more, gesture more, and demonstrate more energy than most people. They talk faster and move faster than half the population. They speak louder. 1829

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

210
Q

The less assertive styles (Amiables and Analyticals) demonstrate less energy and less movement, and they tend to speak less than the average person. They are somewhat slower moving and they talk slower. Their voices are usually quieter. 1832

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

211
Q

The feelings of more-responsive people (Amiables and Expressives) are quite transparent. These emotionally demonstrative people have more facial animation and more vocal inflection than most people. Their gestures and posture tend to be more flowing than average. And they tend to be more aware of other people’s feelings than half of the population. 1842

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

212
Q

The less-responsive styles (Analyticals and Drivers) are less emotionally disclosing than half of the population. It’s often difficult to “read” what they are feeling. As the saying goes, they have “a stiff upper lip.” They have less facial animation and less vocal inflection than most people. They gesture less and their gestures and posture tend to be less flowing than average. Furthermore, they tend to be less aware of other people’s feelings than half of the population. 1845

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

213
Q

when trying to identify someone’s style, temporarily take a back seat in the conversation. 1891

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

214
Q

Since people styles is a behavioral model, the best clues for identifying someone’s style are nonverbal. 1894

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

215
Q

one of the most frequent mistakes in style identification comes from assuming a person is a Driver when, in reality, she is an Expressive. 1901

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

216
Q

discuss how your manager would like you to work with him. 1940

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

217
Q

whenever possible, give people the freedom to do things their way. 1950

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

218
Q

You’ll never get peak performance from your associates if you expect them to do everything the way you’d do it. 1956

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

219
Q

Savvy managers encourage their people to use their own style and capitalize on their natural strengths, rather than attempt to make them into pale imitations of themselves. 1958

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

220
Q

when appropriate, use style flex in team meetings. 1960

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

221
Q

Once rapport is established, flex to the task. Alternate between flexing to the person and flexing to the task as needed. 2007

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

222
Q

It took a lot of Shelly’s energy to flex back and forth between her coworker and the project. But Shelly thought the results justified the effort. The project was a solid success, and the relationship was stronger than ever. 2030

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

223
Q

clash between two Drivers, it’s usually because they’re both bringing high levels of assertiveness to the interaction. 2060

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

224
Q

Expressives love the limelight. 2064

A

People Styles at Work by Dorothy Grover Bolton

Book Notes (88 decks)

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