Lecture 7: Building Intimacy Flashcards
1
Q
self-concept
A
- What we know and believe about ourselves
- “Who am I?”
- Our attributes, abilities, values, and goals
- Descriptive and evaluative components
2
Q
the looking glass self
A
Charles Horton Cooley: we develop our self-concept through interactions with others
3
Q
3 steps of the looking glass self
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- Imagine how we appear to others
- Interpret others’ reactions
- Develop & revise self-concept based on these perceptions & judgments
4
Q
the active role of the individual
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- Not simply passively internalizing interactions with others
- Individual plays an active part in selecting & interpreting perceived judgments & perceptions of others
- Also attempts to manage others’ perceptions through self-presentation strategies
5
Q
symbolic interactionism
A
- Our sense of sense is a social construction, developed & maintained via inferences from experiences with others
- Sense of self is experienced in relation to some audience (real or imagined; specific or generalized)
- Imagining reactions of others may be a conscious or non-conscious process
6
Q
private beliefs & imagined audiences study method
A
- A study in two ostensibly unrelated parts
- First part: visualization exercise: they were told to visualize either their last interaction with a close friend or an older family member
- Second part: read and rate passages
7
Q
private beliefs & imagined audiences study findings
A
- Participants who had previously thought about friends reported the erotic passage being more enjoyable, pleasurable, and exciting than those who had thought about older relatives
- Private beliefs are tailored for public acceptance, although we may not be consciously aware of this
8
Q
self-esteem
A
- Evaluative component of self-concept
- How good or bad we feel about ourselves
9
Q
trait level self-esteem
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- Enduring level of self-regard
- Fairly stable
10
Q
state level self-esteem
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- Dynamic, changing feelings about the self
- Vary from moment to moment
11
Q
sociometer theory
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Self-esteem as a gauge to assess the degree of acceptance by others
12
Q
self-esteem and acceptance
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Trait self-esteem strongly correlates with perceptions of acceptance
13
Q
individual and group decision making study
A
- Exchange description of yourself with other group members, indicate which group members you want to work with
- Then they were told they had to work alone either 1) because of random assignment or 2) because other group members did not choose them (rejection condition)
- Rejected participants felt worse about themselves
14
Q
Intrapersonal view of self-esteem
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private self-valuation
15
Q
example of the intrapersonal view of self-esteem
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ratio of one’s success to one’s failures (James, 1890)
16
Q
Interpersonal view of self-esteem
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believing that one possesses ceratin attributes should only affect self-esteem to the extent that one considers these attributes to be judged positively or negatively by others
17
Q
example of the interpersonal view of self-esteem
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Cady trying to fit in with the plastics in Mean Girls
18
Q
interpersonal self-esteem correlational study method
A
Participants filled out global measures of self-esteem 2) rated themselves in 5 domains and 3) indicated how important those domains were for social approval or disapproval
19
Q
interpersonal self-esteem correlational study findings
A
- Interaction between self-evaluations and the perceived approval value of the domain
- How closely your performance in a given domain is tied to your self-esteem depends on how much you think people around you value that domain
20
Q
interpersonal self-esteem causational study method
A
- Phase 1: what research ideas are you thinking about these days?
- Phase 2: 2-ms exposure from a professor that was either approving or disapproving
- Phase 3: how good is this idea? How important is it?
21
Q
interpersonal self-esteem causational study findings
A
- When primed with the approving face, students felt really good about their reserach
- When primed with the disapproving face, they felt much worse
22
Q
self-concepts and relationships
A
As we grow closer to a relationship partner, our self-concept expands to incorporate aspects of the other
23
Q
self-expansion model
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- People are motivated to expand their potential efficacy
- Accrue resources, knowledge, perspectives, abilities, identities, etc. that make it possible to achieve future goals
24
Q
self-expansion model in relationships
A
- One means to expand one’s efficacy is through close relationships
- In a close relationship, we incorporate our partner’s identities, perspectives, skills, and resources in the self
25
falling in love study
- Students provided assessments of their sense of self: self-esteem, self-efficacy & spontaneous self-concept every 2 weeks over a 10 week period
- They asked participants which significant life events they had experienced
- Those who had fallen in love experienced greater increase in self-concept compared to before falling love & participants who did not fall in love
- Also increases in self-esteem and self-efficacy
26
cognitive confusion of the self & others
Evidence that individuals cognitively confuse the self & close others
27
cognitive confusion of the self & others study method
- Phase 1: how well does this trait describe you, a partner, or a stranger
- Phase 2: researchers asked participants “for which target was this word presented?”
28
cognitive confusion of the self & others study findings
- There was more confusion between the self and close other
- This was not explainable by familiarity or similarity: closeness appears to be the key ingredient
29
what do we include in self-expansion model?
- Resources: knowledge, material, and social assets
- Identity: their traits become seen as your traits
- Perspectives: seeing the world from a different point
30
falling in love as a process of self-expansion
- Movement toward desired goal is associated with positive affect
- The velocity with which we approach a desired goal is an important predictor of positive affect
- Self-expansion is very rapid in the early stages of the relationship
- It gives rise to a sense of exhilaration
- This may be the sensation of falling in love
31
upward spiral of self-expansion
- Relationship between self-expansion & positive affect may be reciprocal
- Self-expansion fuels positive affect
- Positive affect, in turn, broadens our understanding of the world
- Fosters curiosity & interest, desire for novelty, increased tendency to approach & engage with the world
32
longitudinal roommate task
positive affect predicts more complex understanding of roommate and greater perception of the self-other overlap
33
self-expansion over time
The rate of self-expansion slows over time
34
self-expansion and infidelity
- In monogamous relationship, we may begin to look outside the relationship if the need for self-expansion is not being met
- Potential for future self-expansion negatively predicts susceptibility to infidelity
35
self-disclosure
sharing personal information about teh self
36
self-disclosure and intimacy
self-disclosure is central to the development of intimacy
37
self-disclosure and liking
- We tend to like those who share personal information with us
- We also tend to like people better after disclosing personal information to them
38
self-disclosure task method
- Lab-based task for creating feelings of closeness
- Reciprocal exchange
- 3 x 12 questions gradually escalating in intimacy within and across sets
39
self-disclosure task findings
- Greater feelings of closeness with a partner following the disclosure task (relative to the small-talk control)
- Does not matter if the dyad was mismatched on important attitudes, participants expected to like each other, or getting close was an explicit goal
- There was no difference between all-women and all-men pairs
40
social penetration theory
- we gradually move from exchanging superficial information to more intimate information over time
- Breadth and depth of topics both increase, but breadth increases more quickly
- We balance our desire for expansion & connection with the desire to feel safe (approach & avoidance movies)
41
risks of self-disclosure
- Evaluation: could be judged negatively
- Maintenance: could disrupt the relationship
- Defence: information could be used against you
- Communication problems: could be difficult to talk about
42
responsiveness
The degree to which:
- You believe that your partner understands your situation, emotions, needs, and opinions
- You believe that your partner values, respects, and validates yourself
- You believe that your partner acts in ways that care for and support the self
43
responsiveness and intimacy
resposiveness is a key aspect of the development of intimacy
44
intimacy process model
- a's disclosure -> b's responses -> a's reaction to b's responses
- each step is influenced by the interpreter's interpretive filter and their motives, needs, goals, and fears
45
support for the intimacy process model
- Event-contingent recording (type of experience sampling) studies (1 or 2 weeks)
- Provide information immediately after social interaction
- Perceptions of the dating partner’s responsiveness mediated the effect of personal disclosures and the experience of intimacy
- Disclosure on its own may not be sufficient for the development of intimacy
46
the self and relationships as reciprocal influences
- The self is not the simple result of experiences with others; it also plays an important role in shaping experiences
- Iterative, reciprocal process
- We choose what part of the self-concept to display
47
2 motives that drive how we want to be seen
self-enhancement and self-verification
48
self-enhancement
- Drive to be seen positively
- Satisfied partners perceive partners more positively than objectively warranted, turn faults into virtues
49
self-verification
drive to maintain a coherent self-view (wanting to be known)
50
reconciling self-enhancement and self-verification
- We may value partners that combine global adoration and specific accuracy
- We may prefer enhancement on critically important qualities (ex. attractiveness) but verification for less critically important qualities
- We may also wish for our partners to understand how we see ourselves without necessarily weaning them to agree
51
overexpansion & control in relationships
- As many as 57% of dating undergraduates report feeling too close to their partners (their desired level of closeness is lower than their actual level of closeness)
- They describe the experience as suffocating, smothering, and overwhelming
- The Common theme that causes these feelings: a real or perceived threat to personal control
- Constrains one’s ability to expand in domains external to the relationship
- Over-expansion may lead to a sense of exhaustion
52
autonomy
feeling that one’s actions are entirely freely chosen and not coerced
53
benefits of autonomy
- Autonomy is associated with more openness and greater well-being
- It predicts more constructive and less defensive responses to conflict and more satisfaction even after conflict
- Partner’s autonomy also predicts the actor’s satisfaction & decreased defensiveness
- Autonomy is linked to more effective support provision in close relationships
54
reconciling relatedness and autonomy
In successful relationships, we need to balance both relatedness & autonomy needs
