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PSYC 474 > Lecture 22: Repairing, Maintaining, and Growing Relationships > Flashcards

Lecture 22: Repairing, Maintaining, and Growing Relationships Flashcards

1
Q

mechanisms for repair, maintenance, and growth

A
  • seeing partner as part of yourself
  • positive illusion & perceived superiority
  • inattention and derogation of attractive alternatives
  • willngness to sacrifice
  • gratitude
  • accomodation
  • communal strength
  • approach motivation
  • self-disclosure
  • responsiveness
  • forgiveness
  • play/self-expanding activities
  • provision of safe haven & secure base support
  • therapy
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2
Q

forgiveness

A
  • Transformation to motivation to think, feel, and behave negatively after suffering a transgression
  • Two components: decrease in negativity and increase in benevolence (goodwill toward the transgressor)
  • Not the same thing as accepting, excusing, or condoning the offence
  • Beliefs that these are requisite factors are barriers to forgiveness
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3
Q

forgiveness vs. reconciliation

A

Forgiveness makes reconciliation more likely but does not require reconciliation

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4
Q

victim-related predictive factors for forgiveness

A
  • Empathy: perspective-taking, shift from dispositional to situational attributions
  • Attachment security: less likely to ruminate about transgression
  • Neuroticism: stronger negative emotional reactions to transgressions
  • Agreeableness: trust, desire for harmony, compassion
  • Self-control: allows the inhibition of rumination and desctructive responses, shift focus to long-term relationship goals
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5
Q

relationship-related predictive factors for forgiveness

A

Commitment, closeness, and satisfaction: greater value placed on relationship, the transformation of motivation (from acting based on self-interest to acting based on preferences for joint outcomes) that comes with greater interdependence

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6
Q

transgressor-related predictive factors for forgiveness

A
  • Expressions of remorse, authentic apologies, making amends: increase empathy towards trasnsgressor, signal that one is unlikely to transgress again
  • Costly apologies may further lower perceived risk of future transgressions
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7
Q

transgression-related predictive factors for forgiveness

A
  • Perceived severity: subjective perceptions of harm
  • Perceived responsibility: important in determining future risk
  • Perceived intent: harder to forgive transgressions perceived as intentional
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8
Q

forgiveness and relational well-being

A
  • Boots to relational well-being
  • Greater conflict resolution as perceived by both parties
  • Unresolved transgression may spill over into future conflicts
  • Decreased likelihood of future transgressions (if victims & transgressors agree on the severity of the offence)
  • Caveat: forgiveness positively associated with psychological & physical aggression in longitudinal research
  • Greater commitment & relationship satisfaction
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9
Q

forgiveness and personal well-being

A
  • Boots to personal well-being
  • Decreases in stress systems activation (ex. Lower blood pressure, stress hormone levels, subjective stress, anxiety, and depression)
  • Forgiveness is conceptualized as an emotional coping strategy that removes the emotional burden caused by transgressions
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10
Q

types of love over time

A
  • Intimacy and commitment increase over time in a relationship
  • Passion & sexual desire typically fade within the first 2 years of a relationship
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11
Q

consequences of decreasing passion

A
  • Lower desire is linked to less relationship satisfaction, thoughts about leaving the relationship, and higher rates of infidelity
  • One of the leading reasons why couples seeking counselling
  • Almost half of divorces arise from low-conflict, relatively happy marriages
  • Marital boredom is one of the leading causes for seeking divorce
  • Divorces in low-conflict marriages are especially likely to negatively affect the well-being of partners and their children
  • Passionate love predicts personal well-being & life satisfaction
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12
Q

why is passion hard to sustain?

A

Passion tends to be aroused by novelty & risk, while attachmetn & commitment tend to be reinforce most by feelings of familiarity & security

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13
Q

passion early on in a relationship

A
  • Partner is a mystery, constant surprises, sense of uncertainty
  • Lack of knowledge leaves room for fantasy
  • Rapid self-expansion & growth of intimacy
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14
Q

passion in long-term relationships

A
  • Declines in effort
  • Sense of novelty & uncertainty has faded
    Self-expansion has stalled
  • Hedonic adaption: habituation to new circumstances
  • Feelings of passion are driven by subjective perceptions of increasing intimacy
  • Shift from passionate eto ocmpanionate love may be interpreted as unhappiness
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15
Q

are we doomed to lose passion?

A
  • Despite the average trends, declines in sexual desire are not inevitable or universal
  • ⅓ people report that passion in their relation has stayed constant over time
  • Among older adults (ages 65-80), 74% describe their sex life as satisfying
  • Age-related declines in sexual desire are significantly smaller for people in better relationships
  • Partner responsiveness increases desire
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16
Q

maintaining passion

A

To maintain satisfaction and passion, we need to engage in self-expanding activities

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17
Q

self-expansion in daily life

A
  • Couples (average relationship duration = 5 years) filled out a daily diary for 28 days
  • Rated their relationship satisfaction, sexual acitivity, and sexual desire
  • Measures of self-expansion
  • More self-expansion predicted:
    1. Higher sexual desire
    2. 36% more likely to have sex
    3. More satisfied with their relationship
  • Similar results were obtained in experimental studies
18
Q

sharing self-expanding activities field study

A
  • Married couples were assigned to participate in exciting, pleasant, or no additional activities for 1.5 hours/ week for 10 weeks
  • Greater increase in relationship satisfaction in the exicting activity group relative to the other two groups
  • The pleasant condition was not different from the control condition
19
Q

sharing self-expanding activities lab study

A
  • 1 of 2 activities:
    1. Mundane but pleasant
    2. Novel & challenging
  • Greater increase in satisfaction & love in the novel condition
20
Q

how do self-expansion activities work?

A
  • It’s not about the pleasantness of activities
  • It could be due to the misattribution of arousal . But, physiological arousal isn’t enough alone to produce self-expansion. Self-expanding activities do not need to be physically arousing
  • The key is having novel & challenging experiences
21
Q

misattribution of arousal & self-expansion study

A
  • A lab study attempted to separate novelty/challenge from arousal
  • Novel & challenging activity: bouncing an unevenly weighted ball back and forth with a partner while hitting a specific target and moving along the floor
  • Key control condition: running back & forth while wearing ankle weights
  • Only the novel condition predicted an increase in relationship satisfaction; there is not effect of arousal
22
Q

benefits of self-expansion

A
  • Self-expansion promotes closeness & intimacy, which in turn promotes romantic passion
  • While closeness to partner is important, may also benefit from a sense of otherness (sense of separateness from the other)
  • Novel activities allow us to discover something new or surprising about the partner, value unique contributions they make to the relationship
  • Both increased closeness & otherness mediate the relationship between self-expansion and higher desire
23
Q

personal vs. relational self-expansion

A

Personal self-expansion experiences don’t directly involve one’s partner

24
Q

personal self-expansion daily-diary studies

A
  • Within-person increases in daily personal self-expansion is associated with greater passion
  • Mediated by positive emotions
  • High between-person levels of self-expansion associated with lower levels of passion
  • Mediated by decreased intimacy
25
Q

personal self-expansion as a double-edged sword

A
  • Personal self-expansion may be a double-edged sword
  • Associated with better personal well-being and increased sense of competence
  • Short-term increases in self-expansion promote romantic passion, but sustained increases may lead to reductions in intimacy & romantic passion
26
Q

benefits of social support

A
  • A large number of studies show that perceived social support buffers against the harmful effects of stress & is associated with greater feelings of love, closeness, and better relationship quality
  • Emotional support is particularly beneficial
27
Q

drawbacks of social support

A
  • Some studies show a null or even negative effects of social support on adjustment
  • May signal that the recipient can’t cope with the stressor (damaging to self-worth)
  • May be perceived as intrusive (interferes with personal autonomy)
28
Q

invisible support

A

a support that goes unnoticed by the recipient but nevertheless exerts positive effects on the recipient

29
Q

invisible support daily diary study

A
  • Daily diary study of couples where one partner was preparing for the Bar exam
  • Partners: reported daily provisions of emotional support
  • Examinees: reported daily receipt of emotional support & emotional distress
  • Results: repots of support provision is associated withe examinees’ decrease in depression while reports of support receipt are associated with increases
  • Most beneficial condition when support was provided, but not noticed by the recipient
30
Q

relational benefits of support

A

Invisible practical support increases next-day relationship benefits

31
Q

relational costs of support

A
  • If invisible support is not coded as support, may not perceived partner as being responsive
  • Negative effects on the partner
32
Q

responsiveness and social support

A
  • Effectiveness of both visible and invisible social support depends on the level of responsiveness
  • Support works best when it makes the partner feel understood, validated, and cared for
  • When partners feel that their relatedness needs are being met, both attachment anxiety and avoidance decrease over time
33
Q

capitalization

A

deriving additional benefit from positive events by sharing them with others

34
Q

capitalization daily diary studies

A

In daily diary studies, sharing news of a positive event with others leads to a boost in positive affect

35
Q

support for positive disclosures

A
  • Ability to derive personal & relationship benefits from capitalization depends on perceptions of partner’s responsivenes
  • Responses can be categorized as active vs. passive and constructive vs. destructive
36
Q

support for positive disclosures & relationship satisfaction

A
  • Perceptions of active-constructive responses are positively associated with relationship well-being; passive-constructive and both types of destructive responses are negatively associated with relationship well-being
  • Active-constructive responses covey repsonsiveness & signal closeness
37
Q

why is postive disclosure important?

A
  • Experience more positive than negative events
  • Fewer risks in positive disclosures (may be a way of safely testing partner’s responsiveness before trusting them with negative disclosures)
38
Q

secure base

A

support for a relationship partner’s autonomous exploration

39
Q

Three key components of a secure base

A
  • Being available in case based is needed
  • Not interfering with exploration
  • Being encouraging & accepting of exploration
40
Q

benefits of a secure base

A

Secure base support provision is associated with more willingness to explore, greater persistence, boosts in self-esteem, more willingness to accept help frfrommo partner, more positive affect toward partner, greater relationship satisfaction, and decreases in attachment insecurity

41
Q

Michelangelo phenomenon

A

By affirming and supporting our aspirations, our partners can help us reach our ideal selves

PSYC 474 (36 decks)

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