Chapter 11: Conflict Flashcards

1
Q

conflict in close relationships

A

Conflict is inevitable in close relationships

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1
Q

interdependency and conflict

A

The more interdependent a couple is, the more likely occasional conflict becomes

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2
Q

conflict management

A

The way partners manage their conflict can either enhance or erode the relationship

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3
Q

conflict

A

occurs when one’s wishes or actions obstruct or impede those of someone else

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4
Q

why is conflict inescapable in close relationships?

A
  • The moods and preferences of any two people occasionally differ
  • There are certain tensions that are woven into the fabric of close relationships that will inevitably cause some strain
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5
Q

Dialectics

A

opposing motivations that can never be entirely satisfied because they contradict each other

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6
Q

common dialectics in close relationships

A
  • Autonomy vs. connection
  • Openness vs. closedness
  • Stability vs. change
  • Integration vs. separation from one’s social network
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7
Q

the frequency of conflict

A
  • Partners engage in conflict frequently
  • Many conflicts are never addressed
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8
Q

personality and the frequency of conflict

A

people who are high in negative emotionality have more negative disagreements. Those high in agreeableness have fewer conflicts, and if it does occur, they react more constructively

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9
Q

attachment style and the frequency of conflict

A

secure people encounter less conflict and manage it better than insecure people

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10
Q

stage of life and the frequency of conflict

A

conflict with romantic partners increases steadily from our late teens to our mid-20s, but things settle down somewhat thereafter. In old age, couples have fewer disagreements than middle-aged couples and manage conflict better

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11
Q

similarity and the frequency of conflict

A

the less similar dating partners are, the more conflict they experience

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12
Q

stress and the frequency of conflict

A

the greater combined stress two partners have experienced during the day, the more likely they are to encounter conflict that evening

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13
Q

sleep and the frequency of conflict

A

whenever one partner has sleept poorly, romantic couples encounter more conflict that day

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14
Q

alcohol and the frequency of conflict

A

intoxication exacerbates conflict

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15
Q

four common categories of conflict

A
  • criticism
  • illegitimate demands
  • rebuffs
  • cumulative annoyances
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16
Q

criticism

A

involves verbal or nonverbal acts that are judged to communicate unfair dissatisfaction with a partner’s behaviour, attitude, or trait

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17
Q

illegitimate demands

A

involve requests that seem unjust because they exceed the normal expectations that the partners hold for each other

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18
Q

rebuffs

A

involve situations in which one person appeals to another for a desired reaction and the other person fails to respond as expected

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19
Q

cumulative annoyances

A

involve situations in which one person appeals to another for a desired reaction and the other person fails to respond as expected

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20
Q

evolutionary perspective on conflict

A

some conflict in heterosexual relationships flows naturally from differences in the partners’ reproductive interests (ex. Men’s higher sex drives)

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21
Q

sexuality and conflict

A

LGB couples disagree over similar topics to heterosexual couples

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22
Q

what are some common issues that produce martial conflict?

A
  • children
  • chores
  • communication
  • leisure
  • work
  • money
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23
Q

two ways partners attributions can create conflict

A
  • Frustrating misunderstandings can result if people fail to appreciate that their partners have their own individual points of view
  • Attributional conflict: fighting over whose explanation is right and whose is wrong
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24
Q

attributions and conflicts

A
  • If a partner’s misbehaviour is attributed to external and unstable causes, the partner will seem relatively blameless
  • If a partner’s misbehaviour is attributed to internal and stable causes, the partner seems malicious, selfish, or indecent
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25
Q

changing unwanted behaviours and conflict

A
  • When we judge that our partners can change an unwanted behaviour, we’re more likely to voice our discontent
  • When we judge that our partners can’t change, we just sit and stew
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26
Q

best ways to manage anger

A
  • Expressing anger while you feel angry almost always makes you feel angrier
  • We should think differently about the situation by considering why our partner may have behaved the way they did
  • Chill out
  • Find humour where you can
  • Destructive anger can be overcome
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27
Q

engagement and escalation

A

Once an instigating event occurs, partners must decide to address it, avoid it, or let it go

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28
Q

avoidance

A
  • Occurs only when both partners wish to evade the issue and presumably transpires either when the event is seen as insufficient to warrant active dispute or when it seems intractable
  • If not, the issue is addressed
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29
Q

negotiation

A

seeking to resolve the conflict through rational problem-solving

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30
Q

escalation

A

involves dysfunctional forms of communication

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31
Q

types of mean tactics

A

direct & indirect

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32
Q

direct mean tactics

A

explicitly challenging one’s partner

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33
Q

examples of direct mean tactics

A
  • Accusations that criticize the partner and attribute negative qualities to them
  • Hostile commands for compliance that sometimes involve the threats of physical or emotional harm
  • Antagonistic questions
  • Surly or sarcastic put-downs
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34
Q

indirect mean tactics

A

managing conflict in a less straightforward manner

35
Q

examples of indirect mean tactics

A
  • Condescension or implied negativity
  • Dysphoric affect
  • Attempts to change topics preemptively
  • Evasive remarks that fail to acknowledge the partner or fail to recognize the conflict
36
Q

Cantankerous conflict

A

involves the abrasive elements of contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling, or belligerence

37
Q

hositle interactions and health

A

Hostile interactions can have negative physical impacts (ex. Increasing heart rate, blood pressure, stress hormones, and depressing immune system functioning)

38
Q

negative affect reciprocity

A

occurs when partners trade escalating provocations back and forth

39
Q

emotional flooding

A

occurs when people become overwhelmed by high arousal and strong emotion and are unable to think straight

40
Q

attachment style and physiological responses to conflict

A

People with secure attachment styles and those who have a securely attached partner experience milder physiological responses to conflict than insecure people do

41
Q

Demand/withdraw pattern

A
  • One partner engages in demanding forms of behaviour, such as complaints, criticisms, and pressures for change, while the other engages in withdrawing forms of behaviour
  • Can be self-perpetuating
42
Q

gender differences in response to conflict

A
  • Men and women do not differ much in their responses to conflict
  • Women are more likely to be demanders and men the withdrawers
43
Q

two reasons for women being more likely to be demanders and men withdrawers

A

gender differences & social structure hypothesis

44
Q

Gender differences hypothesis

A

This may emerge from women’s communal and expressive tendencies and men’s autonomous tendencies

45
Q

Social structure hypothesis

A

argues that the demand/withdraw pattern results from pervasive differences in the power of men and women in society and marriage

46
Q

demand-withdrawl pattern contemporary research

A

To some degree, the demand-withdraw pattern depends on who’s pressing the issue

47
Q

negotiation

A

the partners announce their positions and work toward a solution in a sensible manner

48
Q

types of negotiation tactics

A

Negotiation tactics can be direct or indirect

49
Q

Advice for successful negotiation with a loved one

A
  • Be attentive
  • Be optimistic
  • Value your partner’s outcomes as well as your own
  • Consider what you can do differently to improve things
  • Adopt a future orientation
  • Take a third party perspective
  • Take a break if the discussion grows sour and snippy
50
Q

Four categories of responses to conflict and dissatisfaction

A

voice, loyalty, neglect and exit

51
Q

voice

A

behaving in an active, constructive manner by trying to improve the situation by discussing matters with the partner, changing one’s behaviour in an effort to improve the problem, or obtaining advice from a third party

52
Q

loyalty

A

behaving in a passive but constructive manner by optimistically waiting and hoping for conditions to improve

53
Q

neglect

A

behaving in a passive but destructive manner by avoiding discussion of critical issues and reducing interdependence with the partner

54
Q

exit

A

behaving in an actively destructive manner by leaving the partner, threatening to end the relationship, or engaging in abusive acts such as yelling or hitting

55
Q

relationships satisfaction and method of conflict resolution

A

If a relationship has been satisfying and their investments are high, people are more likely to employ the constructive responses of voice and loyalty than to neglect the relationship or exit from it

56
Q

method of conflict resolution and dissolution

A

When both partners choose destructive responses, a relationship is at risk

57
Q

four types of couples when deadling with conflict

A
  • volatiles
  • validators
  • avoiders
  • hostiles
58
Q

volatiles

A
  • Have frequent and passionate arguments. They plunge into fiery efforts to persuade and influence each other, and they often display high levels of negative affect, but they temper their anger with an evident fondness for each other
  • Maintain the 5:1 ratio of nice behaviour to nasty conduct
59
Q

validators

A
  • Fight more politely. They tend to be calmer than volatile couples and behave like collaborators. Their discussions may become heated, but they frequently validate each other by expressing empathy and understanding
  • Maintain the 5:1 ratio of nice behaviour to nasty conduct
60
Q

avoiders

A
  • Avoid confrontation, and when conflict arises, they’re unlikely to discuss it
  • Maintain the 5:1 ratio of nice behaviour to nasty conduct
61
Q

hostiles

A
  • Couples whose discussions are sprinkled with too much criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and withdrawal
  • Do not maintain the 5:1 ratio of nice behaviour to nasty conduct
62
Q

relationship satisfaction and couple type

A
  • Couples with at least member who fights with a hostile style are less satisfied and have more problems than anyone else
  • Validators have the highest satisfaction
63
Q

most common couple type

A
  • The most common style is for both spouses to have validating styles
64
Q

5 ways to end conflict (from most to least destructive)

A
  • separation
  • domination
  • compromise
  • integrative agreements
  • structural improvement
65
Q

separation

A

when one or both partners withdraw without resolving the conflict

66
Q

domination

A

one partner gets their way while the other capitulates

67
Q

compromise

A

when both parties reduce their aspirations or gradually change their goals so that a mutually acceptable alternative can be found

68
Q

integrative agreements

A

satisfy both partner’s original goals and aspirations, usually through creativity and flexibility

69
Q

structural improvement

A

the partners not only get what they want, but also learn and grow and make desirable changes to their relationship

70
Q

can fighting be good for a relationship?

A
  • Conflict is an essential tool with which to promote intimacy
  • The more unexpressed nuisances and irritants that partners have, the less satisfied with their relationships they tend to be
  • Romantic partners are happier when they address their problems readily and openly
  • Conflict can defuse situations that would otherwise fester and cause bigger problems later on
71
Q

conflict management style over time

A

Once you and your partner develop a style for managing conflict, it tends to last

72
Q

Ways to improve your conflict management style

A
  • Don’t withdraw when your partner raises a concern or complaint
  • Don’t go negative
  • Don’t get caught in the loop of negative affect reciprocity
73
Q

The speaker-listener technique

A

provides a structure for calm, clear communication about contentious issues that promotes the use of active listening skills and increases the chances that partners will understand and validate each other despite their disagreement

74
Q

rules for both aprtners in the speaker-listener technique

A
  • the speaker has the floor
  • share the floor
  • no problem-solving
75
Q

rules for the speak in the speaker-listener technique

A
  • speak for yourself
  • stop and let the listener paraphrase
76
Q

rules for the listener in the speaker-listener technique

A
  • paraphrase what you hear
  • focus on to the speaker’s message
77
Q

types of fight effects

A
  • hurt
  • information
  • resolution
  • trust
  • revenge
  • reconcilitation
  • self-evaluation
  • cohesion-affection
78
Q

positive & negative outcomes of hurt

A
  • positive: you feel less hurt, weak, or offended
  • negative: you feel more hurt, weak or offended
79
Q

positive & negative outcomes of information

A
  • positive: you gain more information about your partner’s feelings
  • negative: you learn nothing new
80
Q

positive & negative outcomes of resolution

A
  • positive: the issue is now more likely to be resolved
  • negative: the possibility of a solution is now less likely
81
Q

positive & negative outcomes of trust

A
  • positive: you have more confidence that your partner will deal with you with goodwill and postiive regard
  • negative: you have less condience in your partner’s goodwill
82
Q

positive & negative outcomes of revenge

A
  • positive: vengeful intentions are not created by the fight
  • negative: vengeful intentions are created by the fight
83
Q

positive & negative outcomes of reconciliation

A
  • positive: you make active efforts to undo any harm you have caused
  • negative: you do not attempt or encourage reconcilitation
84
Q

positive & negative outcomes of self-evaluation

A
  • positive: you feel better about yourself
  • negative: you feel worse about yourself
85
Q

positive & negative outcomes of cohesion-affection

A
  • positive: closeness with and attraction to your partner have increased
  • negative: closeness with and attraction to your partner have decreased