Chapter 7: Friendship Flashcards
friendship
a voluntary personal relationship, typically providing intimacy and assistance, in which the two parties like one another and seek each other’s company
does friendship contain the key elements of intimacy?
Friendships are based on the same building blocks of intimacy as romances are, but the mix of components is usually different
friendship and intimacy statistics
Over ⅓ of young adults consider a friendship to be their most intimate current relationship
differences between friendship and love
- Both involve positive and warm evaluations of one’s partner
- Love involves a fascination with one’s partner, sexual desire, a greater desire for exclusivity, more overt expressions of positive emotion, more time spent together, and more stringent standards of conduct
attributes of friendships
- Affection
- Communion
- Companionship
- Respect
- Trust
- Capitalization
- Social support
- Perceived partner’s responsiveness
capitalization
a pattern of interaction in which we share good news with friends and receive enthusiastic, rewarding responses that increase our pleasure and our relationships
key elements of social support
- It has real physiological effects and mental health benefits
- It leads people to feel closer to those who provide it
- Some people are better providers of support than others
- The best social support fits our needs and preferences
- It’s not what people do for us but what we think they do for us that matters in the long run
- Our personal characteristics affect our perceptions of social support
invisible support
support that is subtly provided without fanfare and goes unnoticed by the recipient
attachment style and perceptions of social support
Insecurely attached people tend to judge social support as less considerate and helpful than those with secure attachment styles
attachment style and providing social support
secure individuals are better providers of support
perceived partner’s responsiveness
the judgment that someone is attentive, respectful, caring and supportive with respect to our needs and aspirations
importance of perceived partner’s responsiveness
Associated with greater feelings of closeness, better sleep, and lower levels of stress
why does friendship matter more than we think?
- Our friends can help make or break our romantic relationships
- Having happy friends makes it more likely we’ll be happy as well
rules for friendship
shared cultural beliefs about what behaviours friends should and should not perform
In general, we expected good friends to be:
- Trustworthy and loyal, having our best interests at heart
- Confidants with whom we can share our secrets
- Enjoyable and fun companions
- Similar to us in attitudes and interests
- Helpful, providing material support when we need it
standards for friends in men vs. women
Women have higher standards for their friends than men do
best friends vs. friends
- The difference is a matter of degree
- Best friends have greater knowledge, trust, interdependence, and commitment than more casual friends do
friendship in childhood
- Preschool children have rudimentary friendships in which they have favourite playmates
- Friendships gradually grow more complex as children’s cognitive development progresses
- As children age, they are better able to understand and appreciate other’s perspectives
Buhrmester & Furman’s perspective on childhood friendships
With increasing cognitive sophistication comes changes in interpersonal needs. These needs are added on top of each other so that older children have more needs to satisfy than younger children. The successful resolution of each stage requires the development of specific competencies that affect the way a child handles later stages
Buhrmester & Furman’s needs
- Acceptance in elementary years
- Intimacy in preadolescence
- Sexuality during the teen years
childhood -> adult relationships
- Success in childhood relationships paves the way for better adult outcomes
- Interventions that teach social skills to enhance children’s acceptance by their peers reduce their risk of later maladjustment
Key changes in friendships during the teen years:
- Teens spend less time with their families and more time with their friends
- Adolescents increasingly turn to their friends for the satisfaction of important attachment needs
friendship in young adulthood
- The quality of our teen friendships, but not our teen romances, predict how satisfied we’ll be with our romantic relationships when we’re 30
- Young adults see less of their friends each week once they graduate college. However, they tend to have deeper, more interdependent relationships with the friends they have
friendship in midlife
- Dyadic withdrawal
- Spouses often have larger social networks than they did when they were single because they see a lot more of their in-laws
- The focus of socializing shifts from one’s personal friends to family and friends one shares with their spouse
- Spouses encounter more frustrations and difficulties when they have no friends in common
dyadic withdrawal
- As people see more of a lover, they see less of their friends
- Friendships with members of the other sex are especially affected