Lecture 20: Dissolution & Loss Flashcards
stay/leave decision studies
- Qualitative study examining participants in dissolution consideration phase
- Focusing on participants currently contemplating breaking up helps mitigate memory biases
- Couples generated 27 distinct reasons for staying & 23 reasons for leaving
common reasons for wanting to stay in a relationship
- emotional intimacy
- emotional investment
- family duty
- desirable partner personality traits
- enjoyment
- emotional security
common reasons for wanting to leave
- partner flaws
- breach of trust
- partner withdrawal
- external reasons
- physical distance
- conflict
- incompatibility
stay/leave decision conflict
- Ambivalence is common
- 49% of participants reported higher-than-midpoint stay and leave motivation
- Particularly pronounced among anxiously attached individuals
- Strong desire for relationships & reliance on partner for validation, but also heightened sensitivity to negativity within relationship
- Generally, relationship ambivalence is associated with negative health outcomes (ex. Coronary heart disease), greater physiological arousal, more negative emotions
meta-analysis of non-marital breakups
- What factors predict breakups?
- A meta-analysis of 137 longitudinal studies conducted over 30 years with a total of over 37,700 participants
- Studies included if they were longitudinal, assessed one or more relevant predictors, and assessed relationship stability at a later time
meta-analysis of non-marital breakups findings
- Individual-level factors such as attachment style & big 5 personality traits showed relatively small or null effects
- Relationship-level factors show stronger effects
predicting relationship dissolution
- Although people in relationships tend to focus on individual & relational factors, relationships exist in a broader context
- Individual, relational, and external context factors are likely to interact in complex ways to shape breakup risk
vulnerability-stress adaptation model (VSA)
- Enduring vulnerabilities
(ex. adverse experiences in family of origin, insecure attachment, neuroticism, impulsivity, low education level) - Stressful events
(ex. unemployment, life transitions, illness, childbirth) - Adaptive processes: the ways couples deal with challenges & conflict
(ex. communication styles, stress management)
personal factors in the VSA model
enduring vulnerabilities
relational processes in the VSA model
adaptive processes, marital quality, and marital stability
environmental factors in the VSA model
stressful events
stress
a set of physiological, emotional, and cognitive changes in response to a demanding challenge in the environment (a stressor)
Stress spillover
many of the stressors couples face are external to the relationship but these have the power to affect the relationship
stress & attention
- Stress drives an attentional shift to what is salient in the environment & heightens sensitivity to threat
- This interferes with more complex forms of cognitive processing
stress & accomodation
Stress impedes accommodation (ex. Physiological arousal during marital discussions is associated with increased negative reciprocity)
stress diary studies
- Negative marital interactions are more likely to be reported on days that had been stressful
- Also more likely on weekdays vs. weekenders
stress in air traffic controller study
higher workload predicts greater withdrawal at home
blame attributions & stress study
Wives are more likely to make blame attributions for negative partner behaviour when under stress
stress in relationships
- Enduring vulnerabilities affect both propensity to experience stress (path C) and ability to cope with stressors (path B)
- Parental discord & divorce is associated with lower accomplishment (path C) as well as poorer social skills in adults (path B)
- Individuals high in negative affectivity are more likely to appraise situations as stressful and make more negative attributions for partner behaviour
- Couples who are more supportive & have stronger coping skills are not as negatively impacted by stressful events, amy even experience boosts to relationship satisfaction
disapproval from couple’s social network in relationships and stress
- Disapproval from the couple’s social network may place additional strain on relationships
- Implications for couples in same-sex relationships
- Having a supportive social network may be especially important when facing other difficulties
- But, determinants of marital quality and stability are multifactorial
- Individual & relational factors influence adjustment
- Overall, no evidence that same-sex relationships are less satisfying despite external stressors
historical trends in divorce
- Increased since mid-1930s
- Appears to be slowing down, but 50% of marriages in the US will end in separation or divorce
reasons for changes in historical trends in divorce
- Change in expectations
- Increasing individualism
- Financial independence of women
- Changing perceptions of divorce
- Increased exposure to divorce
changes in expectations
- As people become more secluded from their communities, they put more expectations on their romantic partner
- This might explain why the number of “very happily” married people has been decreasing since the 1970s
- Marriages may not be getting worse, but rather, our expectations are too high
increasing individualism
- Western culture is becoming more individualistic
- Less tied to communities and less likely to live near extended family
- This means less social support and companionship
- We ask more of our spouses than we did in the past
- This can put a strain on the relationship
- Since the 1980s, there’s been a decline in how likely we are to ask our family and friends for help and an increase in how likely we are to ask our spouse for help
- We are also less affected by community norms that discourage us from divorce
financial independence of women
- Women have the economic freedom to leave dissatisfying relationships
- Reduced barriers, higher quality of alternatives
- Spouses report more conflict between work and family, and the more hours a wife works outside the home, the lower the quality of the marriage
- Higher costs
- The amount of time spouses spend together has declined
changing perceptions of divorce
- Divorce is less shameful and easier to obtain
- Shared perceptions of divorce are a lot less negative
- Another example of reduced barriers
- Less likely to work hard to rescue a faltering relationship when divorce seems like an easier alternative
increased exposure to divorce
- There are more children of divorce
- Children who experience the divorce of their parents are more likely to divorce themselves when they become adults
- More of us have friends who are divorced
- When others in our social network divorce, we’re more likely to do so too
disillusionment model of divorce
- Couples typically begin their marriages with romanticized views of their relationship that are unrealistically positive, setting them up for disappointment
- These relationships don’t necessarily turn acrimonious, but the steep declines in relationship satisfaction produce instability
divorce rates in Canada
Divorce rates in Canada relative to the US & are also on the decline
what explains divorce rates in Canada?
- Not as many people are getting married
- We may be selecting for especially strong unions
- Enduring dynamics model: marriages that start with higher levels of problems & ambiguity are less satisfying & stable)
- People are getting married later and tend to have more education (protective factors)
- But, rates of divorce in older populations are increasing
breakup tactics
- avoidance/withdrawal
- positive tone/self-blame
- open confrontation
- cost escalation
- manipulation
- distant/mediated communication
- de-escalation
Avoidance/withdrawal
increasing distance, decreasing intimacy & affection
Positive tone/self-blame
taking responsibility for the breakup and trying to spare the partner’s feelings
Open confrontation
openly and directly communicating desire for breakup
Cost escalation
increasing partner’s costs to motivate them to break up with you first
manipulation
ex. Using mutual friends to convey dissatisfaction
Distant/mediated communication
Changing Facebook status, breakup texts
de-escalation
ex. Taking a break
consequences of breakup tactics
- Indirect strategies reflect less compassion for the recipient. They’re associated with greater distress post-breakup
- Direct strategies are perceived more positively
- Use of positive tone has inconsistent effects. It’s seen as compassionate, but, it’s associated with negative outcomes for the recipient. It may be used by disengaged to decrease current leave of intimacy while leaving the door open for increased intimacy later. It’s associated with greater likelihood of re-entering the relationship. More likely to be used if the disengager feels the target won’t be able to cope
churning
- Re-entering the relationship
- Associated with greater uncertainty, stress, and less satisfaction
when are direct strategies more likely?
when intimacy, closeness, and social network overlap are high
when are indirect strategies more likely?
when intimacy & closeness are low
attachment avoidance and breakup strategies
- More indirect strategies
- Fewer strategies that leave the door open to reconnection (ex. Positive tone)
attachment anxiety and breakup strategies
- Strategies that allow for later reconnection & postpone the breakup (ex. Positive tone/self-blame, and de-escalation)
- Consistent with research on stay/leave decision conflicts, association between attachment anxiety & tendency to have on-again/off-again relationships
ghosting
- Breaking up by avoiding online & offline contact
- Lack of explicit breakup declaration or explanation for the breakup
research on ghosting
- Research has not found ghosting to be worse than more direct strategies
- It’s seen as more acceptable in short-term relationships
- But in one study of ghosting, relationships in which ghosting occurred lasted 6 months on average and commitment ratings were above 4 on a 1-7 scale
- Ghosting disengaged motivated by feelings of disinterest
- Those with stronger destiny beliefs are more likely to ghost
post-dissolution reactions
- Marital dissolution & the death of a spouse are ranked as the two most stressful life events
- Breakups are associated with a host of negative effects (ex. Sadness, anxiety, anger, low self-esteem, loss of apetitite, trouble sleeping, etc.)
- Romantic breakups in young adulthood increase the risk for negative mental health outcomes, including first onset of major depressive disorder
breakup role & reactions
- Individuals who initiated breakups, as well as individuals in mutually dissolved relationships, generally experience less distress relative to individuals who were broken up with
- Uncomfortable events tend to be more distressing
- But, there is some mixed evidence for the effect of the breakup role
theoretical perspectives for understanding breakups
Attachment theory & self-expansion theory may be two particularly useful frameworks for understanding the strength of negative reactions
attachment theory & breakups
- In adulthood, romantic partners/spouses often serve as primary attachment figures
- The termination of a relationship represents the loss of a safe haven and secure base
- This necessitates re-organization of attachment hierarchy
- Potential damage to models of self & other
Social pain theory
- Social attachment system is built on top of physical pain systems
- One potential reason that breakups may hurt so much is because they engage some of the same brain mechanisms involved in physical pain
self-expansion theory & breakups
- Breakups generate distress by leading to the contraction & destabilization of self-concept
- Size of self-concept & self-concept clairty ( extent to which we feel certain about aspects of the self and perceive them to be internally consistent & temporally stable)
- Particularly true for those who experienced more self-expansion in relationship
- Rediscovering sense of self is associated with better breakup recovery and breakup-related growth
getting over a breakup
- Adjustment takes time, but distress does not fade
- Don’t stalk their social media
- Don’t ruminate, but do reflect
- Seek support
- Remind yourself of alternatives, especially if you’re higher in attachment anxiety
- Pursue self-expanding activities and rediscover your sense of self
- Remember that you are a worthwhile human being
