Chapter 5: Communication Flashcards
table talk
a research procedure that involves rating whether the message you are sending to your partner is positive or negative on a 5-point Likert scale and then having your partner rate their interpretation of it
benefit of table talk as a research procedure
it allows researchers to get a record of both your private thoughts and public actions
table talk findings
The impact of unhappy couples’ messages tends to be more negative
simple model of interpersonal comunication
- sender’s intentions (private and known only to the sender)
- sender’s actions (public and observable by anyone)
- effect on the lister (private and known only by the listener)
* between each stage, noise, inference, and the sender’s style of encoding/ listeners style of decoding can influence the message
interpersonal gap
- When the sender’s intentions differ from the effect on the receiver
- More likely to occur in close relationships
- Leads to relationship dissatisfaction
- Can prevent rewarding relationships from beginning
functions of nonverbal communication
- providing information
- regulating interaction
- defining the nature of the relationship
- interpersonal influence
- impression management
providing information
a person’s behaviour allows others to make inferences about his or her intentions, feelings, traits, and meaning
regulating interaction
nonverbal behaviour provides cues that regulate the efficient give-and-take of smooth conversations and other interactions
defining the nature of the relationship
the type of partnership two people share may be evident in their nonverbal behaviour
interpersonal influence
goal-oriented behaviour designed to influence someone else
impression management
nonverbal behaviour that is managed by a person or a couple to create or enhance a particular image
facial expressions
Spontaneous facial expressions signal people’s moods
are emotions innate or learned?
Cross-cultural similarities in basic emotions suggest that they’re innate
correlates of happy expressions
Happy expressions are correlated with success in life
why do people sometimes deliberately manage their facial expressions
display rules
display rules
cultural norms that dictate what emotions are appropriate in particular situations
Four ways we can modify our expressions
- intensify
- minimize
- neutralize
- mask
intensify
exaggerating our expressions so that we appear to be experiencing stronger feelings than we really are
minimize
trying to seem less emotional than we really are
neutralize
trying to withhold our true feelings altogether
mask
replacing our feelings with an entirely different emotion
fake vs. real expressions
Fake expressions usually differ from authentic expressions
microexpressions
authentic flashes of real emotion that are visible during momentary lapses of control when one is trying to fake emotions
pupils and looking behaviour
Our pupils dilate when we’re looking at something that interests us
eye contact and relationships
When others make eye contact, they signal that we are the target of their attention
gazing and relationships
- Gazing helps define the nature of a relationship
- The more intimate the relationship, the more time people spend gazing into one another’s eyes
typical looking behaviour during conversations
People usually look at their conversation partners more when they’re listening than when they’re speaking
Visual dominance ratio (VDR)
compares the “look-speak” to “look-listen”
typical VDR
40/60
high-power VDR
60/40
function of body movement
Body movements support our verbal communication, making it easier for us to convey what we mean
are gestures innate?
no, gestures have different meanings in different languages
body movement as a status symbol
High-status people tend to adopt asymmetric postures and take up a lot of space, while low-status people adopt symmetric postures and take up less space
what body posture is considered most attractive?
Men and women find expansive body posture more attractive because it is more indicative of confidence
touch and relatonships
- Different types of touches have different meanings
- Positive feelings engender touches that are different from those that communicate disgust
- People tend to touch each other more when their relationship is intimate
- Loving touches are good for our health
interpersonal distance
the physical space that separates two people that is usually reserved for intimate interactions
4 types of interpersonal distance
- Intimate zone (1.5 feet <)
- Personal zone (1.5-4 feet)
- Social zone (4-12 feet):
- Public zone (12+ feet)
Intimate zone (1.5 feet <)
either be loving or hostile interactions
Personal zone (1.5-4 feet)
friendships and acquaintances
Social zone (4-12 feet)
interactions tend to be more business-like
Public zone (12+ feet)
interactions tend to be quite formal
cross-cultural differences in interpersonal space
- Asian countries routinely use larger distances
- In warmer countries, people tend to prefer closer distances when they interact with strangers and larger distances with intimate partners than people in cooler climates
gender differences in interpersonal distance
Women tend to like larger distances than men
smell and relationships
- Different emotions cause people to release different chemicals from their bodies
- We are affected by chemosignals
- Smelling happy chemosignals makes us more happy
paralanguage
- All the variations in a person’s voice other than the actual words they use
- About how people say things
gaining information from voices
Our voices provide better information about what we’re feeling than our facial expressions do
gender and voice
- Women speak in a higher pitch when talking to their lovers and men speak in a lower pitch
- Women’s voices become more attractive during ovulation
- Women prefer men with lower voices
combing aspects of nonverbal communication
- The components of nonverbal communication work together to convey consistent information about one’s intentions
- Nonverbal behaviour allows us to fine-tune the intimacy of our interactions
non conscious behavioural mimicry
- All of the methods of nonverbal communication can be involved in nonconscious behavioural mimicry
- People tend to like others more when their behaviour is being mimicked by their conversation partner (s), even if they don’t consciously realize it
nonverbal sensitivity
The sensitivity and accuracy with which couples read, decode, and correctly interpret each other’s nonverbal behaviour predicts how happy their relationship will be
gender differences in nonverbal sensitivity
- Women are better encoders and decoders of information than men in general
- Men seem to be worse at nonverbal communication due to both skill and motivation
nonverbal sensitivity studies
- In one study, men in troubled marriages did a poor job encoding and decoding their wives’ communication, but the same trend was not found for women
- In another study, both the husbands and wives in an unhappy marriage understood strangers better than they understood each other
nonverbal insensitivity as a vicious cycle
Nonverbal insensitivity and dissatisfaction can become a vicious cycle, with each exacerbating the other
problems with nonverbal sensitivity stem from either
- skill deficits
- performance deficits
can we improve at nonverbal communication?
Everyone can improve at nonverbal communication if they try
self-disclosure
- The process of revealing personal information to someone else
- One of the defining characteristics of intimacy
ways people can become closer to each other
- breadth
- depth
social penetration theory
holds that relationships develop through systematic changes in communication
breadth
the variety of topics they discuss
depth
the personal significance of the topics they discuss
opener scale
assess the ability of people to elicit self-disclosure from others
Early encounters typically involve reciprocity in self-disclosure
interpersonal process model
argues that general intimacy is likely to develop between two people only when certain conditions have been met
3 conditions of interpersonal process model
- People have to engage in meaningful self-disclosure
- They have to respond to each other’s disclosures with interest and empathy
- Perceived partner responsiveness
perceived partner responsiveness
They have to recognize that the other is being responsive
secrets in relationships
People generally keep secrets in relationships to protect themselves, their relationships, or others
taboo topics in relationships
- Sometimes, partners will agree to steer clear of taboo topics
- The most taboo topic is the state of the relationship
triangle test
watch closely to see how their lover responds to other attractive people
endurance test
contrive difficulties that the lover must overcome to demonstrate their devotion
separation test
find reasons to be apart and see how enthusiastically their lovers welcome their return
taboo topics and relationship satisfaction
The more taboo topics there are in a relationship, the less satisfied the partners are unless they’re avoiding the topics to promote and protect their relationship
self-disclosure and relationship satisfaction
- The more self-disclosure couples share, the happier they tend to be
- We like people more because we have self-disclosed to them, and we self-disclose to people we like
- It’s rewarding to be entrusted with self-disclosures from other
- Those who self-disclose more have better health and greater life satisfaction
secure attachment and communication
- People with secure attachment styles exhibit warmer and more expressive nonverbal behaviour
- Secure people are more affectionate and keep fewer secrets than insecure people
avoidance of intimacy and communication
Those who are high on avoidance of intimacy tend to engage in less self-disclosure, decode others’ expressions of positive emotions less accurately, and judge others’ negative emotions to be more intense and hostile than they really are
anxiety about abandonment and communication
Those who are high in anxiety about abandonment are more talkative and self-disclose too much too soon
gender differences in verbal communication
- Women are more likely to discuss their feelings about their close relationships and other personal aspects of their lives
- Men tend to stick to more impersonal matters, so their conversations tend to be less intimate
- When men and women interact with each other, these differences are less apparent
- Women are more indirect and speak less forcefully than men
- Women speak more often than men but produce fewer monologues
- Women are more self-disclosing than men and score higher on the “Opener” scale
- Heterosexual men share their most meaningful intimacy only with women
what explains gender differences in verbal communication
Communication differences are more associated with gender roles than biological sex
kitchen-sinking
addressing several topics at once, which causes one’s primary concern to get lost in the barrage of frustrations
off-beam
conversations that wander from topic to topic
mindreading
occurs when people assume that they understand their partners’ thoughts, feelings, and opinions without asking
yes-butting
finding something wrong or un-workable with anything their partners say
cross-complaining
ignoring what your partner said and meeting his or her complaint with a complaint
belligerence
aggressive rejection
The four horsemen of the apocalypse
4 criteria that emphasize that the end of a relationship is near
four horsemen of the apocalypse
criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling
critcism
attacks a partner’s personality or character instead of identifying a specific behaviour that is causing concern
contempt
insults, mockery, or hostile humour
defensiveness
seeking to protect oneself from an unreasonable attack by making excuses or hurling counterattacks
stonewalling
withdrawal into a stony silence
miscommunication patterns of unhappy couples
- They do a poor job of saying what they mean
- They do a poor job of hearing each other
- They display negative affect when they talk to each other
behaviour description
tells our partners what’s on our minds and focuses the conversation on discrete, manageable behaviours that can readily be changed
I-statements
statements that start with “I” and then describe a distinct emotional reaction
xyz-statements
statements that follow the form of “When you do X in situation Y, I feel Z.”
two tasks when we’re listening
- Accurately understand what our partner is trying to say
- Communicate attention and comprehension
how can we accomplish the two tasks of listening?
paraphrasing
paraphrasing
repeating a message in our own words and giving the sender a chance to agree that that’s actually what they meant
perception checking
people assess the accuracy of their inferences about a partner’s feelings by asking the partner for clarification
negative affect reciprocity
when people are contemptuous of each other with each being scornful of what the other has to say
how to stay cool?
- Anger results from the perception that others are causing us illegitimate, unfair, or unavoidable grief
- We can reframe this perception to reduce or prevent anger
validation
acknowledging the legitimacy of others’ opinions and communicating respect for their positions
using validation to minimize conflict
We don’t have to agree with others, but showing respect and validation for their opinions will minimize conflict
