Chapter 14: Maintaining and Repairing Relationships Flashcards
Relationship maintenance mechanisms
the strategic actions people take to sustain their partnerships
commitment and relationship maintenance
People who are committed to a partnership perceive themselves, their parents, and their relationship in ways that help sustain the partnership
cognitive maintenance mechanisms
- cognitive interdependence
- positive illusions
- perceived superiority
- inattention to alternatives
- derogation of tempting alternatives
cognitive interdependence
a change in self-definition whereby individuals think of themselves as part of a greater whole that includes them and their partners
positive illusions
involve idealizing one’s partner and perceiving the relationship in the best possible light
perceived superiority
committed partners think their relationships are better than most
inattention to alternatives
leaves partners relatively uninterested and unaware of how well they could be doing in alternative relationships
derogation of tempting alternatives
allows people to feel that other potential partners are less attractive than the ones they already have
behavioural maintenance mechanisms
- willingness to sacrifice
- prayer
- michelangelo phenomenon
- accommodation
- self-control
- play
- rituals
- forgiveness
willingness to sacrifice
committed people make various personal sacrifices to promote the well-being of their partners or their relationships
prayer
those who begin praying for the success and well-being of their partners become more satisfied with the sacrifices they make and more forgiving
Michelangelo phenomenon
relationships are more likely to prosper when our partners behave toward us in ways that encourage us to gradually become the people we want to be
Accommodation
the willingness to respond to a partner’s provocation constructively
self-control
the ability to manage one’s impulses, control one’s thoughts, persevere in the pursuit of desired goals, and curb unwanted behaviour
play
- Finding ways to engage in novel, challenging, and exciting activities together
- Couples are more satisfied when they pay attention to shared pleasures through eager anticipation, alert appreciation as they unfold, and gratifying reminiscence when they are done
rituals
recurring patterns of behaviour that become familiar routines that, if gone, would be missed
forgiveness
quickens the healing of the relationship and the partner who is wronged
Common characteristics of content partners:
- Positivity: striving to make their interactions enjoyable
- Openness: encouraging one’s partner to disclose their thoughts and feelings
- Relationship talks: encouraging one’s partner to communicate what they want from the relationship
- Assurances: trying to show one’s partner how important they are
- Understanding: driving to be patient and forgiving
- Sharing tasks: helping equally when tasks need to be done
- Social networks: doing things with one’s partner’s friends and family
- Joint activities: sharing time together
what are the best predictors of how happy a marriage will be?
positivity, assurances, and sharing tasks
long-term effects of maintenance mechanisms
The beneficial effects of maintenance mechanisms are short, so keep at it
gratitude and contentment
- Expressions of gratitude increase contentment
- Expressions of gratitude work less well in East - Asian cultures than in Latino or European ones
- Expressions of gratitude can undermine satisfaction if your partner offers you none in return