Chapter 10: Stresses and Strains Flashcards
relational value (RV)
the degree to which others consider their relationships with us to be valuable and important
high RV
others value our company and prioritize their partnerships with us
low RV
others do not seek us out or choose us for their teams and they’re not much interested in who we are and what we have to say
degrees of acceptance and rejection
maximal inclusion -> active inclusion -> passive inclusion -> ambivalence -> passive exclusion -> active exclusion -> maximal exclusion
maximal inclusion
others seek us out and go out of their way to interact with us
active inclusion
others want us and welcome us but do not go to lengths to be with us
passive inclusion
others allow us to be included
ambivalence
others do not care whether we are included or not
passive exclusion
others ignore us but do not avoid us
active exclusion
others avoid us, tolerating our presence only when necessary
maximal exclusion
others banish us, sending us away, or abandon us
Exclusion is more painful when
- It suggests that we’re inept, insufficient, or inadequate
- You want to be accepted by others
- Others don’t like us as much as we want them to
objective vs. peceived relational value
There is only a rough connection between the objective reactions we receive from others and our feelings of acceptance or rejection that result
perceived relational value
the apparent importance that others attach to their relationships with us
degrees of exclusion and self-esteem
Once we find that others don’t want us around, it hardly matters whether they dislike us a lot or a little
degrees of inclusion and self-esteem
Being adored doesn’t improve our self-esteem beyond the boost we get from being well-liked
Evolutionary perspective of degrees of inclusion and self-esteem
carefully discerning degrees of acceptance that might allow access to resources and mates is more useful than monitoring the enmity of one’s enemies
when are decreases in acceptance particularly harmful?
Decreases in the acceptance we receive from others maybe even worse, particularly when they occur in the range between ambivalence and active inclusion
approval ratings and self-esteem study
had young adults talk about themselves to another person over an intercom system. They received approval ratings that were supposedly from their conversation partner (actually from the researchers). Researchers found that those whose evaluations got worse had more significant drops in self-esteem than those who were consistently disliked
relational devaluation
drops in our perceived relational value
hurt
a particular sensation uniquely associated with the losses of relational value
hurt vs. pain
- Hurt feelings have neural correlates with physical pain
- Acetaminophen and marijuana reduce the pain of social rejection
attachment style and hurt feelings
- People high in abandonment about anxiety hurt more in response to drops in perceived relational value than those with lower anxiety do
- People high in avoidance hurt less in response to drops in perceived relational value
self-esteem and hurt feelings
People with low self-esteem get their feelings hurt more easily than those with higher self-esteem