Funeral Service Psychology and Counseling 2 Flashcards
- Normal coping behavior
- Number of previous losses and deaths
- Grief overload
- Concurrent stressors
- Expectations of local, cultural, and religious groups
- Available support network
- Gender conditioning
- Physical and mental health
- Pre-death adjustment time
- Unfinished business with the deceased
- Secondary losses
- Importance of the relationship
- Age of deceased
- Fulfillment of dreams
Determinants of grief (chapter 6)
Past coping behaviors (anger, physically ill, cries, turns inward with silence and introspection) is usually how one will behave in the future.- Important to know because someone who does not may may seem cold when in reality it is normal coping behavior for that individual.
- Normal coping behavior
- Grief can be cumulative, a person does not always gain strength from each loss in a given period of time.
- Can gain knowledge about the effect of loss and the response each time a new loss is experienced
- Each loss does not make the adjustment to the new loss easier
- the negative effect may build up and be brought to the surface during subsequent losses.
- Number of previous losses and deaths
This means that a person can experiences too many losses in a given period of time.
- These losses do not need to be the same.
- grief overload
- can manifest itself in what others consider an exaggerated response to the most recent loss.
- Grief overload
Just as someone can experience grief overload, they can also experience a state of overload from different stressful events that occur at the same time.
- May not be able to react with their usual “together” response.
- Concurrent stressors
Part of our response, despite grief being an individual response, is determined by what is expected of us by members of important groups in our lives.
- part of our behavior can be dictated and nurtured by different affiliations in our life.
- Dictates can become so ingrained in our psyche that we are not even aware of their source.
- Revert to what seems instinctual
- What is right and appropriate for one group of people may not be the same for another group
- Expectations of local, cultural, and religious groups
Experience and research in Thanatology, the study of death, has show repeatedly that the more positive support a griever has, the more positive his adjustment to the death will be.
- family, friends, co-workers
- For children: school, support group or counselor
- Available social support
- Men (boys)- still expected to be stronger than women (girls).
- Men conditioned to express anger more than grief or fear.
- Women taught that sadness and crying are acceptable female behaviors used to express their grief even if they feel angry.
- Gender conditioning
The fact that grief can contribute to ill health, both physically and mentally, makes the state of health of an individual at the time of a death of an important factor in determining the outcome of the experience.
- good health does not = good experience- good health = one more positive defense mechanism to help in this task
- Physical and mental health
Having time to prepare for a death has both positive and negative outcomes for an individual.
- opportunity to tell the dying person things you want them to know can be a positive experience.
- meaningful to the dying person and the griever
- Having to watch a person slowly degenerate can be heartbreaking.
- Anticipatory grief - The pain experienced from anticipating the person’s death, what life will be without that person, how the actual death will occur, and how the dying person actually feels about dying.- Experiencing these feelings before the death can help relive some of the grief following the death.
- Pre-death adjustment time
“If I only had a little more time”
- most people go through life with some loose ends hanging in relationships
- We don’t always let people know how we feel about them
- Arguements or ill-feelings intended to amend later
- The more of this unfinished business that remains after a death, the more difficult the adjustment can be.
- Unfinished business with the deceased
Losses that come about because of a primary loss and often involves the loss of some type of status.
- Primary losses: Someone important dies, job loss, divorce- Secondary losses: No longer a wife or husband, no longer a brother or sister, losing a breadwinner, school transfer, moving- More abstract
- secondary losses: loss of the dreams and expectations a parent has for a child’s future.
- Secondary losses
Common misconception: the closest relationships we have are with family members. This is not the case. Special relationship among friends can be the most important and positive relationships in a person’s life.
- The psychological intensity of the pre-death relationships between the deceased and the mourner will influence the mourner’s response. The grief reaction will increase or decrease depending on the intensity of the relationship.
- The death of a friend may cause a more severe response than the death of a family member.
- Importance of the relationship
Almost everyone feels that the death of a child or adolescent is the most tragic type of death.
- Normal course of nature- the young survive and the old die.- Exception : death of newborn or stillborn. Mistakenly believe there was too short a time for much love and bonding to take place.
- Age of the deceased
One of the reasons that we feel that the death of a young person is so tragic is because they have not lived to fulfill their dreams, experience the wonders of life, and feel a sense of accomplishment.
- also felt about adults who have not accomplished their goals
- With a child- feel that they have been cheated out of the opportunity to fulfill dreams rather than the opportunity having passed them by.
- Fulfillment of dreams
- -Anticipated - opportunity for some degree of closure
- Sudden and violent - no time to prepare, sense of senselessness, fear, powerlessness, unreality
- survivors of a traumatic death are probably the ones that most need to view the body (they often choose closed casket), it makes the experience real. “seeing is believing.”
Mode of death
- 4th leading cause of death in the US for people between the ages of 15 and 24.
- Most common is motor vehicle - very traumatic for families, usually a surprise.
- Immediate problem is the identification of the body.- may be a delay in burial or cremation due to the usual need for a post-mortem examination- Mourning process does not end with the final disposition
- May be followed by court case or inquiry, which prolongs the process of mourning and means the relatives have to relive the moment over again
- tend to have trauma in their own family.
Accidents
The killing of one human being by another.-
- Possibly the most difficult unexpected death to cope with- Causes shock, rage, helplessness and vulnerability, devastating emotional trauma for close friends and family.
- Reactions to the grief process may be exacerbated due to the violent natures of this and the suddenness, injustice, and preventability of the death.
- Guilt is heightened - survivors may feel that they could have protected the person- Anger is intensified to the point of rage which may later be directed toward the criminal justice system which may be perceived as insensitive, inept, or favoring the murderer over the victim.
- preoccupation with the deceased and events surrounding death- especially painful and frightening as thoughts tend to be concentrated on the terror, suffering, and helplessness endured by the victim.
- Persuasive fear - world is perceived as an unsafe place filled with dangerous, perverted people.
- Nightmares, startle responses, social withdrawal, physical reactions- chest pains, palpitations, insomnia - commonly experienced
- Consider retribution and revenge.
- Media coverage complicates grief
Homicide
- The murderer must be caught. This can take months, years, or may never happen.
- The murderer is apprehended and is let out on bail, survivors usually do not feel it is justified. They may also fear for their own safety.
- The trial date can be months or years away. When it does start, the family can become hurt even more as the defense lawyers try to smear the reputation of the deceased, or partake in character assassination.
- If the murderer is not found guilty, the survivors may never get the justice they are seeking.
- If the murderer is found guilty, survivors seldom feel the sentence is severe enough. Their lives are changed forever, and the murderer can be eligible for parole in fight to eight years.
- When the murderer is eligible for parole, some survivors make it their life’s mission to do everything possible to get the parole denied. If the murderer is paroled, survivors may again fear for their own safety.
- Even when the murderer is sentenced to death and the execution is carried out, often there is not the closure that people are hoping for.
Recovery from a homicide doesn’t start until these events take place
Suicide: The deliberate act of killing oneself. Survivors of suicide may feel:
- Shock
- Bewilderment
- Denial
- Guilt
- Powerlessness
- Obsessive review
- Blame
- Shame
- Anger
- Fear
- With death in this manner, the bereaved survivors go through the same grief process as others, but have some unique and additional problems due to stigma and taboo that other survivors do not have.
Grief responses after a suicide
- Usually the first response after suicide- Particularly intense and long lasting
- The fact that most suicides are violent increases this, especially for the person who finds the body.
Shock
- Do not know why the loved one took their own life.
- Believed objectively that there often was nothing particularly wrong in the person’s life.
- Often the suicide occurs at a time when it appears the deceased had everything going for them.
- It can take years to deal with this.
Bewilderment
- A close partner to shock
- Because of the unexpectedness and violence of the death, survivors instinctively deny it.
- Often initially react by searching for proof of another explanation
- Family may has the coroner to call the suicide an accident to spare the family the stigma that accompanies suicide.
Denial
- Often intense and long
- Feel that they should have known the person was suicidal
- May feel that they personally had been all or part of the reason
- May not have felt like good enough parents, siblings, friends, etc.
Guilt
- Perhaps the hardest and lowest point for survivors
- Occurs when they realize they were powerless to stop the suicide from happening.
- A suicide forces us to acknowledge that we are not always in control- that we are powerless from preventing some events from happening.
Powerlessness
There is in intense need to understand what happened and why with suicides.
- Cause obsessive review of the events leading up to the suicide.
- Conversations, activities, comments made, and actions are all looked under a microscope of need.
Obsessive Review
Survivors often feel compelled to put the blame somewhere, anywhere, to explain a loss that is so difficult to imagine, let alone comprehend.
- May target police, coroner, another family member, or a treating therapist.
- Placing the blame on another person may appear immediately or emerge later.
Blame
