Counseling: Discipline in the Lord

Question 1

What is the Goal of parenting?

Answer 1

To glorify God (1 Cor 10:31)

By faithfully obeying his word regarding parenting (Deut 6, Eph 6:4, Col 3, Proverbs)

There is one main organ that the bible commands parents to address in their children: The heart (66 times in Proverbs)

Question 2

Targeting the heart as the organ in need of change

Answer 2

The bible teaches that people have both an outer and inner man (Matt 10:28, 2 Cor 4:16)

The heart is the wellspring of life (Prov 4:23) Everything in a person’s life comes out of the heart: It is the mission control center

The dynamics of the innerman (heart) is what drives and leads to the behaviour that we see

When children, disobey, are disrespectful etc, they do so out of the condition of their hearts, and therefore mere behaviour change would not suffice. They need a change of heart

The outside of a person reveals the inside (Luke 6:43-45, Mark 7:14-23)

God is most interested in the heart (1 Sam 16:7, Ps 51:6, 10)

Outside change without inside transformation is condemned by Jesus (Matt 23:25-28)

A change in behaviour without a change in heart is not commendable but condemnable. We want our children to have a heart for God.

Question 3

What does David not ask for in Ps 51:6, Why?

Answer 3

He doesn’t ask God to help him never commit murder or adultery again, or even to be a better King, He asks instead that God give him a new heart, as he recognizes that those things flows out of the condition of the heart.

Question 4

The mechanics of the heart

Answer 4

Thoughts lead to Desires, which leads to Worship, which leads to behaviour.

WORSHIP:

• Our children are created by God to be beings that worship, Our children are worshipping all the time. Who are what they worship determines their behaviour (Rom 1:25)
• example: Dressing up like a sports hero, because they worship that hero or teenagers who get into music and then dress up and act like their favourite singer. This is because worship is related to and revealed in identity. Their behaviour is the fruits of what they are worshipping

DESIRES
What our children worship is driven by what they really want or desire. The sometimes calls these “governing desires”, “ruling desires”, or “lusts” (James 1:13-15)

These desires are like the hands on the steering wheel of the heart.

Desires of the heart are like the ocean current or undertow that pulls us in the opposite direction than what we want to go.

Our desires, lure us or trick us through deception. Behind every sin is a lie/desire that we bought into, which is why James tells us “do not be deceived” by our desires

THOUGHTS/BELIEFS
What our children want and desire is determined by what they think and believe (2 Cor 10:5)

1. What is my child thinking in this situation? - He believes that he has a right to take his brothers toys and play with it whenever he wants to.
2. This desire now drives and governs his life
3. This leads to worshipping something other than God
4. This leads to him going into the cupboard and taking his brothers toys (the ungodly behaviour that starts the fight)

Question 5

Are children born basically good?

Answer 5

NO

The bible teaches that all people are born depraved and sinful (Rom 3:10;18, Jer 17:9)

The heart is naturally bent toward evil, to think and believe lies, to want things that don’t honor God, and to worship idols rather than God.

Question 6

The universal parent temptation

Answer 6

1. To be “moment orientated” rather than ‘Goal-oriented” in parenting by dealing only with behaviour, based on the convenience of the parent

Question 7

How to minister to the heart

Answer 7

1 First draw out the issues of the heart (Prov 20:5) through heart revealing questions

• What is it that you want?
• What do you think aobut that, is that something that you should be able to do?

2. Use the Bible to instruct
   - Renew thinking and beliefs, by using scripture to help them evaluate their own thinking
   - Inform and enflame godly desires and Christ-honouring wants
   - Repent of idols and call for the exclusive worship of God alone
   - Teach obedience to God revealed will

Question 8

Dealing with Anger

Answer 8

Start with behavior, work backward to the heart. Then minister the Word

The bible teaches that we get angry when we want something too much (James 4:1-3) The object of our affections has become an idol. When we don’t get our way we sin with anger.

questions

• what were you wanting that you didn’t get”
• How did you respond when you didn’t get it?”
• Was your response God-honoring?”
• “Is it possible that you wanted _______, more than you wanted to obey God.”

Use the Word to minister to the heart

• James 1:19-20
• Phil 2:3-4

Apply appropriate corrective discipline (Prov 22:15)

Call the child to turn to Christ for help

Teach him to confess his sins to God and appropriate people (1 John 1:9, Luke 17:3-4), Teach him to seek their forgiveness

Give him a second opportunity to obey the lord

Question 9

Verses for not sharing

Answer 9

Phil 2:3-4

Question 10

verses for disrespect/disobedience

Answer 10

Eph 6:1-2

Question 11

God uses parenting to sanctify the heart of the parent

Answer 11

Rom 8:28-29

Question 12

Why is it good for children to see parents that are imperfect

Answer 12

Scripture commands us to not just teach our children, but to model for them what it means to have a heart that is growing and changing progressively into the image of Christ

Deut 6:6

2 Cor 3:18

Rom 8:29