Counseling: Communication Flashcards
What is the most accurate representation of a person’s heart?
The tongue
James 3:6
Proverbs 4:23
What is revealed through our mouth?
commitments, motives, convictions, thoughts, allegiances
What demonstrates a person’s actual belief?
Actual belief = Stated Belief + Actual Practice
What is a Hippocrates?
When our actual beliefs are not the same as our stated belief
Descriptions of the tongue
- Gate that needs to be guarded (Psalm 19:1; 137:6; Ezekiel 3:26; Luke 1:46; Phil 2:11; 1 Peter 3:10)
- Pen (Psalm 45:1)
- Razor that divides and destroys (Psalm 52:2-4; 64:3)
- Deadly arrow (lies, deceit) (Jeremiah 9:3;8)
- rudder (James 3:2-5)
6 Unbridled fire/restless evil (james 1:26/ 3:5)
How is our speech related to Christian maturity
Maturity is developing Control of ourselves. In order to control ourselves, we need to learn to control the tongue (James 3)
Fleshly speech
(Ephesians 5)
- Faithless and silly talk (v4)
- Course jesting (v4)
- Deceptive and empty words, false promises (v6)
- unfruitful (11)
- disgraceful (12)
spiritual speech
Ephesians 5
- giving thanks to God (v4,v20)
- Spoke to one another in Psalms, Hymns, Spiritual Songs (v 19)
3 effects of our words
Reveal
Heal
Condemn
Words reveal
Matthew 12:34
Luke 6:45
James 3:8-10
Words reflect the attitudes and postures of the heart
Reveals the defilement of the heart (Jermiah 17:9; Mark 6:14-23)
The way in which counselees describe their problem reveals the way they relate to their problem and God.
How do we change the heart
By bringing the Gospel to bear on the root or heart issue.
Tea bag analogy
The only way to know what is in a teabag is to put it in hot water, and the color of the water will reveal its contents
In the same way, a person may be very controlled and self-composed, but as soon as they find themselves in the hot water of life’s challenging situations, the real motives of the heart is revealed through their speach.
What are some things we should be listening for as a counselor?
unbiblical motivations, convictions and allegiances
Healing Words
Proverbs 12:25
Proverbs 15:1
Proverbs 15:4
Proverbs 25:11
Colossians 4:6
We need to speak the truth in love, in a caring and compassionate way, even when admonishing
What should we do if we don’t know what to say
Ministry of presence, just be there for the person and wait. Pray for the opportunity to speak a word of healing
Condemning Words
Matthew 12:36
Ephesians 4:29
James 1:26
Word act as poison when uttered in haste. Words might not break your bones, but they sure can break the spirit
Vehicle for deception, falsehood, and oppression (Exodus 20:16)
Door to curses and blasphemy against God (Exodus 20:7; Romans 1:18)
Characteristics of a wise listener
Quick to listen and slow to Speak
- Abundance of wisdom in godly counsel (exodus 18; Ecclesiastes 7:5)
- Assumes our dependence on the Spirit of God
- Words are thoughful and submitted to God (Ecclesiastes 5:2)
Listen Intently & Obey Enthusiastically
- Our knowledge perspective is limited (James 1:19-20)
- Christ has the words of life
- Prove ourselves workman approved to God (2 Tim 2:15)
Seven Principles for improving communication
- listen intently with patients
- Think biblically about the situation
- thoughts and intentions
- Biblical discenrment about problems
- Communicate expectations - Maintain a spirit of peacemaking in the midst of distress
- Speak the Truth at all times
- in love
- with gentleness and kindness
- Towards understanding and clarity
- for encouragement, correction, and admonition
- Concerning unity and reconciliation - Invite continued conversation
- Don shut people down
- Aroma of love, concern, and openness
- Love displayed
- Open door - Avoid Retaliation, Manipulation, and Scorekeeping
- Seek forgiveness and reconciliation
