Counseling: Anger Flashcards
psalm 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.
Proverbs 12:16
A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted.
Proverbs 15:18
A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.
Proverbs 16:32
He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty,
And he who rules his spirit [Patience] than he who takes a city.
[This is opposite to proverbs 12:6, the fool who is quickly tempered]
A lot of people think that might comes from expressing one’s anger instead of controlling it
Some people think that human flourishing comes from being able to express one’s anger freely.
Ecclesiastes 7:9
Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools
Ephesians 4:31
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice
Jonah 4:1-11 (summary)
Jonah was greatly displeased and angry when the Lord showed compassion on Nineveh, and God subsequently rebuked and humbled him
What is anger
response of the whole person to a negative judgment against a perceived evil
Anger is subjective
Anger reveals an issue of the heart
Growth
Circumstances Response Thought Desires Worshipping
Is anger sinful
No, the capacity to experience anger was part of man as he came from the hand of the creator, and not something that was added as a result of the curse
It is possible to be angry in a good way (ps 4:4, 4ph 4:26, Ex 11:8, Neh 5:1-7
However, since the fall of man, sinful anger can be nurtured (Prov 22:24 - 25, 2 Pet 2:14, Heb 5:14; 1 Tim 4:7)
Anger is not sinful, but nurturing anger is
Psalm 4:4-5
Anger has everything to do with whether we trust God or not. We are not the rightful judge of situations, only God is. The question is whether we trust God to do that, or whether we are going to take matters into our own hands.
Do I want the person to fear me, or do I want the person to fear God?
“Be angry and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent. Offer right sacrifices and put your trust in the Lord.”
Proverbs 22:24-25
Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.”
Anger is disguised under many different names (because people don’t like to admit that they are angry)
upset, offended bothered annoyed irritated resentful irate at boiling point enraged infuriated disturbed disappointed frustrated ticked off hot under the collar worked up distressed bitter displeased got up on the wrong side of the bed haven't had my coffee yet
Anger has many evil friends
- murder (gen 4)
- wrath, bitterness, slander, malice (eph 4:31)
- Associated with works of the flesh Gal 5:19-21
- Associated with the old self apart form Jesus, contrary to scripture (col 3:8, James 1:19-20
Can ohters MAKE us angry?
No
Anger is something that we do, the bible makes is clear that anger isn’t something that someone or something else makes us do
Anger is a choice. Anger is not a reflection of others but a reflection of our own heart
Ps 37:8
Eph 4:31
How is anger idolatry
It is worshiping ourselves and not God
I want what I want, how I want it, and when I want it, and if I can’t have things my way then I am gonna be angry.
How is anger metal murder?
Matt 5:21 - 22
“You have heard that it was said to those of old, “you shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgement.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgement; whoever insults his brother will be liabel to the council; and whoever says ‘you fool!” will be liable to the hell of fire
How is anger deceptive?
Because we believe we have a right to be angry and that everyone would just understand (understanding is not justification)
Heb 3:13
Causes of sinful anger
- Selfish Desires
The primary cause are our own selfish desires (eph 2:3; Ps 51:5; Col 3:8-10; James 4:1-3)
James 4:1-3
“What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions”
- Rights
The things we think we have a right to
- Internal influences
a. )Lack of self-control (prov 25:28)
Self control is necessary for change
b.)Churning and fretting
Prov 30:33
“For pressing milk produce curds pressing the nose produces blood, and pressing anger produces strife.”
At some point the churning and fretting (rumination) needs to be abandoned, otherwise, it will produce strife
c.) Collecting and retaining offenses
Eph 4:26
“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger”
Ken Sande’s progression of a heart idol
I desire
I demand
I judge
I punish
When does something become an idol?
when it begins to control our thoughts and behavior and to direct our lives
An idol is anything apart from God that we depend on to be happy, fulfilled, or secure. In biblical terms it is something other than God that we set our heart on (Luke 12:29), that motivates us (1 Corinthians 4:5), that masters and rules us (Psalm 119:133; Ephesians 5:5), or that we trust, fear, or serve (Isaiah 42:17; Matthew 6:24; Luke 12:4-5). In short, it is something we love and pursue in place of God (see Philippians 3:19).
What is an Idol according to Martin Luther
As Martin Luther wrote, “To whatever we look for any good thing and for refuge in every need, that is what is meant by ‘god.’ To have a god is nothing else than to trust and believe in him from the heart…. To whatever you give your heart and entrust your being, that, I say, is really your god.”
Those who worship anything besides the Lord …
will multiply their sorrow
3 important questions (FIB) pertaining to the problem
- Frequency: How long has this been going on? How often?
- Intensity: How have you expressed it? (anger: Have you ever punched someone? have you ever thrown stuff at him?)
- Breadth: How far-reaching is this? How many other areas of your life does this affect?
How do we address sinful anger
FAITH
Focus on the gospel Admit your anger Investigate the cause Trust God to be just Have hope
How do we address sinful anger
FAITH
Focus on the gospel Admit your anger Investigate the cause Trust God to be JUST Have hope
Don’t euphemize it euthanize it
Call a spade a spade and deal with it
Anger is not frustration or annoyance it is Anger, admit to it and deal with it
If you cannot say anything good …..
repent and then say something good.
Questions for investigating the causes of anger
What do you ant to you aren’t getting?
What are you getting that you don’t want?
What do you think you deserve?
what perceived right do you think is being violated?
identify the potential idol of your heart
