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Psyc 474 > Oct 31 > Flashcards

Oct 31 Flashcards

1
Q

what makes us feel hurt?

A

abandonment

betrayal

harsh criticism

public humiliation

being ignored/left out

forgotten birthdays

insensitive remarks

being unappreciated

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2
Q

hurt feelings are common

A

60% of university students report experiencing hurt feelings more often than once a month

20% report at least once a week

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3
Q

one factor common to many experiences that hurt our feelings

A

they threaten our sense of relational value

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4
Q

relational value

A

degree to which other people value us and our relationship

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5
Q

hurt feelings arise when…

A

we perceive that another person doesn’t regard our relationship as valuably & as importantly as we wish they did

specific type of social pain

experience of hurt during a rejection episode isn’t reducible to other kinds of negative emotions (ie. feeling upset or distressed)

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6
Q

hurt feelings are a specific type of…

A

social pain

different from the pain of bereavement

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7
Q

communications of low relational value can involve…

A
  1. complete and unambiguous rejection
  2. be more subtle

ie. when we feel that others simply don’t care that much if we’re around or not

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8
Q

lab experiment: ostensible study of “managerial decision making” SETUP

A

had to make decisions on who should do tasks

Ps assigned to “SPEAKER” or “EVALUATOR” (presented as random but Ps are always the speakers)

Ps see evaluator’s feedback - how much they wish “to get to work with the speaker”

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8
Q

reactions to acceptance/rejection may not be related to…

A

the INTENSITY of acceptance/rejection experience in a STRAIGHTFORWARD, LINEAR fashion

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9
Q

lab experiment: ostensible study of “managerial decision making” - manipulated level of…

A

acceptance/rejection

  1. extreme rejection (I definitely don’t want to work with this person)
  2. moderate rejection (I somewhat don’t want to work with this person)
  3. moderate acceptance (I somewhat want to work with this person)
  4. extreme acceptance (I definitely want to work with this person)
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10
Q

lab experiment: ostensible study of “managerial decision making” RESULTS

A

maximal exclusion really hurts self-esteem inventory

but ambivalence does too

not much differentiation between the way that maximal exclusion and ambivalence make us feel

bit more sensitivity to varying degrees of acceptance

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11
Q

perceived relational value suggests…

A

that the feelings we experience are linked to others’ evaluations of us in a complex way

  1. maximal exclusion doesn’t hurt much more than simple ambivalence does
  2. more sensitive to small changes in acceptance from others that indicate just how much they like us (but perhaps only up to a point)
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12
Q

perceived relational value: manipulating the sequence of feedback

A

relational devaluation (decreases in perceived relational value) is particularly hurtful

hurts more to go from acceptance to rejection

than to experience consistently high levels of rejection

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13
Q

hurt feelings can linger

A

> 90% of Ps in one study reported experiencing negative emotions about hurtful episodes that had occurred more than ONE YEAR EARLIER

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14
Q

more likely to experience hurt feelings in…

A

close relationships

70% of hurtful episodes involved ROMANTIC PARTNERS or CLOSE FRIENDS

26% FAMILY members, acquaintances, authority figures

2% only for STRANGERS

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15
Q

role of attributions in hurt feelings

A

can’t directly know how much others value us

our PERCEPTIONS of our relational value/relational devaluation may or may not be ACCURATE reps of reality

the attributions we make MATTER

ie. “she didn’t call me because she doesn’t like me” versus “she didn’t call me because she was swamped with work”

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16
Q

criticism is a common source of hurt feelings - why?

A

hurtful because conveys NEGATIVE EVALUATION of the individual

^seen as relational devaluation

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17
Q

what buffers against effects of criticism?

A

statements of care and affection

key attribution is whether the criticism is taken as evidence of relational devaluation

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18
Q

teasing can either…

A

foster sense of closeness/rapport

OR

evoke hurt

will be hurtful if target interprets teasing as sign of relational devaluation

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19
Q

perceived intentionality

A

extent to which victim believes transgressor deliberately engaged in hurtful behaviour

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20
Q

intentional attributions associated with…

A
  1. increased evaluations of responsibility/blame
  2. negative evaluations of event and partner
  3. unwillingness to forgive
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21
Q

do acts involving relational devaluation still feel hurtful even if they were unintentional?

A

yes

ie. being forgotten can signal low relational value and be very painful

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22
Q

relationship satisfaction with hurt feelings

A

relationship satisfaction negatively correlated with hurt feelings after hurtful event

degree to which event negatively impacted the relationship also matters

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23
Q

individual differences that affect the attributions we make

A

rejection sensitivity

attachment insecurity

low self-esteem

^may contribute to greater propensity to experience hurt feelings

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24
Q

specific type of hurtful interpersonal experience that is esp ambiguous

A

ostracism

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25
Q

ostracism

A

act of excluding or ignoring someone

OSTRAKISMOS (Greek) = practice of removing a citizen considered to be a threat to democracy

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26
Q

across different cultures, shunning practices…

A

aka ostracism

are used as means of regulating undesirable behaviour

young children show spontaneous use of the practice

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27
Q

ostracism examples

A

giving someone the cold shoulder or silent treatment

not speaking to them, avoiding eye contact

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28
Q

ambiguity of silent treatment means that…

A

victims lack CAUSAL CLARITY

can’t identify the precipitating event

this lack of causal clarity further compounds psychology distress

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29
Q

lack of causal clarity further compounds psychological distress

A
  1. targets who are unable to attribute the ostracism to a SPECIFIC CAUSE suffer greater threats to their sense of BELONGING and SELF ESTEEM
  2. understanding aversive events is an important part of COPING
  3. may RUMINATE on possible causes, generating large amount of SELF-DEPRECATING attributions
  4. may QUESTION future stability of the relationship
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30
Q

ostracism: refusing to offer reason…

A

reduces the likelihood that the target will engage in restorative action

it’s counter-productive

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31
Q

reasons why actors may use silent treatment

A
  1. PUNITIVE reasons
  2. NON-PUNITIVE reasons:
  • “cooling off” after a conflict
  • avoiding confrontation
  • targets may underestimate prevalence of non-punitive reasons
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32
Q

may use ostracism as a way of…

A

terminating the relationship

ie. “ghosting”

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33
Q

while ostracism often leaves targets confused, actors…

A

see it as effective means of achieving their goals

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34
Q

adaptive purpose of hurt feelings

A

alert us to ACTUAL or POTENTIAL THREATS to the relationship

motivate RECONNECTION

key premise of attachment theory: feelings of hurt drive us to seek out attachment figure

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35
Q

sharing of hurt feelings post-conflict grows…

A

intimacy in the relationship

consistent with the process model of intimacy

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36
Q

paradigms for studying ostracism in the lab

A

cyberball

not being picked to work with a group/being picked last

being ignored by conversation partners

recalling previous experriences

being told you’re likely to end up alone in the future

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37
Q

lab ostracism manipulations often result in increased…

A

attempts to establish social connection

ie.
1. increasing effort on subsequent group task

  1. more likely to sign up for a “friend matchmaking service”
  2. increased desire to work with others on a task
  3. provide more positive evaluations & allocate more monetary rrewards to a novel parrtner
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38
Q

important boundary conditions to affiliative behaviour motivated by hurt feelings

A
  1. likely to engage in affiliative behaviour only to extent to which we see target as a VIABLE source of social connection

“vulnerable but needy” post-rejection - desire connection, but want to protect ourselves against further rejection or exploitation

  1. after rejection, direct affiliative efforts
  • towards novel partners but NOT those RESPONSIBLE for the rejection
  • particularly if expect future contact/interaction with the novel partners
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39
Q

who are less likely to affiliate after rejection?

A

those who are particularly fearful of negative social evaluation

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40
Q

experiences of hurt may also lead to negative/antisocial…

A

responses

that are more likely to DRIVE PEOPLE AWAY rather than provide opportunities for reconnection

may DEROGATE those who rejected us

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41
Q

derogation of those who rejected us

A
  1. Ps chosen last for a team rated team captain more negatively, expressed less interest in being friends with them
  2. helps maintain positive affect
  • but recall that a too-ready tendency to anticipate rejection (as in those with low self-esteem) may lead to PRE-EMPTIVE DEROGATION of relationship partners & undermining of relationship
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42
Q

hurtful events also linked to…

A

aggression

aggression particularly linked when hurtful act is seen as INTENTIONAL

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43
Q

blasting noise study: hurtful events and aggression

A

Ps who had received fake feedback that

i) they had been REJECTION by others

ii) they were destined to END UP ALONE in life

exhibited higher levels of aggression/administered LOUDER blasting noise

showed aggression even towards targets not involved in rejection episode

44
Q

link between hurt & aggression also evident in real world situations

A
  1. in one study of hurtful events, >50% of Ps reported SAYING something CRITICAL or NASTY to the person who hurt them
  2. perceptions of relational devaluation common precipitating factor for INTERPERSONAL VIOLENCE
  3. aggression in response to SOCIAL REJECTION/EXCLUSION seems like a counterproductive response - how to explain it?
45
Q

how to explain aggression in response to hurt

A

may reflect a by-product of tapping into a DEFENSIVE SYSTEM originally designed to deal with threat in general

physical-social pain overlap theory

studies in non-human animals (rats, monkeys, cats, turtles) and humans show that physical pain is a powerful elicitor of aggression

46
Q

why is physical pain a powerful elicitor of aggression?

A

pain signals the presence of a serious, proximate threat to survival & motivates a response

in some cases, may be able to flee the threat - but often FIGHTING is your best chance (esp if defensive distance is low)

47
Q

like physical pain, experience of social pain…

A

may contribute to DEFENSIVE stance that promotes AGGRESSION

pain may activate aggressive impulses AUTOMATICALLY - similar to urge to cry

48
Q

betrayals

A

relationship experiences that are aversive because they VIOLATE OUR EXPECTATIONS for relationship partners

expectations of TRUST, CARING, FAITHFULNESS & EXCLUSIVITY (in monogamous relationship)

includes infidelity, unmet obligations, broken promises, disclosure of secrets

49
Q

how do betrayals contribute to feelings of hurt?

A

because such events signal relational devaluation

50
Q

even fairly trivial events can be experienced as hurtful to the extent that…

A

that they are interpreted as relational devaluation

ie. “but you promised you would go to the Renaissance Fair this weekend”

but perpetrator may fail to grasp significance of event for victim

51
Q

hurtful events: what contributes to diffs in perspective?

A
  1. ACTOR-OBSERVER DIFFERENCE

as ACTORS, take into account external pressures, mitigating circumstances

as OBSERVERS, more likely to make dispositional attributions

  1. TEND TO BE SELF-SERVING

excuses/minimize our negative actions, attribute them to external forces

52
Q

simply being asked to identify with the perpetrator of a relational transgression leads Ps to…

A

causes one to recall scenario in a way that puts perpetrator in a better light

53
Q

when Ps imagine committing a sexual infidelity, what do they do?

A

they EXTERNALIZE BLAME for infidelity (to their partners, external circumstances)

MINIMIZE MAGNITUDE of emotional harm to partners

54
Q

Ps with prior experience as both infidelity perpetrators & victims are more likely to…

A

make external blame attributions when in position of perpetrator rather than victim

particularly true of individuals high in:
1. avoidant attachment
2. narcissism

Ps also rate infidelity as having had a stronger emotional impact on them than their infidelity had on their partners

55
Q

infidelity: majority of partners expect…

A

exclusivity in their relationships

place high value on fidelity

56
Q

although majority of partners expect exclusivity in their relationships and place high value on fidelity, they often do not…

A
  1. do not discuss the issue directly
  2. make assumptions (particularly heterosexual couples)

^ may foster sense of UNCERTAINTY

57
Q

sexual infidelity

A

involves sexual acts or behaviours clearly signalling desire for sexual involvement

(sexual intercourse, making out, intimate caressing)

generally more likely to be interpreted as infidelity

58
Q

emotional infidelity

A

involves development of close bond with another

often to the point that primary partner is IGNORED/EXCLUDED

ie. intimate disclosures, secrecy, physical affection, spending time together doing intimate activities

more AMBIGUOUS & open to interpretation

59
Q

is prevalence of infidelity easy to assess?

A

no, it’s hard to assess

given varying conceptions of infidelity

estimates vary widely

60
Q

prevalence meta-analysis of infidelity

A

large meta analysis - N = 58 000

married, mostly US participants

21% of women

32% of men

had been sexually unfaithful

rates of infidelity may be even higher in dating couples

social desirability concerns may lead to underestimates

61
Q

if infidelity is widely frowned upon, why’s it so prevalent?

A

evolutionary view

62
Q

evolutionary view - infidelity

A

extrapair mating may provide REPRODUCTIVE ADVANTAGE

MALE perspective: mating with more females would increase fitness

FEMALE perspective: less obvious benefit (given greater investment in pregnancy) and more risks (ie. violence)

^but may be able to improve GENETIC QUALITY of offspring

63
Q

risk factors for infidelity

A
  1. risky individuals
  2. risky relationships
  3. self-expansion theory
  4. risky contexts
  5. multiple vulnerabilities
64
Q

risky individuals: risk factors for infidelity

A
  1. individuals with unrestricted SOCIOSEXUAL ORIENTATION more likely to engage in extradyadic sex
  2. AVOIDANTLY attached individuals tend to be higher in SOI, hold more permissive attitudes towards/engagement in infidelity

^infidelity = perhaps due to attempts to meet unfulfilled intimacy needs

65
Q

risky relationships: risk factors for infidelity

A
  1. infidelity more likely to occur when partners are LESS COMMITTED to each other
  2. more prevalent in relationships with LOWER relationship & sexual SATISFACTION
  3. POOR COMMUNICATION within relationship may increase infidelity risk

^ turn to other potential partners instead of working through problems in relationship

66
Q

self-expansion theory: risk factors for infidelity

A

seek to expand sense of self through relationships

rapid self-expansion produces sense of exhilaration

difficult to sustain long term, may look outside relationship to recreate feeling

67
Q

Esther Perel quote on infidelity

A

“When we seek the gaze of another, it isn’t always our partner we are turning away from, but the person we have ourselves become. And it isn’t so much that we are looking for another person as much as we are looking for another self”

68
Q

risky contexts: risk factors for infidelity

A
  1. AVAILABILITY of attractive alternatives
  2. being AWAY from relationship partner
  3. factors REDUCING INHIBITION (drugs, alcohol)

multiple vulnerabilities combined with a precipitating event may culminate in infidelity

69
Q

consequences of infidelity - on victim

A

profoundly negative impact on victim

  1. can resemble symptoms of PTSD: protracted sadness and depression, anxiety, rumination & intrusive flashbacks, emotional numbness
  2. can lead to RE-EVALUATION of not just current relationship but undermine one’s view of relationships in general

^threatens attachment security

70
Q

infidelity’s impact on victim - learning about infidelity from what source is particularly damaging?

A

learning about affair from THIRD-PARTY

or CATCHING partner “red-handed”

combination of unfaithfulness and DISHONESTY

71
Q

infidelity’s impact on victim - learning about infidelity from what source is less damaging?

A

finding out form partner

especially if unsolicited

less negative effect on relationship, greater chance of forgiveness, less likely to break up

72
Q

infidelity: forgiveness more likely for ______ ______ than for…

A

isolated betrayals

than for long-standing affairs

73
Q

what’s the leading cause of divorce?

A

infidelity

infidelity DOUBLES LIKELIHOOD of divorce over and above any effects of unhappiness prior to the cheating

74
Q

mere suspicion of infidelity…

A

may have strong impact on relationship as well

75
Q

jealousy

A

emotional state evoked by the perception that a valued relationship is being THREATENED by a RIVAL

threat may be REAL or IMAGINED

76
Q

are jealousy and envy the same thing?

A

no

envy is a desire for another’s possessions

77
Q

jealousy: some debate as to…

A

debate as to whether jealousy represents a DISTINCT EMOTION unique to this kind of situation

or a CONSTELLATION of emotions (hurt, anger, fear/anxiety)

78
Q

social constructivist view of jealousy

A

argues that jealousy is a CULTURAL CONSTRUCT/SCRIPT rather than a universal emotional experience grounded in biology

79
Q

functional view of jealousy

A

like other emotions, jealousy is an EVOLVED ADAPTATION that helped us solve recurring, important adaptive problem in the course of EVOLUTION

rely on relationships for RESOURCES (nourishment, shelter, care, protection) but resources are finite

rivals threaten to usurp our relationships & rewards we gain through them

80
Q

functionalist view of jealousy: jealousy motivates us to…

A

engage in MATE RETENTION STRATEGIES

which can take diff forms

ie. ingratiating ourselves to partner, scaring or fighting off rival, getting in between partner and rival

81
Q

mate retention strategies

A

ingratiating ourselves to partner

scaring/fighting off rival

getting in between partner and rival

82
Q

is jealousy innate?

A

consistent with functionalist perspective, research with infants & non-human animals (ie. dogs) suggests that jealousy is INNATE

rather than something learned/dictated by culture

83
Q

things suggesting that jealousy is innate

A

infants display behaviours seemingly indicative of jealousy

ie. 6 month old infants display greater NEGATIVE AFFECT when their mothers IGNORE them while interacting with a realistic baby doll (vs reading a book)

similar findings for DOGS

84
Q

jealousy not triggered by mere withdrawal of attention, but rather…

A

diversion of attention to a potential rival

85
Q

jealousy - what happens with increasing cognitive sophistication?

A

with increasing cognitive sophistication…

appraisals (interpretations of the situation) become MORE COMPLEX & play a LARGER ROLE

ie. 4 yo kids display MORE JEALOUSY when mother’s attention is diverted to a SIMILARLY AGED PEER than an infant, whereas for younger children jealousy isn’t influenced by rival’s age

86
Q

4 yo kid jealousy versus younger children jealousy

A

4 year olds get more jealous if parent’s attention is diverted to a same age peer

whereas younger kids don’t care about age match - get jealous in any situations

occurs because of increasing cognitive sophistication that comes along age

87
Q

with increasing cognitive sophistication, jealousy provoking situations are no longer constrained to…

A

PHYSICAL PRESENCE of rival

can also involve:

  1. ANTICIPATION
  2. IMAGINATION
  3. MEMORY
88
Q

with increasing cognitive sophistication, appraisals of threat may involve both…

A
  1. threats to the relationship
  2. threats to the self

may help explain why we sometimes feel jealous of lovers’ PAST PARTNERS even if they don’t pose a threat to current relationship

89
Q

what helps explain why we sometimes feel jealous of lovers’ past partners even if they don’t pose a threat to current relationship?

A

because appraisals of threat can include THREATS TO THE SELF

90
Q

type of infidelity gender diffs in which is more threatening

A

SEXUAL INFIDELITY: 60% of men

EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY: 83% of women

91
Q

type of infidelity and gender diffs - evolutionary perspective

A

sex differences in potential negative OUTCOMES resulting from having an unfaithful partner lead to different REACTIONS to sexual vs emotional infidelity

MEN: because of PATERNITY UNCERTAINTY, fear expending resources on another male’s offspring

WOMEN: because of greater MINIMAL PARENT INVESTMENT, fear losing resources for their offspring if mate becomes emotionally invested in someone else

92
Q

type of infidelity - men evolutionary perspective

A

find SEXUAL infidelity more threatening

because of PATERNITY UNCERTAINTY, fear expending resources on another male’s offspring

93
Q

type of infidelity - women evolutionary perspective

A

find EMOTIONAL infidelity more threatening

because of greater MINIMAL PARENT INVESTMENT, fear losing resources for their offspring if mate becomes emotionally invested in someone else

94
Q

gender diffs in which type of infidelity is most threatening - true sex difference or artifact of the way the question is phrased?

A

may exaggerate minor difference

in a FORCED CHOICE paradigm, will choose the type of infidelity that co-occurs with the other

WOMEN: if partner is emotionally invested, assume sex has already taken place

MEN: if partner has had sex, assume she is emotionally invested

95
Q

what’s an issue surrounding assessing which type of infidelity is the most threatening?

A

affective forecasting

are we good at predicting the way we would feel in these scenarios?

96
Q

type of infidelity gender diffs - when using continuous scales…

A

some MIXED FINDINGS, but meta-analytic evidence suggests that sex differences PERSIST

  1. more pronounced in YOUNGER & STUDENT samples
  2. MORE pronounced for feelings of JEALOUSY, LESS pronounced for other emotions like HURT
  3. true of reactions to both HYPOTHETICAL & ACTUAL infidelities
97
Q

who makes us jealous?

A
  1. rivals with HIGH MATE VALUE
  2. feel threatened when a HIGHLY ATTRACTIVE RIVAL is SIMILAR to us, esp on an attribute CENTRAL to our self-concept

^ want our partners to see us as unique
^ this kind of rival thus poses a threat to our POSITIVE DISTINCTIVENESS

  1. rivalry from a FRIEND is particularly painful, as is partner returning to a PREVIOUS LOVER
98
Q

__% of Ps reported trying to make partner jealous

A

75%

99
Q

reasons for jealousy induction

A

majority to “get partner’s attention”

punitive reasons also reported

^ sometimes used as a retaliatory strategy

100
Q

what attachment style is linked to jealousy induction?

A

anxious attachment

in part as indirect method for COMMUNICATING RELATIONSHIP NEEDS

101
Q

men or women: who’s more likely to use jealousy induction?

A

women

102
Q

relational consequences of jealousy induction

A

associated with:

  1. arguments
  2. decreases in commitment
  3. breakups
  4. controlling & aggressive behaviour
  5. hurt feelings
103
Q

most common motive in spousal murders

A

jealousy

104
Q

why is jealousy not a signal of greater relational valuation?

A

signals that your partner doesn’t view you as TRUSTWORTHY

105
Q

positive impacts of jealousy?

A

jealous expressions can also be interpreted as SIGNS OF AFFECTION

can enhance ROMANTIC FEELINGS & SATISFACTION

may MOTIVATE partners to take action to REPAIR/MAINTAIN the relationship

106
Q

what has stronger implications for relational outcomes than jealous feelings or thoughts?

A

the way that jealousy is COMMUNICATED

negative responses versus positive responses

107
Q

communications around jealousy: negative responses

A
  1. threatening verbal attacks
  2. derogation of partner
  3. ostracism, withdrawing from relationship
108
Q

communications around jealousy: positive responses

A
  1. self-disclosure of feelings in positive, constructive way
  2. attempts to improve the relationship

Psyc 474 (23 decks)

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