Nov 19 Flashcards
couple’s therapy background
therapy with 2 people
historically, a married couple
nowadays, couples therapy methods have been applied to MANY close relationships
expanded types of couples that couples therapy now addresses
- unmarried, dating couples
- central couples in a polyamorous network
- friends/workplace relationships
NO LONGER LIMITED TO MARRIED COUPLES, or even to romantic couples
clinical considerations in couples therapy
- agreeing on goals
- keeping secrets?
- involving other family members?
clinical considerations in couples therapy: AGREEING ON GOALS
dyads - they may have different priorities
different understandings of fault/blame
more complicated in couples compared to traditional therapy with one person
clinical considerations in couples therapy: KEEPING SECRETS
confidentiality agreement with 2 individuals
case example:
- married couple with child reporting long history of difficulty communicating, unsatisfactory sex life, few common interests
- session 1: couple agrees to goals to enhance communication and emotional intimacy
- end of session: wife returns under pretence of having left her wallet, but discloses an affair and intention to end the marriage
WHAT’S YOUR MOVE?
legally BOUND to keep this secret - do you continue to pursue the established goals, refer them to someone else, say you’ll only continue with the therapy if she comes clean?
clinical considerations in couples therapy: INVOLVING OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS
sometimes appropriate to switch to family therapy
in-laws can contribute to problems
as a contemporary client: why go to couples therapy?
- feeling stuck in a harmful relationship dynamic
- wanting support navigating a transition or difficult conversation (sex, finances, kids)
- sexual dysfunction
- individual mental health concerns (PTSD, most commonly)
- positive psychology reasons (build insight, strengthen the relationship)
- individual concerns
- intimate partner violence
cultural considerations and couples therapy
western ideals of “love”
heteronormative definitions of love
^ these aren’t the basis of every committed relationship
need to adapt to the couple, avoid enforcing norms/biases inherent in your culture
ie. love may not be the goal of all therapies
3 theoretical approaches to couples therapy
- the Gottman method
- solution-focused couples therapy (SFCT)
- emotion-focused couples therapy (EFCT)
quick intro: the Gottman method
develop from pattern-detection in observational research
research driven, behavioural, skills-based
agnostic theory
quick intro: solution-focused couple’s therapy
firmly grounded in behaviourism
positive psychology orientation
short term, acute problem management
quick intro: emotion-focused couple’s therapy
developed from qualitative interviewing and observational research
firmly grounded in attachment theory
Gottman couples therapy developed by…
Dr John Gottman
Dr Robert Levenson
how did Gottman and Levenson develop the Gottman method?
- filmed LIVE INTERACTIONS and measured PHYSIOLOGICAL CHANGES to assess EMOTIONALITY
^ skin conductance, blood velocity, gross motor activity, heart rate
- LONGITUDINAL studies with replications
^ followed couple for up to 20 YEARS
^ studied many types of dyads (not just romantic)
- repeated measurements of both SUBJECTIVE and OBJECTIVE outcomes
^ ie. marital dissatisfaction, happiness, conflict behaviours, emotionality, relationship status of couples
what was the goal of Gottman and Levenson in their research?
predict marital dissolution and understand what conflict behaviours were real problems in relationships
5 Gottman research findings - conflict
- couples are very stable
- most relationship problems didn’t get solved
- lots of fun stats: “couples that stay together have 5 positive interactions for every negative interaction”
- defined ‘meta-emotion’ - the way people feel about emotions
- defined several common relationship dynamics and conflict behaviours, and identified which were related to outcomes of interest
Gottman - couples are very stable
80% stability in conflict behaviours and marital satisfaction
Gottman - most relationship problems didn’t get solved
69% were ‘perpetual problems’ based on personality differences
Gottman - meta-emotion
they defined this
the way people feel about emotions
found that differences in meta-emotion drove a lot of conflict
meta-emotion mismatches predicted DIVORCE with 80% ACCURACY
meta-emotion differences predicted divorce with…
80% accuracy
ie. one partner seeing authenticity of other as self-indulgent, and other partner seeing partner’s expressivity as withholding
4 horsemen of the relationship apocalypse
criticism
contempt (greatest predictor of relationship failure)
defensiveness
stonewalling
criticism antidote
“I” statements
I feel, wish, need…
contempt antidote
be RESPECTFUL
deliberately integrate more statements of appreciation and care into conversation
defensiveness antidote
take RESPONSIBILITY
even for just a small part of an ongoing problem
stonewalling antidote
take BREAKS of at least 20 mins during conflicts
when one partner feels overwhelmed
and then continue problem solving afterwards
the sound relationship house: Gottman
two pillars: trust and compassion
from base to roof:
1. build love maps
2. share fondness and admiration
3. turn towards instead of away
4. the positive perspective
5. manage conflict
6. make life dreams come true
7. create shared meaning
Gottman’s couple’s therapy is based on…
observational findings
it’s not based on an overarching theory
Gottman’s couple’s therapy consists of…
- ASSESSMENT: couple plus therapist
- INDIVIDUAL SESSIONS & QUESTIONNAIRES (with each partner)
- build a SOUND RELATIONSHIP HOUSE