Nov 21 Flashcards
mechanisms for relationship repair, maintenance and growth
seeing partner as part of yourself (self-other overlap, cognitive interdependence)
positive illusions & perceived superiority
inattention to and derogation of attractive alternatives
willingness to sacrifice
gratitude
accommodation
communal strength
approach motivation
self-disclosure
responsiveness
forgiveness
play/self-expanding activities
provision of safe haven and secure base support
therapy
3 mechanisms for repair, maintenance & growth focused on in this lecture
- forgiveness
- play/self-expanding activities
- provision of safe haven and secure base support
forgiveness
transformation of motivation away from thinking, feeling & behaving negatively (ie. retaliating, withdrawing) after suffering transgression
2 components
2 components of forgiveness
- decrease in negativity
- increase in benevolence/goodwill towards the transgressor
forgiveness isn’t the same as…
accepting, excusing or condoning the offence
beliefs that these requisite factors are barriers to forgiveness
forgiveness makes what more likely?
reconciliation
but it doesn’t require reconciliation - can forgive someone but still end the relationship
predictive factors for forgiveness: victim-related
+ empathy
+ attachment security
neuroticism
+ agreeableness
+ self-control
forgiveness victim-related factors: empathy
perspective taking
shift from dispositional to situational attributions
forgiveness victim-related factors: attachment security
less likely to ruminate about transgression
forgiveness victim-related factors: neuroticism
stronger negative emotional reactions to transgressions
forgiveness victim-related factors: agreeableness
trust, desire for harmony, compassion
forgiveness victim-related factors: self-control
allows inhibition of rumination and destructive responses
shift focus to long-term relationship goals
protective factors for forgiveness: relationship-related factors
+ COMMITMENT, CLOSENESS & SATISFACTION
^ greater value placed on relationship
^ transformation of motivation (from acting based on self-interest to acting based on preferences for joint outcomes) that comes with greater interdependence
predictive factors for forgiveness: transgressor-related factors
+ expressions of REMORSE
+ authentic APOLOGIES
+ making AMENDS
^ increases empathy towards transgressor
^ signals that one is unlikely to transgress again
^ COSTLY APOLOGIES may further lower perceived risk of future transgressions
predictive factors for forgiveness: transgression-related factors
- perceived SEVERITY
^ subjective perceptions of harm
- perceived RESPONSIBILITY
^ important determining future risk
- perceived INTENT
^ harder to forgive transgressions perceived as intentional
forgiveness outcomes
- boosts to RELATIONAL wellbeing
- boosts to PERSONAL wellbeing
forgiveness: boosts to relational wellbeing
- greater CONFLICT RESOLUTION as perceived by both parties
^ unresolved transgressions may spill over into future conflicts (kitchen sinking)
- decreased likelihood of FUTURE TRANSGRESSIONS
^ if victims & transgressors agree on severity of offence
- greater COMMITMENT & SATISFACTION
caveat to decreased likelihood of future transgressions after forgiveness
forgiveness positively associated with PSYCHOLOGICAL & PHYSICAL AGGRESSION in longitudinal research
forgiveness: boosts to personal wellbeing
- decreases in STRESS system activation
^ lower blood pressure, stress hormone levels, subjective stress, anxiety, depression
^ forgiveness conceptualized as an EMOTIONAL COPING STRATEGY that removes the emotional burden caused by transgression
giovanni giraldi quote
“the history of a love affair is the drama of its fight against time”
intensity of intimacy, commitment & passion across time
intimacy and closeness get higher and then stay high consistently
passion increases, steadies at 2 years, and then drops
declines in passion
passion & sexual desire typically fade within first 2 years of relationship
consequence to declines in passion
- lower desire linked to less relationship satisfaction, thoughts about leaving relationship, higher rates infidelity
- divorce in low-conflict marriages especially likely to negatively affect wellbeing of partners and children
- passionate love predicts personal well-being & life satisfaction
lower desire linked to less relationship…
- LESS relationship SATISFACTION
- thoughts about LEAVING relationship
- higher rates of INFIDELITY
low desire is one of the leading reasons…
- why couples seek COUNSELLING
- almost HALF of DIVORCES arise from low-conflict, relatively happy marriages
- marital BOREDOM is one of the leading causes for seeking divorce
passion and desire aroused most by ______ & _______, attachment & commitment reinforced most by ________ & ________
passion and desire aroused most by NOVELTY & RISK
attachment and commitment reinforced most by FAMILIARITY & SECURITY
passion - early on in relationship
- partner is a MYSTERY, constant SURPRISES, sense of UNCERTAINTY
- lack of knowledge leaves room for FANTASY
- rapid SELF-EXPANSION & growth of INTIMACY
passion - in long-term relationship
- declines in EFFORT
- sense of NOVELTY & UNCERTAINTY has faded
- SELF-EXPANSION has stalled
- HEDONIC ADAPTATION
- shift from passionate to COMPANIONATE LOVE may be interpreted as unhappiness
hedonic adaptation
HABITUATION to new circumstances
feelings of passion driven by subjective perception of INCREASING INTIMACY (not just high intimacy)
maintaining passion: despite the average trends…
the good news is that declines in sexual desire are not INEVITABLE or UNIVERSAL
1 out of 3 people report that the passion in their relationship has stayed constant over time