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Psyc 474 > Nov 21 > Flashcards

Nov 21 Flashcards

1
Q

mechanisms for relationship repair, maintenance and growth

A

seeing partner as part of yourself (self-other overlap, cognitive interdependence)

positive illusions & perceived superiority

inattention to and derogation of attractive alternatives

willingness to sacrifice

gratitude

accommodation

communal strength

approach motivation

self-disclosure

responsiveness

forgiveness

play/self-expanding activities

provision of safe haven and secure base support

therapy

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2
Q

3 mechanisms for repair, maintenance & growth focused on in this lecture

A
  1. forgiveness
  2. play/self-expanding activities
  3. provision of safe haven and secure base support
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3
Q

forgiveness

A

transformation of motivation away from thinking, feeling & behaving negatively (ie. retaliating, withdrawing) after suffering transgression

2 components

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4
Q

2 components of forgiveness

A
  1. decrease in negativity
  2. increase in benevolence/goodwill towards the transgressor
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5
Q

forgiveness isn’t the same as…

A

accepting, excusing or condoning the offence

beliefs that these requisite factors are barriers to forgiveness

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6
Q

forgiveness makes what more likely?

A

reconciliation

but it doesn’t require reconciliation - can forgive someone but still end the relationship

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7
Q

predictive factors for forgiveness: victim-related

A

+ empathy

+ attachment security

neuroticism

+ agreeableness

+ self-control

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8
Q

forgiveness victim-related factors: empathy

A

perspective taking

shift from dispositional to situational attributions

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9
Q

forgiveness victim-related factors: attachment security

A

less likely to ruminate about transgression

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10
Q

forgiveness victim-related factors: neuroticism

A

stronger negative emotional reactions to transgressions

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11
Q

forgiveness victim-related factors: agreeableness

A

trust, desire for harmony, compassion

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12
Q

forgiveness victim-related factors: self-control

A

allows inhibition of rumination and destructive responses

shift focus to long-term relationship goals

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13
Q

protective factors for forgiveness: relationship-related factors

A

+ COMMITMENT, CLOSENESS & SATISFACTION

^ greater value placed on relationship

^ transformation of motivation (from acting based on self-interest to acting based on preferences for joint outcomes) that comes with greater interdependence

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14
Q

predictive factors for forgiveness: transgressor-related factors

A

+ expressions of REMORSE

+ authentic APOLOGIES

+ making AMENDS

^ increases empathy towards transgressor

^ signals that one is unlikely to transgress again

^ COSTLY APOLOGIES may further lower perceived risk of future transgressions

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15
Q

predictive factors for forgiveness: transgression-related factors

A
  • perceived SEVERITY

^ subjective perceptions of harm

  • perceived RESPONSIBILITY

^ important determining future risk

  • perceived INTENT

^ harder to forgive transgressions perceived as intentional

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16
Q

forgiveness outcomes

A
  1. boosts to RELATIONAL wellbeing
  2. boosts to PERSONAL wellbeing
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17
Q

forgiveness: boosts to relational wellbeing

A
  1. greater CONFLICT RESOLUTION as perceived by both parties

^ unresolved transgressions may spill over into future conflicts (kitchen sinking)

  1. decreased likelihood of FUTURE TRANSGRESSIONS

^ if victims & transgressors agree on severity of offence

  1. greater COMMITMENT & SATISFACTION
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18
Q

caveat to decreased likelihood of future transgressions after forgiveness

A

forgiveness positively associated with PSYCHOLOGICAL & PHYSICAL AGGRESSION in longitudinal research

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19
Q

forgiveness: boosts to personal wellbeing

A
  1. decreases in STRESS system activation

^ lower blood pressure, stress hormone levels, subjective stress, anxiety, depression

^ forgiveness conceptualized as an EMOTIONAL COPING STRATEGY that removes the emotional burden caused by transgression

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20
Q

giovanni giraldi quote

A

“the history of a love affair is the drama of its fight against time”

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21
Q

intensity of intimacy, commitment & passion across time

A

intimacy and closeness get higher and then stay high consistently

passion increases, steadies at 2 years, and then drops

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22
Q

declines in passion

A

passion & sexual desire typically fade within first 2 years of relationship

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23
Q

consequence to declines in passion

A
  1. lower desire linked to less relationship satisfaction, thoughts about leaving relationship, higher rates infidelity
  2. divorce in low-conflict marriages especially likely to negatively affect wellbeing of partners and children
  3. passionate love predicts personal well-being & life satisfaction
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24
Q

lower desire linked to less relationship…

A
  1. LESS relationship SATISFACTION
  2. thoughts about LEAVING relationship
  3. higher rates of INFIDELITY
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25
Q

low desire is one of the leading reasons…

A
  1. why couples seek COUNSELLING
  2. almost HALF of DIVORCES arise from low-conflict, relatively happy marriages
  3. marital BOREDOM is one of the leading causes for seeking divorce
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26
Q

passion and desire aroused most by ______ & _______, attachment & commitment reinforced most by ________ & ________

A

passion and desire aroused most by NOVELTY & RISK

attachment and commitment reinforced most by FAMILIARITY & SECURITY

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27
Q

passion - early on in relationship

A
  1. partner is a MYSTERY, constant SURPRISES, sense of UNCERTAINTY
  2. lack of knowledge leaves room for FANTASY
  3. rapid SELF-EXPANSION & growth of INTIMACY
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28
Q

passion - in long-term relationship

A
  1. declines in EFFORT
  2. sense of NOVELTY & UNCERTAINTY has faded
  3. SELF-EXPANSION has stalled
  4. HEDONIC ADAPTATION
  5. shift from passionate to COMPANIONATE LOVE may be interpreted as unhappiness
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29
Q

hedonic adaptation

A

HABITUATION to new circumstances

feelings of passion driven by subjective perception of INCREASING INTIMACY (not just high intimacy)

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30
Q

maintaining passion: despite the average trends…

A

the good news is that declines in sexual desire are not INEVITABLE or UNIVERSAL

1 out of 3 people report that the passion in their relationship has stayed constant over time

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31
Q

among older adults between ages 65-80, __% describe their sex life as ___________

A

74%

satisfying

32
Q

age-related declines in sexual desire are significantly smaller for…

A

people in BETTER relationships

partner responsiveness increases desire

33
Q

buffer to age-related declines in sexual desire

A

partner responsiveness

34
Q

to maintain satisfaction and passion, need to…

A

engage in activities that enable us to KEEP expanding our sense of self

SELF EXPANDING ACTIVITIES

^ new, exciting, effortful

35
Q

self expansion in daily in life study

A

couples (avg relationship duration 5 years) filled out DAILY DIARY for 28 days

rated:
1. relationship satisfaction
2. sexual activity
3. sexual desire

measures of self-expansion:
“how much did being with your partner expand your sense of the kind of person you are?”

“how much did being with your partner result result in you having new experiences?”

36
Q

self expansion in daily life study quotes

A

“we went on a road trip today and sang a lot”

“we took a ballroom dance class”

“we played beer pong”

“we had a super intense disagreement and then it turned around. it was a huge opportunity for growth”

“I took [my partner] to an oyster farm which she had never been to, we shucked oysters for the very first time”

“she taught how to make cherry pie”

37
Q

self expansion in daily life study results

A

more daily self-expansion predicted…

  1. higher sexual DESIRE
  2. 36% more likely to have sex
  3. more SATISFIED with their relationship

similar results obtained in experimental studies

38
Q

shared self-expanding activities study setup

A

married couples assigned to participate in either:

  1. EXCITING (ie. hiking, going to a concert)
  2. PLEASANT (ie. dining out)
  3. NO ADDITIONAL ACTIVITIES (ie. control)

for 1.5 hours/week for 10 weeks

39
Q

shared self-expanding activities study results

A

greater INCREASE in relationship satisfaction in EXCITING activity group relative to the other 2 groups

pleasant activity and control groups both had no effects on relationship satisfaction

40
Q

shared self-expanding activities lab study

A

1 of 2 activities

MUNDANE BUT PLEASANT

NOVEL & CHALLENGING

greater increase in satisfaction & love in novel condition

41
Q

why do exciting activities increase satisfaction/love/desire?

A

not about pleasantness of activities

novel & challenging > mundane & pleasant

maybe due to misattribution of arousal - but not the whole story

42
Q

key to exciting activities increasing satisfaction/love/desire

A

NOVEL and CHALLENGING experiences

that promote SELF-EXPANSION

43
Q

misattribution of arousal in relation to novel activities and increases in satisfaction/love/desire

A

misattribution of arousal isn’t the whole story

physiological arousal alone isn’t enough to PRODUCE SELF-EXPANSION

self-expanding activities don’t need to be physically arousing

44
Q

do self-expanding activities need to be physically arousing?

A

no

45
Q

self-expansion promotes…

A
  1. closeness & intimacy

^ which in turn promotes ROMANTIC PASSION

  1. while closeness is important, may also benefit from sense of OTHERNESS

^ sense of seperate-ness from the other

^ novel activities allow us to DISCOVER something NEW or SURPRISING about the partner

^ causes us to VALUE unique contributions they make to the relationship

46
Q

both increased __________ & ___________ mediate the relationship between self-expansion and higher desire

A

CLOSENESS

&

OTHERNESS

47
Q

personal self-expansion

A

experiences that don’t directly involve one’s partner

48
Q

does personal self-expansion lead to growing closer together or drifting further apart?

A

daily diary studies

  1. WITHIN-PERSON INCREASES in DAILY personal self-expansion associated with GREATER passion

^ mediated by positive emotions

  1. HIGH BETWEEN-PERSON levels of self-expansion associated with LOWER passion

^ mediated by decreased intimacy

^ so people who experienced more self-expansion overall during course of study = lower passion

^ growing in ways that don’t involve partner

49
Q

within-person increases in daily self-expansion increasing passion is mediated by…

A

positive emotions

50
Q

personal self-expansion may be a double-edged sword

A

associated with BETTER PERSONAL WELLBEING and increased sense of COMPETENCE

short-term increases in self-expansion promote ROMANTIC PASSION, but SUSTAINED increases may lead to reductions in intimacy and romantic passion

51
Q

short-term increases in self-expansion promote romantic passion, but…

A

sustained increases may lead to REDUCTIONS in intimacy and romantic passion

52
Q

perceived social support buffers…

A
  1. against harmful effects of STRESS
  2. associated with greater feelings of LOVE, CLOSENESS & better relationship quality

EMOTIONAL SUPPORT is particularly beneficial

53
Q

some studies show null or even negative effects of social support on adjustment - why?

A
  1. may signal that RECIPIENT CAN’T COPE with stressor (damaging to self-worth)
  2. may be perceived as INTRUSIVE (interferes with sense of personal autonomy)
54
Q

invisible support

A

support that goes UNNOTICED by the recipient but NEVERTHELESS exerts positive effects on the recipient

55
Q

invisible support: daily diary study setup

A

couples where one partner was preparing for the New York State Bar Examination

partners: reported DAILY PROVISIONS of emotional support

examinees: reported DAILY RECEPTION of emotional support & emotional distress

56
Q

invisible support: daily diary study results

A

reports of support PROVISION associated with examinees’ DECREASES in DEPRESSION

while reports of RECEIPT associated with INCREASES

^ most beneficial condition when support was PROVIDED but NOT NOTICED by recipient (invisible support)

57
Q

invisible practical support increases…

A

NEXT DAY relationship satisfaction

58
Q

potential costs of invisible practical support?

A
  1. if invisible support ISN’T CODED as support, may not perceive partner as being responsive

^ negative effects on partner? (recall research on MISSED SACRIFICES

59
Q

effectiveness of both visible and invisible support depends on…

A

level of RESPONSIVENESS

support works best when it makes partner feel UNDERSTOOD, VALIDATED, CARED FOR

(sometimes there’s a clear mismatch between what one partner is trying to do to support the stressed partner, and what the partner actually wants/needs)

60
Q

what happens when partner feel that their relatedness needs are met?

A

(relatedness needs: needs to be LOVED, CARED FOR, ACCEPTED)

both ATTACHMENT ANXIETY and AVOIDANCE decrease over time

61
Q

capitalization

A

deriving ADDITIONAL BENEFIT from positive events

by SHARING THEM with others

62
Q

capitalization in daily diary studies

A

SHARING NEWS of positive event with others leads to boost in positive affect

over & above effect of positive event itself

63
Q

ability to derive personal & relational benefits from capitalization depends on…

A

perceptions of partner’s responsiveness

responses can be characterized as:

  1. ACTIVE versus PASSIVE
  2. CONSTRUCTIVE versus DESTRUCTIVE
64
Q

partner’s responsiveness can be characterized as…

A
  1. active vs passive
  2. constructive vs destructive
65
Q

active constructive response

A

“I got into grad school”

“babe, that’s amazing! congrats. I know how hard you’ve worked to get here! what kind of projects are you going to be working on?”

66
Q

passive constructive response

A

“I got into grad school!”

“that’s nice, sweetie!”

67
Q

active destructive response

A

“I got into grad school!”

“wow, so you’re going to be spending the next 5-7 years working 60+ hours/week for basically no pay?”

68
Q

passive destructive response

A

“I got into grad school!”

“can you pass me the salt?”

69
Q

what types of responses are associated with relationship wellbeing?

A

ACTIVE CONSTRUCTIVE = positively associated with relationship wellbeing

PASSIVE CONSTRUCTIVE and both types of DESTRUCTIVE = negatively associated with relationship wellbeing

70
Q

why are active constructive responses positively linked to relationship wellbeing?

A

convey RESPONSIVENESS and signal CLOSENESS

(if we’re close, I feel good when good things happen to you)

71
Q

why are active constructive responses important?

A

experience more positive than negative events

fewer risks involved in positive disclosures - may be way of SAFELY TESTING partner’s responsiveness before trusting them with negative disclosures

72
Q

secure base support

A

support for a relationship partner’s AUTONOMOUS EXPLORATION

73
Q

3 key components of secure base support

A
  1. being AVAILABLE in case base is needed
  2. NOT INTERFERING with exploration
  3. being ENCOURAGING & ACCEPTING of exploration
74
Q

secure base support provision is associated with…

A
  1. more willingness to explore
  2. greater persistence
  3. boosts in self esteem
  4. more willingness to accept help from partner
  5. more positive affect towards partner
  6. greater relationship satisfaction
  7. decreases in attachment security
75
Q

michelangelo phenomenon

A

by affirming and supporting our aspirations, our partners help us reach our ideal selves

Psyc 474 (23 decks)

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