6. Maintaining Relationships Flashcards
Responsiveness is a____ and s____ r____ of one person’s n____ and i____ by another
attentive, supportive recognition, needs, interests
Perceived partner responsiveness involves feeling u____, v____, r____, v____ and c____ for
understood, values, respected, validated, cared
Benefits of responsiveness include p____ outcomes and r____ outcomes (one of the strongest predictors of r____ q____ across __ l____ studies)
Personal outcomes (e.g., health, wellbeing, non-defensiveness, intellectual openness)
Relationship outcomes (e.g., satisfaction, closeness, trust, commitment, prosocial orientation)
One of the strongest predictors of relationship quality across 43 longitudinal studies (Joel et al., 2020)
Perceived responsiveness may not be accurate. There are two theories of where perceptions stem from:
1. “E____-c____ s____” (projection)
2. A____ o____ (anxious: h____ to signs of r____)
- Ego-centric simulations
- Attachment orientation (anxious: hyper vigilant to signs of rejection
In one study, __% of sacrifices were detected, but also ‘f____ a____’
50%
false alarms
S____ partner’s sacrifices boosts g____
seeing, gratitude
M____ sacrifices leave partners feeling u____ after they sacrificed. B____ partners feel less satisfied.
Missed, under appreciated, both
Feeling grateful benefits people’s h____ and h____ as well as benefiting the q____ and l____ of relationships
health, happiness, quality, longevity
Feeling a____ by your partner buffers i____ a____ individuals’ relationship s____ and c____
appreciated, insecurely attached, satisfaction, commitment
Conflict is when m____, g____, b____, o____ or b____ interfere with those of another
motives, goals, beliefs, opinions, behaviour
Conflict is i____ in relationships
inevitable
Dating couples have on average __ conflicts per week. Married couples have __ “memorable differences of opinion” conflicts per week and __ “unpleasant disagreements” per month
2.3
~ 3 to 4 per week
~ 1 to 2 per month
It is not whether couples e____ conflict, but how they a____ conflict that matters
experience, approach
John Gorman identified __ negative approaches to conflict that can be d____ to relationships. He calls these strategies the f____ h____ of the a____
four, detrimental
four horsemen of the apocalypse
The four horsemen of the apocalypse are:
1. C____ - attacking p____ or c____ rather than airing disagreements by focusing on s____ b____
- C____ - one step up from c____, involves t____ d____ or being i____ towards partner, d____ and d____, acting s____
- D____ - denying r____, making e____ or c___-c____, natural response to ‘a____’, but engenders feelings of t____ and prevents partners from h____ each other
- S____ - r____ to respond, this is w____ from the conflict, the r____ and from the p____
- Criticism - Attacking personality or character rather than airing disagreements by focusing on specific behavior
- Contempt - One step up from criticism – involves tearing down or being insulting towards partner, disrespect and disgust, acting superior
- Defensiveness - Denying responsibility, making excuses, or cross-complaining, natural response to ‘attack,’ but engenders feelings of tension and prevents partners from hearing each other
- Stonewalling - Refusal to respond, this is a withdrawal from the conflict, the relationship, and from the partner
The four hostile conflict patterns are quite c____ and associated with relationship d____. All four patterns all lack r____
common, dissatisfaction, responsiveness
Transgressions are h____ a____ by others we t____ and whom we did not expect to m____
hurtful actions, trusted, misbehave
Forgiveness is f____ m____ to r____ and work towards r____ with o____. It helps to r____ relationship and promotes victim’s p____ w____
forgoing motivation, retaliate, reconciliation, offender
repair, person well-being
Two factors that benefits constructive conflict and forgiveness are:
1. C____ - m____ to act constructively
2. S____-c____ - a____ to act constructively
- Commitment, motivation
- Self-control, ability
Commitment and self-control each predict:
1. A____ - i____ d____ impulses, respond c____ when partner behaves negatively
2. Staying f____ - r____ a____ a____ partners
3. F____ - i____ i____ to r____ about o____
- Accommodation, inhibit destructive, constructively
- Faithful, resisting attractive alternative
- Forgiveness, inhibit impulse, ruminate, offense
In new relationships, people rapidly expand their s____ of s____ through n____ e____ with their partner (s____-e____)
sense of self, new experiences, self-expansion
As relationships continue, there is a decline in s____-e____. We tend to get into r____with fewer n____ and e____ activities. We need to engage in activities that enable us to k____ e____ our sense of self to stay h____ in a relationships.
self-expansion, routines, novel, exciting
keep expanding, happy
When relationships get into routines, one way to ‘keep the spark alive’ is to inject n____/e____ into the relationship
novelty/excitement
The hurt of separation may feel like p____ p____. Duration may depend on a____; d____ takes time along with redefining s____-c____
physical pain
attachment, detaching, self-concept
