Week 3

Question 0

Gaol is and 3 universal actions

Answer 0

Strive, something to pursue.
Goal psychologists point out setting a goal
Universal action plan 3 things
1. Focus attention
2. Give effort
3. May not come easy so must persist, obstacles, fail, get back up.

Daughter clarinet and tennis

Question 1

Why chef a lecture on unrequited love

Answer 1

Look at goal starving. What is unrequited love

Look at ding augment

Question 2

Unrequited love is

Answer 2

Interpersonal in nature.
A goal involving another person and romantic attraction.
Consider universal goal actions uga chcha cha lol

But
Not under control and must be reciprocal. Yet we learn uga and usually succeed.

Question 3

Definition by Baumeister of unrequited love

Answer 3

Romantic, passionate love that is felt by one person toward another person who feels substantially less attraction toward the lover.

(A relationship that fails to form).

The bachelor ex. Reproduce

Question 4

Person with toughest role in unrequited love

Answer 4

Is the pursued. Embarrassing. Hard. 
Think of both people's perspectives. 
Pursuer, connection, 
Pursued sees each individual, 
Perspective and perception.

Question 5

Description of study

Answer 5

Baumeister
●College students asked to provide detailed narrative accounts of a powerful experience of unrequited love. (95%) had experience 2 pursued 2 target average had
60% had experience in both roles quite common

●Each person was asked to recall a case in which they were the would-be-lover and one in which they were the rejecter.(+50%) same person had both roles, based research on both 120/200.

Q’s break up, never told not part of study, needed narrative
Inclusion criteria. Both pursued and pursuer.

Taking personality out of it, depathologies it.

Question 6

3 patterns of unrequited love

Focus on irst

Answer 6

Not mutuallyr exclusive.

Falling upward
Global attractiveness mismatch. Relative physical attractiveness, band other carry themselves thing imp. Reaching for higher rank, always leads to unrequited according to bau.
Attracted to maximally attractive person. Usually we couple with same level of attractiveness, person we marry r =.6
Ex. Average joe Hawaii Laurissa. Hunks unbelievable human specimens,

We have blinders, and go for it anyways.

●Intrusion of romantic feelings into a platonic friendship.
Friendship, romantic feelings

●Transition from casual dating to serious, possibly exclusive romance.
Casual dating, to escalate, not for both.

Question 7

8th grade class of k and wedding pictures

Answer 7

All boys liked one girl Darlene, comparable boy Jimmy.
Liked each othe and paired off. Rest did not as too focused on them. Most attractive ppl match up in same ballpark , point.

Question 8

Why falling upwards

Answer 8

Blinders,
Inflated attractiveness. We think we are higher than we are, the other person does too for themselves.
So we reach I too highl

Question 9

Friendship to romantic feelings is ? Problem

Answer 9

Common,
Usually falls on less attractive person. Back to first thing. Falling upward problem. Romantic interest declared hanged things.
Ralph ex.
Sexual involvement is not a good way to discourage romantic love.

Question 10

Casual to dating

Answer 10

Different standards.
K’s case

Not romantic, just try it.
First girl like Laurissa. For k. Play, movie, dancing.
Feelings person who escalate, usually less attractive so just like number 1 assumptions about dating, different than having a rela.
Falling upward often pl yes a role

Question 11

The experience of unrequited love.

Answer 11

Describe cites between parties.
Same people in both roles! Used in study.
Contrary to believe. Person pursuing seemed to have better role.
Have bittersweet memories. High stakes gamble, at least I tried.
Bau points out ppl pursued, no sweet memories, uncomfortable, persistence.
Those pursued, uncomfortable, persistent, wish did not happen. No win. Oh I remeber. Amanda Peterson. Unrequited love. Lol rox, Monica hmm do fit stats.
Person being pursued should trust more.

Question 12

People saying know are

Answer 12

Very wee letting others down and try to be extremely nice.

Those pursued often do not think of how other might feel.

Question 13

Why does unrequited love occur persist bec problem, and and become a problem.

Answer 13

Vicarious learning. T , movies etc.
No script for rejection, hard to deliver.
Baumeister thinks we need a clearer rejection format. External changeable excuse often used. Internal stable attribution. I feel that, instead of you…

Question 14

K list of vicarious learning

Answer 14

●Big Bang Theory
●The Office
●Friends
●Frasier
●The Hunger Games

Question 15

Koestner’s perspective on how to reduce problems of unrequited love.

Answer 15

Pursuer must self-regulate better:
wiser perspective on how relationships work
more respectful of other person’s views

Self control, must be reciprocal, be wiser about rela.
Logic, pragmatism and common curtesy.

Baumeister idea, may not even work.

We think this is noble quest, cultural dram? Blinders on. Lear feedback may not sink in. Too had for person uncomfortable

Question 16

Larger Issue: How do we disengage from valued goals and find new goals?
Goal actin sequence

Answer 16

Personal issue, not going well in other areas, due to unrequited love.
Heckhausen, Wrosch & Schultz 2010:

The Goal Action Sequence:

Selection  Engagement  Disengagement

●Give examples relevant to students:
●Cannot continue with sport or musical activity;
●Cannot continue with desired career goal.

Immune can be affected if cannot disengage, cortisol. Persist with unattainable goes with depression too.

Question 17

Some are better at disengaging than others they are

Answer 17

Ones with a great adaptive advance,
Higher levels of physical and psycho well being.
Disengage and renegade elsewhere.
Hmm, waste enemeny with dating, what about pursuing job PplicTions, and scholarships…. Interesting.
Cost of persisting.