Chapter 9 Flashcards
Orgasms are more fulfilling when they are shared with someone what does this tel us
there’s a lot more to human sexuality than great orgasms.
T: We believe that sex between unmarried partners is fine as long as it occurs in the context of a committed, caring relationship.
permissiveness with affection standard
T: sexual interactions with nonromantic partners that usually last one night and do not involve any expectation of a lasting relationship
hookups
are hookups associated with positive feelings
both men and women usually have more positive than negative feelings after a hookup, but mixed feelings are common, and the event is mostly confusing or disappointing about 40 percent of the time
Both sexes enjoy hookups more than they think other people do
f less and big majorities of both men and women, as it turns out, prefer dating someone to just hooking up
Do men and women differ in their sexual opinions?
On average, they do: Men hold more permissive sexual values and attitudes, although the difference is shrinking over time, and how big it is depends on the particular attitude being measured
men they usually feel better the morning after a hookup than women do why
men are more likely than women to think that sex without love is okay, so
what do men and women regret in sexual relationships
When it comes to casual sex, women tend to regret their actions, but men regret their inactions
T: e. Whereas men who have multiple sexual partners may be admired as “studs,” women with the same number of partners may be dismissed as “sluts.
sexual double standard
Sexual double standard doesn’t exist today
not strong But a double standard still exists, especially among men
virgins are perceived as attractive
people generally like their potential partners to have some sexual experience—being a virgin doesn’t enhance your attractiveness
about … percent—feel that sexual relations between adults of the same sex are “morally wrong.”
34
why increasing acceptance of same sex sexuality
- gays and lesbians are more visible in public life than ever
- we understand same-sex sexuality much better than we used to.
Young adults in the United States have much more favorable attitudes toward gays and lesbians than elderly people do why
but they’re much more likely to know (and like) openly gay or lesbian people, too.
people consider homosexuality to be acceptable when they believe that ….
sexual orientation results from biological influences that occur before we are born
On the other hand, by a substantial margin, people find homosexuality unacceptable if they believe …
that it is a lifestyle one chooses to adopt
the unacceptable of gay as that it is a lifestyle one chooses to adopt is a problem because its actually right
f biological is right
preference in sexual identity and partnerships is apparently irrevocably etched in the developing fetal brain and cannot be changed
ho and how we love sexually, seem in most cases to be hardwired, beginning …
even before birth
Researchers are finding that at least five categories of sexual orientation—…—are needed to capture the range of sexual behavior people display
.heterosexual, mostly heterosexual, bisexual, mostly gay/lesbian, and gay/lesbian
our behavior and self-concepts of sexuality can change over time
t more for women
we can “catch” same-sex attractions from our friends
f cant be learned
there are a variety of physical differences between straight and gay men who does this tell us
there is genetic component
Relationship science has demonstrated that there was never any empirical justification for denying gays and lesbians access to the legal benefits why 4
- ame-sex relationships operate in much the same manner as heterosexual partnerships
- sexual orientation has nothing to do with a person’s ability to be a loving, nurturing, and successful parent
- marriage is good for people
how does the evolutionary principle of sexual selection work to maintain a small but consistent proportion of gays and lesbians in a predominantly heterosexual population if they don’t have children of their own? 2
- help siblings reproduce more successfully
2. sisters of gay men more fertile and marry up their sisters had more children who received better care and protection
In difficult environments, it might even have been advantageous, on the whole, for same-sex orientations to run in one’s family
t
… Americans are still opposed to gay marriage
one-out-of-three
sexual attitudes have become more permissive over time but mostly in the US
f conservative sexual attitudes
The sexual attitudes of Americans look surprisingly conservative when compared to the opinions expressed by people in many other countries.
cultural dif in sexual attitudes within us
African Americans hold more permissive sexual attitudes than whites do, with Hispanic Americans and Asian Americans being more conservative, in that order
African Americans hold more negative attitudes toward gays and lesbians than whites do
t
.today … percent—of us have intercourse before we get married
almost all—97
average age of first intercourse—the age at which half of us have had sex and half have not—is now … for both men and women.
17 (3 years younger than grandma)
pro and con to younger age of sex
- American teens are being more responsible than they used to be
- American teens are still not being careful enough:
…adolescent women becomes pregnant before she turns 20
About one of every four and has an STI
most common STI
HPV
most people are merely acquaintances or casual friends of their first sexual partners
f 21% most are committed to partner
men enjoy first intercourse a lot more
t
most teens find their first experience with sex to be more positive than negative, on the whole no gender dif
f Men enjoy it a lot more, being much more likely to reach orgasm
on average, both sexes have few regrets
yes but both genders they anticipate more romance and bliss than they get
what influence how awkward and rewarding sex is for the first time
timing early worse
those of us who have sex at 14 or 15 already tend to be more …
daring and prone to risk
advice for when to have sex in a relationship
Taking your time seems to pay off.
Taking your time seems to pay off. why
a sense of commitment to one’s partner usually improves sexual experiences
So, what motives lead people to choose to have sex? how many reasons identified
237
most common reason for sex
involved positive states: “attraction, pleasure, affection, love, romance, emotional closeness, arousal, the desire to please, adventure, excitement, experience, connection, celebration, curiosity, and opportunity”
desire to do harm is a motive for sex
t but infrequent
2 reasons abstinence training is misguided
- doesn’t work
2. do more harm then good (less likely to use contraception)
how do teens get around pledge they made to not have sex
say they didn’t make it
young women who make an abstinence pledge and then break it, as most do, are actually more likely than their nonpledging peers to …2
contract HPV and to become pregnant before they marry
Sex that occurs in a steady relationship, which is the kind of sex most teens have, is not associated with adverse psychological outcomes for teens
t
…vaccinations do not encourage teens to start having risky sex
HPV vaccinations do not encourage teens to start having risky sex
A very effective way to reduce unwanted pregnancies and abortions is to …
give away free birth control. (cut their abortion rates in half and reduced their rate of teen births to less than one-fifth )
The American teen birth rate is at an all-time low not because …
teens are being abstinent but because they are using contraception more than ever before when they do have sex
Four themes seemed to underlie the sprawling list of specific reasons for having sex
emotional, physical, pragmatic, insecurity
gender dif if 4 sex motivations
Men and women endorsed emotional reasons with equal frequency, but men were more likely than women to have had sex for physical, pragmatic, and insecure reasons
The frequency with which people have sex is influenced by the …2—of their relationships.
nature—and duration, sexual orientation
married people have less sex than singles
f young couples who are cohabiting have sex about three times per week, on average, whereas those who are married have sex about two times per week
how does age influence sex
less as older
most American men and women in their late twenties (86 percent) reported that they had had intercourse with someone in the past year. However, only about half of men (58 percent) and women (51 percent) in their fifties had done so, and a minority of men (43 percent) and women (22 percent) who were 70 or older had had vaginal sex
we shouldn’t be surprised that sexual desire wanes somewhat over the years why
Decreased hormone levels can reduce one’s desire, and declines in physical health can erode one’s vigor, so
If you’re a young adult who’s staying in a relationship (at least in part) because of great, hot sex, what would you tell them
it’s simply silly to expect that your passion, desire, and need for that partner will never change.
the average couple has more frequent sexual activity during the first year of their relationship than they will ever have again”
t
how does sexual orientation influence sex
When their relationships are young, gay men have more sex with their partners than lesbians or heterosexuals do. but greater drop
women have sex much less frequently than they do when there is a man involved.
t
Men Report More Sexual Partners than Women Do. How? 3
- surveys usually fail to include representative numbers of those particular women—prostitutes—who have sex with many men
- men and women define sex differently
- men enxaggerate women minimize number of partners
Men in their young twenties have had an average of … women …
4.1 partners, and women 2.6
adm have sex more often
men and women define sex differently how
If a heterosexual couple engages only in oral sex, for instance, he may be more likely to say that they’ve had “sex” than she is
The sexes generally agree about whether “sex” has occurred (Sewell & Strassberg, 2015), but men are somewhat more likely than women to …
count as “sex partners” lovers with whom intercourse did not occur
When college students are asked how many sex partners they would like to have during the next year, the typical response from a majority of women is … men is ..
“one,” and from most men, “two”
When college students are asked how many sex partners they would like to have during the next year, the typical response from a majority of women is … men is ..
“one,” and from most men, “two”= no one wants to be promiscuous
T: having sex outside the dyad, or couple, with someone other than one’s partner
extradyadic sex
people disprove of extradyadic sex and in turn its rare
f
…percent of the women and … percent of the men had been sexually unfaithful to their romantic partners at least once.
21
32
one out of every five wives and one out of three husbands do had sex outside marriage
Rates of cheating are higher in couples that are married
f dating or cohabiting30%of the time cheating
when someone had extradyadic sex the other partner usually didn’t know it, and the cheating partner didn’t use a condom .. percent of the time
.22%
reason men and women cheat
men just for sex women for connection
why more cheating for gays
not cheating its agreed on many heterosexual men would also behave this way if their female lovers would let them get away with it
T: the traitlike collections of beliefs and behaviors that describe our feelings about sex
sociosexual orientations
People who were generally willing to have sex only in the context of a committed and affectionate relationship were said to have a “…” sociosexual orientation
restricted
those who did not seek much closeness or commitment before pursuing sex were said to have “…” sociosexuality
unrestricted
men are only more unrestricted in western cultures
f all over
… is clearly a meaningful characteristic that distinguishes those who are likely to cheat from those who are not.
Sociosexuality
Unrestricted women tend to have facial features that are somewhat more … those of other women—and remarkably, although their faces are more attractive, men consider them to be …
masculine than
less desirable as long-term mates.
Unrestricted men look more masculine, too, and women prefer these faces less too
f but women prefer the faces of restricted men for long-term mates
why would evolution encourage a woman to cheat?
she’d not be able to produce more children by having extradyadic sex, but she might be able to have better (that is, healthier and more attractive) children
T: some women—in particular, those with less desirable mates—can profit from a dual mating strategy in which they (a) pursue long-term partners who will contribute resources to protect and feed their offspring while ( b) surreptitiously seeking good genes for their children from other men
good genes hypothesis
support for good genes hypothesis
- women find sexy, symmetrical men—those who display visible markers of masculine fitness—to be especially compelling each month when they are fertile
- children have more robust immune systems when their parents each give them different sets of genes of the type that regulate immune responses
wives with dominant, assertive, masculine husbands are more satisfied with their marriages when they’re fertile
t
women whose partners have similar genes are more likely than those whose partners have different genes to …
have sex with other men, particularly when they’re fertile
women are more attracted to extradyadic mates when they’re fertile than when they’re not, and this tendency is more pronounced when their primary partners are ..
.relatively unattractive
… percent of the world’s children, on average, are being raised by men who don’t know that someone else is the child’s biological father
2
1 out of every 400 pairs of fraternal twins involves simultaneous siblings who were fathered by two different men
t
T: which occurs when the sperm of two or more men occupy a woman’s vagina at the same time
sperm competition
a second lover would only push an earlier lover’s ejaculate through the cervix and into the woman’s uterus
Deep thrusts force any sperm that is already present behind the head of the penis, which then pulls the sperm out of the woman.
how does sex change when women has been hanging out with other males
nvolving a higher number of unusually deep thrusts over a longer period of time—that is particularly likely to displace any sperm that might be present
If they do cheat in such situations, which gender more likely to to break up with their old partners and begin a new long-term relationship with the new mate
women are more likely than men
you may want to steer clear of someone who’s cheating on his or her current partner to be with you why
cheaters tend to be callous, manipulative people who are low in agreeableness and conscientiousness but relatively high in anxiety about abandonment
On average, men have higher sex drives than women do how many more episodes of desire per week
men reported episodes of sexual desire 37 times per week whereas women reported only 9
Throughout their lives, men masturbate more often, perhaps because …
.their sexual impulses are stronger and harder for them to control
men are more likely than women to feel dissatisfied with the amount of sex they get why
they want more
women are usually the “…” who decide when sex begins in a new relationship
gatekeepers he has to wait
Men think about sex more often than women do
t
… percent of men had paid for sex at least once—how many women?
23
but women almost never do
differences in sex drive are small
f large
The typical sex difference in sex drive means that some couples will encounter mismatches in sexual desire but this gets better over time
f worse bcs menopause
a study of 60-year-olds in Germany didn’t find any couple in which she wanted as much sex as he did
t
There may be further consequences of men wanting more sex than women do? what principle is at play
principle of lesser interest: Women’s control over access to something that they have and that men want may give them power with which to influence their men
Women do not owe sexual favors for a free dinner, but when men bear the entire cost of dating, how does this lead to confusion and problems
they believe the woman is interested in a romantic, eventually intimate relationship. They otherwise feel used and resent it
Most college students—about three-fourths—have had hookups, with about half of them having had one in the past year who are hookups with
friends mostly but 37% not well known
when sex occurs, condoms are used only about … the time when casual sex
half
cybersex why so easy: …. to large numbers of people, …. that makes a cyber-date inexpensive, and …. that lowers inhibitions and prevents our partners from following us home
accessibility
affordability
anonymity
Is cybersex innocuous?
they think so
sex takes three broad forms online, and they have different implications for face-to-face relationships
- people pursue porn
do we accept our partners using porn
Most of us don’t disapprove of a partner’s occcasional consumption of pornography, but a quarter of us do
people who are against porn have a point what is it
Most porn portrays women in a demeaning manner—as horny sluts who are always ready to serve and please men= implications in relationships
people who watch porn alone tend to be less satisfied with, and less committed to, their current partners than are people don’t watch it
t and who watch porn with their partners—or not at all
porn’s adverse effects disappear when the partners consume it with similar frequencies
t
an interaction becomes … when it involves sexual chat for the purpose of sexual gratification
cybersex
is cybersex infidelity
45 percent, would find it to be a serious type of infidelity
People can and do form intimate connections with others they have never actually met, and such liaisons seem unfaithful to .. percent of us.
.39
why are intimate cyber connections more problematic
more likely to arrange a way to meet offline, and then real extradyadic sex sometimes occurs
women meeting people they met online are very careful sexually
f careful. upon meeting then not in sex
… percent of the women had sex with their new partners when they first met. And, overall, whenever it occurred, … percent of the women who met online partners did not use a condom when they first had sex
30
77
42 percent of American men are infected with HPV but this number if STIs is lower than other times in history
f all-time high
Why is it that so many smart people are having so much unsafe sex?
- Underestimates of risk.
- illusion of unique invulnerability
- faulty decision making
- intoxication
- Pluralistic ignorance
- Inequalities in power.
Abstinence education
Low self-control.
Decreased intimacy and pleasure.
the chance that a woman will be infected with human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) in a single unprotected sexual encounter with an infected male is … percent
actually quite low, less than 1
T: Many of us believe that bad things are generally more likely to happen to others than to us, so we fail to take sensible precautions that would prevent foreseeable dangers
illusion of unique invulnerability
we don’t underestimate STI risk once we’ve already had one
f People even think they’re unlikely to catch an STI after they’ve already got one
when are we most likely to underestimate risk
almost all of us underestimate the cumulative overall risk that a new partner who has been sexually active in the past is carrying a sexually transmitted infection
underestimate a partner’s risk when he or she is attractive
What causes us to make poor decisions?…
Sexual arousal
we are more likely to accept moral questions behaviours when turned on
t We really can get “carried away” when we get turned on.
intoxication leads them to ignore the potential consequences and to think that having sex is a great idea This is an example of a phenomenon known as …
alcohol myopia
T: the reduction of people’s abilities to think about and process all of the information available to them when they are intoxicated only think of salient cues
alcohol myopia
…2 are evidently a recipe for high-risk sexual behavior
Alcohol and arousal
Both men and women overestimate their peers’ approval of, enthusiasm for, and frequency of hooking up and udenrestimate their condom use example of what influence on STI
pluralistic ignorance
occurs when people wrongly believe that their feelings and beliefs are different from those of others
women think that men hold more negative attitudes toward condoms than they really do
t
how does a powerful women influence condom use
more
how does abstinence edu backfire
say condoms don’t work
T: the ability to manage our impulses, practice self-restraint, and generally do the right thing even when it requires perseverance and effort
self control
The most important deterrent of all of condom use, however, …
may be that people enjoy sex more, on average, when they don’t use condoms than when they do
only men have reduced pleasure from condom use
f women too
30 percent of men and 41 percent of women—have had a partner try to talk them out of using a condom why
more intimate and emotionally satisfying
the more sex partners people have had—and, therefore, the higher their cumulative risk of having an STI—the more likely they are to …
try to dissuade their new lovers from using condoms
2 suggestions for more condom use
make it apart of sexy foreplay
treat their reaction as a sign of their respect for you
What people do in their sexual relationships is important, but how those actions make them feel is even more influential what 3 things increase this positive feeling
in good health, free of sexual problems, and have a steady partner
a minority (43 percent) of Americans 45 and older are presently having satisfying sex what can be done to combat this
- number of partners (the fewer sexual partners men have had during their lives, the more sexually satisfied they are now)
- frequency of sex
couples who have sex two, three, or four times a week, for instance, aren’t more satisfied with their partnerships than those who have sex just once each week
t but 89 percent of husbands and wives who had sex three times a week or more reported that they were content with their sex lives, whereas only 32 percent of spouses having sex just once a month felt the same sexual satisfaction
how do we explain conflicting frequency of sex findings
as long as we’re having sex more than just two or three times a month, we’re happier when we focus on the quality, rather than the quantity, of our sexual interactions
people who watch a lot of these shows tend to endorse the … and to think that dating is a ….
sexual double standard
contest in which horny men care only about women’s looks and pressure them for sex, blithely ignoring them when they pretend to be uninterested
is there really more safe sex in real life than on tv
yes most American teens (90 percent!) used some form of contraception, usually condoms
Only … percent of the female respondents thought their partners were “small”
6 (6/7 happy with partners size)
no matter how frequent they are, sexual interactions are most rewarding when they fulfill basic human needs for …3
autonomy, competence, and relatedness
what basic human need don’t trad gender roles in bed full
her needs for autonomy robbing women of their initiative and control decreases their sexual desire
men like it when women have autonomy
t initiate sex more
the dictates of traditional gender roles can rob both men and women of some sexual freedom
The motivations that underlie our sexual interactions also influence the satisfaction we derive from them what dimensions
approach avoid
partners who have sex for avoidance reasons are more likely to break up
t
People with strong approach motivations in bed also have …
more intense and longer lasting sexual desire for their partners
how to increase sex approach motivations
spending a few minutes each day thinking about the pleasures and positive emotions sex has provided them in the past—they increase the satisfaction they derive from the sex they’re having now
People who endorse … conceive of sexual satisfaction as something you work for; they think that sexual success is malleable
sexual growth beliefs
T: lead people to think that to have great sex, you just have to find your sexual soulmate; you’re sexually compatible with some people and not with others, and that’s just the way it is
sexual destiny beliefs
Is wordless sex a problem?
can be Clear communication about sex is associated with greater satisfaction with sex
subjective quality of the sexual experience—including psychological involvement, responsiveness to the needs and desires of the partner, and enjoyment of each aspect of the sexual experience—was actually greater for gays and lesbians than it was for heterosexuals why
same sex= predict what other would like
more importantly good communication
heterosexual couples exhibited a “…” of open communication and a “potentially self-destructive lack of intellectual curiosity about the partner”
persistent neglect
Men have stronger sexual desires than women do, and they’re literally thinking about sex more often than women are, so they (influence on miscommunication)…
tend to read sexual interest into innocent behavior from women who have no sexual intentions
how often do men have misperceived a woman’s intentions at least once
most men (54 percent)
when men tried to judge the sexual interests of 81 different women and received feedback about their accuracy along the way, they started …
attending more to the women’s facial expressions (and less to their physical attractiveness), and the quality of their judgments improved
which men more likely to misperceive women’s intentions
reject trad value equality less mistakes
don’t like women much= sexual coercion
the best refusals are …
assertive, consistent, and persistent
once a couple starts living together, overestimates of women’s sexual interest are more common
f less husbands tended to underestimate the sexual desire of their wives
husbands tended to underestimate the sexual desire of their wives lead to dissatisfaction for wives
f satisfaction (they tried to woo wives)
Whether they are married or cohabiting, heterosexual or not, the most gratifying sex is enjoyed by couples who are …
satisfied with, and committed to, their relationships
why best sex for satisfied with, and committed to, their relationships
influenced by same things
2 influences on both sex and satisfaction
Similarity and perceived partner responsiveness
The larger the difference in the number of past sexual partners a husband and wife have had, for instance, the less happily married they are likely to be why
similarity
Sexual satisfaction thus increases relationship satisfaction, and vice versa
t
does mastrubation have same positive effects on mood that increase satisfaction
no
avoidant people have less frequent sex with their romantic partners why
sex very intimate they want casual sex
By comparison, people who are high in attachment anxiety have more passionate, needier sex that springs from their desire to feel accepted by their partners problem with this
to avoid displeasing their partners, they are also less likely to use condoms and to refuse to do things they don’t want to do more cheating for reassurance
people with high levels of either anxiety or avoidance are less likely than secure people are to be …
honest and open in discussing their needs and desires with their partners
the importance of sex declines over time
f sex continued to be an influential component of their marital satisfaction
Sex isn’t some kind of magical ingredient that automatically makes a relationship fulfilling. The best sex seems to depend on:
each person having his or her needs met by a partner who understands and respects one’s specific sexual desires,
valuing one’s partner and being devoted to the relationship, and
enjoying being with each other, in bed and out of it.
2 dimensions of sexual violation
type of pressure
unwanted sexual behaviour that results
interactions in which men ignore women’s disinterest and “cop a feel” whenever possible may seem unremarkable why
many of us still expect sex to be a competition in which men and women are adversaries
they are most likely to be enacted by men who quietly hold hostile attitudes toward women and who believe that all women would secretly like to be raped
interactions in which men ignore women’s disinterest and “cop a feel” whenever possible may seem unremarkable why
many of us still expect sex to be a competition in which men and women are adversaries
they are most likely to be enacted by men who quietly hold hostile attitudes toward women and who believe that all women would secretly like to be raped
what quadrant: ncludes interactions in which one person coaxes and cons another to submit to touching that he or she doesn’t want
quadrent 1 fondling and verbal coercion
verbal manipulation and/or intentional intoxication lead to penetration of the genitals what quadrant
2
quadrent 2 behaviours are often prosecuted
f If a woman does not actively and strenuously protest this behavior, a lot of people will consider her to share the responsibility for the act
which quadrants seem illegal
3 and 4 involving physical force
Many legal jurisdictions would prosecute the actions in quadrant 4 as “…” if they became known.
forcible rape
most American women (73 percent) have encountered some form of sexual victimization since they turned 16
t
men are more likely to commit acts in all 4 quadrants
f 3 and 4 women are just as likely as men to verbally coerce reluctant partners to have unwanted intercourse; about 25 percent of both men and women have done so
not many men experience sexual coercion
f many men (43 percent) have experienced sexual coercion, too
worse outcomes if by stranger or partner
partner
how can we reduce sexual coercions frequency
- beware of potential partners who view sex as a contest
- beware of intoxication in either you or your partner
- resolve to assertively resist unwanted advances
- reduce the need for such assertion by setting sexual boundaries with frank, direct discussion before you start an intimate interaction.
- consider the value of thinking of your lover as an equal partner whose preferences and pleasure are as important as your own
People’s attitudes about sex have become more … over time
permissive
when is regret likely to follow sex for the first time
when not close
People have sex for diverse reasons, and their ..3 all influence the frequency with which sex occurs.
relationship status, age, and sexual orientation
Couples who have sex once a week are just as happy, on average, as those who have sex more often.
t
The good genes hypothesis suggests that women cheat in order to have healthy offspring, and … may have evolved to counteract such behavior.
sperm competition
