Chapter 8 Flashcards
f someone had all the other qualities you desired in a spouse, would you marry that person if you were not in love with him or her? how do people answer this
no
people began to consider love to be a requirement for marriage when did this come about
only a couple decades ago in NAmerica
In 1967, did men or women of agree to have have married an otherwise perfect partner whom they did not love
76 percent of women and 35 percent
Over the ages, attitudes toward love have varied on at least four dimensions:
cultural value
sexuality
sexual orientation
marital status
how did greeks view love
the Greeks admired platonic love, the nonsexual adoration of a beloved person that was epitomized by love between two men.
T: required knights to seek love as a noble quest, diligently devoting themselves to a lady of high social standing
Courtly love (he wasn’t married she was)
was marriage based on love in the Middle Ages
noit was a deadly serious matter of politics and property
after the Middle Ages Over the next 500 years, people came to believe that passionate love could be desirable and ennobling but …
that it was usually doomed
in the late 1700s, defenders of “…” were generally horrified by the emergence of love as a reason for marriage
traditional marriage
the marital practices of North Americans strike most folks as odd.
t
Why has the acceptance of and Page 242enthusiasm for marrying for love been most complete in North America?
economic prosperity and individualism and lack of ruling class or castle system
8 ideas about love
Love is doomed. Love is madness. Love is a noble quest. Love need not involve sex. Love and marriage go together. Love can be happy and fulfilling. Love has little to do with marriage. The best love occurs among people of the same sex.
Does that phrase characterize your experiences with romantic love? Is there a difference between romantic love and infatuation?
yes
Robert Sternberg (1987, 2006) proposed that three different building blocks combine to form different types of love
intimacy, passion commitment
T: which includes the feelings of warmth, understanding, trust, support, and sharing that often characterize loving relationships
intimacy
T: which is characterized by physical arousal and desire, excitement, and need. Passion often takes the form of sexual longing, but any strong emotional need that is satisfied by one’s partner fits this category
passion
T: which includes feelings of permanence, stability, and the decisions to devote oneself to a relationship and to work to maintain it.
commitment
Commitment is mainly … in nature, whereas intimacy is … and passion is a …
cognitive
emotional
motive, or drive
is the triangle of love always the same shape?
no Dif shaped and sizes due to Dif intensities of each of the sides
T: If intimacy, passion, and commitment are all absent, love does not exist. Instead, you have a casual, superficial, uncommitted relationship between people who are probably just acquaintances, not friends.
non love
T: occurs when intimacy is high but passion and commitment are very low.
liking
friends can arouse passion or miss terribly when he or she is gone
f , the relationship has gone beyond liking and has become something else.
T: Strong passion in the absence of intimacy or commitment is infatuation, which is what people experience when they are aroused by others they barely know.
infatuation
T: Commitment without intimacy or passion is empty love.
empty love
T: When high intimacy and passion occur together
romantic love
commitment is required for romantic love
one way to think about romantic love is as a combination of liking and infatuation. People often become committed to their romances
T: Intimacy and commitment combine to form love for a close companion, or companionate love
companionate love
T: Passion and commitment in the absence of intimacy create a foolish experience
fatuous love
what kind of love This type of love can occur in whirlwind courtships in which two partners marry quickly on the basis of overwhelming passion but don’t know (or necessarily like) each other very well
fatuous love
T: when intimacy, passion, and commitment are all present to a substantial degree
Consummate love
which of the 3 parts of love changes the most in and between relationships
passion variable by far. It is also the least controllable
is stienbergs theory right?
each of the three components makes a loving relationship more satisfying, and the most rewarding romances contain big servings of all three ingredients
passion and intimacy are distinct experiences
t The regions of the brain that regulate our sexual desire for others appear to be different from those that manage our feelings of attachment and commitment to our lovers
does the 3 systems theory make sense from an eval perspective
yes!
3 bgoligcal systems of love
lust, attraction attachment
biological basis of lust
regulated by the sex hormones. Lust drives successful reproduction by providing us the motivation to mate with others.
biological basis of attraction
Attraction drives pair-bonding by fueling romantic love, which is regulated by the neurotransmitter dopamine in specific regions of the brain that control feelings of reward
what NT explains why lovers feel euphoric, rejuvenated, optimistic
dopamine
. Romantic love also activates the areas of the brain that are affected by …drugs, and sure enough, when they see their sweethearts, young lovers can shrug off pain
pain-relieving
biological basis of attachment
connection to a long-term mate that keep a couple together long enough to protect and sustain their very young children Attachment drives companionate love, which is regulated by the neuropeptide oxytocin
men become sexually aroused by inspecting porn, they report more love for their romantic partners than they do when they’re not turned on what does this tell us
intimacy, passion, and commitment are clearly interrelated in many loving relationships
do the 3 love systems rise and fall together
related experiences of passion, intimacy, and commitment can vary separately and range from weak to strong at any given time
can the triangular theory explain all types of love
f Different types of love probably overlap in a messier, more confusing way than the theory implies but useful framework
I love you, but I’m not in love with you what does this mean
I like you, I care about you, I think you’re a marvelous person with wonderful qualities and so forth, but I don’t find you sexually desirable
which types of arousal influence romantic love
any form of strong arousal, good or bad, can influence our feelings of romantic love.
what is the 2 factor perspective of love
passionate attraction is rooted in two factors: (1) physiological arousal such as a fast heart beat that is coupled with (2) the belief that another person is the cause of your arousal
On the precarious bridge, … had apparently fueled attraction.
fear
how does arousal influence attraction
High arousal magnified the guys’ responses
how does negative vs positive arousal influence attraction
the effects of arousal on attraction do not depend on the type of arousal that is produced
adrenaline fuels love
t
Have you ever had a screaming argument with a lover and then found that it was especially sweet to “kiss and make up” a few Page 249minutes later? explain this why?
arousal from anger fuelled subsequent passion
Scores on the Passionate Love Scale increase as …, only leveling off when the partners ….
someone falls deeper and deeper into romantic love with someone else
become engaged or start living together
marry at peak of passionate love
Romance is more than just passion, however. It also involves our ….
thoughts.
Is Romantic Love an Emotion?
romantic love is more a mood with particular motives than a discrete emotion
what is an emotion
for an organized response with particular characteristics result from specific events that cause discrete physiological reactions and that elicit distinct patterns of expressive behavior and goal-oriented responses
in what ways is love like an emotion
In focusing our attention and energies on particular partners, romantic love promotes commitment that can increase our reproductive success. It is also elicited by others who we think would make compelling mates.
in what ways is love not like an emotion
But it doesn’t activate specific, delimited areas of the brain as many other emotions do; regions regulating reward switch on, but so do several other areas, so romantic love has more diffuse effects than other discrete emotions
And why should you care, if loves an emotion?
emotions are rather brief events moods last longer but are more diffuse= does love last?
The … theory of passionate love emphasizes the role of our thoughts and beliefs in accounting for arousal.
two-factor
lovers thinking about each other in ways that differ from the ways they think about their friends what scale captures this
love scale
themes on the love scale
intimacy, dependance, caring
love scale defines Romance is characterized by …3
openness, communication, and trust
The dependence items describe ardent longing for one’s partner that has much in common with the ,,, we’ve discussed
passion