chapter 6 Flashcards
T: when we need others and they need us in order to obtain valuable interpersonal rewards
interdependency
two people offer each other rewards that entice them to begin a process called … in which they each provide to the other benefits and rewards that the other wants
social exchange
T: the gratifying experiences and commodities we obtain through our contact with others
rewards
T: punishing, undesirable experiences
costs
examples of costs
financial expenditures, such as buying drinks for your date, or actual injuries, such as split lips`
some of the most important costs of intimate interaction are … burdens: uncertainty about where a relationship is headed, frustration over your partner’s imperfections, and regret about all the things you don’t get to do because you’re in that relationship
psychological
T: the net profit or loss a person encounters, all things considered. Adding up all the rewards and costs involved
outcomes
Outcomes = Rewards − Costs
whether your outcomes are positive or negative isn’t nearly as important as how they compare to two criteria with which we evaluate the outcomes we receive. The first criterion involves our …, and the second involves ….
expectations
our perceptions of how well we could manage without our current partner.
positive outcome= satisfying relationship
f want to best possible outcome
T: describes the value of the outcomes that we’ve come to expect and believe that we deserve in our dealings with others
comparison level
who has high CLs
People who have a history of highly rewarding partnerships are likely to have high CLs, meaning that they expect and feel they deserve very good outcomes now
That makes our CLs the standards by which our … with a relationship is measured.
satisfaction
f the outcomes you receive exceed your CL, you’re happy; you’re getting more than the minimum payoff you expect from interaction with others
if your outcomes fall below your CL, you’re dissatisfied unless your outcomes are still pretty good and you’re doing better than most people
f even if
…. = Satisfaction or Dissatisfaction
Outcomes − CL
CLalts are also the lowest levels of outcome we will tolerate from our present partners why
If other relationships promise better profits than we currently receive, we’re likely to leave our present partners and pursue those bigger rewards. (always want best deal)
our contentment with a relationship is not the major determinant of whether we stay in it or go
t
why would someone stay in a relationship they are unhappy with
no promising alternatives
Thus, our CLalts determine our … on our relationships.
dependence
the greater the gap between our current outcomes and our poorer alternatives, the less dependent we are
f more
If our current outcomes are only a little better than those that await us elsewhere, we don’t need our current partners very much and may leave if our alternatives improve.
When other partners or simple solitude seem attractive, our CLalts …
go up.
T: the things one would lose if the relationship were to end, are also important influences on one’s decision to stay or go
investments
what personal factors influence assessment of CLalt
- a person’s CLalt is what he or she thinks it is, and a variety of factors can influence people’s perceptions of their alternatives e.g. self esteem
- Access to information (exposure to alternatives
how does satisfaction influence CL alt
desirable alternatives will only enhance your CLalt if you are aware of them, and if you’re content with your current partners, you may not pay much attention to people who could be compelling rivals to your existing relationship
satisfied people think they have higher or lower CL alt
lower paying less attention
interdependence theory treats satisfaction and dependence as relatively independent influences on relationships, they are actually correlated
t
people don’t divorce when they get unhappy; they divorce when, …
one way or the other, their prospects finally seem brighter elsewhere.
CLalt is a multifaceted judgment encompassing both the costs of leaving—such as lost investments—and the enticements offered by others, we get:
what equation
Outcomes − CLalt = Dependence or Independence
Let’s review. The three key elements of social exchange are people’s …3
outcomes, comparison levels (CLs), and comparison levels for alternatives (CLalts)
if their outcomes from their current partners get worse than those that can be readily obtained elsewhere (and their outcomes fall below their CLalts), they will be …
independent and will be likely to depart
Interdependence theory suggests that when we consider all three of these factors simultaneously, four different broad types of relationships result.
happy stable
unhappy stable
happy unstable
unhappy unstable
when CL and CLalt are both better than, or both worse than, one’s current outcomes, it doesn’t matter which of them is higher than the other; what matters is …
.where each of them is relative to current outcomes.
if you’ve ever had a lousy job that you disliked but couldn’t leave because it was the best job available at the time which relationship pattern does this resemble
unhappy but stable= lower CL alt than outcomes
if people’s CLalts are higher than their outcomes but their CLs are lower, they’re in a much more favorable situation than the unhappy stable group
t
CLs, CLalts, and outcomes can all change over time, too
t
But what’s likely to happen after you’ve enjoyed several straight months of this bliss?
You’ve come to expect such marvelous treatment, which means your comparison level has risen.
How might their respective CLalts influence their interactions with each other?
Betty and Barney, receive similar outcomes from their relationship, and each needs the other, but Barney’s CLalt is lower than Betty’s what does this mean
he needs her more than she needs him = gives her more power
T: the ability to influence another person’s behavior
power
T: the partner who depends less on a relationship has more power in that relationship
principle of lesser interest
But if your CL goes up and your outcomes remain the same, satisfaction wanes
t Once you get used to your perfect partner, you may find that you derive less pleasure from his or her pampering than you used to
rewarding relationships can gradually become less and less satisfying even though nothing (but our …) has changed.
expectations
how does marriage influence happiness in short and long term
ST makes happier then return to levels before marriage
finding the love of your life doesn’t make you happy forever.
grandparents expectations?
fulfill needs like loving, being loved, and experiencing romantic passion,”
expectations today
fulfill needs like loving, being loved, and experiencing romantic passion,” and ulfill needs like self-esteem, self-expression, and personal growth
American marriages are less happy than they were 30 years ago, and our higher … may be partly responsible
CLs
Cultural changes have also increased our CLalts. how
1.Women’s increased participation in the workforce has provided them both interesting coworkers and financial resources that make it easier for them to leave unhappy relationships
2. more mobile = diverse options
3. reduced barriers of divorce
4.
We may even have entered an era of “…” in which people remain on the marriage market—continuing to size up the people they meet as potential future mates—even after they’re married
permanent availability,
maybe we shouldn’t be surprised that the U.S. divorce rate has risen sharply since 1960; when CLs and CLalts are both low , people are more likely to find themselves in unhappy and unstable relationships.
f high
Are rewards and costs or the size of your “salary” everything that matters?
no
the amount of affectionate behavior newlyweds display nicely predicts how happy they’ll be 16 months later
t
unplesentness is family rare in relationships
f a lot of unpleasantness actually occurs in many relationships
On any given day, … percent of us are likely to be annoyed by a lover or friend
44
during their lives together, sooner or later, married people are likely to be … to each other than to anyone else they know
meaner
Intimacy and interdependence seemed to give people permission to be impolite instead of courteous and considerate.
Does this matter?
yes Over time, irritating or moody behavior from a spouse puts a marriage at risk, and outright hostility is even worse
“Bad,” it seems, “is stronger than good”
t negative behaviors in a close relationship seem to carry more psychological Page 181weight than similar amounts of positive behavior do
we like gains, but we really hate losses
If you get one compliment and one criticism from your lover in the same evening, for instance, they cancel each other out
f The compliment will help soften the blow of the criticism, but the combination will leave you somewhat distressed.
to stay satisfied with a close relationship, we may need to maintain a rewards-to-costs ratio of at least …
5-to-1
A short discussion on a single afternoon clearly provided meaningful information about the chances that a marriage would last. And couples who did not maintain a substantial surfeit of positive exchanges faced … the risk that their marriages would fail.
twice
… percent of the happily married couples in one study reported making love more often than they argued, whereas… of the unhappily married couples did
93
none
both men and women failed to notice about … of the positive behaviors that their partners said they performed. who did this more
one-fourth
insecure attachments
partners may disagree about the meaning and value of the rewards they exchange what genders say they are missing what (what matters to them more)
wives say they desire more emotion and affection from their husbands whereas the husbands say they want more sex
rewards and costs have different, separate effects on our well-being in relationships: we try to do two things in our close relationships
irst, we try to obtain rewards, and second, we try to avoid costs
T: we pursue pleasure and our motivation for doing something is to feel good, and when we draw near to desired experiences, we feel positive emotions such as enthusiasm and excitement
approach motivation
T: we also seek to elude or escape punishment and pain, so we strive to avoid undesired experiences and to reduce negative feelings such as anxiety and fear
avoidance motivation
Avoidance motivations for having sex would be to avoid ..
.rejection or to end a peevish partner’s pouting.
… results from fulfilling our approach goals, and … results from failing to fulfill our avoidance goals, but—and here’s where this gets really interesting—pleasure and pain are different processes
Pleasure
pain
safe and secure relationships in which nothing bad happens are not necessarily satisfying, and satisfying relationships are not always safe and secure. why
because pain and pleasure are unrelated
the absence of conflict and criticism in a relationship need not imply the presence of joy and fulfillment, just as the presence of joy and fulfillment need not denote the absence of conflict and criticism
t
4 resulting relationships from the approach/ avoidance dimensions
precarious, flourishing, distressed, boring
When avoidance goals are fulfilled, people avoid costs but are not necessarily …
happy
When approach goals are fulfilled, people feel engaged and excited but may not feel …
safe and secure
what results when our avoidance goals are fulfilled and our costs and annoyances are very low—but our approach motivation is unfulfilled. how do these relationships fare overtime
Boredom now is linked to dissatisfaction later
a strong motive to avoid costs leads people to … whereas, in contrast, a strong motive to approach rewards leads them to focus on all the …
notice all of the annoying things their partners do (avoid conflict)
thoughtful and generous things their partners do 9approach motives are pursuing greater intimacy with their partners)
it may be more beneficial to focus on … NOT …, in our close relationships
obtaining rewards, rather than cutting costs
T: we are attracted to partnerships that expand the range of our interests, skills, and experiences
self expansion model
The key to staying happy, according to the self-expansion model, is …
to combat boredom by creatively finding ways to continue your personal growth Seek and invent “activities that are adventurous, passionate, playful, romantic, sexual, and spontaneous”
even relationships that are destined to succeed and prosper—hit a lull in which the partners’ pleasure stalls for a time
t
T: we should expect a period of adjustment and turmoil as new partners become accustomed to their increasing interdependence
relational turbulence
what causes lull in excitement
- as the partners spend more and more time together, they disrupt each others’ routines
- Uncertainty and doubt can also accompany emerging commitment
the turbulence model suggests that an unsettled period of adjustment and reevaluation often occurs at … levels of intimacy in a developing relationship as the partners learn to coordinate their needs and to accommodate each other.
moderate
when does turbulence occur
transition to couple or if they undergo major transition e.g. baby
being uncertain about marriage doesn’t predict relational satisfaction later on
f worrisome when people have lasting doubts about whether they should get married in the first place; women with reservations about marrying are about 2.5 times more likely to divorce later on than are those who have no doubts
Men have such doubts more often, but they’re only 1.5 times more likely to divorce as a result
do men or women have more marriage doubts
men but less likely to predict divorce
Are there predictable changes in satisfaction over longer stretches of time in established relationships?
the typical trajectory of marital bliss involved a gradual erosion of delight that resulted in people becoming less satisfied as the years rolled by
in a number of couples—about …—the declines in contentment were much more severe
one in every six
gay and lesbian couples experience milder decreases in satisfaction than heterosexual couples do
t
about …—don’t experience large declines in their delight.
one in every four
What distinguishes those who stay happy from the majority who become less content? 4
- Spouses who stay happy tend to be low in neuroticism and high in self-esteem,
- and they start their marriages being happier together than most other couples are.
- They discuss touchy issues with affection and humor and without anger, and they l
- uckily encounter relatively few stressors such as economic hardship or ill health
happy couples keep their expectations in check so that their …s don’t get too high
CL
are realistic or optimistic expectation for marriage better
realistic: people who begin their marriages with the highest expectations of how special and wonderful wedlock will be are the least happy spouses a few years down the road
I can offer several reasons why prudent and cautious expectations about the futures of your intimate relationships are more reasonable and sensible than romantic idealism is.
- it takes effort to be polite and charming
- interdependency magnifies conflict and friction
- intimacy means that others know your secrets, foibles, and weaknesses- cant hurt us more
- even if people are usually aware of most of their incompatibilities and problems before they marry, there will almost always be some surprises ahead
Frequent interaction also means that trivial annoyances may gradually cause real grief through sheer repetition
t
even if people are usually aware of most of their incompatibilities and problems before they marry, there will almost always be some surprises ahead 2 general types
- there’s learning the truth about things we thought we knew
- learning undesired things that you didn’t know at all
most “people are better off without having children”
t
When babies arrive, …increases, and …with the marriage (and love for one’s partner) decrease
conflict
satisfaction
most spouses’ satisfaction doesn’t declines during the first years of marriage
f most spouses’ satisfaction actually declines during the first years of marriage which is normal
should we not be optimistic about the future of our relationships then?
f you should be optimistic that your close relationships will succeed; a positive outlook that is rooted in good sense is likely to make lasting satisfaction more, rather than less, attainable
research doesn’t support interdependence theory
f Research supports the basic precepts of interdependence theory quite well
If you want to keep valued relationships going, it’s to your advantage to ensure that your partners are just as dependent on you as you are on them, and a straightforward way to do that is to …
provide them great outcomes that make them want to stick around
Actions that would be costly if enacted with a stranger can actually be rewarding in a close relationship because …and increase the likelihood that one will receive valuable rewards in return
they give pleasure to one’s partner
there is likely to be plenty of compassionate thoughtfulness and magnanimity in interdependent relationships unless people are greedy
f even if they are
when people seek closeness with others, they are often rather generous, offering more to others than they seek in return why
We seem to realize that rewarding interdependency is more likely to develop when we’re not greedily pursuing instant profit.
T: people do favors for others expecting to be repaid by receiving comparable benefits in return.
exchange relationships
…. are typified by superficial, often brief, relatively task-oriented encounters between strangers or acquaintances.
exchange relationships
T: the partners feel a special concern for the other’s well-being, and they provide favors and support to one another without expecting repayment
communal relationships
T: the partners feel a special concern for the other’s well-being, and they provide favors and support to one another without expecting repayment
communal relationships
In communal relationships, people often make small sacrifices on behalf of their partners and do costly favors for each other, but they enjoy …
higher quality relationships as a result
T: the motivation to be responsive to a particular partner’s needs:T
communal strength
the lack of apparent greed in communal relationships indicate that the principles of exchange we’ve been discussing do not apply there
f What we do to meet a partner’s needs may involve very different actions from what the partner did to meet our own needs, and the reciprocity that results involves broad concern for each other instead of an exchange of specific favors
the partners in a profitable communal relationship may not seem to be keeping track of their specific rewards and costs because…
they’re happy and they know they’re doing well, so there’s no need to fuss with the details
a distinction between exchange and communal relationships is incompatible with interdependence theory at all
f isn’t
Communal relationships don’t involve the same explicit this-for-that exchange of specific benefits that occurs in exchange relationships, but they still require the profitable transfer of valuable rewards between the partners
Most people seem to recognize, as interdependence theory suggests, that if you want others to be nice to you, …
you’ve got to be nice to them.
T: people are most satisfied in relationships in which there is proportional justice, which means that each partner gains benefits from the relationship that are … to his or her contributions to it
equity theory
proportional
that you not only have to be nice but also to be …
fair.
A relationship is equitable when the ratio of your … to your … is similar to that of your partner
outcomes
contributions
A relationship is fair, according to equity theory, only when a partner who is working harder to maintain the relationship is …
getting more out of it as well.
Fred Wilma (a)80/50=80/50 (b)20/100=20/100 outcome contribution ratio: is relationship a or b more happy
both partners are receiving equal outcomes and making equal contributions, but the quality of outcomes is much higher for the partners in relationship (a) than for those in relationship (b).
Equity theory emphasizes fairness, not the overall amount of rewards people receive, and because both (a) and (b) are fair, they should both be satisfying to the partners
(c)
50/25=100/50
how does this relationship fare
Relationship (c) is also equitable even though the partners do not make equal contributions or derive equal outcomes. Wilma is working harder to maintain the relationship than Fred is, but both of them are receiving outcomes that are proportional to their contributions; each is getting two units of benefit for every unit he or she contributes, so Wilma’s better outcomes are fair.
(d)
80/50≠60/50
how does this relationship fare
the partners are working equally hard to maintain the relationship, but one of them is receiving better outcomes than the other
If you and I are making similar contributions to our relationship but I’m getting more from it, you’re likely to be annoyed.
(e)
80/50 ≠ 80/30 HOW DOES THIS RELATIONSHIP FARE
the partners’ outcomes are the same, but their contributions are different. That, too, isn’t fair. If you and I are getting similar benefits from our relationship but I’m working harder to keep it going, then I’m likely to be annoyed.
only the underbenifited is distressed in inequitable relationships
f both of the partners are likely to be distressed—even if they’re getting good outcomes—because neither relationship is fair.
receiving better outcomes than he or she deserves, and the other is underbenefited, receiving less than he or she should. Does that matter?
Interdependence theory says it shouldn’t, much, as long as both partners are prospering, but equity theory says it does.
It’s better to be over- than underbenefited, but overbenefited people to be somewhat less content than those who have equitable relationships why
of course, but people are presumed to dislike unfairness, being motivated to change or escape it
What’s More Important? Being Treated Fairly or Excellent Outcomes?
the overall amount of reward that people receive is a better predictor of their satisfaction than is the level of equity they encounter
it didn’t matter what one’s partner gave or got as long as …, and the more rewards people said they received from a relationship, the better they felt about it.
one’s own benefits were high enough
complexity of equity vs outcomes? 3
- personal differences in value of equity
- equity may be more important in some domains than in others
- equity is a salient issue when people are dissatisfied, but it’s only a minor issue when people are content
equity may be more important in some domains than in others which 2 sensitive areas
household tasks and child care
Cohabiting couples and gay and lesbian couples usually divide these tasks more fairly whereas equitable allocation of these duties is often difficult for married women to obtain why
so there may be something about heterosexual partnerships that leads husbands to expect to do less around the house
Men who do their fair share of housework have more frequent and more satisfying sexual interactions with their wives
t
Feminism Is Bad for Romance, Right?
women enjoy happier, healthier, and more stable romantic relationships when they are partnered with men who are feminists and better sex
Okay, women like their men to think of them as equals. But what about the guys?
female feminists are less hostile toward men than other women are, and men who are partnered with feminist women enjoy more stable relationships and more sexual satisfaction than do men with traditional partners
When rewards are ample, equity may ..
not matter much.
people who are very dissatisfied are likely to perceive that they are being underbenefited by their partners what does this tell is
inequity may not cause people to become dissatisfied; instead, being dissatisfied could lead people to think they’re being treated unfairly
But the bottom line is that … level matters more than inequity does explain
outcome
if our outcomes are poor and unsatisfactory, it isn’t much consolation if they’re fair, and if our outcomes are wonderful, inequity isn’t a major concern.
Is simple greed a good description of people’s behavior in intimate relationships?
t even if it is ultimately greedy behavior, it’s not undesirable or exploitative.
still thoughtful, generous, and often loving
T: a desire for the relationship to continue and the willingness to work to maintain it
commitment
how is commitment experienced by happy and unhappy people
unhappy: unhappy people can be committed to their relationships, too, not because they want to stay where they are but because they feel they mustcommitment can be experienced more as burdensome entrapment than as a positive feeling
happy: concept of commitment with positive qualities such as sharing, supportiveness, honesty, faithfulness, and trust
3 themes on the commitment scale
- committed partners expect their relationship to continue.
- They also hold a long-term view, foreseeing a future that involves their partners.
- they are psychologically attached to each other so that they are happier when their partners are happy, too
3 themes on the commitment scale
- committed partners expect their relationship to continue.
- They also hold a long-term view, foreseeing a future that involves their partners.
- they are psychologically attached to each other so that they are happier when their partners are happy, too
T: commitment emerges from all of the elements of social exchange that are associated with people’s CLs and CLalts
investment model
what 3 things increase commitment
high satisfaction
- low quality alternatives
- high investments in relationship
relationships often survive periods in which one or both partners are dissatisfied, tempted by alluring alternatives, or free to walk out at any time. Episodes such as these may stress the relationship and weaken the partners’ commitment, but the partnership may persist if …
the other components of commitment are holding it together.
the investment model applies to everyone
t
the usefulness of the investment model conflicts with an exchange perspective on intimate relationships.
the usefulness of the investment model provides general support for an exchange perspective on intimate relationships.
there are some nuances in the nature of commitment that aren’t explicated by the investment model. what ?
- forecast of how satisfying the partnership will be in the future
- not a unitary concept
different forms of commitment
- personal commitment
- constraint commitment
- moral commitment
T: occurs when people want to continue a relationship because they are attracted to their partners and the relationship is satisfying
personal commitment
T: occurs when people feel they have to continue a relationship because it would be too costly for them to leave
constraint commitment
T: derives from a sense of moral obligation to one’s partner or one’s relationship. Here, people feel they ought to continue the relationship because it would be improper to end it and break their promises or vows
moral commitment
how does avoidance relate to commitment
- people who are high in avoidance are more attentive to their alternatives= their CLalts tend to be higher than those of other people
- approach motivations are weaker
- less attracted to others who use communal norms
people high in avoidance love when others do favours for them
f they prefer people who do not do favors for them without expecting something in return
Thus, both anxiety about abandonment and avoidance of intimacy are associated—albeit for somewhat different reasons—with lower satisfaction and commitment in close relationships as time goes by why anxious
worry people will leave them nervously focus on averting conflict and other costly outcomes
strongest form of commitment
usually personal but depends on sitch
when people embark on a long-distance romantic relationship, moral commitment does a better job of predicting whether or not the partnership will survive the period of separation than personal commitment does
t
The long-term orientation that characterizes commitment consequences of commitment?
- reduces the pain that would otherwise accompany rough spots in the relationship.
- see as us substantially reduce the costs of sacrifices that benefit the partner,
- it leads people to take action to protect and maintain a relationship even when it is costly for them to do so.
relationship maintenance mechanisms that commitment promotes?
accommodation
willingness to sacrifice
degradation of tempting alternatives
people refrain from responding to provocation from their partners with similar ire of their own :T
accommodation
T: They do things they wouldn’t do if they were on their own, and they do not do things they would have liked to do in order to benefit their partners and their partnerships.
willingness to sacrifice
T: commitment leads us to judge other potential partners to be less attractive than they would seem to be if we were single and unattached
derogation of tempting alternatives
even if we are basically greedy at heart, we are often unselfish, considerate, and caring to those we befriend and love. why
If people did these things indiscriminately, they would often be self-defeating. However, when they occur in interdependent relationships and when both partners behave this way, such actions provide powerful means of protecting and enhancing desired connections to others
… theory offers an economic view of relationships that involves social exchange in which partners provide each other desirable rewards.
Interdependence
The net profit or loss from an interaction is its ….
outcome.
What Do We Expect from Our Relationships?
People have comparison levels (CLs) that reflect their expectations for their interactions with others. When the outcomes they receive exceed their CLs, they’re satisfied, but if their outcomes fall below their CLs, they’re discontent.
How Well Could We Do Elsewhere?
People also judge the outcomes available elsewhere using a comparison level for alternatives (CLalt). When the outcomes they receive exceed their CLalts, they can’t do better elsewhere, and they’re dependent on their current partners.
Four Types of Relationships. Comparing people’s CLs and CLalts with their outcomes yields four different relationship states:
happy and stable; happy and unstable; unhappy and stable; and unhappy and unstable.
People adapt to the outcomes they receive, and relationships can become less satisfying as the partners’ … rise
CLs`
Cultural influences shape both our ..2
expectations and our CLalts.
Counting up the rewards and costs of a relationship provides extraordinary information about its current state and likely future.
t
Rewards and Costs Are Different how
An approach motivation leads us to seek rewards, an avoidance motivation leads us to avoid costs, and the extent to which each is fulfilled defines different relationship states.
how do rewards and costs differ as time goes by
A relational turbulence model suggests that new relationships usually encounter a lull when partners adjust to their new status as an established couple. Thereafter, marital satisfaction usually decreases over the first years of marriage
Thereafter, marital satisfaction usually decreases over the first years of marriage why 4
This may be due to the partners’ lack of effort and to the manner in which interdependence magnifies small irritations, and to other routine influences such as unwelcome surprises and unrealistic expectations.
what are communal relationships
relationships involve selfless concern for another’s needs.
overbenefit is not always associated with reduced satisfaction with a relationship—but underbenefit is.
t
Both the …2, when it occurs, determine how happy and stable a relationship will be.
quality of outcomes one receives and underbenefit
