chapter 3 Flashcards
the first step toward a relationship is always the same: …
interpersonal attraction
T: , the desire to approach someone.
interpersonal attraction
Feelings of attraction guarantee that a relationship will develop, but they do open the door to the possibility
f but , but they do open the door to the possibility
we are attracted to others whose presence is rewarding to us what are the 2 types of rewards
noticeable direct rewards we obviously receive from our interaction with others, and more subtle indirect benefits of which we’re not always aware and that are merely associated with someone else
interest, beauty Witt and approval are examples of what kind of attraction
direct
the more direct rewards that people provide us, the more attracted we are to them.
t
e.g. of indirect mild rewards
For instance, anything about new acquaintances that resembles us, however tangentially, may make them seem more likable, name thats similar
People are disproportionately likely to fall in love with someone who has a name that resembles their own
t
we’re attracted to someone if he or she is an appealing person
this is only part of the story
it also depends on our current needs, goals, and desires, all of which can fluctuate over time and from one situation to the next.
the fundamental basis of attraction is …, the extent to which someone is able to help us achieve our present goals
instrumentality (rewarding company, those who routinely fulfill several chronic and important desires)
why are online relationships less preffered
relationships are more rewarding when they involve people who are near one another
Only 88 feet separated residents living four doors apart, at opposite ends of the same floor, but they were only … as likely to become friends as were people living in adjacent rooms
one-quarter
Why does proximity have such influence?
- cross paths
2. familiar
familiarity breeds contempt
f
repeated contact with—or … to—someone usually increases our liking for him or her
mere exposure
taking a class together made it… times more likely that they would message each other
140
what are the limits of familiarity
As we gain information about others, we may find that they are obnoxious, disagreeable, or inept, and increasing exposure to such people may lead us to like them less, not more
Proximity can also be disadvantageous when people who have come to know each other online- why
When we find out who our online partners actually are—as opposed to who we thought they were—our attraction to them often declines
how do men and women lie differently online
In particular, men often claim that they’re taller and richer, and women claim that they’re lighter and younger, than they really are (often disappointed when knowledge goes up
proximity is great for couples who have been doing long distance
the more committed partners are to their relationship, the more they miss each other, and the more they miss each other, the harder they work to express their continued love and regard for each other across the miles=construct idealized images of their partnership that portray it as one that’s worth waiting for so have to confront new routines and things you don’t like about each other
… of the long-distance dating partners—and remember, commitment is a key influence on all of this—who get back together break up within 3 months of their reunion
one-third
the effects of familiarity depend both on …2
what we learn about someone else and on the amount of interdependence we are forced to share.
and one reason proximity is usually profitable is that it increases the chances that others will be …
recognizable to us.
how common is it to meet your partner online
Online encounters are now the second-most-common way (after meeting through friends) that heterosexual couples get started 1 in 4 they are the most frequent way gays and lesbians find each other
why can dating sites be disappointing
- most users encounter a lot of ambiguous rejection
Tinder users tend to have lower levels of satisfaction with their faces and bodies than non-users do- why
the constant rejection leads to self doubt
is abundance of choices good for relationship success?
no abundance of choices isn’t necessarily conducive to relationship success become sloppy and less exacting in their choices and less committed
… of American marriages now result from meetings of the spouses that occurred online
more than one-third
how many marriages arose from dating sites
45 percent of those meetings occur on dating sites; most occur elsewhere
are couples who meet online better or worse off
mixed reports
can the Internet may be altering the dynamics and outcomes of marriage itself
yes
why are so many partnerships doomed by distance
cant enjoy the rewards they offer
is costly
inconvenient
when two strangers begin chatting, do they like each other more or less as the convo goes on
they like each other more the more they chat
after proximity what is most important
looks
we tend to assume that good-looking people are more likable, better people than those who are unattractive
t
we assume that attractive people—especially those who share our own … —have desirable traits that go with their desirable appearances
ethnic background
is the beauty is good assumption deliberate
no unconscious
what are the negative assumptions we make about good looking people
assume they are promiscuous
why do we think attractive people are outgoing and kind
because we’re attracted to them, and we want them to like us in return
The bias for beauty may also lead us to confuse beauty with talent. what is the result of this
physically attractive people make more money and are promoted more often than are those with average looks
On average, good-looking folks earn $… more during their lifetimes than less lovely people do
230,000
how much is beauty in the eye of the beholder
the overwhelming consensus among people about the physical beauty of the strangers they encountered. Our participants clearly shared the same notions of who is and who isn’t pretty.
the consensus of who is beautiful disappears when assessing across ethnic groups
f
what do babies liking attractive people more tell us
more than social norms
what baby features and what womanly ones do people like in women
baby: large eyes, a small nose, a small chin, and full lips
features with signs of maturity such as prominent cheekbones, narrow cheeks, and a broad smile
Male attractiveness is more complex how
Men who have strong jaws and broad foreheads—who look strong and dominant—are usually thought to be handsome
when average male faces are made slightly more feminine and baby-faced through computer imaging, the “feminized” faces—which look warm and friendly—are attractive, too.
what influences which man women are attracted to the masculine ir feminine one
influenced by their menstrual cycles; if they are not using hormonal contraception and are cycling naturally, they tend to find rugged, manly features somewhat more appealing when they are fertile, just before they ovulate, but they’re more attracted to youthful boyishness the rest of the month
good-looking female faces in have features that are neither too large nor too small
t for men and women
gorgeous people have bland, ordinary looks because we love averages
f The images that result from this averaging process are actually rather unusual= all proportionate
symmetry is only attractive when paired with being average
f
what bodies do men like
Men find women’s shapes most alluring when they are of normal weight, neither too heavy nor too thin, and their waists are noticeably narrower than their hips
The most attractive waist-to-hip ratio, or WHR, is a curvy …percent smaller than the hips
0.7 in which the waist is 30 (universally)
what does a slim waist do to a relationship
the slimmer a woman’s waist is, the more often she and her man have sex and the better his erectile function is
THIN WOMEN are more attractive than those of normal weight
f
what boobs do men like
men like medium-sized breasts more than small breasts—and larger breasts do not make a woman any more attractive
a curvy .. waist-to-bust ratio is very appealing
0.75
do boobs or WHR matter more to attractiveness
WHR
what makes mens boddies attractive
Men’s bodies are most attractive when their waists are only slightly narrower than their hips, with a WHR of 0.9. Broad shoulders and muscles are also attractive; men with higher shoulder-to-hip ratios (around 1.2) and bigger muscles have sex with more women and at earlier ages
A man is not all that attractive to women if he is handsome but poor.
t a man’s WHR affects women’s evaluations of him only when he earns a healthy salary
A guy who’s short—say, 5’ 4”—can get as many responses on a dating website as a fellow who’s much taller—say, 6’ 1” how
$$$ the shorter man would have to earn $221,000 more each year to be as interesting to women
smell matters to whom more
A potential partner’s smell also matters more to women than to men
they prefer the smells of guys who have been eating a healthy diet full of fruits and vegetables to the smells of guys who’ve been consuming a lot of carbohydrates
when you don’t see the person the smell of an attractive person is the same as that of a less
f Symmetrical, attractive people evidently smell better than asymmetrical, less attractive people do, because strangers prefer the aromas of attractive people to the smells of those who are more plain
how do men respond to gay mens smell
heterosexual men don’t much like the smell of gay men, who have aromas that are more attractive to other gay guys than to straight men
Women are also more attractive to men when they have longer rather than shorter hair why
because they think that the women are less likely to be engaged or married and more willing to have sex on a first date
do women like hairy men
women prefer men with smoother, less hairy chests to those who are more hirsute
do women like bald men
and a man seems taller and more dominant with a shaved head than he does with a full head of hair
men use a more elaborate vocabulary—that is, bigger words—than they do in ordinary discourse- why
women like smart men
