Article on Rejection Flashcards
rejection induces a state of cognitive deconstruction akin to the psychological response to…
traumatic physical injury
Although people form and maintain romantic bonds for many reasons – pleasure, companionship, or social norms why are romantic ones unique from an evolutionary perspective
reproduction
love is literally intoxicating
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unhappily married individuals exhibit higher …3 than their happily married counterparts
blood pressure, higher levels of overall stress, and higher rates of depression
Divorce, which is perhaps the ultimate rejection in romantic relationships is associated with the same negative health consequences as unhappily married couples
f worse
people also possess psychological mechanisms uniquely dedicated to helping them maintain connections and avoid rejection. These social-regulatory mechanisms are located within …
the self
psychologists have identified a number of social-psychological and personality variables that function to regulate thinking, feeling, and behaving within close relationships, servicing the primary goals of achieving belonging and avoiding rejection: give 5 examples
self esteem
rejection sensitivity
the attachment system
perceived regard and responsiveness
T: which reflects one’s chronic feelings of being valued by relationship partners
relational security
Feelings of relational security develop how
from experiences within close relationships with parents, friends, and romantic partners during key developmental periods, such as childhood and adolescence
how do those who are relationally secure think of rejection
he thinks rejection is unlikely and if it does happen, he knows he can handle it emotionally and socially.
what breeds relational insecurity
if close others are rejecting, hostile, unavailable, self-involved, and generally unable to meet one’s needs during childhood and adolescence
how do those who are relationally insecure think of rejection
anxiously anticipates rejection, and is relatively untrusting of her romantic partners
relational security is quite stable over time and is treated like a personality trait by psychologists
relational security is also highly context dependent
the contrasting feelings and beliefs that characterize relational security and insecurity play an important role in shaping people’s … experiences during romantic-relationship initiation and within ongoing romantic relationships
rejection
when insecure partners weigh the perceived rewards of … with a potential or current romantic partner against the perceived costs of …, the costs often outweigh the rewards
pursuing increased connection
rejection
whereas the threat of rejection causes secure individuals to …during relationship initiation (a perceptual bias that ensures that secure would-be lovers will work hard to achieve the connection they prize), the same threat of rejection causes insecure individuals to self-protectively …
optimistically over-detect acceptance
under-detect acceptance
when will insecure suitors risk relationship initiation
when acceptance is virtually guaranteed, and rejection is highly unlikely
why do secure men may experience more success during relationship initiation than insecure men
Because direct initiation tactics tend to be more successful than indirect tactics, like passive proximity-seeking,
Secure individuals respond to the threat of rejection with …
heightened warmth and friendly interpersonal behaviors.
insecure individuals respond to the threat of rejection by …
inhibiting their interpersonal warmth as a self-protective strategy
But there also exist cognitive mechanisms to explain the perpetuation of relational security, including …2
low standards and lack of selectivity
It is possible that insecure individuals’ … is partially responsible for their lack of selectivity, because rejection by potential romantic partners causes relational insecurity, which in turn lowers people’s mating aspirations
history of rejection
Rejection leads to relational insecurity prompting low mating standards, which in turn leads to …
unselectivity and actual rejection.
potential suitors experience … during relationship initiation, and thus assume that fears of rejection influence their own behavior but not their partner’s behavior
pluralistic ignorance
only insecure relational people experience pluralistic ignorance
Although everyone exhibits this type of pluralistic ignorance during relationship initiation, we suspect that insecure individuals are more prone to this bias than secure individuals.
when experimenters informed single male participants that their attractive, single, female interaction partner (actually a confederate) was feeling anxious and nervous about an upcoming face-to-face meeting with the male participant – information that would serve to reduce the men’s pluralistic ignorance concerning the cause of the woman’s subsequent behavior- how did this change insecure vs secure mens responses
insecure men dramatically increased their warm and friendly behaviors during the face-to-face meeting. In contrast, secure men’s behavior was unaffected by the disclosure.
the difference in relational security reflects social abilities
f it is essential to understand that none of the differences between secure and insecure individuals that we described above reflect individual differences in social abilities
When the threat of rejection is reduced or eliminated during relationship initiation (e.g., in a one-time social interaction), what happens to perceived acceptance
insecure and secure individuals perceive the same level of acceptance from potential romantic partners, use similar levels of warmth , and are equally direct in their initiation tactics (insecure individuals are perfectly capable of detecting acceptance and behaving warmly and directly with potential romantic partners, but their fears of rejection motivate them to cautiously suppress these abilitie)
secure and insecure individuals are just as likely to successfully form romantic relationships so what’s the difference
we suspect that the road to relationship formation is more fraught with failed attempts, anxiety, and self-doubts for insecure than secure individuals and more breakups
One promising intervention that has been identified is called …, whereby participants write about an important personal value they hold (e.g., family) as a means of buffering the self against threats like rejection
self-affirmation
insecure participants who completed a one-time self-affirmation task in the lab experienced increases in their relational security and behaved more warmly during a social interaction with a stranger up to eight weeks later
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Relationally insecure partners are equally likely to find happiness in their romantic bonds
f less
insecure relational people often bring about rejection nd Such outcomes are especially likely to occur when people use self-protective strategies …when
in the absence of a real threat of rejection
proving support improves the support givers relational security- how
the added closeness would serve to reinforce the support- giver’s relational security.
such perceived rejection can cause insecure partners to become hostile and aggressive towards their romantic partner- why
because rejection causes people to ascribe hostile intentions to their loved one’s ambiguous behavior
Sometimes, negative behaviors that communicate rejection to one’s spouse can have a positive influence on relationship processes when and why
Ruby’s anger and criticism may sometimes motivate Ethan to “shape up” and pick up after himself more often
A victim’s rejection and a lack of forgiveness towards a chronic perpetrator can also decrease the prevalence of psychological and physical aggression within romantic relationships over time
Hostility within marriage undermines marital quality over time, particularly …hostility and anger
wives’
One intervention targets relationally-insecure partners’ biased perception of their partner’s love.- why do they overlook their partners regard
One reason that insecure partners seem to overlook their partner’s regard is because they fail to generalize from specific instances of positive regard to a more global perception of their partner’s love and affection
Because insecure partners often experience and express emotional vulnerabilities within their romantic relationships, insecure partners come to believe that their romantic partners view them as …2
insecure and needy
insecure Ruby may conclude that Ethan’s behaviors are not truly motivated by positive regard and love, but instead are motivated by his perception that she is …
delicate and in need of careful handling, he is just being nice
insecure partners are subtly guided to reframe a specific compliment from their partner as reflecting their partner’s global admiration, then what happens to insecure partners over time
experience increases in relational security that are maintained over time
Being loved by a romantic partner who has … about one’s qualities, and thus perceives one’s qualities in an idealized way, increases one’s relational security over time
and also buffers couples against normative declines in satisfaction over time
positive illusions
One way that these transformations may occur is via the process of …, whereby one partner will subtly regulate the emotions and behavior of the insecure partner in the relationship
partner buffering
Why would this buffering be necessary?
Relationally insecure partners become overwhelmed by their fears and anxieties when the threat of rejection is present within their romantic bonds
those with low relational security they do not have the regulatory energy to engage in …, whereby partners replace their self-interested motives with relationship- and partner-benefitting motives, and suppress hostile reactions to their partner’s (real or perceived) bad behavior.
accommodation
Ruby’s hostile reaction to Ethan’s bad mood at the end of a long work day reflects a failure to …
accommodate.
insecure partners may also compensate their partners for the costs of their over-reactions to rejection what are some of these behaviours
cleaning up after one’s partner, packing their lunch, and running errands on their behalf the next day
T: insecure partners may also compensate their partners for the costs of their over-reactions to rejection
dependence-promoting behaviors
dependence-promoting behaviors benefit the partner at the individual’s own expense and also serve to make the individual more …
indispensable to the partner.
All partners, regardless of the level of relational insecurity, engage in dependence-promoting behaviors on days following …
acute rejection concerns.
However, because insecure partners experience rejection concerns more often than secure partners, it is likely that insecure partners are more likely to use dependence-promoting behaviors as a method of buffering their partner against the costs of their own rejection concerns
the consequences of rejection are worse for reationally insecure people
These consequences are especially worrisome for insecure individuals, whose history of rejection in their close relationships causes them to anxiously anticipate rejection and react strongly when rejection occurs.
trying too hard to avoid rejection usually results in …
missed opportunities for connection, and even rejection.
So if it cannot be avoided completely, how can people cope with romantic rejection when it does occur?
learning
the relationship between negative health and divorce is causal
f correlational
possible 3rd variable causing negative health outcomes of divorce ?
stigma
it is important to remember that the anticipated hurt of romantic rejection is less than the actual hurt experienced
f anticipated usually much greater than the actual hurt people experience following a break-up
Humans possess a remarkably powerful … that allows them to rebound from even the most traumatic experiences, yet people are remarkably unaware of its existence and function
psychological immune system
avoiding negative rumination following a romantic rejection and instead … can buffer people against some of the upset they might otherwise experience
seeking to find meaning in the experience
positives of experiencing rejection 2
Being rejected can make people more perceptive to social cues connoting acceptance
fuel creativity
rejected individuals are better able to detect whether a smile is genuine or faked compared to their non- rejected counterparts why
Being rejected can make people more perceptive to social cues connoting acceptance
why rejection fuel creativity
by fostering feelings of uniqueness from the rejecting person or group
the vast majority of people report that their divorce was a good thing
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