chapter 13 Flashcards
how many marriages end in divorce
In the United States, there are currently half as many divorces as marriages each year (Anderson, 2016a), so the chance that a recent marriage will ultimately end in separation or divorce still hovers around 50 percent
the average length of a marriage in the United States is just over … years
18
the median age at which men encounter their (first) divorce is…
31.8, and for women, it’s 29.4
- trend: only about … of the adult U.S. population is presently married
half (49 percent)
2 trend?
6 percent of American children—1 out of every 4 people under the age of 18—now live in single-parent homes
single parent home .. time higher than 1965
3
Even our grandparents divorce more often than they used to
t people over 50 are less likely to divorce than younger adults are, but their rate of divorce has doubled over the last 25 years
global dif in divorce
all increasing but highest in US
Why Has the Divorce Rate Increased?
- dif expectations with more demands (not practical necessity)
- cultural changes
- gender roles
- more individualism
- perception of divorce less negative and easier laws
- cohabitation
- parental divorce
- friends divorcing
people are more likely than ever before to pursue marriage as a path to …
personal fulfillment
no sooner had the ideal of the … and …taken hold than people began to demand the right to divorce
love match
lifelong intimacy
The percentage of U.S. spouses who report that their marriages are “very happy” is lower now than it was 25 years ago why
t expectations
what cultural changes influence divorce
women working earning more money
the more hours a wife works during the week, the lower the quality of her marriage tends to be why
Car repairs, child care, and the scheduling and cooking of meals (to name just a few examples) are more problematic when both spouses are employed, and the amount of time spouses spend together tends to decline
Both spouses are also affected by their problems at work, so that decreases in job satisfaction are associated with increases in marital discord
increases CLalt
The more money she makes, the more likely it is that she will someday be divorced does being poor help than
couples with money troubles are less content with their marriages than are those who are better off and more likely to divorce
so what is the relationship between $ and divorce
Having money may make it easier to divorce, but being poor can cause stress that undermines a marriage, too.
why women making money= divorce?
increased conflict at home, made alluring, new romantic partners more available, and decreased wives’ economic dependence on their husbands
how are gender roles influencing divorce
Women are gradually becoming more assertive and self-reliant and dividing chores
effects of gender roles changes toward equality
less traditional gender roles and increases in the equality of family decision-making have been associated with higher marital quality for both husbands and wives
husbands are less happy now that they’re doing more housework, but their wives are much more content
how does increase individualism contribute to divorce
receive less social support and companionship from friends and acquaintances than our grandparents did (Talhelm & Oishi, 2014), and we rely on our spouses for more
receive less social support and companionship from friends and acquaintances than our grandparents did (Talhelm & Oishi, 2014), and we rely on our spouses for more 2 ways effects divorce
we ask more of our spouses than ever before
people who are less connected to their communities are less affected by community norms that might discourage them from divorcing.
people who move often from place to place really are more willing to cut ties with their friends and lovers (Gillath & Keefer, 2016) and are more prone to divorce why
don’t put down roots
… laws helped make the divorce procedure more socially acceptable
No-fault
favorable attitudes toward divorce influence divorce indirectly how
appear to reduce the quality of our marriages as time goes by
Casual cohabitation seems to lead to …3 that lead to more divorce
(a) less respect for the institution of marriage, (b) less favorable expectations about the outcomes of marriage, and (c) increased willingness to divorce
why parent divorce lead to child divorce 2
compared to children from intact homes, they have less faith that their marriages will last and relationship scripts
how much impact of friend divorce
Compared to the average participant in the study, those who had a friend or family member (that is, a parent, child, or sibling) who divorced were 75 percent more likely
If a friend of a friend or relative divorced, people were 33 percent more likely to divorce (last line of influence)
So, why has the divorce rate increased? 6
We expect more out of marriage, holding it to higher standards.
Working women have more financial freedom and better access to attractive alternatives, and they experience corrosive conflict between work and family.
Page 394Creeping individualism and social mobility leave us less tied to, and less affected by, community norms that might discourage divorce.
New laws have made divorce more socially acceptable and easier to obtain.
Casual cohabitation weakens commitment to marriage.
Children of divorce are more likely to divorce when they become adults.
More of us have friends who are divorced.
three elements that influence the breakup of relationships in Levinger’s Barrier Model
- attraction (rewards, costs)
- alternatives
- barriers (psychological and material)
2 barriers that predict divorce
dependence on one’s spouse and religious beliefs
2 barriers that predict divorce
dependence on one’s spouse and religious beliefs
those 2 barriers stop anyone from divorce
f And if people had grown genuinely dissatisfied with their marriages, even those two barriers seemed insignificant
Karney and Bradbury’s Vulnerability-Stress-Adaptation Model highlights another three influences that can contribute to divorce
- enduring vulnerabilities
- adaptive processes
- stressful events
what are these adaptive processes
with which people respond to stress (e.g., Maisel & Karney, 2012). If a couple gets lucky and encounters only infrequent and mild difficulties, even those with poor coping and communication skills may live happily ever after.
some stress in marriage is inevitable
t in daily stressors or common ones like parenting or ones we experience individually
Our inborn traits and past experiences equip all of us with strengths and weaknesses as relationship partners, and some of the weaknesses are … that undermine our abilities to cope effectively with stress and change
“vulnerabilities”
in which we bring surly moods home and interact irascibly with our innocent partners :T
stress spillover
when it comes to stress, what doesn’t kill us may make us stronger.
t come out more resilient better skills
the quality of our marriages emerges from the interplay of …3 and, to some degree, these three important influences affect each other.
who we are, the circumstances we encounter, and the manner in which we respond to those circumstances,
Processes of Adaptation in Intimate Relationships (or PAIR) Project. how happy were people after 13 years
after only 13 years, 35 percent of the couples had divorced and another 20 percent weren’t happy; only 45 percent of the couples could be said to be happily married
why people less happy over marriage
- enduring dynamics model
- emergent distress model
- disillusionment model
T: One possibility is that spouses who are destined to be discontent begin their marriages being less in love and more at odds with each other than are those whose marriages ultimately succeed
enduring dynamics model(weaker from start)
T: problematic behavior that ultimately destroys a couple begins after they marry. As time goes by, some couples fall into a rut of increasing conflict and negativity that did not exist when the marriage began
emergent distress model (no predisposing factors)
T: couples typically begin their marriages with rosy, romanticized views of their relationship that are unrealistically positive. Then, as time goes by and the spouses stop working as hard to be adorable and charming to each other
disillusionment model
which models at work in pair project
enduring
disillusionment
enduring model in PAIR: Couples who were destined to be distressed were less what from the start
generous and less tender and more uncertain and more temperamental from the very start.
the best predictor of which couples would actually divorce was the …
disillusionment model.
what would the emergent distress and disil model expect to cause divorce
did not necessarily grow cantankerous or spiteful as the emergent distress model would expect; instead, they simply experienced the greatest change in their romantic feelings for each other.
many of the couples who were destined to divorce were more affectionate than most when their marriages began, and it took some time for their disappointment to develop: early vs late divorce how does this predict early behaviour
marriages were short-lived—who were divorced within 6 (or fewer) years—usually began their marriages with less love and more ambivalence
couples who ultimately divorced after longer periods—after 7 or more years of marriage—were especially affectionate and romantic when their marriages began
couples who were very in love at first ended u less sentimental toward each other than other couples
n no less
, but they experienced the biggest changes—that is, the steepest declines—in romantic behavior, and those changes predicted a delayed divorce
2 conclusions from pair project
the size and speed of changes in romance best predict which couples will divorce, and second, the problems couples bring to their marriage determine how quickly a divorce will occur.
both the … of satisfaction a couple experiences and the … in that satisfaction over time are key players in relational outcomes
level
change
Results from the Early Years of Marriage Project main finding
black couples more prone to divorce
Why were black couples more prone to divorce?
black couples had cohabitated for a longer period and were more likely to have had children before getting married. They also had lower incomes and were more likely to come from broken homes, and all of these influences are positively correlated with one’s risk of divorce
the … in which couples conduct their relationships may have substantial effects on the outcomes they encounter
social context
three general types of influences on our marital outcomes
cultural context (laws, discrimination)
personal context
relational context
e.g. of personal context
women working outside home
intimate environment couples create through their own perceptions of, and interactions with, each other. :T
relational context
people acknowledge all 3 when they generate explanations for their marital problems
f only 1 mostly of relational context (don’t mention broader culture)
why did women and men say they divorces
men: not sure, poor coms
women, cheating, substance use, abuse
The higher a couple’s … had been, the less often abuse was mentioned as a cause of divorce and the more often personality clashes were mentioned.
income
The … the respondents had, the more often they complained of incompatibility with their ex-spouses.
more education
people who … were more likely to report that they had grown apart or that alcohol and drug use had been a problem.
married at younger ages
how have predictors of divorce been changing over the years
stayed same
predictors of divorce?
SES, race, sex ratio, social mobility, no fault legislation, working women, age at marriage, prior marriage, parental divorce, religion, teenage sex, premarital cohabitation, premarital ambivalence, premarital birth, children, step children, similarity, personality attributes, attachment styles, genetics, stress hormones, stressful life events, time together, alc and drug use, infidelity, attitudes toward marriage, marital interactions, sexual satisfaction, marital satisfaction
Parents who divorce increase the chances that their children will divorce and this is increasing over time
f However, as divorce becomes commonplace, this effect is declining
children increase risk of divorce
f Spouses who have no children are more likely to divorce(most risk reduction with young kids)
women and men with children from another marriage= more divorce
f only for women
attachment: People who are high in …are more likely to divorce
avoidance of intimacy
The occurrence of stressful life events (other than …) increases the likelihood of divorce
parenthood
Cheating by one’s spouse makes divorce more likely, but one’s own infidelity does not
t as long as one doesn’t get caught
… has larger effects on marital stability than do most other variables”
Marital satisfaction but people do not usually depart their partnerships just because they are dissatisfied. CLalt !
T: They describe standards that are expected of us and our relationships, and our partners may leave us if we consistently break them.
relationship rules
8 Relationship rules that were Broken that predicted divorce
autonomy, similarity, supportiveness, openness, fidelity, togetherness, equity, magic
Be romantic; don’t be ordinary which rule
magic
women were troubled by problems with …3 (from 8 above) more often than men, whereas men complained about … more often than women.
autonomy, openness, and equity
lost magic
do people usually use direct or indirect break up tactics
the effort to disengage was direct, or explicitly stated; however, in most cases, people used indirect strategies in which they tried to end the relationship without ever saying so.
2 key distinctions in breakups
direct indirect
self vs other oriented
T: being more selfish at the expense of the partner’s feelings
self oriented
other oriented means someone else caused breakup
f trying to protect the partner’s feelings
….strategy was to announce one’s dissatisfaction but to talk things over and to negotiate, rather than demand, an end to the partnership
one direct, other-oriented
, they sometimes simply announced that the relationship was over and ducked any further contact with their ex-partners. what strategy
direct but more selfish
A more…. ploy was to behave badly, increasing the partner’s costs so much that the partner decided to end the relationship.
indirect but rather selfish
claimed that they wanted to be “just friends,” what Strat
other oriented indirect
4 other breakup distinctions
the gradual versus sudden onset
an individual versus shared desire
the rapid versus protracted nature of one’s exit.
the presence or absence of repair attempts
the gradual versus sudden onset which more common
75% of time gradual discontent
an individual versus shared desire which more common
Two-thirds of the time, only one partner wanted the relationship to end.
the rapid versus protracted nature of one’s exit. which more common
More often than not, people made several disguised efforts to end their relationships before they succeeded
the presence or absence of repair attempts which more common
Most of the time, no formal effort to repair the relationship was made.
T: single most common manner in which premarital relationships ended involved gradual dissatisfaction that led one of the two partners to make repeated efforts to dissolve the relationship without ever announcing that intention and without engaging in any attempts to improve or repair the partnership
persevering indirectness (1/3 of time)
individual dif in breakup style
attachment
how are people similar in how they break up
people generally agree about the typical elements, if not the specific strategies, of partners’ efforts to end their relationships and follow similar sequence
Thereafter, some online housekeeping known as … often follows where one People may change or hide their relationship status on profile pages, defriend their ex-partners or block their texts, and edit the photos on their walls.
relational cleansing
the …2 that is evident in the typical sequence of events in Table 13.3 characterizes divorces, too
ambivalence and vacillation
dif between ending mar and rel
takes longer
In one study of couples who stayed married for about a dozen years, the dissatisfied spouses typically spent the last … years of their marriages thinking about separating
5
suggested that five general stages occur during the dissolution of most relationships.
personal phase dyadic phase social phase grave dressing phase resurrection phase
what happens during grave dressing phase
Mourning decreases, and the partners begin to get over their loss by doing whatever cognitive work and relational cleansing are required to put their past partnership behind them narrative made
what happens during resurrection phase
the ex-partners re-enter social life as singles, often telling others that their experiences have changed them and that they’re smarter and wiser
couples who do not … have less positive feelings toward each other and are less likely to stay in touch than Page 408are those who do discuss their difficulties.
identify and discuss the sources of their dissatisfaction
When people are asked how much stress and change various events would cause in their lives, the …2 consistently show up at the top of the list
death of a spouse or a divorce
But when a couple breaks up, is that really the end of their relationship?
no `
T: when partners break up but then reconcile and get back together
churning
prevelance of churning
over a third (37 percent) of those who are currently cohabiting and almost a quarter (23 percent) of those who are presently married in the United States have cycled through an on/off/on again experience of breakup and renewal during their relationship
results of churning
chronically lower satisfaction even when a relationship continues but it does clearly indicate that the end of a relationship is sometimes temporary.
in most cases their commitment to each other gradually fades away entirely why
the task we face when a breakup occurs is ultimately to get on with our lives without our ex-partners hard to to this still connected
breakups are harder than we think
f less hard than we think
T: a story that explains your experience
narrative
are narratives true
f often dif for each partner
what narratives are best for our adjustment
ones focused on making meaning of event and that are complete
what does complete narrative mean?
the more coherence and detail we bring to the characters, feelings, sequence of events, and causes that constructed our relationships
4 stages of adjusting to breakup
- ex-lovers were angry and sad, and their feelings of courage and strength (that is, “relief”) were eroding.
- Two weeks later, their anger was reduced and their sadness was ebbing, but their relief was lower, too.
- another 2 weeks, they were no sadder than their peers and their relief had rebounded
- month into the process, they were noticeably less in love and their courage and strength were returning.
In advance of a breakup, the participants correctly predicted the rate with which their distress would fade with time and the harm it would cause
f not accurate for harm
reflection of breakup prolongs distress
f rumination prolongs our distress, whereas reflection—seeking meaning in our experiences and looking to learn from them—is associated with positive adjustment and recovery
But people with insecure styles of attachment who are anxious about abandonment are particularly likely to have …
trouble mentally letting go. and do better if move on right away
when does divorce have positive outcomes
Making a change is desirable when a marriage is desolate and unsalvageable.
4 patterns in graph of life satisfaction after divorce
large drop during
2 people who were destined to divorce were less happy years earlier; they even entered their marriages being less content, distress on divorce
3. after this life got better
4. years later, they still weren’t as happy as they had been before the decline and fall of their marriages
some people (9 percent) are much happier after a divorce than they had been before.
t
years later, … percent of divorcees are less happy than they had been before their marriages failed
19
Twenty years later, widows and widowers still …
hold imaginary conversations with their lost loves about once a month
This is not a loss that people easily put behind them.
Only …of those who get divorced after their mid-20s ever remarry, but those who do have usually taken the plunge for the second time within 4 years, on average
two-thirds (68 percent)
if they stay unmarried, divorced people are 55 percent more likely than their remarried peers to…sometime during the next 40 years
die
remarryiers are the only ones who say divorce was a good thing
f both
the stresses don’t end when the divorce is final
t
; divorce changes one’s social network and finances as well as one’s intimate life.
how do social networks change after divorce
reduced by half
people typically have smaller social networks for years following a divorce
not everyone is supportive .
why is divorce bad for the planet
more resources when alone
mens household incomes drop with divorce
t but if you count the number of mouths ex-spouses have to feed, men’s per capita income goes up 34 percent in the year after they divorce whereas mothers’ incomes drop 36 percent
standards of living decrease for men and women after divorce
woman’s standard of living decreases after she divorces, whereas a man’s improves
Emerging from these conflicting feelings appear to be four broad types of postmarital relationships
Fiery Foes, Angry Associates, Cooperative Colleagues, and Perfect Pals (dissolved duos over time)
how do Fiery Foes, Angry Associates differ
Despite their open disrespect for each other, Angry Associates have some capacity to work Page 415together in co-parenting their children, but Fiery Foes have very little; their bitterness keeps them at constant odds
prevalence of each of the 4
half the ex-spouses had amicable relationships (38% Cooperative Colleagues, 12% Perfect Pals) and half had distressed relationships (25% Angry Associates and 25% Fiery Foes)
impact of divorce on kids is how strong
whose parents divorce exhibit lower levels of well-being both as adolescents and as young adults. not strong but the global impact of a parental divorce, although modest, is routinely negative
problems of divorced parent kids
experience more depression and anxiety and less satisfaction with life. Their behavior is more problematic; they use more drugs, break more laws, make more unwanted babies, and get poorer grades.
Why are the children of divorce less well off?
inherited risk stresses (parental loss) parental stress economic hardship parental conflict
children are presumed to benefit from having two parents who are devoted to their care, and children who lose a parent for any reason, including divorce, are likely to be less well off what view of impact on kids
parental loss
T: model holds that the quality, not the quantity, of the parenting a child receives is key, and any stressor (including divorce) that distracts or debilitates one’s parents can have detrimental effects
parental stress
T: impoverished circumstances that sometimes follow divorce, not just the divorce per se, that adds to children’s burdens
economic hardship
All of these factors are influential, but the most potent influence of them all is parental conflict:T
parental conflict
conflict in the home is associated with more anxiety (Riggio, 2004), poorer health (Miller & Chen, 2010), and more problematic behavior
t even whether or not a divorce occurs,
babies stress increases with conflict
yes respond to angry voices
some children are worse off when the parents don’t divorce
t if they live amidst constant conflict,
Divorcing or remarrying parents may find it helpful to remember that their children will probably be just fine if …
they enjoy freedom from poverty and receive loving, reliable, consistent parenting that is free of parental conflict.
Why Has the Divorce Rate Increased?
High expectations for marriage, women working, changing gender roles, creeping individualism, no-fault divorce legislation, and premarital cohabitation may all have played a part. Children are also more likely to come from broken homes, and many of us have divorced friends.
T: When attraction and barriers are low but alternative attractions are high, divorce is likely.
Levinger’s Barrier Model.
T: Enduring personal vulnerabilities, stressful events, and the adaptive processes with which people cope with their difficulties combine to influence marital quality.
Karney and Bradbury’s Vulnerability-Stress-Adaptation Model.
Results from the PAIR Project. … predict how happy marriages will be, but … best predicts which couples will actually divorce.
Enduring dynamics
disillusionment
Results from the Early Years of Marriage Project.?
The social context in which couples conduct their relationships is important.
Divorced spouses identify ..3 as the three most common reasons why they sought a divorce.
infidelity, incompatibility, and drug use
A variety of …4 influences are related to an increased risk of divorce.
societal, demographic, relational, and personal
