3Idiots - 3 Flashcards
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O Lord, have mercy.
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Today was Results day. Time to make a deal with God.
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Just save my Electronics. I’ll offer a coconut.
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Sir Snake, bless my Physics. I promise a pint of milk per day.
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O Mother Cow, help me pass… have this grass.
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I vow: No X-rated thoughts of girls in my class…
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Watch over my results.
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God of Wealth, I’ll offer 100/- every month.
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100/- won’t bribe even a traffic cop,
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let alone the Almighty.
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Check from the bottom.
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You are… last.
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And you?
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Second last.
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Rancho?
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Not there.
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My heart sank.
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Not ‘cause our ranks tanked, but ‘cause our friend flunked.
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There’s a mistake. It’s not possible. It’s injustice.
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What’s Silencer howling about?
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He got the second rank.
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Who’s first?
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Rancho.
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Rancho?
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Move aside.
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We learned a lesson in Human Behavior:
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Your friend fails, you feel bad. Your friend tops, you feel worse.
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We were sad. Two others were sadder.
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Ranchoddas Chanchad. Front row. Right of the Director.
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Uday Sinha. Second row. Third seat.
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Alok Mittal. Second row. Fifth seat.
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Sahili Rao. Third row…
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Sir, why this seating according to rank?
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Any problem with that?
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Yes, this grading system is like a caste system.
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A-graders: Masters C-graders: Slaves
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- It’s not nice, sir. - You have a better idea?
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Yes. Results should not be displayed at all.
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Why publicise someone’s flaws?
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If your iron count is low, will the doctor prescribe tonic…
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or air your report on TV?
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You see, sir?
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So basically, what you are saying is…
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I should personally go to each student’s room
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and whisper in his ears…
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‘You have come first’, ‘You’re second”.
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‘Oh, I’m so sorry, you have failed’.
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No sir, I mean grades create a divide.
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I’ve topped, so I’m next to you.
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My pals came last, they’re in the back corner.
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At least they’re in the corner.
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More time with you, and they’ll be out of the photo.
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They will neither pass, nor get a job.
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They’ll get jobs, sir. There must be some firm that…
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prefers humans to machines.
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They’ll get jobs. I guarantee.
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You guarantee it!
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Bet, sir?
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NAME?
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Even if one of them gets a job in campus interviews…
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shave off my moustache.
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Sir!
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NAME?
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Happy, sir.
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Jackass! Honking to hide your tooting.
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Septic tank! Popping pills again?
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I didn’t do it… Raju?
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This is a familiar stink.
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He’s the sole cause for global warming.
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Toss me your wallet - I’ll buy pants.
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- Take Chatur’s suit instead. - Don’t touch my suit.
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Rancho’ll recognize you even in underwear.
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- Where’s this? - If I could read, would I sell peanuts?
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- He can’t read. - But he can speak.
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Wait. Do you know a Ranchoddas Chanchad?
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Yes, he lives there.
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? Free as the wind was he ?
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? Like a soaring kite was he ?
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? Where did he go… ?
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? let’s find him ?
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NAME?
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- In the pocket. - Hey, my pants!
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Karl Marx says to share all resources.
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Hey, you’ll give people ideas.
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I want it now!
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What happened?
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Rancho’s father.
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Excuse me, where is Ranchoddas?
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NAME?
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NAME?
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Sorry. We’re looking for Ranchoddas.
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I am Ranchoddas.
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No, I mean… ‘Ranchoddas Shamaldas Chanchad’.
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Ranchoddas Shamaldas Chanchad. That’s me.
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Ranchoddas, take care, son.
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‘Ranchoddas Chanchad’
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Raju
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I’ll be in the Guinness Book for driving Delhi-Shimla in underwear.
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That too, for the wrong guy!
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Same name, same degree, same photo, but a different guy.
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What’s going on?
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How did Silencer get Rancho’s address?
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Good point!
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Hey Chatur, come here.
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How dare you open this? I got this from San Francisco.
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Handmade biscuits.
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Specially for Mr. Phunsukh Wangdu.
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Phunsukh Bangdu? Who’s that?
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Not Bangdu. Wangdu. ‘W’. Phunsukh Wangdu.
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Do you know who that is? He’s a great scientist.
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400 patents. The world wants him.
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Took me a year to get an appointment.
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Once he signs the deal with my company, I’ll be huge!
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Forget Wangdu. How’d you get Rancho’s address?
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You should be thanking Phunsukh Wangdu.
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He led me to Rancho, see this.
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My secretary was here to fix an appointment with Wangdu.
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She didn’t get the appointment. But I found Rancho.
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I checked the Shimla directory and found Rancho’s name.
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What happened to his face?
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Plastic surgery in honor of your visit?
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Only one man has the answer.
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Sorry Papa, I couldn’t fulfill your last wish.
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You kept asking me to take you on pilgrimage.
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But I waited for the highway tender.
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There the tender opened, here you closed your eyes.
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I am so sorry, Papa. I could not be a good son…
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Wrong.
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You’re an engineer. Your degree’s on the wall!
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You were a very good son.
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How dare you barge in? I’ll have you arrested.
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No, you’ll be arrested. We’ve made enquiries.
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You use the degree to clinch contracts.
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It’s our friend’s degree. How did you get it?
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This is a 150 acre estate.
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If I shoot and bury you, no one would even notice.
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Get the point?
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Now get lost!
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I’m taking Papa’s ashes to the sacred river. Can take yours too.
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Grab Papa!
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Here, here.
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Let go of Papa!
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Tell the truth or Papa is flushed!
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- Hand over Papa! - Papa goes to the sacred sewer.
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NAME?
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I’ll count to three.
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Wanna shoot us? Raju, scatter the ashes.
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One.
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Take us down, and Papa’s down the drain.
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Two.
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Then grope for him in the gutter.
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What is it, Raju?
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We’ve got the wrong urn. It’s empty!
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Empty?
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Empty - we’ll empty it out!
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No, no!
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We’ll empty it out!
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No… hands up!
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Who are you?
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I am Rancho.
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I swear on Papa, it’s true.
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I am Rancho! That was Chhote.
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Chhote?
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He was our gardener’s son, Chhote.
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He stayed on with us after he was orphaned.
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Did odd jobs around the house, ran errands.
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He had a passion for learning.
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He’d wear my old uniform and slip into school.
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And attend any class he liked. It suited me.
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I made him do my homework, take my exams.
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It was going well, till one day…
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Our teacher saw a sixth grader doing tenth grade math.
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Which grade are you in, son?
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What’s your name?
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We got caught.
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Papa was a powerful man, so…
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our teacher alerted him before going to the Principal.
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You started it, you will finish it.
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People pretend to show me respect…
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But behind my back…
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mock me as an illiterate.
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I won’t let that happen to my son.
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This boy wants to study. I want just a degree.
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Let the game go on.
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Make this kid an engineer,
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and I’ll have a degree in my son’s name on that wall.
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I went to London for four years, he went to college as me.
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He’d promised to cut contact with all after getting the degree.
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But he always said: ‘Two idiots will come looking for me’
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He really misses you both.
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I’ll give you his address, go to him.
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But please keep my secret.
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What secret?
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You got the wrong urn, sir. Papa is in here.
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What the hell’s going on? Who was that gun guy?
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Complicated story. Without subtitles. Not for you.
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- Ignore it. - Where’re we going?
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Ladakh.
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Ladakh! Why?
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To meet Rancho.
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What’s he doing in Ladakh?
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No clue. We have the address of a school.
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School teacher!
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I’m Vice President of Rockledge Corporation, and he…
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A for Apple, B for Ball…
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D for Donkey.
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Next week I sign a huge deal with Phunsukh Wangdu.
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And he… A for Apple, B for Ball…
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Today my respect for that idiot shot up.
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Most of us went to college just for a degree.
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No degree meant no plum job, no pretty wife…
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no credit card, no social status.
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None of this mattered to him.
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He was in college for the joy of learning.
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He never cared if he was first or last.
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Who was the first man on the Moon?
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Neil Armstrong, sir.
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Obviously, it is Neil Armstrong. We all know it.
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Who was the second?
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Don’t waste your time. It’s not important.
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Nobody remembers the man who ever came second.
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Soon, 26 companies will be here with job offers.
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You’ll have a job even before your final exam.
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This is your last lap, my friends.
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Put the pedal to the metal. Step on the gas.
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Go out there and make history!
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Any questions?
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Yes?
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Sir, suppose a student gets a job…
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but narrowly fails the final exam, will he still have the job?
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Very good question.
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Anyone else with the same question?
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As expected.
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Please come on stage. Give them a big hand.
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For the last four years…
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they’ve been our most consistent students.
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Consistently last in every exam.
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Come my geniuses, come.
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Their brains will fetch a handsome price.
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‘Cause they’re completely unused.
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And to answer their question:
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The exam won’t affect their jobs.
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Because no company will hire them anyway!
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They’re so unique, their names will be writ in gold -
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‘Farhanitrate’ and ‘Prerajulization’
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Give them a big hand, please, everybody.
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He screwed us!
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In front of everyone.
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God, I’ll give up meat, light a 1000 incense sticks.
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Do me just one favor.
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Delete Virus!
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Burn him in hell.
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Fry Virus-nuggets in bubbling oil.
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You think God is a contract killer?
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You shut up!
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You’re in the center of the photo every year.
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We’re rotting in the corner.
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This year we may fall out of the photo altogether.
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NAME?
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Because I love machines.
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Engineering is my passion.
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Know your passion?
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- That’s my bag. - Be quiet.
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What’re you up to?
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This… is your passion.
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Go post this letter.
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What letter?
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5 years ago he wrote this for his favorite wildlife photographer
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NAME?
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He wanted to train with him in Hungary.
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But in fear of his dad, the Fuhrer, never posted it.
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Quit Engineering, marry Photography.
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Follow your talent.
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If Michael Jackson’s dad forced him to be a boxer…
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and Mohammad Ali’s dad pushed him to be a singer…
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imagine the disaster.
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Do you get it?
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Idiot! Loves Photography, but is marrying machines.
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Your Holiness Guru Ranchoddas!
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Engineering is my wife and mistress both.
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NAME?
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‘Cause you’re a coward, scared of the future.
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Look at this - more holy rings than fingers.
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One ring per fear - exam, sis’s dowry, job.
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With such fear of tomorrow, how’ll you live today?
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How’ll you focus on studies?
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Strange buddies! One lives in fear, the other in pretense.
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You live in both - fear and pretense.
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You’re scared to tell Pia you love her… so you pretend you don’t.
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What rubbish!
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Easy to offer free advice, tough to follow it.
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Have the guts? Go confess to Pia.
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- There’s no connection! - Deep connection, Your Holiness.
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Listen, if you confess to Pia…
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I’ll tell Dad - No Engineering, I’m marrying Photography
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And I’ll dump my rings before the job interview.
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Deal?
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Have the guts?
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His Holiness is speechless.
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Let’s go.
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NAME?
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Let’s go.
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Hey Virus! I’m anti-Virus.
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Hope no dog here.
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Cowards! Let’s go.
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If any danger, I’ll give the Virus alert.
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Beware - Virus inside.
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Need background score?
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- Pia. - Who’s it?
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Don’t yell! It’s me, Rancho.
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Just listen for a moment, then I’m gone.
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Say not a word…
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NAME?
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Those 22 minutes with you on the scooter
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were the most enchanting 22 minutes of my life.
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I could spend an eternity with you on the scooter.
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Wow!
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… and time stands still.
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Every night you ride into my dreams on your scooter, dressed as a bride.
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Instead of a veil, you lift your helmet…
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and come close to kiss me.
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But that kiss doesn’t happen.
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Why?
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Because the noses collide, and I wake up.
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The noses never collide, stupid!
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I’m sorry, I thought you were Pia.
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I wish I was.
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Sis, why did you interrupt?
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It took him four years to say this.
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Pia, kiss him. Show that noses don’t collide.
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You have my permission, kiss him… He’s so cute!
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- Who’s this? - My sister.
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Who’re you?
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When you were talking, he kicked. First time!
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He? How do you know it’s a ‘he’ or ‘she’?
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Papa asked the astrologer If we’d get an engineer or a doctor.
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Meaning?
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Boy becomes an engineer, girl a doctor.
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Champ, better stay inside. Out here’s a circus.
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Your grandpa is the ringmaster. He’ll crack his whip -
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‘Run! Life is a race. Be an engineer.
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But you follow your heart. If grandpa scares you…
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put your hand on your heart and say, ‘All is well’
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He kicked.
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Say it again.
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All is well.
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Kicked again.
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NAME?
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All is well.
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Who is it?
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Go.
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You sent hate-mail to Dad, here’s pee-mail for you.
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Enjoy the pee-mail, happy reading!
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NAME?
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And the wedding party.
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Rastogi!
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Security, that way.
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So you all have already learned about the simple pendulum.
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Now let’s get down to the advanced study about compound pendulum.
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It’s an irregular object oscillating about its own axis.
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Let me demonstrate to you
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- What’s this? - Pencil.
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- What’s inside? - Lead.
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Good. Lead is the axis to this pencil.
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Even you can be a compound pendulum, if you oscillate about…
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NAME?
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Hi. Everybody is here.
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Good morning, sir.
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Where were you last night?
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NAME?
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Really?
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Hasn’t slept two nights, that’s why he looks scruffy.
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Not slept?
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What did you study?
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Induction motor, sir. The whole chapter.
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Whole chapter?
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In that case, Mr. Raju Rastogi…
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Yessir!
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Can you tell us how an induction motor starts?
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Stop it!
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Sir, rum.
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Mr. Rastogi!
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Let’s have a cup of tea in my office.
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Sir?
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Close the door.
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Can you type?
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Yes, sir.
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Will you type a letter for me?
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Definitely, sir.
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Come, sit.
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Sir, I’m sorry sir…
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Please type.
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Dear Sir…
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It is my painful duty to inform you…
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that your son is rusticated…
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No, sorry, delete that. Go back.
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Your son, Mr. Raju Rastogi…
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is rusticated from the Imperial College of Engineering.
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Come on, type.
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It’ll kill my dad, sir.
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NAME?
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My decision is final and irrevocable.
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He lives just to see me become an engineer.
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Should’ve thought of that before peeing on my door.
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Sir, give me one chance… please.
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Ok, remove your name from the letter…
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and put in Rancho’s.
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I know he was with you last night.
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Be my witness and I’ll spare you.
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You have 71/2 minutes to think.
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? We won’t let go of you ?
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? We’re not done yet… no way ?
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? The heavens may beckon you ?
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? But we’ll take up arms against God ?
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? And it’s not a fight we intend to lose ?
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? You may try your best to escape ?
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? Try with all your might ?
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? But there is no way we are letting go of you ?
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? We won’t let go of you ?
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? We’re not done yet… no way ?
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Rancho, watch that monitor.
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Raju.
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His body is paralyzed with shock, but his mind is alert.
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He can see and hear us. Please don’t cry in front of him.
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Speak to him normally, motivate him, joke around.
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Good news, Raju. Your dad’s recovered.
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The new medicine worked.
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Is this your family tradition?
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As one male gets up, the other conks out?
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Come, wake up.
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Your dad wants Pia’s scooter.
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Should I give it to him? Hope he won’t dent it.
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Raju, Farhan is live on webcam. From the hostel.
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Look, Virus has canceled your suspension order.
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Problem solved… Wake up now.
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Everything’s resolved! You hear that?
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Rise and shine, buddy.
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? In this journey of few strides ?
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? On the path called life ?
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? Don’t quit… Just celebrate the ride ?
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? Listen please to those who love you ?
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? Every dark night is followed by sunrise ?
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? Don’t shut out those who love you ?
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? We won’t let go of you ?
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? We’re not done yet… no way ?
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? We won’t let go of you ?
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? We’re not done yet… no way ?
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NAME?
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It cost 2000/-
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Wake up now.
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She bought not one, but ten sarees.
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Look!
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Hey Raju!
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C’mon tell me… How do I look?
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? Remember the letters mom would write… ?
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? Always blessed you with eternal life ?
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? Don’t die on her… you can’t die ?
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? Look at us now, don’t turn away ?
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? Smile once to show you care ?
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? Wake up, don’t torment us anymore ?
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Did you hear about your sis?
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She’s getting married.
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Without any dowry.
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The bridegroom wants nothing at all.
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He just wants Kammo.
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NAME?
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Guess!
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NAME?
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NAME?
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He’s going to be a wildlife photographer.
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Quiet… Shhhh…
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Didn’t get it? It’s our Farhan.
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Farhan will never take any dowry.
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Farhan will marry your sister.
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For free! Free! Free!
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Raju!
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One kilo okra, 500 grams cheese for ‘free’ would’ve woken him.
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Why sacrifice me…!
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Well done, buddy.
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So it’s all fixed - Farhan will marry your sister.
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Rancho!
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Rascals… Stop fibbing.
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Lucky escape!
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? We won’t let go of you. ?
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? We’re not done yet… no way ?
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? We won’t let go of you ?
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? We’re not done yet… no way ?
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? We won’t let go of you ?
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‘Okra Rs.12/ kilo’
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You called for a taxi?
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- I did. - It’s waiting.
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Thank you. Why?
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I’m going to the job interview.
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You coming with me?
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No. I’m going for the interview. You’re going home.
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Why would I go home?
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Remember, we promised this rascal.
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Give me your tie.
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Why?
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I doubt you’ll go for the interview after reading this.
