3Idiots - 1 Flashcards
नमस्ते
Hello?
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Yes?
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What?
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Sir, kindly switch off your mobile phone.
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Just one sec, please.
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Excuse me.
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Excuse me…
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Sir, please sit down.
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Captain, there’s a medical emergency.
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A passenger has just fallen down in the aisle.
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Delhi, Air lndia 101 returning due to medical emergency.
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Excuse me, sir.
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Hold on!
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l’m fine now, thanks. Carry on, please.
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Wait.
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- Get the car! - Mr. Dhillon?
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Want the name tattooed? Get the car.
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To the hotel, sir?
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Yes, yes, but via Vasant Vihar.
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Step on the gas, dude!
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Yeah, Farhan?
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Get ready. l’ll pick you up in five minutes.
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What happened?
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Chatur called. Remember him?
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The ‘Silencer’?
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Yeah.
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He said Rancho is coming.
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What?
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He said - Come to the campus at 8. On the tank.
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Oh shucks!
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Hurry!
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Ok.
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Honey, l’ll be back soon. Oh, shoes.
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We found our buddy.
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What?
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Tell me later - bye.
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You forgot your pants.
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Now to the hotel sir?
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Yes, but via Imperial College of Engineering.
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Ok sir.
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Forgot my socks.
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More than just your socks…
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your pants.
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Oh no.
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Now get my brother from the airport
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Same last name - Dhillon
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This is Dhillon. Where’s my cab? On the runway?
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Hey Rancho
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Hey Chatur, where’s Rancho?
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Rancho
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Where’s Rancho?
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Welcome, idiots
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Some ‘madeira’ for you?
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The same rum you guzzled those days.
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Have a drink.
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Where is Rancho?
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Patience. First look at this
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Don’t eye my wife. Check out the mansion behind, idiots
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$ 3.5 million
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Swimming pool - heated!
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Living room - maple wood flooring
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My new Lamborghini 6496 cc -
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very fast.
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Why’re you showing us all this?
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Forgot?
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What’s this?
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‘5th September’. Today’s date
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l challenge you
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We’ll meet again after ten years
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Same day. Same place
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We’ll see who’s more successful
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Have the balls? C’mon, bet!
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Remember? l’d challenged that idiot right here
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l kept my promise. l’m back
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Jackass! l aborted a flight, he forgot his pants
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all to meet Rancho
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5 years we’ve searched. Don’t know if he’s alive
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and you think he’ll show up for your silly bet
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l know he won’t show up
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You gonna break his jaw or should l
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So why’d you call us here?
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To meet Rancho.
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Come and see where l’ve reached and where he rots
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So you know where Rancho is?
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Yes.
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Where?
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He is in Shimla.
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Free as the wind was he
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Like a soaring kite was he
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Where did he go… let’s find him
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Free as the wind was he
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Like a soaring kite was he
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Where did he go… let’s find him
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We were led by the path we took
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While he carved a path of his own
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Stumbling, rising, carefree walked he
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We fretted about the morrow
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He simply reveled in today
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Living each moment to the fullest
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Where did he come from…
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He who touched our hearts and vanished…
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Where did he go… let’s find him
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ln scorching Sun, he was like a patch of shade…
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ln an endless desert, like an oasis…
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On a bruised heart, like soothing balm was he
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Afraid, we stayed confined in the well
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Fearless, he frolicked in the river
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Never hesitating to swim against the tide
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He wandered lonesome as a cloud
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… Yet he was our dearest friend
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Where did he go… let’s find him
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Rancho
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Ranchoddas Shamaldas Chanchad
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He was as unique as his name
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From birth we were taught - Life is a race
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Run fast or you’ll be trampled
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Even to be born, one had to race 300 million sperms
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- l was born at 5.15 pm
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At 5.16, my father announced
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My son will be an engineer. - Farhan Qureshi. B.Tech. Engineer
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And my fate was sealed
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What l wanted to be… no one asked
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Raju Rastogi… Ranchoddas Chanchad
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Room number?
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D-26
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C’mon
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l’m Man Mohan. MM
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These engineers call me Millimeter
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For eggs, bread, milk, laundry
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finishing journals, copying assignments
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l’m your guy. Fixed rates. No bargaining
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Hey wait, hold this
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Meet Kilobyte, Megabyte and their mother Gigabyte
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Go ahead, click - this family doesn’t bite.
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Check him out… another God-fearing soul.
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- Hi. Farhan Qureshi. - l’m Raju Rastogi.
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Don’t worry.
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a few days here and he’ll lose faith in God.
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Then naked babes will be on the wall, and he’ll say -
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Oh God, give me one chance with her
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Get out of here.
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Four bucks. Two per bag.
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Here’s five. Keep the change.
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Thanks boss. For your tip, here’s one in return -
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Wear your best underwear tonight.
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Why?
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Your Majesty, thou art great
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Accept this humble offering
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Ha… here’s a He-Man
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What a pretty piece. Cute and compact
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A campus tradition - On Day 1…
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Freshmen must pay their respects to Seniors
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in their underwear.
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This is when we first saw Rancho
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Spiderman
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Batman
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Fresh meat
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Greetings. Drop your pants, get stamped
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Name?
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‘Ranchoddas Shamaldas Chanchad’
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What a mouthful! Needs serious cramming
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Come on - pants off
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Being stubborn?
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Wet pants not good, kiddo. Take them off
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- Aall izz well. - What’s that?
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Aall izz well.
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What did he say?
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Someone tell him. Hey James Bond.
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Make him understand.
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Take off your pants or they are going to piss on you.
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Hey 007! Ashamed to speak Hindi?
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Sorry sir, l was born in Uganda, studied in Pondicherry
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so little slow in Hindi
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So explain slowly. No hurry
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Feeling cold?
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Pray undress
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or he’ll do ‘urine-expulsion’ on you
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Calls pissing ‘urine-expulsion’!
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A true linguist in the land of engineers!
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Hey, come out of there
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Come out or…
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or l’ll do ‘urine-expulsion’ on your door
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lf you aren’t out by the count of ten
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l’ll do ‘urine-expulsion’ on your door all semester
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One
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Two
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Three
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Four
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Five
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Six
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Seven
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Eight
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Nine
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Ten
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Salt water is a great conductor of electricity. 8th Grade Physics
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We had studied it. He applied it
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Dr. Viru Sahastrabuddhe was the Director of lCE
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Students called him Virus, computer Virus
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Virus on the way, with eggs
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Freshmen are summoned. Come quickly
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Virus was the most competitive man we had ever seen
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He couldn’t bear anyone getting ahead of him
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To save time, his shirts had Velcro
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and his ties had hooks
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He’d trained his mind to write with both hands simultaneously
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Everyday at 2 pm he took a 71/2 minute power nap
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with an opera as lullaby
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Govind, his valet, had instructions
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to carry out all unproductive tasks such as shaving, nail-cutting etc
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What is this? - Sir, nest
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Whose? - A koel bird’s nest, sir
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Wrong
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A koel bird never makes her own nest
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She lays her eggs in other nests
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And when they hatch, what do they do?
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They push the other eggs out of the nest
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Competition over
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Their life begins with murder. That’s nature
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Compete or die
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You also are like the koel birds
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And these are the eggs you smashed to get into lCE
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Don’t forget, lCE gets 400,000 applications a year
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and only 200 are selected - You!
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And these? Finished. Broken eggs
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My son… he tried for three years
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Rejected. Every time
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Remember, life is a race
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If you don’t run fast, you’ll get trampled
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Let me tell you a very interesting story
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This is an astronaut pen
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Fountain pens and ballpoint pens don’t work in outer space
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So scientists spent millions to invent this pen
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It can write at any angle, in any temperature, in zero gravity
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One day, when I was a student
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the Director of our institute called me
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He said, ‘Viru Sahastrabuddhe.’ I said, ‘Yes sir’
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‘Come here!’ I got scared
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He showed me this pen
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He said, ‘This is a symbol of excellence’
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‘I give it to you’
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‘When you come across an extraordinary student like yourself
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…pass it onto him’
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For 32 years, I’ve been waiting for that student
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But no luck
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Anyone here, who’ll strive to win this pen?
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Good. Put your hands down
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Shall I post it on the notice board? Hands down
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One question, sir
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Sir, if pens didn’t work in outer space
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why didn’t the astronauts use a pencil?
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They’d have saved millions
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I will get back to you on this
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He zaps a Senior’s privates at night
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fingers the Director in the day. Best avoid him
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You deflated Virus’s erection
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Your Majesty, thou art great. Accept this humble offering
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Buzz off. You don’t have school?
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Who’ll pay for it? Your pop?
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Keep off my dad! - Relax
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For school you don’t need tuition money, just a uniform
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Pick a school, buy the uniform, slip into class
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In that sea of kids, no one will notice
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If I get caught? - Then new uniform, new school
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See that? - He was different…
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He challenged conventions at every stage
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A free-spirited bird had landed in Virus’s nest
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We were robots, blindly following our professors’ commands
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He was the only one who was not a machine
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What is a machine?
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Why’re you smiling?
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Sir, to study Engineering was a childhood dream
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I’m so happy to be here finally
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No need to be so happy. Define a machine
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A machine is anything that reduces human effort
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Will you please elaborate?
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Anything that simplifies work, or saves time, is a machine
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It’s a warm day, press a button, get a blast of air
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The fan… A machine!
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Speak to a friend miles away. The telephone… A machine!
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Compute millions in seconds. The calculator… A machine!
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We’re surrounded by machines
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From a pen’s nib to a pants’ zip - all machines
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Up and down in a second. Up, down, up, down…
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What is the definition?
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I just gave it to you, sir
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You’ll write this in the exam? This is a machine - up, down…
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Idiot! Anybody else?
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Yes?
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Sir, machines are any combination of bodies so connected
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that their relative motions are constrained
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and by which means, force and motion may be transmitted
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and modified as a screw and its nut, or a lever arranged
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to turn about a fulcrum or a pulley about its pivot, etc
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especially, a construction, more or less complex
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consisting of a combination of moving parts, or
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simple mechanical elements, as wheels, levers, cams etc
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Wonderful
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Perfect. Please sit down
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Thank you
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But sir, I said the same thing, in simple language
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If you prefer simple language, join an Arts and Commerce college
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But sir, one must get the meaning too
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What’s the point of blindly cramming a bookish definition
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You think you’re smarter than the book?
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Write the textbook definition, mister, if you want to pass
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But there are other books… - Get out!
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Why?
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In simple language - Out!
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Idiot!
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So, we were discussing the machine…
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Why’re you back?
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I forgot something
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What?
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Instruments that record, analyze, summarize, organize
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debate and explain information; that are illustrated, non-illustrated
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hard-bound, paperback, jacketed, non jacketed
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with foreword, introduction, table-of-contents, index
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that are intended for the enlightenment, understanding
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enrichment, enhancement and education of the human brain
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through the sensory route of vision, sometimes touch
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What do you mean?
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Books, sir
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I forgot my books. May I?
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Couldn’t you ask simply?
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I tried earlier, sir. It simply didn’t work
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Professors kept Rancho mostly out… seldom in
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When thrown out of one class, he’d slip into another
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He said - First year or fourth year, it’s knowledge. Just grab it
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He was unlike any of us
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We fought for a shower every morning
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He’d bathe wherever he found water
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Morning, sir
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Machines were his passion
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When he spotted them, he opened them
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Some he could re-assemble…
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some he couldn’t
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There was another, just like him
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Joy Lobo
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Sir. Excuse me, sir
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Mr. Joy Lobo!
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Sir, if I could know the convocation dates…
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Why?
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Dad wants to make train reservations
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I’m the first engineer from my village. Everyone wants to attend
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In that case, call your dad
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Please hurry up. Don’t waste my time
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Hello
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Dad, the Director wants to speak to you
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Joy!
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Mr. Lobo, your son won’t graduate this year
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What happened, sir?
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He has violated all deadlines
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Mr. Lobo, it’s an unrealistic project
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He is making some nonsense helicopter
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I suggest you don’t book your tickets. I’m so sorry
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Sir, I am this close, sir - Is your project ready?
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Is your project ready? - Sir, see it once, please
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Submit it, and we’ll consider
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Sir, a small extension… - Why, why should I?
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After dad’s stroke, I couldn’t focus for two months
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Did you stop eating?
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No
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Stopped bathing?
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So why stop studying?
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Sir, I’m very close. See it once, please…
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Mr. Lobo!
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Sunday afternoon, my son fell off a train and died
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Monday morning, I taught a class. So don’t give me that nonsense
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I can give you sympathy, not an extension
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Sir… I’m very close…
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? Lifelong I lived ?
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? The life of another ?
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? For just one moment ?
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? Let me live as I… ?
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? Lifelong I lived ?
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? The life of another ?
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? For just one moment ?
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? Let me live as I… ?
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? Give me some sunshine Give me some rain ?
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? Give me another chance I wanna grow up once again ?
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? Give me some sunshine Give me some rain ?
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? Give me another chance I wanna grow up once again ?
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Dude’s come up with an amazing design
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A wireless camera atop a helicopter
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Can be used for traffic updates, security… Wow!
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But Virus said it’s an impractical design, it won’t fly
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It will fly! We’ll make it fly
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Don’t tell Joy. It’ll be a surprise
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We’ll fly it up to his window and capture his reaction
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If we work on his project, who’ll work on ours?
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Tests, vivas, quizzes - 42 exams per semester
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You scare easily, bro
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Take your hand, put it over your heart, and say, ‘Aal izz well’
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All is well? - Aal izz well
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Words of wisdom from His Holiness Guru Ranchoddas
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We had an old watchman in our village
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On night patrol, he’d call out, ‘Aal izz well’
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And we slept peacefully. Then there was a theft
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and we learned that he couldn’t see at night!
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He’d just yell ‘Aal izz well’, and we felt secure
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That day I understood this heart scares easily
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You have to trick it
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However big the problem, tell your heart, ‘All is well, pal’
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That resolves the problem?
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No. But you gain courage to face it
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Learn it up, bro. We’re gonna really need it here
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? When life spins out of control Just let your lips roll ?
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? Let your lips roll And whistle away the toll ?
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? When life spins out of control Just let your lips roll ?
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? Just let your lips roll And whistle away the toll ?
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? Yell - All is Well… ?
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? The chicken’s clueless about the egg’s fate ?
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? Will it hatch or become an omelette ?
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? No one knows what the future holds ?
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? So let your lips roll And whistle away the toll ?
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? Whistle away the toll Yell - All is Well ?
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? Hey bro - All is Well ?
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? Hey mate - All is Well ?
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? Hey bro - All is Well ?
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? Confusion and more confusion No sign of any solution ?
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? Ah… finally a solution But wait… what was the question? ?
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? If the timid heart with fear is about to die ?
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? Then con it bro, with this simple lie ?
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? Heart’s an idiot, it will fall under that spell ?
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? Let your lips roll And whistle away the toll ?
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? Whistle away the toll Yell - All is Well ?
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? Hey bro - All is Well ?
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? Hey mate - All is Well ?
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? Hey bro - All is Well ?
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? Blew the scholarship on booze But that did not dispel my blues ?
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? Holy incense lit up my plight And yet God’s nowhere in sight ?
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? The lamb is clueless for what it’s destined ?
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? Will it be served on skewers or simply minced ?
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? No one knows what the future holds ?
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? So let your lips roll And whistle away the toll ?
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? Whistle away the toll Yell - All is Well ?
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? Hey bro - All is Well ?
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? Hey mate - All is Well ?
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? Hey bro - All is Well ?
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? When life spins out of control Just let your lips roll ?
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? Just let your lips roll And whistle away the toll ?
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? All is Well ?
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? The chicken’s clueless about the egg’s fate ?
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? Will it hatch or become an omelette ?
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? No one knows what the future holds ?
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? So let your lips roll And whistle away the toll ?
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? Whistle away the toll ?
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? Eureka! Eureka! ?
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? Yell - All is Well ?
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? Hey Mrs. Chicken - All is Well ?
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? Hey Mr. Lamb - All is Well ?
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? Hey bro - All is Well ?
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Hey, take it up to Joy’s window.
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Take it higher.
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Look at Silencer - the nude dude!
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Joy, come out.
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Come to the window.
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Joy, look outside.
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Good news, sir.
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The police and Joy’s father have no clue.
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Everyone thinks this is suicide.
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The post mortem report -
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Cause of Death: Intense pressure on windpipe
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resulting in choking
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All think the pressure on the jugular killed him
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What about the mental pressure for the last four years?
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That’s missing in the report.
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Engineers are a clever bunch…
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They haven’t made a machine to measure mental pressure.
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If they had, all would know…
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this isn’t suicide… It’s murder.
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How dare you blame me for Joy’s suicide?
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If one student can’t handle pressure, is it our fault?
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Life is full of pressures. Will you always blame others?
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I don’t blame you, sir. I blame the system.
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Look at these statistics - India ranks No.1 in suicides
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Every 90 minutes, a student attempts suicide
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Suicide is a bigger killer than disease
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Something’s terribly wrong, sir.
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I can’t speak for the rest…
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but this is one of the finest colleges in the country
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I’ve run this place for 32 years.
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We were ranked 28th. Now we’re No.1
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What’s the point, sir?
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Here they don’t discuss new ideas or inventions
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They discuss grades, jobs, settling in the USA
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They teach how to get good scores. They don’t teach Engineering
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Now you will teach me how to teach?
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No sir, I…
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Sir, my paper…
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Vaidyanathan, please sit down.
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Here is a self-proclaimed professor.
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who thinks he is better than our highly qualified teachers.
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Professor Ranchoddas Chanchad will teach us Engineering.
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We do not have all day.
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You have 30 seconds to define these terms.
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You may refer to your books.
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Raise your hand if you get the answer.
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Let’s see who comes first, who comes last.
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Your time starts… now.
