3Idiots - 2 Flashcards
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Time up.
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Time up, sir.
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No one got the answer?
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Now rewind your life by a minute.
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When I asked this question, were you excited? Curious?
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Thrilled that you’d learn something new?
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Anyone? … Sir?
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No. You all got into a frantic race.
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What’s the use of such methods, even if you come first
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Will your knowledge increase? No, just the pressure.
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This is a college, not a pressure cooker.
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Even a circus lion learns to sit on a chair in fear of the whip.
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But you call such a lion ‘well trained’, not ‘well educated’
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Hello!
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This is not a philosophy class. Just explain those two words
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Sir, these words don’t exist.
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These are my friends’ names. Farhan and Raju
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Quiet!
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Nonsense! Is this how you’ll teach Engineering?
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Sir, I wasn’t teaching you Engineering.
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You’re an expert at that.
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I was teaching you… how to teach.
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And I’m sure one day you’ll learn.
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because unlike you, I never abandon my weak students.
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Bye, sir.
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Quiet!
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Quiet, I said.
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I regret to inform you that your son…
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Farhan… Raju…
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has fallen into bad company.
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Without urgent corrective steps, his future will be ruined.
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Virus’s letters dropped on our homes like atom bombs.
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Hiroshima and Nagasaki plunged into gloom.
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Our parents invited us - for a dressing down.
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Come in.
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See that?
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We could afford just one air-conditioner.
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We put it in Farhan’s room, so he could study in comfort.
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I didn’t buy a car. I manage with a scooter.
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We put all our money into Farhan’s education.
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We sacrificed our comforts for Farhan’s future. Understand?
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You took these pictures, Farhan?
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He had that useless obsession for a while.
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Went around taking pictures of animals.
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Wanted to be a wildlife photographer.
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Son, what was your score that year?
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91%
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Hear that? Straight drop from 94% to 91%.
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You find it funny?
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No sir, sorry. I’m just amazed at the photos
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Why make him an engineer… Why not a wildlife photographer?
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Enough!
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I humbly request you - Don’t ruin my son’s future.
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Food’s on the table, boys. C’mon.
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If you ever visit again, do eat with us.
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Dad denied us a meal…
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So, to fill our bellies with food…
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and ears with more reprimands, we reached Raju’s house.
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Raju’s house was straight out of a 50’s black and white film.
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A small, dingy room…
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a paralyzed father…
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a coughing mother…
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and an unwed sister
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A sofa sprouting springs…
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a 24 hour water supply - from the leaking roof.
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Mother was a retired school teacher and a tireless complainer.
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Father was once a postmaster.
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Paralysis shut down his body partly…
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his salary completely. And the sister…
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Kammo’s turned 28. They demand a car in dowry.
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If you don’t study and earn, how will she marry?
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Some okra?
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Okra is now 12/- per kilo, cauliflower is 10/-
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It’s daylight robbery!
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What will we eat if we get warnings from your college?
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Mom!
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Cottage cheese?
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Cottage cheese should be sold at the jewelers, in velvet pouches
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- Cottage cheese? - No, no, it’s ok.
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Mom, please.
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Alright, I’ll shut up
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Earn for the family, slave like a maid.
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and then take the vow of silence.
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If not with my son, with whom do I share my woes - his friends?
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Hey Raju.
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We were in a huge dilemma.
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Do we comfort our friend or console his mom?
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Screw it, we thought, let’s focus on the cottage cheese.
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Even his eczema cream costs 55/- now
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Another roti?
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No, thank you. We’re through.
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Okra for 12/- - Cauliflower for 10/-
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At least you were offered a meal
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Unlike your sadistic dad… ‘Hitler’ Qureshi!
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And your mom is Mother Teresa… Feeding us ‘eczema roti’!
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- Don’t poke fun at my mom! - Enough, you guys.
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I’m famished. Let’s eat out.
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It’s month end. Who’ll pay? His Mother Teresa?
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To eat out, you don’t need money. Just a uniform. Look…
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- C’mon. - Come.
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Good evening, good evening.
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Oh, Uncle.
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NAME?
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If we’re caught, we’re dead.
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- What’s for starters? - Get double portions.
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Leave this here and start some peppy music.
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Pia, what the hell?
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Why’re you wearing this ancient piece of junk?
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What’ll people say - My fiancee…
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a doctor in the making, wearing a cheap, 200/- watch!
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Please take it off. Thank you.
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Hi handsome.
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Hey Aunty. You’re looking good.
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- Don’t miss my set, darling. - Rubies?
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- From Mandalay - Mandalay… Wow!
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- Hey, let’s go meet David. - Of course.
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Excuse me.
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Yes?
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Flowers.
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NAME?
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So you don’t break it on my head
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Why would I do that?
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For the free advice I’ll now impart
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What?
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Don’t marry that ass
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Excuse me?
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He’s not a human, he’s a price tag.
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He’ll turn your life into a nightmare of brands and prices.
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He’ll ruin your life. Your future will be finished.
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Want a demonstration?
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Shall I find out the price of his shoes?
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I won’t ask. He’ll announce it himself.
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What the hell… Mint sauce on my $300 shoes!
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Run for your life! It’s free advice. Take it or leave it.
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Genuine Italian leather - hand-stitched!
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Dad, are they your guests?
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My students. What’re they doing here?
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Hold on, Dad.
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These beans smell great.
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NAME?
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NAME?
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That was an eye-opener. Thank you so much.
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It was my moral responsibility.
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Can I ask you for little more help?
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Dad won’t let me break off this engagement.
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You explain so well. Can you give him a demo too?
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Certainly. Raju, the mint sauce
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You’re really sweet
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NAME?
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Aal izz well
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Run for your life! It’s free advice. Take it or leave it
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What’re you doing here?
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We’ll hand these gifts to the couple.
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I’ll do that for you. It’s my sister’s wedding.
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Sister?
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Sir, what’s the sum total of your daughters?
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Empty. No gift cheques.
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Forgot the cheques, Raju … Farhan?
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We didn’t invite you, you must be from the groom’s side.
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No sir, we’re here as the emissaries of science.
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How? Can you explain?
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Dad, he explains superbly. I’m sure he’ll give us a demo.
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Won’t you?
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Well, Delhi has plenty of power cuts that…
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disrupt wedding celebrations.
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So I thought of making an inverter that…
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draws power from guests’ cars.
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I see.
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Wow!
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So where’s the inverter?
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Sir, the design is ready.
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Where’s the design, Farhan?
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NAME?
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Raju, design?
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Never mind the design. I’ll make the inverter and show you.
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You can only invent stories, not an inverter.
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I’ll make one, I promise.
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And I’ll name it after you. After all, it was invented…
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at your daughter’s wedding. So it’ll be an honor…
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Farhan, Raju. I’ll see you in my office tomorrow.
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Sir, what was the cost per plate? We’ll reimburse you…
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… in installments.
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- We’ll never crash a wedding again. - Not even my own.
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In fact, I won’t even marry. Nor will he.
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Uh… right. No marriage.
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Your parents shouldn’t have married either.
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The world would have to feed two less idiots.
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Sit!
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Pay attention.
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This is Ranchoddas’s father’s monthly income.
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Couple of zeroes less, and it’s still a sizeable income.
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But erase another zero, and I would worry a little.
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Isn’t that your fathers income, Farhan?
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Yes, sir.
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Now take away another zero…
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and that’s your family income, Raju Rastogi.
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Big reason to worry.
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Take my advice and shift into Chatur Ramalingam’s room.
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Exams are here. Stay with Rancho and you’re sure to fail.
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NAME?
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Then get lost!
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Raju, don’t worry. This is Virus’s move to split us. Divide and rule.
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I have to worry.
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He grades us, and I need good grades for a good job.
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Unlike you, I don’t have a rich dad I can live off.
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Shut up, Raju.
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Must we follow all his hogwash? ‘Aal izz well’.
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I won’t be his flunky… like you.
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- You’re crossing the line. - No, I’m drawing one.
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I have a family to support.
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Dad’s medicines swallow up mom’s pension.
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My sis can’t marry because they want a car in dowry.
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Mom hasn’t bought a single saree in five years.
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Now don’t get your mom’s wardrobe into the debate.
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By the way, how many sarees per annum is reasonable?
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Hey… no wisecracks about mom.
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We’ll study with all our heart, but not just for grades.
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To quote a Wise One - Study to be accomplished, not affluent.
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Follow excellence. And success will chase you, pants down!
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Which Wise One says this? His Holiness Guru Ranchoddas?
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Go rot in the bogs!
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Raju, don’t stress. We’ll top our class. Nothing is impossible.
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Oh yeah?
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Shove this back into the tube.
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Raju got onto another train.
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His travails with Chatur began. Yes, I mean travails, not travels
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Chatur was called ‘Silencer’.
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To sharpen his memory, he popped pills from a local quack.
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And then let off silent… but lethal farts.
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I didn’t do it… Raju?
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He always blamed others for the output.
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Silencer crammed 18 hours a day.
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On exam eve, he would distract others.
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His belief - There are only two ways of topping.
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Elevate your own grades or shrink your opponents’ grades.
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Rancho decided to subdue Silencer and rescue Raju…
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with one master plan.
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Our Director has unceasingly served… ‘Served’ means…
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Damn the meaning, I’ll memorize it.
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Chatur was the introductory speaker at the Teachers’ Day function.
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To impress Virus, he got his speech written by the librarian…
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in highbrow Hindi.
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Hello. Hold on. Chatur, call for you.
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Please collect the printout. I’ll be right back.
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Oh… the things I have to do…
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Mr. Dubey, the Director was remembering you.
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NAME?
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I’ll see him right away. Give this to Chatur.
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NAME?
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Yes?
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I’m calling from the police station
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NAME?
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- Your life is in danger! - What? … How?
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Listen carefully, or else…
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you’ll get killed as you step out of the college gate.
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Why? What happened?
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While Chatur was kept engaged,
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Rancho altered a few words in his speech, for eg…
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‘served’ became ‘screwed’.
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Yes sir?
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NAME?
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I’m permanent staff, sir.
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Congratulations!
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Hold on a moment. The chief is on the other line.
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Excuse me, sir…
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Yes… so where was I?
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You said I may die… outside the gate.
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Right. As you get out of the gate, you’ll see a traffic signal.
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Traffic signal. Ok.
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When it turns red, all the cars will halt.
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Ok. Then?
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Then cross the road with great caution.
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Because son, in rush hour if a car hits you, you’re dead.
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What nonsense! I know that.
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You know that? Excellent. Then you’re safe my boy.
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From the librarian, Silencer.
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You don’t call me that, Chanchad.
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Hey. The Director said he didn’t call for me.
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Who said ‘called’? I just said he ‘remembered’ you
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Remembered? Rascals!
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Distinguished Mr. Chairperson.
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Chief guest, the Honorable Minister of Education….
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respected teachers and friends.
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ICE has now soared beyond the stratosphere.
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The credit goes solely to…
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Dr. Viru Sahastrabuddhe. Give him a big hand.
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Sir, the voice is his but the words are mine.
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He’s a great guy, really you are.
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For 32 years, he has unceasingly screwed students.
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He means - ‘served’ students.
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I’m sure his endeavors will continue.
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We are astounded at how one man, in one lifetime
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can screw so many, so well.
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With rigorous training he’s built up his stamina.
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He’s spent every living minute just screwing.
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Let’s replicate his methods.
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Tomorrow ICE students will go across the globe.
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Wherever we go, we promise to screw.
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We’ll hoist this screwer’s flag all over the world.
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We’ll show the world that our capacity to screw…
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cannot be matched by any student…
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anywhere on the planet.
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Mr. Minister. Good evening.
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You have given this institution what it sorely needs…
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NAME?
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It’s booty, stupid. Bosom means…
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What nonsense! That’s insulting.
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Everyone has a bosom, but it remains pocketed.
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No one offers it so readily.
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Vulgar fellow!
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You have generously offered your bosom…
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to this relentless screwer.
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Now see how he makes it grow.
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Is this what you teach here, Director?
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On this august occasion, here’s a Sanskrit verse…
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Listen to this - the might of his fart in verse.
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A good loud fart is honorable.
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‘Fart’? Go, Silencer.
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A medium fart is tolerable.
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Softer windbreaks are terrible.
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And the silent ones unbearable.
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That’s what mindless cramming does to you.
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Cramming may see you through four years of college,
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but it will ‘screw’ you for the next 40 years.
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He still doesn’t get it.
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‘Medium fart is tolerable’… Unbelievable!
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You’re a poet, Rancho. How did you think of this?
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That was fun. He didn’t know what hit him.
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You swines! What did I ever do to you?
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Sorry man. Don’t take it personally.
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I will.
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Chatur Ramalingam will never forget this insult.
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I’ll think of it every minute, every second of my life.
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Sorry man. That was a demo for Raju - Don’t cram blindly.
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Understand and enjoy the wonders of Science.
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I’m not here to enjoy Science.
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So You’re here to screw Science?
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Go ahead. Laugh at my methods.
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But one day these methods will bring me success.
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That day I’ll laugh and you’ll cry.
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You’re on the wrong track again. Don’t chase success.
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Become a good engineer and success will chase you.
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These ideals don’t work in the real world.
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You take your train, l’ll take mine.
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Ten years from now we’ll meet at the same station.
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Same day. Same place. We’ll see who’s more successful.
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You… or me.
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Have the balls? C’mon, bet!
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lt’s a challenge.
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Watch it!
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What’s he writing?
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Don’t forget this date.
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l’m not used to such expensive gifts, Suhas.
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Get used to them, Pia.
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You’re gonna be Suhas Tandon’s wife.
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Where’s the bill, man?
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l’ll be back.
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NAME?
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Don’t lie.
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Um… Yeah.
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- What’s your problem with dad? - l have no problem.
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l’m making an inverter named after him. Look… Oh.
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Why’re you harassing him?
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‘Cause he runs a factory, not a college.
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Churning out asses. Like that one.
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She destroyed it, man.
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How dare you call him an ass?
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He is one! First Engineering, then MBA…
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then becomes a banker in the USA.
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Because it rakes in more money?
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Life for him is just a profit-loss statement.
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He sees profit in you, so he’s with you.
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Director’s daughter, doctor in the making… Good for his image!
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lt’s not you he cares for.
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Who do you think you are?
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What do you mean he doesn’t care for me?
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New watch? One moment.
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You always need a demo.
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Hey Suhas!
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Where were you?
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She’s looking for her watch.
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What? You lost the watch?
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Never mind. Get another.
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lt cost 400,000!
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Mine’s just 250/- but keeps the same time.
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Shut up! How could you be so careless, Pia?
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This callous attitude is disgusting. lt’s disrespectful!
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That was a limited edition watch.
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Now wear your ancient piece of junk at dinner.
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What’re you staring at?
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Here come the tears! Real mature, Pia.
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l can’t handle this.
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Stop crying and look for it.
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Find another wrist for this watch… Ass!
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Hey, you’re awesome. Called him an ass to his face.
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Get lost!
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lt’s too noisy here.
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She’s saying ‘Thank you’, l hear ‘Get lost’.
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- l said ‘Get lost’. - Don’t get so uptight.
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Actually, you never really loved him.
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What do you mean?
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When you see him, do the winds whisper a melody?
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Your scarf flies in slow motion?
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The Moon appears gigantic?
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That happens in movies, not in life.
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Happens in life too - if you love a person…
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not an ass.
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Hello. What?
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Oh God! Ok, l’m on my way.
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You’re a medical student, right? Need your help.
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- lt’s an emergency, please. - What?
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Please come with me. What’s that oath you doctors take -
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You’ll never deny a patient help… The Hippocratic Oath.
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Please help me, it’s an emergency.
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You gatecrash my sister’s wedding, break off my engagement…
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my dad is popping BP pills because of you…
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and here l am, helping you!
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Unbelievable!
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This Hippocratic Oath - lt’s really done us in!
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- Where’s Raju, ma’am? - Gone to get a cab.
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Called the ambulance two hours ago.
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ln this country, pizza reaches in 30 minutes…
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but an ambulance…
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He needs hospitalization. Urgently!
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Hey stop!
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Move, it’s an emergency!
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Move… move…
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Doctor, emergency!
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That’s the patient.
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Keep this. Hey, here’s Raju.
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What the hell! You brought dad on the scooter.
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Should l’ve sent him by courier?
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No wisecracks on dads profession! Where is he?
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Go ask the doctor.
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Close call, Pia. A little delay, we’d have lost him.
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Glad you didn’t wait for an ambulance and got him on the scooter.
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Call me if there’s a problem.
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Rancho! Thank you…
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Thanking your buddies! Silencer teaching you manners?
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Didn’t he teach you - A friend is man’s greatest bosom?
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Go on now. You have an exam tomorrow.
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Exams we have many… Dad mostly just one!
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We won’t budge from here without the Postmaster.
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Don’t worry!
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Rancho, forgive me. l was scared.
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lt’s ok. Quiet, now.
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Please forgive me.
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lt’s ok, calm down. Go see your dad.
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And don’t go with that weepy face.
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Thanks buddy.
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Natty scooter. Saved a life. How much does it cost?
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Pour some mint sauce on it. l’ll tell you.
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Hey, happy lndependence Day.
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Today isn’t lndependence Day.
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For you it is! Now you’re free to wear your mom’s watch.
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No ass can say it’s an ancient piece of junk.
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Hey.
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How do you know it was mom’s watch?
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At your sister’s wedding, you wore sparkling new clothes.
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Only the watch was old.
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What could that mean?
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You really missed your mom that day, didn’t you?
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Yes.
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Your mom must’ve been really beautiful.
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Yes. How do you know?
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Seen your dad.
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‘Life is a race. lf you don’t run fast
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you’ll be a broken egg … cuckoo bird.’
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You…
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Hello. Wake up.
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- Huh… Postmaster’s dead? - What!
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No, stupid.
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lt’s 8.30, your exam is at 9.
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But we can’t leave him alone.
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I’m here. It’s a matter of three hours.
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Take my scooter. It’s getting late.
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Hey…
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Gosh, what an ancient watch.
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Go.
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- Sorry, we’re late. - It was an emergency.
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Settle down there.
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Sir, they’re still writing.
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Hello. Time up.
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Please, five minutes. We started half an hour late.
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It was an emergency.
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He glared at us like we’d asked for both his kidneys.
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But we continued writing.
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He continued arranging the answer sheets.
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Done, sir.
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You’re late. I can’t accept these.
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Sir, please, sir.
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Sir, do you know who we are?
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Prime Ministers son? Even then…
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I will not accept your paper.
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Do you know our names and roll numbers?
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No…
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Who are you?
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He doesn’t know - Run!
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Hey, what’s your roll number?
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Where the hell are their papers?
