week 2 Flashcards
what is an attachment figure
the person who you go to when you need comfort
- kids = their parents
- adults = parents, peer, partner
why we attach in childhood
Babies are very weak, helpless
Staying close to parents in childhood promotes survival
Attachment system evolved to promotes infant-caregiver bonding
why we attach in adulthood
Pair bonding is also adaptive
The attachment system, which we use to attach to
parents in childhood, transfers to romantic partners in adulthood (Fraley et al., 2005)
We’re evolved to form enduring romantic
attachments
pair bonding
selective associations between two individuals of the same species. These strong social relationships are typically observed within breeding pairs of monogamous species; however, pair bonds can exist between animals that are not sexually involved or sexually exclusive.
bonding together = better offspring
is pair bonding rare
yes
less demanding children only need 1 parent
only 1/4 mammals
only 1/5 primates
it evolved for offspring who need help from both parentrs
evolution is lazy (bonding)
using the same bonding for the cargiver bond and the partner bond
roles of attachment figure (2)
- secure base (ur not upset or stressed, can pursue goals, silently support and lets you explore, someone to check in w while u explore, buys u ingridients but watches u cook)
- safe haven (when u r distressed ur attachment system activates and ur motivated to find ur attachment figure, successful attaxchment figure will calm u)
threats and attachment figure
threats prompt us to look for attachment figure
doesnt need to physcial beside u
Threats to our wellbeing prime us to think
about/turn to our attachment figures
E.g., 127 Hours - stuck under rock and thinking of family helped
Soldiers writing to their loved ones
Airwaves get clogged during disasters - wanting to called loved ones
proximity seeking
We’re generally
motivated to stay close to our
attachment figures
paradox of seperatiaon and threat and attachment
Paradoxically, being separated from
an attachment figure leads to attachment system activation
can u have more than 1 attachmnet figure
yes and u should
order of most common attachment figure
partner, mother, friend, child, sibling, father
being a good attachment figure
- secure base - promote freedom and indepdence, respect and support others efforts and decioons, encourage, not being super hands on, letting them do their own thing
- safe haven - Be available, perceptive, Respond when the need comfort, affection, active listenong, be a shoulder to cry on
found myself a cheerleader
she is always there when i need her
secure base = cheerleader
safe haven = always there
strange situation
Secure: comforted by caregiver
Anxious-ambivalent: can’t be comforted
Avoidant: doesn’t seek comfort
avoidant baby
is almost angry
very cold
mom is not a secure base
anxious baby
cannot stop crying
can attachment style change
yes
parent is consistenly responsive
Strong model of self, strong model of others
securely attachment
needs r always met
recived support
2 childhood working models for attachment style
Model of self: worthy of love?
\Model of others: available and responsive?
If parent is never responsive (or controlling):
Uncertain model of self, weak model of others
avoiadnalty attached
never there, controlling, cannot trust othres, learn to be self reliant, dont express emotions
If parents is inconsistent:
Uncertain model of others , weak model of self
anxious attach
all over u and then ignoring u
think u hv to work for love
feels unworthy of love
If parent is erratic, abusive:
Weak model of both self and other
double wammy
high anxiety and high avoidance
attachment not patholigizedd
evolutionary, adaptive, a time in ut life when this wasd useful
I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending
on them and having them depend on me. I don’t oftenworry about being
abandoned or about someone getting too close to me
secure
am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others; I find it difficult to trust
them completely, difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous
when anyone gets too close, and o>en, love partners want me to be more
in?mate than I feel comfortable being.
avoidant
find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I o>en worry
that my partner doesn’t really love me or won’t want to stay with me. I want
to merge completely with another person, and this desire some?mes scares
people away
anxious
threat -> attachment figure close by
feeling secure
attachment system deactovated
can start problem solving and coping
threat. -> no attachment figure
anxiety first
if no proximity avilable then deactive attachment system and nhibited emotionad
if yes proximity then hypervigilent anf attachment system remains activated
is attahcmnet just a category
no its a scale of many thifs
De-activating strategies
“Checking out mentally” when your partner is talking to you.
* Keeping secrets and leaving things foggy- to maintain feeling of
independence
* Avoiding physical closeness (walking ahead of partner)
* Forming relationships with an impossible future, such as with
someone who is married.
* Focusing on small imperfections in your partner: the way they
talk, dress, eat.
* Pulling away when things are going well (like after an intimate
date)
anxious intimiacy
Strong need to be close,
accepted, supported, and
reassured
anxious in relationship
Clingy, needy, controlling,
jealous, often seeking
reassurance
anxious associated w
Low self-esteem, sensitivity to
rejection, neuroticism
anxious info processing
hyperactivity of negative
thought and emotion
anxious physcial intimacy
Use sex as a tool for intimacy
avoidant intimacy
feel uncomfortable with:
closeness, disclosing about
themselves, feeling &
expressing intimacy
avoidant in relationship
expect relationship failure &
averse to commitment
avoidant assocoated w
Narcissism, valuing work and
freedom
avoidant w info processing
suppress upsetting thoughts &
memories
avoidant and physical intimacy
+ views of casual sex, sex to
avoid fights
secure and intimacy
Comfortable with closeness,
trust others. Turn to others
when upset.
secure in relationship
More stable and satisfying
relationships
secure associated w
good stuff
secure info processing
Positivity bias. Allow self to feel
all emotions
secure physcial intimacy
Better communicators, more
satisfied
anxious behv
Strong need to be close, accepted, supported, and
reassured
Attachment system hyperactivation
-Hyperactivity of negative thought and emotion
- Hypervigilant focus on attachment figures
-Minimize distance from attachment figures
-Clinging and controlling
Intense ambivalence Intense need for closeness, combined with intense
fear of abandonment (e.g., Joel, MacDonald, &
Shimotomai, 2010)
excessive reassurance seeking
Seeking reassurance when it has already been provided
- Vicious cycle – reassurance isn’t reassuring specifically because it was
forced
- Anxious attachment predicts ERS which in
turn predicts depression
avoidant behv
feel uncomfortable with closeness, self-disclosure, feeling & expressing intimacy
- self-described independent, low desire for social bonds
- Strong desire to avoid closeness, weak desire to approach closeness (Locke,
2008
attachment system deactivation
- Avoiding intimacy by not acknowledging distress
- Suppressing distressing thoughts & memories
Expect relationship failure; averse to commitment (Birnie et al., 2009)
- Feel higher levels of attraction when interacting with potential alternatives
(Overall & Sibley, 2008)
Secure behaviour
Believe distress is mangeable
Learned that proximity leads to support protection and relief of distress - turning to others when distressed
Acts anxious or avoidance when situation requires - activate attachment only when necessary
More stable and satisfying relationship
Secure info processing
Positivity bias/optimistic bias
Assumes the best, not too sensitive to negativity
Attachment is only primsed by threat
Anxiety info processing
Always on the lookout (hypervilginat)
Ruminating to negatkve events of percoved negative events
Attachment conditions and worries chronically accessible
Avoidant info processing
Attachment based words and cognition are not particularly accessible even under conditions of threat
Skilled at suppressing rejection
Less attn to negativity and don’t encode it
Not interested in info abt partners thoughts and feelings
Do avoidant ppl care
Yes, they just try to protect themselves
- Avoidant who receive positive social feedback report higher positive affect and state self esteem
- Avoidant who interact w warm validating interaction report highest connection
Avoidants avoid situations in which true intimacy, closeness is possible
Avoidantly attached participants perceived lower potential for intimacy with, and lower romantic interest in responsive targets
Circumvent the attachment system:
avoid potential for intimacy
Why date someone insecure
Insecure people have features that are appealing during relationship initiation
Participants were led to believe that they were interacting with a possible date (competing with others to win a date)
Anxious attachment:
Talked more, used humour, seemed more willing to share,
greater variety of self-disclosures, seemed more interesting
Avoidant attachment:
Used humour, physical touch, eye contact with camera
Can attachment style change
Yes
Get in good relation means less avoidant
Breakups make secure ppl insecure
Newly weds become secure over time
Partner decreases in avoidance
You decrease at the same time and in the future
Partner increases avoidance or anxiety
You increase in avoidance because ur partner got worse at responding to ur needs so u feel like u cannot trust
Someone who rlly wants to be in a relationship
Anxious
Someone w good communication
Secure
Is attachment universal
In 79% countries studied, secure attachment was most endorsed (Schmitt et al., 2004)
Preoccupied more prevalent in East Asia
Insecure in areas where resources scarce
Ideal attachment in Taiwan & US (Wang & Mallinckrodt, 2006)
