$3X Flashcards
sex benefits
inc in work performanec, mood, life satisfaction
note - physical affection helps too
Caveat: Sex is
not = important
to everyone
Asexuality (“ACE”)
Spectrum
E.g., greysexuals,
demisexuals
0.4-4% population
Lack of sexual
attraction & fine
with this
…a function of gender norms?
thestudy
sexual double standard
ndependent variable: pressure to
conform gender roles
[3 conditions]:
1) Exposure threat
2) Anonymous
3) Bogus Pipeline
Dependent Variable: Gender-role-
relevant sexual behaviour
Pressure to conform
to gender roles
(Alexander & Fisher, 2003)
take away from gender norm stufdy
some m/f dif in sexuality might be exaggerated due to gender differeniated normatiev pressures
only true for sexual behaviours
Gender differences in desire
Women’s (but not men’s) desire declined
over the first few years of marriage
Especially when had children
Women’s declines in desire predicted
declines in both couple member’s
satisfaction
(McNulty, Maxwell, Meltzer, & Baumeister, 2019)
Attachment: Sexual Attitudes
Anxious: sex as a tool for intimacy
Avoidant: sex separate from love
Secure: comfortable with sexuality
Better sexual communication,
better sex lives, etc.
(Feeney & Noller, 2004)
Anxious: Sex controlled by others, safe sex problems
Gender differences
Avoidant: Later first sex, less intimate sex, safer sex,
more unwanted (consensual) sex, sex more
controlled by others, more likely to cheat (men)
Secure: in relationships, mutually initiated, more
likely to experiment
(Cooper et al., 2006)
Attachment: Fantasy
Anxious: wishes for intimacy and
representations of others as more
affectionate
Avoidant: avoidance-related wishes and
representations of the self and others as
more aggressive and alienated
(Birnbaum 2011)
anxious men vs anxiius women
men = first later
women = first earlier
Attachment: Experience During Sex
anxious: Ambivalent
E.g., more desire, more worries, more
self-focus
Avoidant: Negative feelings
E.g., less love, more worries
Attachment: Effects of Sex on Relationships
Anxious: sex as a barometer of
relationship functioning.
Effects on perceived relationship
quality amplified
Stronger link b/w sexual and martial
satisfaction
Sex can buffer - effects of anxiety on
marital satisfaction
Avoidant:
Effects on perceived relationship
quality dampened
frequent sex buffers – effects of
avoidance on marital satisfaction
Sexual Frequency
Married couples have sex on average ~ 1-2x per week
Don’t compare yourself!
Once per week maximizes happiness
Frequency might be misleading for
same-sex women [duration is key!]
Levels of sexual satisfaction in
relationships are high
(Willetts et al., 2004; Smith LeBeau & Buckingham, 2008;
Blair & Pukall, 2014; Muise et al., 2015; Sprecher 2006)
no dif after 2 time a week for the benefits
Sexual Beliefs
same growth vs destiny
Having higher sexual
growth beliefs can
help
BOTH couple
members stay satisfied
with their relationship
& sex life during the
transition to
parenthood
Motivations for Sex
apprach vs avooindace
and anxious vs avoidance
Does why you have sex matter?
Sex for approach reasons: > personal and
interpersonal well-being
Sex for avoidance reasons: < well-being, <
satisfaction at follow-up
Anxious: more approach; Avoidance :
less approach, more avoidance
Better for your relationship to reject your
partner kindly than have sex for
avoidance goals!
(Impett et al., 2005; Muise et al., 2013; Kim et al., 2018)
Motivations for Sex
sexual communcal stregth
sexual communal strength:
motivation to meet a partner’s
sexual needs
Have sex for approach reasons &
greater sexual desire
Buffered against declines in
desire
Partners recognize more
responsive to needs
Have sex for partner when not
particularly in mood
(Muise et al. 2012; Muise & Impett, 2015; Day et al., 2015)
no conflict vs conflict sex
no conflict better
Motivations for Sex: Makeup sex
Less sexually satisfying
Buffered global relationship quality
(Maxwell & Meltzer, 2020)
Novelty
Try new things in the bedroom
Sexual variety associated with
greater passion
Try new things outside the bedroom
Self-expansion as a couple and as
an individual ⇡ passion
(Carswell et al., 2021; Frederick et al., 2017; Muise et al., 2019; Sims & Meana, 2010)
Communication: Faking it?
70% of women do not experience orgasm as a
result of intercourse i.e., the “vagina-clitoris
fiasco”
Men (25%) and Women (50%) report faking
orgasm
Often in response to partner initiation
Want sex to end, orgasm unlikely, want
to avoid hurting partner
Women may fake orgasm in attempt to
retain mate.
Heterosexual men were most likely to say they
usually-always orgasmed when sexually intimate
(95%), followed by gay men (89%), bisexual men
(88%), lesbian women (86%), bisexual women (66%),
and heterosexual women (65%).
sexual communication can….
help faciilate satisfying sexual relaitonships
maintain passion
improve relatioship satisfaction
Why Communicate (sex)
+ what do women worry about
Wmn worry expressing likes/ dislikes will scare
partner away (Kamen, 2003)
Sexual assertiveness (asking for, and initiating
what you want) linked to satisfaction (Menard &
Offman, 2009)
Couples with sexual prblms have poorer sexual
and non-sexual communication (
Sexual communication
important for sexual satisfaction
and sexual well-being (MacNeil
& Byers, 2005; 2009)
Instrumental function
Expressive function
How to Communicate
Communicating nonverbally during sex
related to greater satisfaction (Babin,
2012)
Especially important to discuss safe-sex
Communication principles similar to
overall relationship principles
E.g. use “I” statements and specific
examples, avoid gunnysacking and
kitchen-sinking, avoid the “hit and
run”
Pillow Talk
Prosocial communication after sexual activity is
positively associated with relationship
satisfaction, closeness, and trust
Experimental evidence in men
No evidence affects physiological responses
post-sex affection -> ⇡ sexual
satisfaction -> ⇡ relationship satisfaction
Sexual Perception
Long-term couples understand 62% of
behaviours that partner finds pleasing, 26% of
what find displeasing (MacNeil & Byers, 2009)
Couples estimates of partner’s ideal duration of
foreplay/intercourse related to cultural scripts
vs. partner’s actual desire (Miller & Byers,
2004)
Often do not use direct verbal statement to
initiate sex (O’Sullivan & Byers, 1992)
Accurate and biased for sexual advance
behaviours
Women OVER and men UNDER estimate
partner’s behaviours
(Dobson et al., 2018)
