chapter 11 textbook

Question 1

Conflict occurs when

Answer 1

one’s wishes or actions actually obstruct or impede those of someone else.

Question 2

dialectics

Answer 2

When they devote themselves to an intimate relationship, people often experience opposing motivations

Question 3

most common conflicts

Answer 3

Children
Chores
Communication
Leisure
Work
Money
Habits
Relatives
Commitment
Intimacy
Friends
Personality

Question 4

Illegitimate demands

Answer 4

involve requests that seem unjust because they exceed the normal expectations that the partners hold for each other.

Question 5

Rebuffs

Answer 5

involve situations in which “one person appeals to another for a desired reaction, and the other person fails to respond as expected” (Peterson, 2002, p. 371). Someone whose partner rolls over and goes to sleep after receiving an implicit invita- tion to have sex is likely to feel rebuffed.

Question 6

cumulative annoyances

Answer 6

are relatively trivial events that become irritating with repetition. Such events often take the form of social allergies: Through repeated exposure to small recurring nuisances, people may develop hypersensitive reactions of disgust and exasperation that seem out of proportion to any particular provocation. Women are especially likely to become annoyed with men’s uncouth habits, such as belching at the dinner table, and men are likely to grow irritated with women’s lack of consideration, such as being late for appointments and shopping too long

Question 7

attributional conflict,

Answer 7

fighting over whose explanation is right and whose account is wrong.

Question 8

negative affect reciprocity

Answer 8

they trade escalating provocations back and forth. This pattern is not often found in happy, well-adjusted couples (who do a better job of exiting the cycle when things start to heat up), but it is routinely exhibited by dis- tressed, dissatisfied couples in deteriorating partnerships (Gottman et al., 2015): One person’s testiness makes the other partner peevish, so he or she snaps back; the first person becomes more aggravated, and the second exchange is more noxious. Stronger words are shared, both partners fan the flames of the other’s irritation, and both of them become increasingly angry and embittered as the interaction proceeds.

Question 9

Emotional flooding

Answer 9

can occur when people become overwhelmed by high arousal and strong emotion and are unable, for a time, to think straight (Malik et al., 2020). When people are flooded:

Question 10

active and constructive

Answer 10

voice

Question 11

constructive and passive

Answer 11

loyalty

Question 12

passive and destructive

Answer 12

neglect

Question 13

active and destructive

Answer 13

exit

Question 14

Volatile couples

Answer 14

frequent and passionate arguments.

igh levels of negative affect, but they temper their anger with plenty of wit and evident fondness for each other.

Question 15

Validators couples

Answer 15

fight more politely. They tend to be calmer than volatile couples are, and they behave more like collaborators than like antagonists as they work through their problems. Their discussions may become heated, but they frequently validate each other by expressing empathy for, and understanding of, the other’s point of view

Question 16

avoiders couples

Answer 16

rarely argue. They avoid confron- tation, and when a conflict arises, they’re unlikely to discuss it; they’ll often just try to fix it on their own or wait it out, hoping that the passage of time will solve the problem. If they do get around to discussing their conflicts, they do so mildly and gingerly.

Question 17

hostiles couples

Answer 17

fail to maintain a 5-to-1 ratio of nice behavior to nasty conduct. Their discussions are sprinkled with too much criticism, contempt, defen- siveness, and withdrawal, and the longer they last, the more oppressive they become. Some hostile couples actively address their disagreements but do so badly, whereas others remain more detached and uninvolved but snipe at each other in brief salvos of distaste.

Question 18

Separation

Answer 18

occurs when one or both partners withdraw without resolving the conflict.

Question 19

domination

Answer 19

one partner gets his or her way when the other capitulates.

Question 20

Compromise

Answer 20

parties reduce their aspirations or gradually change their goals

Question 21

Integrative agreements

Answer 21

satisfy both partners’ original goals and aspirations, usually through creativity and flexibility.

Question 22

structural improvment

Answer 22

the partners not only get what they want but also learn and grow and make desirable changes to their relationship.

Question 23

speaker-listener technique

Answer 23

structure for calm, clear communication about contentious issues that promotes the use of active listen- ing skills and increases the chances that partners will understand and validate each other despite their disagreement.

Question 24

What Is Conflict?

Answer 24

Interpersonal conflict occurs when people have to give up some- thing that they want because of their partners’ influence. Conflict is inescapable; there are tensions known as dialectics that are woven into the fabric of close relationships that will, sooner or later, always cause some strain.

Question 25

The Frequency of Conflict.

Answer 25

Conflict occurs often. Its frequency is associated with negative emotionality and agreeableness, attachment styles, one’s stage of life, incom- patibility between partners, stress, poor sleep, and alcohol use.

Question 26

Instigating Events (conflicts)

Answer 26

Four different categories of events cause most conflicts; these
are criticism, illegitimate demands, rebuffs, and cumulative annoyances.

Question 27

Attributions (actor/observer and self-serving biases) - conflicts

Answer 27

actor/observer effects and self-serving biases contribute to attributional conflict, with partners fighting over whose explanation is right.

Question 28

Engagement and Escalation.

Answer 28

Once an instigating event occurs, partners must
decide either to engage in conflict or to avoid the issue and let it drop. If escalation occurs and the conflict heats up, the nasty things that partners say to each other may be either direct or indirect. Surly interaction becomes especially fractious when the partners fall into a pattern of negative affect reciprocity, and they may be temporarily overwhelmed if flooding occurs.

Question 29

The Demand/Withdraw Pattern.

Answer 29

A frustrating demand/withdraw cycle occurs when one person approaches the other about a problem, and the partner responds by avoiding the issue. Women tend to be the demanders and men the withdrawers more often than not.

Question 30

Negotiation and Accommodation.

Answer 30

Negotiation finally occurs when a couple works toward a solution in a sensible manner by, for instance, being attentive and optimistic, valuing a partner’s outcomes, and adopting both a future orientation and a third-party perspective. Voice, loyalty, neglect, and exit are other responses to dissatisfaction in close relationships. Accommodation occurs when partners react with calm forbearance to the other’s provocation.

Question 31

Dealing with Conflict: Four Types of Couples.

Answer 31

Volatile couples have frequent and passionate arguments.

Validators have calmer, more relaxed discussions,

avoiders avoid confrontation.

hostiles are marked by negativity, and their marriages are relatively fragile.

Question 32

Ending Conflict.

Answer 32

There are five ways conflicts can end: separation, domination,
compromise, integrative agreement, and structural improvement.

Question 33

Can Fighting Be Good for a Relationship?

Answer 33

Yes. Deft management of conflict allows relationships to grow and prosper. The speaker-listener technique provides a structure for calm, clear communication about touchy topics.