Lecture 10 - Personality and relationships - October 8 Flashcards
about how many introverts are shy
about 1/3
does introverted mean shy
introverted does not have to mean shy, though there is overlap
what is shyness
Shyness is a form of anxiety characterized by inhibited behavior. It also implies a fear of social judgment that can be crippling
why do shy people avoid social situations
Shy people actively seek to avoid social situations, even ones they might want to take part in, because they may be inhibited by fear. Introverts shun social situations because, Greta Garbo–style, they simply want to be alone
should shyness be thought of as abnormal?
“Our culture expects people to be outgoing and sociable. It’s the unstated norm, and against that norm introverts stand out as seemingly problematic.“Christopher Lane,
Shyness: How Normal Behavior Became a Sickness.
what are some traits of Introversion
Talk less when they meet someone new.
Less eye contact when interacting.
Less firm handshake.
Study in secluded places.
Prefer solitary pursuits.
Narrow friendship network
Less likely to emerge as leaders.
what are some positives of introverts
Listen more.
Deliberation helps them make smart decisions.
Excel at solitary work.
Can be highly effective leaders with proactive groups
Jerome Kagan’s Inhibited-Shy Child: explain what his research showed
he studied videos of babies reacting to unfamiliar stimuli. about 20 % responded with stress (crying) and the others did not react at all. Turns out that the ones that responded poorly would be introverts– they would not like to explore things on their own and did not like unfamiliar things.
Jerome Kagan’s Inhibited-Shy Child: does shyness go away over time
people act less shy HOWEVER when studying their physiology even when they are 30, they react in a fearful way… so they act not shy but their body is very shy
Will inhibited kids grow up to be introverted and anxious adults?
Physiology remains/behavior adapts
Parenting makes a difference (environment makes a difference!)
what is Gentle Nudging?
“Just about every adult introvert can remember being scolded, even if gently, for being too quiet as a kid. There’s nothing wrong with parents’ nudging their shy children into the world, but there is something wrong if it’s more than a nudge.
You don’t want to break the kid by overwhelming their coping capacity.
The key is sensitive encouragement.”
What if I am in the 25% who stay shy inhibited into adulthood?
Will I be able to pursue my developmental goals?
where some capacity to change for particular goals (free trait theory)
what is Free Trait Theory
The idea that while we have certain fixed bits of personality, we can act out of character in the service of core personal goals.”
what are the Three Important Identities brian little says we have
biogenic
sociogenic
ideogenic
define Biogenic:
Our mostly inborn personality.
like our big 5 traits
what is Sociogenic:
Personality expected by our culture, family, religion.
what is Ideogenic :
Our personal desires and sense of what matters in our life (
what is the idea behind the three important identities
these second level personality traits can actually override our first level (big 5) for things theatre important to us
“For over a year, there seems to be a comeback of introversion values in different areas. Why?”
What are the assets of being an introvert?
This comeback is very present through the internet culture. Is there a connection between new technologies, web 2.0, social medias> > and the ‘‘comeback’’ of introverts?
do people want to change their big 5 traits
about 85% of us want to (especially to be more extroverted)
can people change on a trait
if they want to they are more likely to– especially if we use goal setting
Final Thoughts
My (professor’s) personal theory:
Recognize possibility of normative change.
Strive for threshold level of assertiveness;
Rely on Free trait theory.
Realize within-person variability in trait behavior and look for “freeing” settings and people.
Eli Finkel, “Decades of dating research shows that romantic success hinges on what
more on who they are (traits and interests) or what they believe they want in a partner.”
what is the better way to find a partner– online or speed dating
Language style matching in speed dates – can predict liking and relationship formation and stability
but you need lots of courage to do this!! (a threshold level of social confidence?)
