ECT Flashcards
- model
greatest single predictor of behavior
positive and negative
- consistent
Consistency of altering negative behaviors:
Post a chart of relevant rules, few in number (10 – 15?), use icons to make clear
Helps the child remember and forces the parent to be responsible
Consistency of enjoyed patterns: Kids love predictability
Yearly, By season, Weekly, Daily
bedtime sequence
John Gottman
5:1 theory
5+ to 1-
- loving
You can never love too much
Love expresses itself differently at different phases of the child’s life
Five love languages (Gary Chapman) just as the 5 LLs are important in adulthood, the wise parent will realize they are just as applicable to children.
It isn’t love when you remove consequences of behavior (the drug dealer, the spendthrift)
Examples: Drug dealer, spend all their money
Draw boundaries (for yourself or for your home) that children must adhere to
Never use withdrawal of love as a mode of punishment: lethally effective but destroys the child
- relationship nurturance
The relationship starts at age 0. Nurture it through every phase
When children are teens the relationship is all that you have
How a bedtime sequence can nurture relationship
You become their safe place
- behavior modification
BF Skinner
Little monster: Gunther, 5-years old
Gunther emits over 100 negative behaviors an hour; overwhelming to every one except our behavior modification expert
Assessment phase: expert comes into the home and observes, and documents: Document (create a list) all negative behaviors and positive behaviors. Then they determine the frequency of those behaviors.
Consultation phase: Expert meets with parents and other significant people in the household. Together they assess how to alter the behavior.
* Parents have usually reinforced the child’s negative behavior
* Replace negative behaviors with positive behaviors (Jesus example of demon)
* Method of altering behaviors: Reinforcement (of positive behaviors), punishment (of negative behaviors)
* Typical reinforcement is praise
* Typical punishment is “time out”, a typical amount of time is 10 minutes
Expert explains why this works
Implementation: The expert goes back in the home to cue parents. The expert will cue “give praise” or cue “give punishment”. When the cues occur, the parents will simply do it. This continues until the parents are able to do it without the cues.
Ongoing: the parents, on their own, continue the systematic reinforcement and punishment.
How effective? After implementation, negative had reduced to 1 or 2 per hour.
Why can’t parents do this themselves?
* They have already provided a bad model and can’t change themselves very easily
* Too frazzled
* Don’t understand the principles
* They are too lazy; they never do what the expert does
- active involvement
Parent must model or teach kids how to accomplish things
Your instructions should be preceded with a personal “youtube” video on how to do it
Clean the room example: Help the child design the room—a place for everything. Then show them how to sweep a floor, wipe off the table, stack the toys, etc.
Think Mary Poppins: “Every job that must be done has an element of fun”
Parents are the ones who identify the fun
- the map, the goal
Essentially “living consciously” for kids
This process can start very early, just make the goal and activities that lead to the goal age appropriate
Examples for young children:
A Roller blades. Cool! But roller blades cost money. Lets go on the internet and find the pair your like. Find the desired blades, they cost $150. OK, lets create a plan to get those blades. If you do task A, B, and C each week we will put $10 into a pot for your blades. Fifteen weeks later you and child go down and purchase the blades.
B Contrast this with: You want ‘em. Go buy ‘em.
Who will enjoy the roller blades more? A or B?
Create Value by setting and achieving goals
- immediate consequences
hopeless knots by delay tactics (countdown, one more chance)
strong argument against use of physical painful punishment
- draw the connection
Young children (particularly under 6) often don’t know why they are being punished. It is important for the parent to “think like a child” to make this clear. Children can’t and don’t think like adults.
Point out consequences of behavior.
* The chart helps, you can point to the item on the chart they violated
* Point out how their behavior has hurt someone (or something) else
- physical pain
Note all the textbook reasons to not use physical pain as a means of correction.
* Models aggression
* Child lives in fear
* Avoid the punishing adult
* Easy to lead to child abuse
Spanking can be very effective particularly with young children (4 – 8?) if practiced dispassionately and consistently, and never with withdrawal of love.
- rewards
The problem of over justification: Sometimes the reward reduces intrinsic interest.
Overjustification: is when rewards reduce intrinsic interest. ie: coloring
- sin research
Associate desirable actions to their character
When the child does well, associate with their character: “That was very thoughtful, Sally, I am glad you are the sort of person who does thoughtful things.”
Associate undesirable actions the event
What you have done has hurt your sister. See how she is crying. You are a kind person, Johnny, and want to do kind things.
- positive parenting
Get your children so involved and passionate about positive things that getting into trouble is rare.
A wide array of different positive activities:
Athletics
Music
Writing or poetry
3-d animation
Starting their own business: Example Brad Sugars
raising self-esteem
must not only listen but DO
