Week 13 - Maintaining & Repairing Relationships Flashcards
What are relationship maintenance mechanisms?
What are the 3 types of mechanisms?
Strategic actions that ppl can engage in to sustain their relationships
Types:
- Commitment:
- strong commitment = behave differently - Cognitive maintenance mechanisms:
- cognitive interdependence (“us” instead of “i”)
- positive illusions (idealize one another)
- perceived superiority (their relationship better than others)
- inattention to alternatives (uninterested of how well they would do in other relationships)
- derogation of tempting alternatives (judge attractive ppl to be less desirable) - Behavioural maintenance mechanisms:
- willingness to sacrifice (small costs)
- Michelangelo phenomenon (partners support our development & self-growth = pour wellbeing tends to increase)
- accommodation (willing to control the impulse of lashing out in negativity = respond constructively)
- self-control (ability to manage our impulses, reduce unwanted behaviour, promotes forgiveness)
- play (content when they can engage in exciting/challenging activities together ex) swimming, biking etc…)
- rituals (familiar routines small actions ex) kiss goodnight, talking about day = have meaning, symbolize their identity in relationship)
- forgiveness (significantly less stressful to forgive than to hold grudge = better overall health of relationship)
Why is it important to stay content in a relationship?
Relationship partners who throughoutly engage in relational maintenance strategies tend to enjoy…
- More fondness for one another
- More commitment to their relationships
What are Canary and Staffords relational maintenance strategies?
***BEST PREDICTOR OF HAPPY MARRIAGES
Positivity
Openness
Relationship talk
***FOLLOWED BY
Assurances
Understanding
***FOLLOWED BY
Sharing tasks
Social networks
Joint activities
***STRONGEST WHEN BOTH INDIV USE THE STRATEGIES
Our perceptions of our behaviour are contaminated w/ “_____-________” biases
Why is it hard to repair our relationship ourselves?
Self-serving
It can be very difficult to recognize how we are contributing to our OWN relationship CHALLENGES
Third-party observers can be more fair/dispassionate in their perceptions of our relationship
**BE CAREFUL OF THE SOURCES OF YOUR SUPPORT/GUIDENCE
**WANT SCI EVIDENCE, NOT PERSONAL OPINION
^^^NOT ALWAYS LIKE THIS
What is the prevention and relationship enhancement program (PREP)?
Involves around 12 hours of training focused on…
- Power of commitment to change partners outlooks/behaviour
- Importance of having fun together
- Value of open communication about sex
- Consequences of inappropriate expectations
***ALSO TAUGHT SPEAKER-LISTENER TECHNIQUE
What do the 3 approaches in marital therapy differ in terms of?
(A) Focus on problematic behaviour
(B) Focus on individual vunerabilities VS couple interaction (as a source of dysfunction)
(C) Emphasis on past VS present difficulties as the primary source of distress
***EVEN BENEFICIAL IF JUST THE ONE PERSON GOES
What is traditional behavioural couple therapy (TBCT)?
Encourages couples to be more rewarding/pleasant partners
Focus on the couples PRESENT interactions
GOAL: replace (-) behaviour w/ more generous actions
What is cognitive-behavioural couple therapy (CBCT)?
GOAL: change aspects of the ways relationship partners THINK about their relationship
Can target:
- selective attention (tendency to notice and ignore other things)
- expectations
- attributions (enhance forgiving attributions = adaptive beliefs)
- relationship beliefs
Focus is on current problems the couples are experiencing
What is integrative behavioural couple theory (IBCT)?
GOAL: encourage more DESIRABLE behaviour and teach partners to ACCEPT INCOMPATIBILITIES which CANNOT be CHANGED
Teaches communication skills
Uses behaviour modification techniques of TBCT
Acceptance of partners imperfections can be promoted:
- empathetic joining (express vulnerability in a healthy way)
- unified detachment (couple asked to talk about distress event in a calm and dispassionate way)
- tolerance building (couple taught to become less sensitive)
Are the 3 behavioural approaches effective?
Yes
Approx 60-70% of couples who engage in any of these therapies tend to NOTICE significant reductions in their relationship distress
What is emotionally focused couple therapy (EFCT)?
Derived from ATTACHMENT THEORY
GOAL: improve relationship satisfaction by INCREASING partner attachment security
Tries to increase patterns of desirable action (like the behavioural theories), decrease maladaptive = feel safe & loved
Focuses on the EMOTIONS
3 stages:
1. Problematic patterns of communication are IDENTIFIED = therapists help them work through this
2. Establishing constructive patterns = highlight each others needs
3. Partners will reinforce responsiveness to each other
What is insight-oriented couple therapy (IOCT)?
GOAL: assist clients to gain INSIGHT into UNCONSCIOUS conflicts to understand their behaviour & have FREEDOM to feel/act in a different manner
Emphasis is on INDIVIDUAL VUNERALBILITIES & helping people to understand how their PERSONAL HABITS have developed & may be associated w/ RELATIONAL DYSFUNCTION
**REVISITING PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS (PAST)
** HELPS COUPLE FOR 4 YEARS LONGER THAN TBCT
What are some common elements of marital therapy?
Participation in ANY of the therapies mentioned tends to leave couples BETTER OFF
Around 2/3 of them are NOT dissatisfied w/ their marriages after participating
Most therapies are UNDERUTILIZED
- most divorced individuals never consulted a marriage therapist
- ones who seek help typically wait till their challenges are very severe
(+) results from therapy are CONTINGENT on sincerity of investment during the process (want to be there)
Men are less likely to believe in therapy, less likely to go, and take longer to go
