Week 10 - Conflict Flashcards
What is interpersonal conflict?
Can arise when one individuals motives, beliefs, goals, opinions or behaviour interfere w/ those of ANOTHER
We often make SACRIFICES so conflict doesn’t end in anger/hostility
All conflicts are not “______”
Overt
Sometimes we are completely unaware we are causing distress to our partners
What are 2 reasons why conflict is inescapable in a romantic partnership?
- Moods/preferences of 2 individuals will DIFFER (occasionally at least)
- We often experience opposing motivations (dialectics)
What are some dialectics?
These 4 dialectics account for more than “____%” of recent arguments that are reported by married couples
Autonomy VS connection
(Wanna be free to do what you want, but you also seek connection- can lead to dependency)
Openness VS closeness
(Self-disclosure, but people still want privacy)
Stability VS change
(Motivated to keep relationship stable, but also crave novelty/excitment)
Integration VS separation from social network
(Want to stay home and cuddle w/ partner, or go out with friends)
**CONFLICT BOUND TO HAPPEN IF PARTNERS HAVE DIALECTICS AT DIFF TIMES AND DIFF RATES
30%
How often do romantic partners typically engage in conflict?
Dating couples report “__.__” conflicts/week (when they keep diary or interactions)
Married couples report “__” differences of opinion every “__” weeks & tend to experience “__-__” unpleasant disagreements every month
Frequently
BUT
Actual incident depends on…
- The specific POPULATION ASSESSED
- The way that CONFLICT is both DEFINED and ASSESSED
———————————————————————————-
2.3
7; 2; 1-2
In one study it found that partners didn’t talk about “____%” conflicts or irritations they had
40%
What are 7 factors that are associated w/ the frequency of conflict we experience?
- Personality (ppl who score high on neuroticism = more unstable/more disagreements)
- Attachment style (secure attachment style = tend to manage conflict better/have less conflict)
- Stage of life (young adults tend to experience more conflict- mid 20’s)
- Similarity (less similar = more conflict)
- Stress (more combined stress a couple has = more conflict)
- Sleep (sleep tends to suffer after conflict = more irritable)
- Alcohol (alcohol increased hostility & blaming)
What are some instigating events?
(Most significant to least significant)
***Children
Chores
Communication
Leisure
Work
***Money
Habits
Relatives
Commitment
Intimacy
Friends
Personality
In order to make sense of the variety of conflicts couples experience…
Peterson classified instigating events in what 4 categories?
- Criticism (verbal and nonverbal communicate dissatisfaction)
- Illegitimate demands (go way above expectations someone holds for a partner)
- Rebuffs (one person appeals to the other for a desired response, the other partner doesn’t appeal)
- Cumulative annoyances (fairly trivial events become irritating- happens lots)
What is the evolutionary perspective on conflict?
In heterosexual partnerships = some conflict is EXPECTED given the differences in partners REPRODUCTIVE interests
*Women tend to become upset by males who want SEX SOONER and more FREQUENTLY
*Men tend to become upset by women who DELAY SEX for a long time and IGNORE their SEXUAL ADVANCES
What is an attribution seen in conflict?
Actor/observer effects:
- partners have slightly different explanations for their OWN actions than anyone else does
Self-serving biases:
- result in judging OWN ACTIONS more favourably than others
= partners attributions DIFFERENT and this can create conflict
(Misunderstandings/attributional conflict- which conflict is more right)
What are benevolent attributions?
If you perceive your partners misbehaviour to be…
- Unintentional, external & stable causes = seem blameless
- Intentional, internal & unstable = anger response
= make it EASY for conflicts to be resolved
What is involved in engagement & escalation?
Once an instigating event happens…
Partners must decide whether:
1. They will ADDRESS the issue
2. Let it GO
*This is the first choice in Petersons model of conflict
——————————————————————————
When partners say mean things to one another…
Can come in 2 forms:
1. DIRECT tactics (aqqusations that criticize, hostile demands)
2. INDIRECT tactics (attempts to change topic, whineing)
*increase heart rate/cholesteral = decrease immune
*married couples who fight this way, more likely to DIVORCE
What is the negative effect reciprocity?
Because one partner is being TESTY, the other partner follows suit and SNAPS BACK
Interaction becomes INCREASINGLY more noxious & angry
Pattern is found in DISSATISFIED COUPLES
What is the demand/withdraw pattern?
Women tend to be the “_________” and men tend to be the “__________” (more often bring up relationship issues)
Pattern occurs when one partner engages in DEMANDING FORMS OF BEHAVIOUR such as complaints, criticisms and pressure for changes
(Becomes more frustrated)
The other engages with WITHDRAWING FORMS OF BEHAVIOUR such as avoiding discussion and walking away
(Makes withdrawer more resistant)
——————————————————————————
Demanders; withdrawers
Gender norms?
Autonomy?
Power? Among males and females
