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HECOL 210 > Chapter 8 - Maintaining intimate relationships. > Flashcards

Chapter 8 - Maintaining intimate relationships. Flashcards

1
Q

What is the best way to maintain a intimate relationship, through communication?

A

Communicate well when it matters.

- identify your fears of the subject.

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2
Q

What are the common fears around communication on tough subjects?

A
  • Not understand
  • Other person won’t listen
  • Other person will get angry
  • You may break up.
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3
Q

What exercise creates a structure that allows both partners to be able to express their views and be understood by their partner.

A

The speaker-listener technique.

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4
Q

What is the Speaker-listener technique.

A

The goal of this is to talk without fighting.

This is about understanding, not agreement.

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5
Q

what is the key feature of Speaker-listener technique.

A
  • It is based off of the active listening skill.
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6
Q

What are the rules of the speaker?

A
  • Speak for yourself
  • Don’t go on and on
  • Stop and let the listener paraphrase.
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7
Q

What are the rules for the listener?

A
  • Paraphrase what you hear

- Don’t rebut. Focus on what the speaker is saying.

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8
Q

What are the rules for both speaker and listener?

A
  • The speaker has the floor
  • speaker keeps the floor while the listener paraphrases.
  • Share the floor.
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9
Q

What is the general opinion of the Speaker - Listener technique?

A

It is very awkward and unnatural.

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10
Q

True or false:

natural couple communication is not ideal in difficult situations.

A

True.

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11
Q

Structured communication counteracts what within conflict?

A
  • Escalation
  • Invalidation
  • Withdrawal
  • Negative interpretations.
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12
Q

Why does the Speaker - Listener technique work?

A

Because it is unnatural and forces both people to slow down and pay attention to the process,

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13
Q

What is flooding?

A

A communication killer:
bringing up absolutely everything you can think of when having a discussion.

  • never have a resolution
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14
Q

What is mind reading?

A

A communication killer:

“I know what you are going to say….”

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15
Q

What is Defensiveness?

A

A communication killer:
Concentrate on defending yourself rather than on what the other person is saying.

  • “the problem isn’t me, it is you”
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16
Q

What is frequency hoping

A

A communication killer:

- From topic to topic so quick that no resolution is possible.

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17
Q

What is Yes-butting?

A

A communication killer.

- Not understanding, only defending

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18
Q

What is Belligerence?

A

“what are you going to do about it?”

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19
Q

Within relationships what is common with communication?

A

When one person is a good communicator, and the other is not. It makes the person who is not a good communicator want to communicate less.

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20
Q

What are the three key aspects of maintaining intimacy?

A
  • Capitalization
  • Forgiveness
  • Self expression
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21
Q

What is Capitalization?

A

The sharing of positive events in one’s life.

22
Q

Why is Capitalization powerful?

A
  • Allows us to relive the event
  • see other are pleased with us
  • Connects the positive event to relationship
23
Q

What is key for capitalization to be positive?

A

Reaction of the partner is key.

- responding in a active-constructive manner is associated with positive effects to occur from capitalization.

24
Q

What can cause the Failure to Capitalize?

A

Responding passively or destructively erodes goodwill between partners and leads to resentment.

25
Q

What is passive-constructive?

A

Nice job. When does the raise take effect.

26
Q

What is Active Destructive ( capitalization )

A

Whoa, that’s way better than the last time you went for a merit raise. Remember how you nearly lost your job.

27
Q

What is Passive destruction (Capitalization)

A

I haven’t had a raise in years, maybe I should look for a new job.

28
Q

What makes forgiveness such a powerful positive process?

A

When we forgive, it allows us to move on and be happy.

29
Q

What happens when forgiveness is not present?

A

Partners become excellent at keeping track of all your partners misdeeds.

30
Q

What is the first ingredient for forgiveness?

A

Motivation, on a intrapersonal level.

The wronged partner wants to be kind to the other person, rather than feel anger and thirst for vengeance.

31
Q

What is the second ingredient for forgiveness?

A

Behavior, on a interpersonal level.

The wronged partner lets the other know he or she no longer feels anger or thirst for revenge.

32
Q

If there is a change in intrapersonal motivation but no change in interpersonal behavior, it is called……

A

Silent forgiveness

33
Q

if there is a change in interpersonal behavior but no change in intrapersonal motivation, it is……

A

Hollow forgiveness

34
Q

What four items allow for forgiveness to be most likely.

A
  1. transgression was minor
  2. The victim has empathy, agreeableness, and a low level of neuroticism
  3. The transgressor sincerely apologies.
  4. The relationship contains a high level of commitment and satisfaction.
35
Q

What is the worst outcome of “forgiveness”

A
  • Low level of negative behavior, with low levels of forgiveness.
36
Q

What are Novel activities?

A

Engaging in new novel activities with one’s partner can foster self-expression.

37
Q

What is the self expression model?

A

As people learn about each other, they gain knowledge and resources, expanding their sense of self.

38
Q

Once you know someone well, it is difficult to maintain excitement. What is the best way to keep a sense of self-expansion?

A

Go do something new with your partner, that allows both partners to be successful.

Find a activity that allows you to both enjoy the experience.

39
Q

What is Relationship maintenance?

A

Refers to the routine behaviors and strategies partners develop to help make sure their relationship will continue.

40
Q

What is the intimacy process model?

Three components.

A
  • Disclosures and expression
  • perception and response
  • judgment made by self disclosing partner makes about themselves after expression.
41
Q

What is a interpretive filter?

A

The motivation of a persons needs, goals, and fears leading to the failure to pick up on the speakers needs, vulnerabilities, and intentions.

Leading to dismissal of of speakers remarks as trivial or unimportant.

42
Q

What is Empathy?

A

The capacity to understand and share another person’s thoughts and feelings.

43
Q

What are the four steps required for a persons behavior to be considered responsive?

A
  1. Listen to initial disclosure.
  2. Understand the superficial meaning conveyed in words, as well as subtle hidden messages
  3. Respond in a way that reflects this understanding, perhaps including questions that encourage and draw the other person out.
  4. Know whether, when, and how to make the transition to another topic.
44
Q

What is the Self-Expansion model

A

Based in two fundamental assumptions.

  1. regardless of relationship status, people naturally want to increase their capacity and effectiveness as individuals to achieve their goals.
  2. Intimate relationships are a common way people attempt to enhance their identity and expand what they are capable of achieving.
45
Q

What is social integration?

A

Stronger social ties and interconnections.

Women have been social integration than men.

46
Q

What is the Broaden-and-build theory?

A

The experience and expression of positive emotions serve two purposes;
1. to enhance how we think about and respond to countless events in daily life.

  1. to build the resources for maintaining our well-being. (Physical health, mental health, social connections….).
47
Q

What is the impact stage of forgiveness?

A

Partners learn of the transgression and begin to recognize the effect it has on them.

48
Q

What is the meaning stage of forgiveness?

A

The offended partner tries to make sense of why the incident occurred.

49
Q

What is the moving-on stage of forgiveness?

A

The victim finds a way to adjust to, and move on from the incident.

50
Q

What is forgiveness?

A

The idea that feelings of hurt and anger, and the desire to retaliate, are transformed in such a way that the person who has been slighted adopts a generous, unselfish attitude towards the offender.

HECOL 210 (23 decks)

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