Chapter 16 - LOVE IS ALL WE NEED Flashcards
What did Sigmund Freud say is important in life?
To love and to work
According to the FIRO-B research, what area has the biggest gap between what people express and what they want?
Intimacy
How is love defined in this chapter?
Love as an emotion is the absence of fear
What physiological response does fear cause in the body?
Muscles tighten and prepares us to flee, fight, or freeze
What is the opposite of the state of love?
Fear
In common understanding, what is love also seen as?
The act of creation
What feeling do clients often experience in industrialized cultures, according to the chapter?
Isolation or loneliness
What is connectedness described as in the text?
A quality of life for all human beings
What are the two conditions most protective of children’s well-being according to the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent to Adult Health?
- Sense of connection at home
- Sense of connection at school
What does Harry Palmer define love as?
An expression of the willingness to create space in which something is allowed to change
What paradox did Mother Teresa describe about love?
If I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love
What did Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. say about love?
Only love can drive out hate
How does self-love impact our ability to love others?
It allows us to fully love others
What metaphor is used to describe self-love in relation to giving to others?
A cup that, when full, has enough reserve to give to others
What is self-love critical for?
Mental health and happiness
What happens when clients lack self-love?
They find it difficult to take care of themselves
What is love described as in the chapter?
A choice
What common examples do people choose instead of love?
- Self-focus
- Anger
- Judgments
- Expectations
- Being right
- Being busy
- Worries
What practice is associated with increased joy and lowered incidence of depression?
Keeping a gratitude journal
What is the first step in the Compassion Exercise?
Repeat to yourself: ‘Just like me, this person is seeking some happiness for his/her life.’
What does the Compassion Exercise aim to foster?
Compassion for others
What is the purpose of the exercise asking clients how they treat someone they love?
To learn how to better love themselves
What is a key coaching question regarding love?
What gets in the way of choosing love for you?
What is the primary focus of the exercises described for clients?
To raise clients’ awareness about choices they can make to love themselves better
The exercises encourage clients to reflect on how they express love to others and how they can apply similar actions towards themselves.
What is Step 1 of the exercise on expressing love?
Ask the client, ‘What do you do for a person you really love? What do you do for or with that person?’
What might a client say they do for a loved one?
Examples include:
* Scratching their back without being asked
* Paying close attention and listening when they talk about their day
What is Step 2 of the exercise on expressing love?
Ask the client, ‘Do you do the same for yourself?’
What is the focus of Step 3 in the exercise on expressing love?
Ask, ‘How can you do more of this with yourself? How can you pay more exquisite attention to yourself?’
What is the primary aim of Exercise 16.3, ‘Expressing Care’?
To help clients focus concretely on how they care for valued possessions and draw analogies to self-care.
What is Step 1 of the ‘Expressing Care’ exercise?
Ask the client to think of something they own and really value and care about.
What are some examples of valued possessions clients might mention?
Examples include:
* A family photograph album
* A piano
* A Mont Blanc pen
* A 1957 Chevy Corvette
What is Step 2 of the ‘Expressing Care’ exercise?
Ask the client, ‘How do you take care of it?’
What are some specific actions clients might take to care for their valued possessions?
Examples include:
* Protecting a photograph album from light
* Dusting and polishing a piano
* Keeping a pen in a special case
* Maintaining a vintage car
What is the focus of Step 3 in the ‘Expressing Care’ exercise?
Ask the client, ‘How could you do similar things to take exquisite care of yourself?’
What are the two healthy options for forgiveness according to Janis Abrahms Spring?
- Acceptance
- True forgiveness
What does true forgiveness involve?
A healing process that the offender and hurt party engage in together.
What does the story of Roswell McIntyre illustrate about forgiveness?
It shows how forgiveness can change the course of a life.
What lesson does the water bearer story convey?
Our flaws can be transformed into gifts through acceptance.
What metaphor does Anthony de Mello use to describe our attachments that hinder love?
He refers to them as ‘drugs’ and ‘addictions’.
What must one do to truly love, according to Anthony de Mello?
Learn to see again and give up dependency.
What is the essence of love as described in the reflections on love?
Love is our own essential nature, pure and lasting.
What can hinder our experience of love according to the reflections?
Self-centered desires, focus on the senses, and mental chatter.
Fill in the blank: Healthy love of others requires us to let go of _______.
[resentments, old angers, and unforgiven wounds]
True or False: Forgiveness is always easy to give.
False
What can happen if someone refuses to forgive?
They may stew in hostility and cut themselves off from connections with life.
What is the nature of love according to the text?
Love is constantly available, flowing, spontaneous, and independent
Love sustains and is considered divine.
How did the author’s understanding of love change after her husband’s death?
The awareness of Inner Love was evoked, showing that love was always present within her
This recognition allowed her to savor love even in absence.
What does the author mean by ‘Inner Love’?
Inner Love is the awareness of love that exists within oneself, independent of external circumstances
It can be accessed even in great pain.
What are the implications of love being our true essence?
- It is accessible to anyone
- No one is helpless in discovering love
- Romantic love can be reframed as an expression of Inner Love
- Feeling loved by another stimulates awareness of one’s own Inner Love
What does the author suggest about the experience of feeling loved?
Feeling loved by another reflects the stimulation of our own awareness of Inner Love
This often occurs when the other person is also aware of their Inner Love.
Is love dependent on circumstances or other people?
No, love is independent of circumstances and does not require the presence of another human being
It can be experienced even in solitude.
What confusion exists around the definitions of love in modern society?
- Love is often confused with attachment
- Love is mixed with sex
- Love is confused with infatuation
- Love is seen as a limited resource
What is the suggested reframing of love?
Love is the force or capacity that is the source of feelings like wonder, gratitude, beauty, affection, and enjoyment
This view suggests love may be beyond definition.
What is the story shared by Rachel Naomi Remen about giving?
Her grandfather taught her that some things are worth doing any way you can, reflecting the goodness of love
This illustrates that all expressions of love are valuable.
What are some practices to become aware of Inner Love?
- Focus on the heart and observe inner movement
- Recall a loving experience and shift focus to the love itself
- Request to experience love from within
- Act as if love is your constant nourishment
What role does love play in coaching according to the text?
- Coaches should practice entering within to access Inner Love
- Awareness of Inner Love enhances the coaching atmosphere
- Love creates trust and safety in the coaching relationship
What happens when a coach is aware of their Inner Love?
- The client experiences their own Inner Love
- Listening becomes more natural
- Intuition flows more strongly
- Love can be directed towards clients and goals
How does the text conclude regarding coaching and love?
Coaching is rooted in a deep caring for clients’ fulfillment, emphasizing the importance of love in life coaching
Better coaching leads to better living.
