Chapter 13 - PLAY FULL OUT Flashcards
What does Peter Block imply about the ability to say ‘no’?
If you can’t say ‘no,’ your ‘yesses’ don’t mean a thing.
What metaphor is used to describe the potential of individuals in coaching?
Individuals are instruments, like a piano with full octaves.
What does ‘playing full out’ mean in the context of coaching?
Living and using ourselves as fully and richly as possible.
What are the three components of being at full choice in life?
- Examine our choices fully
- Choose consciously
- Be responsive, not reactive
What does the term ‘play full out’ refer to?
Playing the game of life fully and richly.
What philosophy did Morrie from ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’ advocate?
Live like there’s only today, love like you’ve never been hurt, dance like nobody’s watching.
According to Stuart Brown, what are the benefits of play?
- Critical for happiness
- Sustains social relationships
- Encourages creativity and innovation
How does Dr. Brown define play?
An absorbing, apparently purposeless activity that provides enjoyment.
What is the impact of play on personal growth?
When we stop playing, we stop growing.
What are the advantages of play at work?
- Energizes us
- Sparks curiosity
- Triggers ideas and innovation
What does a playful attitude at work provide?
Emotional distance to rally and fosters cooperative socialization.
What is the essence of Rose’s speech about growing old?
We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.
What are the four secrets to staying young according to Rose?
- Being happy
- Achieving success
- Laughing and finding humor every day
- Having a dream
What does the concept of ‘plurk’ mean?
Play while you work.
Why is play often rated low on the Life Balance Wheel for helping professionals?
Work has taken over their lives, leaving little time for fun and play.
What role do boundaries play in the context of play and choice?
Good boundaries allow us to spend time and energy wisely.
Why is saying ‘no’ important for maintaining boundaries?
It helps us take life lightly and play, which are roots of resilience.
What can happen when we say ‘yes’ when we want to say ‘no’?
We compromise our boundaries and allow unwanted things into our life.
What lesson does Rose’s story teach about education and age?
It is never too late to be all you can possibly be.
What is the difference between growing older and growing up?
Growing older is mandatory; growing up is optional.
What is the impact of not having fun and play in our lives?
We become human doings instead of human beings.
What happens when we say yes to demands we want to say no to?
We make the other person more important than ourselves and cheapen our word.
According to Peter Block, what is our ability to say yes contingent upon?
Our willingness to say no.
What is one important outcome of being grounded and clear about our boundaries?
We regain respect for ourselves.
Do people always respect those who set clear boundaries?
No.
What is our responsibility regarding the people and situations that nourish us?
To recognize them and take appropriate action.
What metaphor is commonly used to explain boundaries?
Boundaries are like the moat around a castle.
What do boundaries define?
Who we are and how we live.
When we have tight, strong boundaries, what type of people do we attract?
People who have similar boundaries.
What is a key principle regarding giving and boundaries?
To give generously, clients must have good boundaries.
What is the analogy used for giving in a spiritual context?
Give like an overflowing cup, not like a pipe.
What does establishing healthy boundaries lead to, according to Dr. Pat and Lloyd Thomas?
Feeling more secure and lowering anxiety.
What three things are necessary for clients to fully choose and play full out?
- Good boundaries
- High standards
- Integrity
What does ‘playing full out’ mean?
Pursuing excellence, taking risks, and consciously choosing how hard to play.
What should clients do to create more room for choice?
Set clear boundaries.
What is one of the first steps in reflecting on boundaries?
List three to five places in your life where you need to set better boundaries.
What is a guideline for keeping boundaries tight?
Be clear about your limits.
What should you do if you hear a request that makes you uncomfortable?
Say no and really mean it.
What is the importance of saying no to trivial requests?
It gives meaning to the things we say yes to.
What is a graceful way to say no when someone suggests something you might consider?
Express interest but indicate you have prior commitments and suggest revisiting later.
What is the purpose of the exercise on disidentification?
To help clients realize that happiness is a choice and not dependent on possessions or roles.
In the context of boundaries, what does it mean to exercise your freedom to choose?
To say no to others and not take on their troubles.
What are some consequences of not setting clear boundaries?
Feeling disempowered and drained by others’ demands.
What is the main message of the exercise regarding risks?
Identify something you would love to do but have chosen not to due to fear and examine the costs and benefits.
What is the significance of writing a personal equation for happiness?
To move beyond defining happiness by possessions or roles.
What should clients reflect on regarding their roles in life?
Commit to putting their soul before their role.
What is the key to maintaining integrity while setting tighter boundaries?
Establish a standard for yourself that aligns with your values.
What is a good response when you are interested but overcommitted?
This sounds like something that may be for me, and I’ve just committed to sticking to three other priorities right now. Will you come back in 90 days and give me another chance to look at this opportunity with you?
This response acknowledges interest while managing commitments.
How can you say no when the timing is not right?
I wish I could, but it’s just not possible right now. Thank you for thinking of me.
Acknowledging gratitude can encourage future opportunities.
What should you avoid doing after saying no?
Do not say more—there is no need to justify or give reasons.
Over-explaining can lead to unnecessary debate.
Fill in the blank: A graceful way to say no when you have other priorities is, ‘This year my priorities are very few and very _______.’
[focused]
This emphasizes clarity in commitment.
What is a recommended approach when you are asked to do something that goes against your values?
Say no quickly—just no—no reasons.
Quick refusals prevent ambiguity about your decision.
What is a good response if asked to provide services for free?
I do pro bono work on a limited basis, and that time has already been committed for this year. Would you like to be put on the waiting list?
This response clarifies your limitations and sets boundaries.
What is the best way to respond when someone repeatedly asks for free advice?
I feel awkward helping you at this point because I feel I’m being unfair to my paying clients.
This highlights the need to respect professional boundaries.
True or False: It is important to share your priorities when saying no to someone.
False
You have a right to your priorities without justification.
What can you say if you wish to help but are currently overcommitted?
I’d love to help you with this, but I just don’t have the time. Please let me know next time this comes up.
This leaves the door open for future engagements.
How should one practice saying no?
Practice saying each of these graceful ‘no’ lines until comfortable.
Rehearsing responses helps with delivery in real situations.
What is the significance of maintaining good boundaries?
It creates the possibility of playing full out, having fun, and creating a balanced life.
Boundaries are essential for achieving life balance.
What should you do if a client’s boundary issues require therapy?
Refer them to a therapist.
Recognizing when to refer is crucial for effective coaching.
Fill in the blank: When saying no, you should avoid giving _______.
[reasons]
Avoiding reasons keeps the focus on the decision itself.
What type of response works well with persistent requesters?
Gosh, I really wish I could, but it’s just . . . [count silently to four] . . . impossible.
This approach minimizes the chance of further questioning.
