Attraction - Chapter 3 Flashcards
What are we attracted to?
We are attracted to others whose presence is rewarding to us
What rewards do we gain from relationships?
Direct and indirect rewards
Describe direct rewards, list examples
Obvious rewards/evident pleasures; interest, approval, beauty, money, good advice
Describe indirect rewards, list examples
Subtle benefits; anything that resembles us makes people seem more likeable - may not be conscious; sharing the first letter of your names
Instrumentality:
Attention is based on someone helping us meet our goals
Proximity:
being nearby influences how likely two people will meet and interact - physically being with people is rewarding
Familiarity:
Repeated contact - proximity increases chances that two people will see each other; we like peoples whose faces we recognize more than those we don’t
Convenience:
being close to someone is rewarding, being far away is difficult
Probems with proximity:
- Our enemies live close by
- Online relationships: people put their best foot forward online - people are mildly disappointed
- Long distance partners that are being reunited - idealized images of their partnership make reunions more stressful and breakups happen
Aspects that influence who we find attractive:
Height, smell, intelligence, culture, evolutionary perspective, menstrual cycles
What is reciprocity in terms of attraction?
Physical attractiveness x probability of acceptance = potential partner desirability
Appealing partners are moderately attractive, and offer a good chance of accepting us
What is mate value
overall attractiveness as a reproductive partner
What in the past influences who we are attracted to
past experiences and history of rejection
What are the main ways partners resemble each other (3)
Demographic similarities, attitudes and values (this matters the most), personalities - contentment has more to do with desirable qualities than similarities
Explain how being selective impacts potential relationships
others can pick up on the genuine connection
BUT playing hard to get does not work
Disadvantages of being attractive
Unstable relationships, less trusting of others
how do similarities between partners changes over time
Relationships change people: couples tend to share more similar attitudes over time
Do opposites attract? Why do people think opposites attract?
They don’t. Similarities in relationships differ in their perception vs reality - learning about what are actual similarities and differences can take a long time. We think we have more in common than they actually do.
Who is a good judge of similarity in a relationship?
People outside the relationship have a more accurate perspective
What is the stimulus-value-role theory
We gain three different broad types of information as our new relationship develops - stimulus, value and role
What is the stimulus information stage
First contact: what attracts us to one another - demographics, appearance
What is the value stage
2-7 contacts: attraction depends on similarity in attitudes and beliefs
What is the role compatibility stage
8 or more contacts through to long-term relationships: determining compatibility becomes important when people find out if they are similar about important things (kids, future, marriage)
Describe fatal attraction
when the quality that initially attracts one person to another gradually becomes one of the most irritating things about them
