The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck

Question 1

What is the feedback loop from hell?

How do you break the loop?

Answer 1

Worry or anxiety over something causes more problems than it solves.

The desire for a more positive experience is in itself a negative experience.
Accepting a negative experience is a positive experience.

Question 2

What are the 3 keys to reaching goals?

Answer 2

1) Don’t worry about what others think. Reserve fucks for what truly matters. Be comfortable being different than others, not indifferent.
2) To not care about or overcome adversity, you must care about something more than adversity.
3) Do things consciously. Whether you realize it or not, you are always choosing what to give a fuck about.

Question 3

What causes people to focus on trivial shit?

Answer 3

Not having anything in life worth actually caring about.

Question 4

What is happiness?

Answer 4

First living within your values

Next, the elimination of cravings

Question 5

What is happiness as it relates to problems?

Answer 5

Soling the problems you enjoy having and solving

Question 6

How do you use emotions?

Answer 6

Ask if the emotion is useful or not.
Understand the root of the emotion.
Ask “why” repeatedly.

Question 7

What are the layers in the self awareness onion?

Answer 7

1) Emotions
2) Why you have the emotions
3) Underlying values that determine the source of our problems

Question 8

What are examples of bad values and why are they bad?

Answer 8

Ex: Material Success, always being right, pleasure.
False values because they are not immediate or controllable, superstitious, or socially destructive.
Most importantly, the greatest moments in life are never those things.

Question 9

What are the hallmarks of good values?

Answer 9

Reality based
Socially constructive
Immediate and controllable

Question 10

What is the difference between a good and a bad problem?

Answer 10

Whether or not you choose it.
Choosing problem - empowered
Foisted problem - victim

Ex: Being forced to run 26 mi with a gun to your head not a good problem.
Training for a marathon, and achieving the goal of 26 mi is a good problem.

Question 11

How do you manage blame vs. responsibility?

Answer 11

You may not be responsible for what happens to you, but you are always responsible for your reaction and how you feel as a result.

Question 12

What is Tim Kreider’s NYT Oped quote on outrage?

Answer 12

“Outrage is more insidious than other vices because we don’t even consciously acknowledge it’s a pleasure”

Question 13

What is Parkinsons Law?

Answer 13

Work expands so as to fill up the time available for completion.

Question 14

What is the difficulty with change and how do you do it?

Answer 14

Change is simple, but difficult to execute. Just fucking do it, rip off the bandaid and deal with the pain. The pain is good.

Question 15

What is Mansons law?

Answer 15

The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it.

Question 16

How should you define yourself?

Answer 16

In simple but broad ways so your identities are less likely to be threatened and you are less likely to become defensive.

Question 17

How do you breed uncertainty?

Answer 17

Q1) What if I’m wrong?
Q2) What would it mean if I’m wrong?
Q3) Would being wrong create a better or worse problem than the current problem?

Question 18

What’s the key to positive pain?

Answer 18

Learning to sustain the positive pain you’ve chosen.

Question 19

What is the principle of motivation and action?

Answer 19

Action isn’t the effect of motivation, it’s the cause of it.

Just do something and the answers will follow.

Question 20

What is the legacy thinking on inspiration, motivation and action? What is the correct thinking on inspiration, motivation and action?

Answer 20

Old - Inspiration leads to motivation leads to action

Correct - Action leads to inspiration leads to motivation

Question 21

How should you reject what’s not in line with your values?

Answer 21

Quickly, bluntly and unemotionally

Question 22

What are hallmarks of a healthy love and an unhealthy love?

Answer 22

Unhealthy - Two people trying to escape their problems through their emotions for eachother.

Healthy - two people openly working through their problems.

Question 23

What are hallmarks of a successful relationship and an unsuccessful relationship?

Answer 23

Success depends on;

1) How well each person accepts responsibility
2) Willingness of each person to both reject and be rejected by their partner

Healthy - two people solve their own problems to feel good about each other.
Unhealthy - two people try to solve each others problems in order to feel good about themselves.

Acts of love are validated only when performed without conditions or expectations.

Question 24

What is the relationship between our values and death? How can this cause problems?

Answer 24

Values are used to create our conceptual self. Our conceptual self us a false coping mechanism to create something that transcends death. If you feel you can transcend death, you are less likely to clearly develop truth based values.

Question 25

What are the benefits of accepting death?

Answer 25

Focuses the mind and values.

Live each day based on the truth of death clears out the mind to focus on what is really important.

Question 26

What helps your interactions with others?

Answer 26

Those around you are going to die. And they have had very hard lives.