Human Givens Needs & Resources Flashcards
Rational Thinking
Rationality, Logic, Intelligence, Planning, Exams, Academic Learning, Prioritising, Sorting, Listing, Categorising, Targets, Science, Maths, Problem Solving
Do you need to analyse this situation, make a list, plan the next step? Or are you thinking too much or trying too hard to work out the answer when a different type of approach might be more effective?
Jill was feeling overloaded with life and starting to get upset. She had so many things to do before tomorrow: shopping, washing, arranging a carer for her elderly mother, taking the cat to the vet, booking the car into the garage for a service, checking her bank account, paying the rent. She could tell that she wasn’t thinking straight. So she decided to stop panicking and spend five minutes making a list to separate those things which really needed to be done from those which could wait until tomorrow.
Imagination
Creativity, Vision, Inspiration, Possibility, Catastrophising, Worry, Future, Past, Dreams, What-If, Narrative, Story.
Are you focussing entirely on the positives or the negatives? Are you being creative? Consider how and when you use your imagination. Do you need to come down to earth and be more pragmatic?
Story: Jim was once humiliated by a teacher in front of his classmates. He felt so ashamed and embarrassed with everyone looking at him that he couldn’t even remember what he was trying to say. Ever after that, whenever he had to stand up and talk to a group of people he felt sick with worry even though he knew he was good at his work. Eventually he worked out that he was misusing his imagination and using it to imagine how awful things might be. So instead, he started imagining what it would feel like if it went really well and everyone appreciated his work. Now he looks forward to giving presentations.
Memory
Memory, Good times, Training, Bad Times, Life Experience, Recall, Mistakes.
Can you remember a previous situation which is relevant to the current situation? Are you remembering only the positive or only the negative aspects? Just because it happened in the past, it doesn’t mean it will necessarily happen again in the future.
Story: Don never looked forward to visiting his family. Not since that time he had a row and fell out with his mother and his sister after he lost his job. His mother was starting to get old and frail and
needed more help. But every time he walked up to her front door he only remembered the painful arguments. A friend commented that parents often mess up even though they are only trying to help. Don decided to focus on remembering the good times they had shared. He was still upset about the past, but in his mum’s last few months he was able to be positive and spent many happy hours looking at photos with her and remembering just how many great times they had enjoyed
Pattern Matching
Patterns, Behaviour, Learning, Stories, Habits, Addictions, Relationships, Triggers, Metaphor, Knowing, Instincts.
Is this a familiar pattern or trigger situation? Is it relevant to the current situation or a hangover from the past? Does it help to recognise the pattern? What could you do to change the pattern of thinking or behaviour?
Story: Richard arranged for his friend Matt to give him a lift to the station. As soon as he got into Matt’s car he felt really anxious but he had no idea why. During the journey they stopped quite suddenly at a roundabout. Richard then remembered an earlier traffic accident when he had been injured in another friend’s car some ten years earlier. Then he noticed that Matt’s car was the same make and model. It even had the same smell. He realised that his unexplained anxiety had simply been due to an unconscious pattern match
Rapport
Rapport, Connection, Communication, Copying, Learning From, Sharing, Mimic, Language, Tone of Voice, Body Language, Shared Rituals, Handshakes, Small-Talk, Gossip.
Do you need to establish a better connection before you send the message? Can you imagine how a friend would see and act in this situation?
Story: Peter had to tell his close friend that he was leaving and moving to another town. He felt it was going to be a difficult conversation. He asked his friend to come for a walk with him, on their favourite hill, sharing other stories before he delivered his news. In fact his friend understood and shared Peter’s enthusiasm, and looked forward to visiting him in his new place.
Dreaming
Relates to: Dreams, Daydreams, Sleep, Emotions, Exhaustion, Nightmares, Metaphor, Unreality, Resolution, Rest.
Are you getting enough sleep? Are you overloaded? Do you have a routine for preparing for sleep? Are you burning the candle at both ends? Consider your intake of caffeine, alcohol and screen time and also your work-life balance
Emotions
Relates to: Emotion, Motivation, Panic, Reaction, Drive, Change, Reassurance, Happy, Sad, Excited, Disgusted, Angry, Scared, Relieved, Love.
Are you caught in a cycle of worry? Or are you denying your emotions? Are you trying to make key decisions whilst feeling highly emotional? Do you know how to calm yourself effectively?
Story: Hannah wanted to give up smoking but had tried before without success. She realised that she didn’t really care enough about her own health to make the change. However, she cared deeply about the health of her two sons. One day she realised that she could utilise her love of her sons and give up for their benefit rather than for herself. After that it was easy to resist smoking.
Observing Self
Awareness, Watching, Listening, Context, Bigger Picture, Taking a Step Back, Mindfulness, Meditation, Checking, Noticing.
Do you need to stand back in order to see the bigger picture? Or are you standing on the sidelines avoiding getting involved?
Story: As Joe was leaving the car park he noticed a pound coin lying on the ground which he picked up. Another driver, in a great hurry and needing change for the ticket machine, offered him a five pound note in return for the coin. Feeling this was his lucky day, he placed a five-pound bet on a horse race and was amazed and delighted to win five hundred pounds. He celebrated his winnings with a drink in the local pub. On his way home he discovered that the roll of banknotes was no longer in his pocket and realised that someone in the pub must have stolen his money. When he eventually got home, he told his wife he had been pick-pocketed. “Did they take anything valuable?” she asked. Joe replied: “Only a pound coin”.
Food & Drink
Relates to: Food, Water, Thirst, Nutrition, Diet, Hunger, Protein, Fat, Calories, Carbohydrates, Drink
Are you listening to what your body is asking for in the way of nutrition? Are you using food as a substitute for something else? Do you need to change your diet?
Story: Ben wanted to lose weight but found it difficult. He had a habit of snacking whenever he felt hungry – which was quite often. Eventually he realised that he was not drinking much water during the day and was in the habit of mistaking thirst for hunger. After that he made a point of drinking a glass of water whenever he felt like a snack. He would then wait fifteen minutes and would only eat if he still felt hungry. The result was that he felt much healthier and much less hungry.
Movement
Relates to: Movement, Gardening, Housework, Immobility, Dance, Physical Activity, Exercise, Walking, Fitness.
Do you get regular physical exercise? Or are you spending too many hours at the gym?
Story: Zak had been worrying about his course work. He had been working flat out for hours and had only two days to finish his assignment. He was panicking that he had left it all too late.His friend Natalie called around and saw that he had worked himself into a state where he couldn’t concentrate at all. She persuaded him to take a short walk with her down by the river. They talked about holidays. When he got back he felt re-energised and after getting started, the task didn’t seem nearly so difficult.
Sleep
Rest, Exhaustion, Sleep, Relaxation, Tiredness, REM State, Dreaming, Rejuvenation.
Are you getting enough sleep? Have you allowed your brain to form a pattern between being in bed and doing anything other than being asleep? How can you break this pattern?
Story: Graham had a TV in his bedroom and was in the habit of falling asleep while watching late night movies. Each morning he woke up feeling exhausted. It seemed to take him at least an hour to fully wake up. A friend suggested removing the TV from his bedroom. He tried it and then realised that all the excitement of the films had been giving his unconscious mind too much stimulation. With the TV banished, he started to sleep deeper and woke feeling refreshed.
Resources
Pyramid
Empathy
Imagination - Dreaming + Metaphorical Association
Rational Mind
Memory - Pattern Matching
Self-Observation
Psychological Needs
Pyramid
Meaning
Relatedness - Attention + Intimacy
Competance
Autonomy - Privacy + Control
Safety
Guidance System
Problems
Toxic Environment
Inadequate Skills
Damaged guidance system
Security
Vulnerability, Safety, Shelter, Flood,
Refuge, Safekeeping, Defence, Weakness,
Protection, Shield, Antisocial Behaviour, Violence,
Income, Provision.
What makes you feel safe? Has your work or home
life become too safe? Where and when have you
felt secure in the past? Are other people you know
stressed out because they feel under threat?
Story: Stewart had recently moved into a shared house.
It was very unlike his previous home and he felt
anxious around the new people who seemed quite
different to him. The area was also new to him and he was not used to having house rules. He worried about the safety of his things.
However, a month later he was surprised one day
when he realised how great it felt to come home.
He had got to know his house mates, understood
the rota and kitty system and knew that the lock on
his door stopped anyone from going into his room.
Attention
Greeting, Listening Carefully to Someone, Ignoring,
Expressing Anger to Someone, Receiving Attention,
Being Kind, Popularity, Hatred, Ringleader,
Applause, Celebrity, Sharing, Performance,
Politician, Fame.
How much attention do you need? Are you
behaving a certain way because of your need for
attention? Do you know how to concentrate? Do
you know how to switch off?
Story: Ruth felt overshadowed by her friend Susan who
everyone seemed to like. One day she realised
that Susan was like a needy child who needed a
lot of attention to feel OK about herself. This helped
Ruth to recognise her own needs and feel good
about herself.
Emotional Connection
Love, Bereavement,
Friendship, Fun, Laughter, Sharing, Touch, Joy,
Intimacy, Bonding, Care, Affection, Partner,
Happiness, A Shoulder to Cry on, Sympathy,
Companionship.
Are you riding an emotional roller-coaster? When
was the last time you laughed? Do you avoid
showing your emotions? How do you behave with
friends?
Story: Sam liked everything to be neat and ordered. He
disliked raised voices and went to great lengths
to avoid confrontation of any kind. He wanted
to live in a world where everything was calm and
peaceful all the time.
At work, he rarely complained, even when things
were clearly going wrong. A new employee
who did not understand the system was making
mistakes and causing him a lot of extra work.
Eventually his frustration reached boiling point. He
lost his temper and went to complain to his boss.
To his surprise, this started a discussion about what
worked and what didn’t. Apparently many others
felt the same way and he was praised for having
spoken out. After that, he was far more ready to
speak his mind and started to really enjoy being
part of the team.
Control
Achievement
