Chapter 10: intimacy Flashcards
how do adol relationships differ from children’s
closer, more emotionally changed more involved
Refers to development of relationships: distinguish between Intimacy vs. …
Intimacy vs. sexuality
T: relationships characteristised by self disclosure trust and concerned
intimacy
can be intimate but not sexual
intimacy becomes concern in adol
f Intimacy is a concern across the lifespan
why intimacy growth large consideration in adol 2
Importance of intimacy linked to changes in
adolescent social world
2. Growth of intimacy linked to biological, cognitive and social changes= growth in intimacy
e.g. of biological change in intimacy
puberty= sexual impulses
romantic relationships
e.g. of cognitive change in intimacy
sophisticated conception of social relationships= cog changes allow maintenance of intimate relationships (e.g. self disclosure, perception of loneliness)
e.g. of social roles change in intimacy
behavioural independence= alone with friends= close discussions
parents turn to adol for support with perception of them being adults
fundamental theory for interpersonal relationships
Sullivan’s Theory of Interpersonal development
Sullivan’s Theory of Interpersonal development Emphasized the social aspects of …
growth.
sullivan: why Feelings of security versus anxiety?
developmental needs met or not
Sullivan outlines … of interpersonal needs
Stages
Developmental progression of needs
Sullivans theory is cumulative what does this mean
when transition raises security in past aids future transitions and identity development
when does the need for intimacy emerge
infancy
sullivan Need for intimacy and consensual validation in same-sex chumships occurs when
Preadolescence (8-10 to 12-14 years)
the quality of sam sex. friendships is predictive of …
later romantic relationships
sullivan what happens during early adol (12-14 to 17-18 years)
Need for sexual contact, need for intimacy with other-sex partner
sullivan interpersonal needs during late adol
need for integration into adult socieity
overarching purpose of sullivan stages
development to sexual relationships without anxiety
T: a strong and enduring emotional bond.
attachment
how does attachment theory view intimacy
reflective of early attachment with caregiver
Quality of parent relationships important predictor
4 types of attachment styles
Secure
◦ Anxious-avoidant
◦ Anxious-resistant
◦ Disorganized
attachment: ability to respond appropriately to cues:T
parental sensitivity (how do they respond to kids distress?)
which attachment style most at risk for psychopathy
disorganized
attachment in adol: T:
Initial attachment relationships forms the basis for more general model of interpersonal relationships
internal working model (use throughout life
Individuals high in …. are likely to experience depressive and anxious symptomatology.
rejection sensitivity
the effects of attachment are cumulative
t
how has rejection sensitivity been measured
Using a computer game called “Cyberball,”researchers scan adolescents’ brains in order to better understand their responses to social exclusion.
believe they are playing with other characters then stop sharing ball with them
cyberball rejection sensitivity response?
higher brain activity in response to rejection and more depression
Interpersonal development is cumulative.
t
how is the parent adol relationship assessed ?
Adult Attachment Interview (gauge relationship with parent in past)
Adult Attachment Interview method?
A structured interview used to assess an individual’s past attachment history and “internal working model” of relationships.
based on their memories categorized
3 attachment in adol
Secure, dismissing or preoccupied
secure have better adjustment outcomes, what were their mothers like?
Mothers less unhealthy anger
Fewer emotional and behavioural problems. Better adjustment overall
how stable is attachment style?
stable from adol to adulthood but can change when leaving dysfunctional or stressful family
The quality of infant attachment is linked to adult romantic relationships through effects on ….
social development in childhood and adolescence.= peer competence= security= adult romantic relationship
early attachment security protects from mental health
t advantage but not always but interact with other experiences with peers and other relationships
Individuals who have secure attachments during adolescence are more ….3 and better adjusted than their insecure peers.
socially
competent, more successful in school, less likely to engage in substance use,
Attachment styles can change if adolescents depending on context how might aggressive enviro influence
e.g. perpetrating or victim of bullying
bring about negative attachment styles
difference in quality of relationship with friends from childhood to adol
young kids define friendships by companionship, common activities
adol define based on self disclosure, shared attitudes and values, loyalty, shared interests (due to cognitive changes in abstraction)
when does intimacy become apart of friendships
adol
problems of inclusion of intimacy into friendships?
more problems in trust and loyalty
conflicts in younger adol vs older
Older adolescents typically have conflicts over private matters.
Younger adolescents typically have conflicts over public disrespects.
how is intimacy an asset for girls
closeness
how does intimacy harm girls
Girls show a pronounced increase in jealousy over their friends’ friends during early adolescence.
Over the course of adolescence, adolescents’ reports of friendship quality decrease steadily.
f increase
why enhancements in friendships in adol
cognition= empathy= More sensitive to feelings and needs of friends, less controlling and more tolerant of friend’s individuality.
how do friends resolve conflicts in adol
Friends resolve conflicts more frequently by negotiation or disengagement, not coercion.
sex differences in intimacy? whose more intimate
girls more (more interest in friends, concern and anxiety about rejection, more weight on being close to romantic partners)
girls are more sensitive than boys
t and empathic
disadvantages of girls levels of intimacy
girls mental health more positively affected than boys when going well with friends but more suffering when going poorly
T: talking about each others problems
coruminaton
problem with coruminaton in girls
increases depression and anxiety in girls only closeness in boys (and girls)
when boys are with their friends, they are just as likely to share each other’s emotional state.
t but Girls disclose more to their friends.
Intimacy is not absent from boys but is different how
more of a conscious concern for girls than boys. more about shared activities than emotional needs
why sex differences in intimacy
Sex differences may be attributed to socialization?
Sullivan hypothesized that intimacy: how does he see expanding relationships in adol
new types added to social world without replacing old ones
whose added in adol 2
with peers added with intimacy with parents.
◦ with other-sex peers added with intimacy with same-sex friends.
we see features of adol features with their parents and their parents marriages only operate in their family relationships
f serve in peer and romantic relationships
research shows that new targets of intimacy are added to old ones which is more intimate
both types of intimacy are important.
Intimacy with parents and intimacy with peers/romantic partners serve the same function
f very different purposes
intimacy with parents vs friends serve what purpose
learn from someone older and wiser
share experiences with those who share similar perspective
Adolescents turn to different people depending on ..
the situation.
support from family compensates for lack of support from peers and vice versa
f because dif purposes
when do Friendships with the Other Sex become important
middle adol
◦ Cross-sex friendships are relatively rare
before adolescents begin to ..
date.
same age for other sex friends
boys older
how do those who have more other sex friends influence their romantic life
enter at earlier age have more romantic relationships
platonic cross friendship leads girls to have better body image
t they feel they like them for who they are
Not all other-sex relationships are romantic.
t
dating in adol use to be viewed how
Courtship and mate selection
meaning of high school dating today
common but little to do with marriage and shorter duration
…% of BC youth had been in a relationship in the past year
43
average age of marriage today
stats Canada: 29.3 (males) 26.7 (females)
approximate duration of high school couple
6 months
theories about adol romance 3
◦ Sullivan’s theory of interpersonal development
◦ Attachment theory
◦ Ecological perspectives on development
romantic relationships should be viewed in the social context- what theory
Ecological perspectives on development
bronfrenbrenner
adol establish romantic relationships through same sex friendships first transition to intimacy in romantic relationships- which theory
sullivan
adol differ in the quality of their romantic relationships based on other relationships like with parents- what theory
attachment
2 important ecological effects
age-norms, family-instability
how does family instability influence boys relationship
date sooner and more partners
for girls early sex involves love why is this important
provide context for further expression of intimacy
function of dating for boys
development of intimacy vs girls expression
◦ Group activities involving boys and girls aren’t dates
f Dating can mean a variety of things.
Dating can mean a variety of things. name 3
◦ Group activities involving boys and girls
◦ Casual dating in couples
◦ Serious involvement in a steady relationship
The evolution of quality of relationships in dating relationships when
late adol = intimacy
young adult dating has emotional depth, willingness to work through disagreements
f late adol
3 phases of romance development
- Discover an interest in socializing with potential romantic and sexual partners
- Move toward more meaningful dyadic relationships
- Begin to think about the long-term survival and growth of romantic relationships
purpose of romantic relationship between 11-13 how long do they last
establish or maintain status- has more to do with peer group, a few weeks
phase 2 how long does it last and when does it occur
relationships last about 6 months (from about 14 to 16).
phase 3 how long does it last and when does it occur
average relationship is over a year (around 17 or 18).
the phases of romance are the same for LGBTQ
f The phases of dating may differ for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (LGBTQ) adolescents.
why intimate relationships more complicated among LGBTQ youth than among their straight peers.
Stigmas and stereotypes still make the development of intimate relationships (fear of reaction)
impact in participating in mixed sex activities
Positive impact of participating in mixed- sex activity in group situations.
impact of serious dating
more complicated might depend on timing
how do early starters fare
Early starters (before age 15) worse outcomes ◦ Probably true for both sexes but research has focused on girls.
why worse outcomes for early starters
pressures like to have sex
late bloomer effect
inconsistent findings
The Impact of Dating on Adolescent Development depend on
Characteristics of the romantic partner and the relationship impact how dating affects adolescent development.
in general, adolescent romance has a powerful impact on emotional states.
problem with this
Adolescents’ real and fantasized relationships trigger strong emotions.
Break-ups and vulnerability to problems if already vulnerable
females are more likely to be victims of violence
f Males and females are equally likely to be the
victim.
3 individual differences in dating violence likelihood
rural, SES, LGBTQ
Victims = poorer functioning but this doesn’t last
f it does
Adolescents’ dating behavior is often shaped by “scripts” what are these
how males and females should behave
scripts learnt where
media and at home
Adolescents’ dating behavior is often shaped by “scripts” tells us what
impact of external forces
Qualities of adolescents’ relationships with others are correlated with romantic relationships
t
all intimate relationships play important roles but differ depending on 3
play different unique roles and individuals in the relationships and how they interact
but feed into each other (good in one facilitates good in others)
having more friends does the same thing as good friends
f
adol who stay single have worse outcomes
f better
non daters in young adulthood?
fewer depressive
T: is monitoring others over social media
electronic intrusion
why is monitoring others over social media?
anxiety partner is leaving you = cycle of anxiety
3 phases of social media anxiety for insecurely attached?
- social media trigger
- creates anxiety response
- engagement in electronic intrusion to relive anxiety
Both girls and boys in high school monitor their partner’s social media
t
Social media used to …3 with partner
monitor partner’s activities, see who partner is engaged
with, pressure partner to respond quickly
electronic intrusion increases ones attachment anxiety
t
how are adol relationships dif from children’s
are closer, more personal, more involved, and more emotionally charged than children’s= intimate
3 main parts of intimate relationships
an emotional attachment between two people that is characterized by concern for each other’s well-being; a willingness to disclose private, and occasionally sensitive, topics; and a sharing of common interests and activities. (An easy way to remember this is “caring,” “daring,” and “sharing.”)
college students from around the country, who averaged 20 years in age, only 9% of the men and just 5% of the women said they were ready for marriage, whereas 60% of men and 67% of women said they weren’t. what is the main criteria for being ready for marriage
the capacity for intimacy with another
1 shared activity with friends
conversation
sultan understands adol development through biology
f through relationships with others (challenges of adolescence (actually, of the entire life cycle) revolve around trying to satisfy changing interpersonal needs)
need for intimacy surfaces when
preadolescent
This turns out to be one of the most important observations in Sullivan’s theory what
the capacity for intimacy first develops prior to adolescence and in the context of same-sex, not other-sex, relationships
preadolescence comes to an end when
with the onset of puberty.
The overarching challenge of adolescence, according to Sullivan, is to ….
integrate an established need for intimacy with an emerging need for sexual contact in a way that does not lead to excessive anxiety
Adolescents who keep a lot of secrets from their friends report higher levels of depression
t
Adolescents who report high levels of peer conflict and low levels of peer support are more likely to engage in risky behavior, perhaps as a response to …
the stress caused by
problems with their friends
close friends who have highly intimate and exclusive relationships with each other often behave more aggressively with stangers t Han with close friends
f other close friends than they do toward peers who are not their close friends
Before preadolescence, children are actually less likely to help and share with their friends than with other classmates why
(perhaps because children are more competitive with their friends than with other youngsters and do not want to feel inferior)
children treat their friends and other classmates similarly when it comes to sharing and cooperation at what age
9
the behaviors and emotional states of pairs of friends are morefrequently …than are those of acquaintances, even when the friends and acquaintances are engaged in the same task
.synchronized, or “on the same wavelength,”
the ways in which adolescents resolve conflicts with their friends are similar to the ways in which they resolved conflicts with their parents when they were younger and predictive of how they resolve conflicts with romantic partners when they are older
t
increase in adolescents’ use of digital devices to communicate with others is destroying young people’s abilities to engage in meaningful face-to-face relationships
f
???while studies have found that joint activities done in person lead to stronger feelings of bonding, the magnitude of the difference between reports of closeness during digital exchanges versus in-person contact is …
surprisingly small.
When self-disclosure is used as the measure of intimacy, boys’ friendships with other boys aren’t comparable to girls’ friendships with other girls until ….
late in adolescence, if at all
One reason girls are more likely than boys to confide in friends is that girls expect that …
.self-disclosure will make them feel better, whereas boys expect it to be a waste of time that will make them feel “weird”
boys who are members of peer groups in which individuals express a lot of prejudice toward gay teenagers have less positive interactions with their friends
t
By virtually any measure, girls display more intimacy in their friendships than do boys.
t
rather than drawing distinctions between parent-oriented and peer-oriented adolescents, it makes more sense to distinguish between …
adolescents who have a lot of social contact and enjoy a great deal of support from others (both family and friends) and those who are socially isolated or lonely
the positive impact of having supportive friends in adolescence is greater when an adolescent also has supportive parents
t
intimacy with mentor signals problems at home
f
… is one of the most important components of successful youth programs
Linking an adolescent with a mentor
bad connection with adult?
Adolescent boys who have close friendships with young adult men are more likely to engage in antisocial behavior when they perceive their older friends as likely to condone or commit antisocial acts themselves
girls express more positive feelings about their female classmates than vice versa
f Boys
intimacy between the sexes increases during early adolescence and many adolescents list other-sex peers as a significant person in their lives
Although intimacy between the sexes increases during early adolescence (Buhrmester & Furman, 1987), many adolescents do not list a single other-sex peer as a significant person in their lives
In middle school, only 8% of adolescents’ friendships are with members of the other sex; by high school, this figure has risen only to…%
13
As adolescents get older, the time they spend thinking about the other sex tends to be increasingly associated with negative moods why
perhaps because the fantasies about the other sex experienced in early adolescence come to be replaced by unrequited longings for romantic companionship
adolescents who have more other-sex friends than their peers early in adolescence tend to compare how in relationships
enter into romantic relationships at an earlier age and tend to have longer romantic relationships
even preadolescents as young as …. differentiate between cross-sex relationships that are platonic and those that are romantic
nine
girls have more to gain from friendships with girls than vice versa
f boys
the quality of adolescents’ friendships is predictive of the quality of their subsequent romantic relationships, and vice versa
f whereas the reverse is not true
Relationships with the other sex therefore play a more important role in the development of intimacy among boys than among girls
t
The way a girl interacts with her boyfriend is more strongly related to the girl’s internal working model of relationships than the boy’s, why
perhaps because girls’ greater prior experience with intimacy has led them to better align how they behave with how they really feel
emotionally stunted but swaggering boy who enters into a romantic relationship purely for sex and uses his power and influence to get it is this true
no
Boys are often more awkward and less confident than the girls they are dating and just as eager to be emotionally close
Romantic relationships are more common at a younger age in …, but by late adolescence, rates of dating are similar
other industrialized countries than in North America
a physically immature 14-year-old who goes to school where it is expected that 14-year-olds will date is more likely to date than is a physically mature 14-year-old who lives in a community where dating is typically delayed until age 16
t
It is not until …. that dating relationships begin to be characterized by a level of emotional depth and maturity that can be described as intimate, and it is not until … that individuals develop genuinely deep attachments to individuals other than their parents
late adolescence
late adolescence
Compared to young adults, adolescents’ behavior toward their partners is more negative, more controlling, and more characterized by jealousy; … are especially likely to report these problems
younger couples who have been dating for a long time
adol or young adults acknowledge conflict with partner more
70% of the adolescent couples either denied having conflicts or dismissed them as insignificant, only 20% of the young adults did.
Adolescents whose conversations look more like those of the young adults are less likely to break up
t
between elementary school and middle school, there is an increase in girls’ attraction to aggressive boys who stand out in the peer group why
younger adolescents’ choice of dating partners may have more to do with how they will be seen by others than with the actual quality of the relationship itself.
individuals who had poorer-quality relationships prior to adolescence were more likely to be dating at age 15
t
early dating was associated not only with puberty, but with having what family conditions
a sibling who was involved in risky behavior, having excessively lax parents, and having delinquent friends
dating may be less anxiety-provoking for boys, who have the advantage of a few additional years of “maturity.” why
Because boys generally begin dating at a later age than girls, and date people who are younger,
About ..% of late adolescents report having had no serious romantic relationships, and another …% have not been in a relationship that lasted more than a few months
10
15
once they are romantically involved, adolescents’ pattern of drinking starts to resemble that of their romantic partner but not more than that of their friends
f romantic partner more than that of their friends
Breaking up does not have severe effects on all adolescents.
t
breakups and self esteem relationship?
Although breaking up often leads to a temporary drop in self-esteem, adolescents and young adults who are low in self-esteem are more likely to experience break-ups, in part because people with low self-esteem are less likely to have high-quality relationships
