Ch14: Maintaining and Repairing Relationships Flashcards
relationship maintenance mechanisms
the strategic actions people take to sustain their partnerships
5 cognitions that maintain relationships
- cognitive interdependence
- positive illusions
- perceived superiority
4 inattention to alternatives - derogation of tempting alternatives
cognitive interdependence
- change in self definition
- when partners think of themselves as part of a greater whole that includes them and their partner
- using “we” and “us” as opposed to “me” and “i”
positive illusions
when partners idealize each other and perceive their relationships in the best possible light
perceived superiority
committed partners tend to think their relationships are better than most, and the happier they are, the more exceptional they consider their relationships to be
-makes a relationship more likely to last
inattention to alternatives
when partners are relatively uninterested and unaware of how well they could be doing in alternative relationships
derogation of tempting alternatives
allows people to feel that other potential partners are less attractive than the ones they already have
-strongest when the alternatives are most tempting and thereby pose the greatest threat to one’s relationship
8 behavioral maintenance mechanisms
- willingness to sacrifice
- prayer
- michelangelo phenomenon
- accommodation
- self-control
- play
- rituals
- forgiveness
willingness to sacrifice
when committed people are willing to make various personal sacrifices in order to promote the well-being of their partners or relationship
prayer
-those who begin praying for the success and well-being of their partners become more satisfied with the sacrifices they make
michelangelo phenomenon
when our partners encourage us to be all that we can be- supporting the development of skills, promoting self growth
accommodation
willingness to control the impulse to response poorly to a partner’s provocation and to instead respond constructively
self-control
the ability to manage one’s impulses, control one’s thoughts, persevere in pursuit of desired goals, curb unwanted behaviour
play
couples are usually content when they find ways to engage in novel, challenging, exciting, and pleasant activities together
rituals
recurring patterns of behaviour that become familiar routines that “if gone, would be missed”
-represent two partners’ devotion to their relationship and their identity as a couple
forgiveness
-committed partners are more likely to offer forgiveness after a partner’s betrayal
How to remain content in relationships
- make your interactions enjoyable
- openness
- talk about what you want from your relationship
- assuring one another
- be understanding
- sharing tasks
- engaging with each other’s social networks
- participate in joint activities
-best predictors of a happy marriage are positivity, assurances, sharing tasks
repairing relationships: therapy
- different types based on their focus on:
- problematic behaviour, thoughts, feelings
- individual vulnerabilities of the couple’s interaction as the source of dysfunction
- past events or present difficulties as the source of the distress
- therapy that works the best for you is the one that is most appealing to you
- therapist has a big role in your satisfaction with therapy
behaviour couple therapy (BCT)
- encourages couples to be more pleasant with one another
- focuses on present interactions and communication
- aims to replace negative and punishing behaviour with more kind and generous actions
cognitive-behavioural couple therapy (CBCT)
- seeks to change various aspects of the ways partners think about and appraise their partnership
- addresses selective attention, expectations, relationship beliefs
- argues that a couple will be more content when they are able to perceive and judge each other fairly, kindly, and reasonably
integrative behavioural couple therapy (IBCT)
- aim is to encourage more desirable behaviour and get each partner to tolerate and accept the incompatibilities that they cannot change
- teaches adaptive emotional reactions –> emotional regulations
emotion focused couple therapy (EFCT)
- focuses on improving relationships by increasing partners’ attachment security
- primarily focuses on the emotions partners experience as they seek to fulfill their attachment needs
- tries to identify maladaptive cycles of emotional communication
insight-orientated couple therapy (IOCT)
- focuses on vulnerabilities to a greater extent than other types of therapies
- aims to help people understand how personal habits and assumptions can cause relationship problems
