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FMST 314 > Ch10: Stress and Strains > Flashcards

Ch10: Stress and Strains Flashcards

1
Q

relational value

A
  • the degree to which others consider their relationship with us to be valuable and important
  • high relational value = others value our company and prioritize their partnership with us
  • low relational value = others do not seek us out
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2
Q

maximal inclusion

A

-others are eager to be with us and they will go out of their way to include us

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3
Q

active inclusion

A

-others want us but do not go to lengths to be with us

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4
Q

passive inclusion

A

-others allow us to be included

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5
Q

ambivalence

A

others do no care whether we are included or not

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6
Q

passive exclusion

A

-others ignore us but do not avoid us

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7
Q

active exclusion

A

others avoid us, tolerating our presence only when necessary

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8
Q

maximal exclusion

A

others banish us, sending us away, or abandon us

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9
Q

how do we deal with exclusions/inclusions?

A
  • it is much less painful if we are excluded due to other’s positive regard of us rather than due to our deficiencies or faults
  • exclusion is much mor painful when we want to be accepted by others than if we don’t care
  • maximal exclusion doesn’t feel much worse than simple ambivalence
  • we are most sensitive to small differences that range from ambivalence to passive inclusion or exclusion
  • decreases in acceptance is particularly painful
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10
Q

perceived relational value

A

our perception that other people value their relationship with us

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11
Q

relational devaluation

A
  • apparent decreases in others’ regard for us

- we feel particularly hurt when we experience drops in our perceived relational value

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12
Q

hurt

A
  • uniquely associated with losses of relational value

- have much in common with real pain

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13
Q

how does attachment styles relate to us dealing with relational devaluation?

A
  • people with high anxiety about abandonment experience more hurt when relational devaluation occurs
  • people who are high in avoidance of intimacy experience less pain when others withdraw
  • people with low self-esteem get their feelings hurt more easily
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14
Q

ostracism

A
  • where people give the “cold shoulder” and ignore all those around them
  • intentional silent treatment
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15
Q

how does ostracism impact others?

A
  • threatens basic social needs
  • threatens our need to belong, damages feelings of self-worth, reduces our perceived control over our interactions
  • may result in the person being ostracized working harder to regain their partner’s attention by being compliant, and doing what the ostracizer wants
  • people with high self-esteem are unlikely to put up with ostracism
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16
Q

jealousy

A
  • results from the potential loss of a valued relationship to a real or imagined rival
  • three feelings that define jealousy are hurt, anger, and fear
17
Q

two types of jealousy

A
  1. reactive jealousy: occurs when someone becomes aware of an actual threat to a valued relationship // could have occurred in the past or anticipated in the future
  2. suspicious jealousy: occurs when one’s partner hasn’t misbehaved and one’s suspicions do not fit the facts at hand –> results in mistrust and snooping as the jealous partner seeks to confirm their suspicions
18
Q

who is prone to jealousy?

A
  • men and women do not differ in their jealous tendencies
  • jealousy depends on one’s dependence on a relationship
  • jealousy increases with feelings of inadequacy in a relationship
  • people with high self-esteem tend to be less jealous than those with low self-esteem
  • discrepancies in mate value
  • attachment styles affect jealousy too
  • people high in neuroticism are prone to jealousy
19
Q

who gets us jealous?

A
  • not all rivals are created equal
  • rivalry from a friend is more upsetting than a stranger
  • former lovers
  • romantic rivals with high mate value
20
Q

mate poaching

A

behaviour that is intended to lure someone away from an existing relationship at least for one night

21
Q

what gets us jealous?

A
  • men get more jealous about the sexual infidelity of their partners whereas women get more jealous about the emotional infidelity
  • gays, lesbians, and bisexuals suffer the same upset to either sexual or emotional infidelity
  • may be an evolutionary explanation to this
22
Q

emotional infidelity

A

when your partner falls in love with someone else

23
Q

sexual infidelity

A

your partner is sexually involved with someone else

24
Q

responses to jealousy

A
  • reactions to jealousy may be either beneficial (e.g. responding constructively) or destructive
  • people may react in ways that intend to protect the relationship but instead undermine it (eg. snooping)
  • responses tend to be linked to attachment styles
  • more secure attachment tends to be associated with people expressing their concerns
  • if people respond positively by expressing their concerns and working things out, they may benefit the relationship
  • on the other hand, if people respond with harmful behaviour, they may destroy the relationship
25
Q

coping with jealousy

A
  • work to reduce your connection between the relationship and your self-worth
  • reduce irrational and catastrophic thinking
  • enhance self-esteem
  • improve communication
  • increase satisfaction and fairness in the relationship
26
Q

deception

A

intentional behaviour that creates and impression in the recipient that the deceiver knows to be untrue

27
Q

lies

A

outright fabrication of information

28
Q

conceal information

A

-not mentioning details that would communicate the truth

29
Q

divert attention

A

-abruptly changing topics to avoid certain topics

30
Q

half truths

A

-mixing truthful and deceptive information that is misleading

31
Q

why people deceive or lie

A
  • most lies are:
  • self-serving
  • benefit the liar
  • can reduce embarrassment, guilt, or obligation
  • can increase approval and material gains
  • however 20% of lies are to benefit another person
  • we are especially likely to lie when brutal honesty would hurt the feelings of someone
  • lies that are told to promote polite, friendly interactions with others are viewed as less deceptive and therefore more acceptable when compared to greedy, consequential lies
32
Q

deceiver’s trust

A

when people lie to others, they often begin to perceive the recipients of the lies as less honest and trustworthy as a result

33
Q

truth bias

A

assuming that one’s partner is usually telling the truth

34
Q

betrayal

A

disagreeable, hurtful actions by people we trusted and from whom we reasonably did not expect such treachery

  • infidelity
  • lying
  • gossip and sharing of secrets
  • teasing
  • breaking promises
  • being unsupportive
  • betray can range in how big or small it is
35
Q

important points on betrayal

A
  • some people betray others more often than others
  • people who betray others tend to underestimate the harm
  • differing perspectives of the harm
  • revenge is a bad idea
  • men are more likely to betray their romantic partners and business associates
  • women are more likely to betray their friends and families
36
Q

forgiveness

A

-a decision to give up your perceived or actual right to get even with, or hold in debt, someone who has wronged you

37
Q

who can forgive the most readily?

A
  • attachment styles matter –> anxious and avoidant people are less forgiving, secure people are more forgiving
  • people high in agreeableness
  • people with self-control
38
Q

forgiveness occurs more readily when:

A
  • a sincere apology is given
  • there is a desire to continue the relationship
  • when anger and resentment are let go of

FMST 314 (13 decks)

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