Ch10: Stress and Strains Flashcards
1
Q
relational value
A
- the degree to which others consider their relationship with us to be valuable and important
- high relational value = others value our company and prioritize their partnership with us
- low relational value = others do not seek us out
2
Q
maximal inclusion
A
-others are eager to be with us and they will go out of their way to include us
3
Q
active inclusion
A
-others want us but do not go to lengths to be with us
4
Q
passive inclusion
A
-others allow us to be included
5
Q
ambivalence
A
others do no care whether we are included or not
6
Q
passive exclusion
A
-others ignore us but do not avoid us
7
Q
active exclusion
A
others avoid us, tolerating our presence only when necessary
8
Q
maximal exclusion
A
others banish us, sending us away, or abandon us
9
Q
how do we deal with exclusions/inclusions?
A
- it is much less painful if we are excluded due to other’s positive regard of us rather than due to our deficiencies or faults
- exclusion is much mor painful when we want to be accepted by others than if we don’t care
- maximal exclusion doesn’t feel much worse than simple ambivalence
- we are most sensitive to small differences that range from ambivalence to passive inclusion or exclusion
- decreases in acceptance is particularly painful
10
Q
perceived relational value
A
our perception that other people value their relationship with us
11
Q
relational devaluation
A
- apparent decreases in others’ regard for us
- we feel particularly hurt when we experience drops in our perceived relational value
12
Q
hurt
A
- uniquely associated with losses of relational value
- have much in common with real pain
13
Q
how does attachment styles relate to us dealing with relational devaluation?
A
- people with high anxiety about abandonment experience more hurt when relational devaluation occurs
- people who are high in avoidance of intimacy experience less pain when others withdraw
- people with low self-esteem get their feelings hurt more easily
14
Q
ostracism
A
- where people give the “cold shoulder” and ignore all those around them
- intentional silent treatment
15
Q
how does ostracism impact others?
A
- threatens basic social needs
- threatens our need to belong, damages feelings of self-worth, reduces our perceived control over our interactions
- may result in the person being ostracized working harder to regain their partner’s attention by being compliant, and doing what the ostracizer wants
- people with high self-esteem are unlikely to put up with ostracism
16
Q
jealousy
A
- results from the potential loss of a valued relationship to a real or imagined rival
- three feelings that define jealousy are hurt, anger, and fear
17
Q
two types of jealousy
A
- reactive jealousy: occurs when someone becomes aware of an actual threat to a valued relationship // could have occurred in the past or anticipated in the future
- suspicious jealousy: occurs when one’s partner hasn’t misbehaved and one’s suspicions do not fit the facts at hand –> results in mistrust and snooping as the jealous partner seeks to confirm their suspicions
18
Q
who is prone to jealousy?
A
- men and women do not differ in their jealous tendencies
- jealousy depends on one’s dependence on a relationship
- jealousy increases with feelings of inadequacy in a relationship
- people with high self-esteem tend to be less jealous than those with low self-esteem
- discrepancies in mate value
- attachment styles affect jealousy too
- people high in neuroticism are prone to jealousy
19
Q
who gets us jealous?
A
- not all rivals are created equal
- rivalry from a friend is more upsetting than a stranger
- former lovers
- romantic rivals with high mate value
20
Q
mate poaching
A
behaviour that is intended to lure someone away from an existing relationship at least for one night
21
Q
what gets us jealous?
A
- men get more jealous about the sexual infidelity of their partners whereas women get more jealous about the emotional infidelity
- gays, lesbians, and bisexuals suffer the same upset to either sexual or emotional infidelity
- may be an evolutionary explanation to this
22
Q
emotional infidelity
A
when your partner falls in love with someone else
23
Q
sexual infidelity
A
your partner is sexually involved with someone else
24
Q
responses to jealousy
A
- reactions to jealousy may be either beneficial (e.g. responding constructively) or destructive
- people may react in ways that intend to protect the relationship but instead undermine it (eg. snooping)
- responses tend to be linked to attachment styles
- more secure attachment tends to be associated with people expressing their concerns
- if people respond positively by expressing their concerns and working things out, they may benefit the relationship
- on the other hand, if people respond with harmful behaviour, they may destroy the relationship
25
coping with jealousy
- work to reduce your connection between the relationship and your self-worth
- reduce irrational and catastrophic thinking
- enhance self-esteem
- improve communication
- increase satisfaction and fairness in the relationship
26
deception
intentional behaviour that creates and impression in the recipient that the deceiver knows to be untrue
27
lies
outright fabrication of information
28
conceal information
-not mentioning details that would communicate the truth
29
divert attention
-abruptly changing topics to avoid certain topics
30
half truths
-mixing truthful and deceptive information that is misleading
31
why people deceive or lie
- most lies are:
- self-serving
- benefit the liar
- can reduce embarrassment, guilt, or obligation
- can increase approval and material gains
- however 20% of lies are to benefit another person
- we are especially likely to lie when brutal honesty would hurt the feelings of someone
- lies that are told to promote polite, friendly interactions with others are viewed as less deceptive and therefore more acceptable when compared to greedy, consequential lies
32
deceiver's trust
when people lie to others, they often begin to perceive the recipients of the lies as less honest and trustworthy as a result
33
truth bias
assuming that one's partner is usually telling the truth
34
betrayal
disagreeable, hurtful actions by people we trusted and from whom we reasonably did not expect such treachery
- infidelity
- lying
- gossip and sharing of secrets
- teasing
- breaking promises
- being unsupportive
- betray can range in how big or small it is
35
important points on betrayal
- some people betray others more often than others
- people who betray others tend to underestimate the harm
- differing perspectives of the harm
- revenge is a bad idea
- men are more likely to betray their romantic partners and business associates
- women are more likely to betray their friends and families
36
forgiveness
-a decision to give up your perceived or actual right to get even with, or hold in debt, someone who has wronged you
37
who can forgive the most readily?
- attachment styles matter --> anxious and avoidant people are less forgiving, secure people are more forgiving
- people high in agreeableness
- people with self-control
38
forgiveness occurs more readily when:
- a sincere apology is given
- there is a desire to continue the relationship
- when anger and resentment are let go of
