Ch10: Stress and Strains Flashcards
relational value
- the degree to which others consider their relationship with us to be valuable and important
- high relational value = others value our company and prioritize their partnership with us
- low relational value = others do not seek us out
maximal inclusion
-others are eager to be with us and they will go out of their way to include us
active inclusion
-others want us but do not go to lengths to be with us
passive inclusion
-others allow us to be included
ambivalence
others do no care whether we are included or not
passive exclusion
-others ignore us but do not avoid us
active exclusion
others avoid us, tolerating our presence only when necessary
maximal exclusion
others banish us, sending us away, or abandon us
how do we deal with exclusions/inclusions?
- it is much less painful if we are excluded due to other’s positive regard of us rather than due to our deficiencies or faults
- exclusion is much mor painful when we want to be accepted by others than if we don’t care
- maximal exclusion doesn’t feel much worse than simple ambivalence
- we are most sensitive to small differences that range from ambivalence to passive inclusion or exclusion
- decreases in acceptance is particularly painful
perceived relational value
our perception that other people value their relationship with us
relational devaluation
- apparent decreases in others’ regard for us
- we feel particularly hurt when we experience drops in our perceived relational value
hurt
- uniquely associated with losses of relational value
- have much in common with real pain
how does attachment styles relate to us dealing with relational devaluation?
- people with high anxiety about abandonment experience more hurt when relational devaluation occurs
- people who are high in avoidance of intimacy experience less pain when others withdraw
- people with low self-esteem get their feelings hurt more easily
ostracism
- where people give the “cold shoulder” and ignore all those around them
- intentional silent treatment
how does ostracism impact others?
- threatens basic social needs
- threatens our need to belong, damages feelings of self-worth, reduces our perceived control over our interactions
- may result in the person being ostracized working harder to regain their partner’s attention by being compliant, and doing what the ostracizer wants
- people with high self-esteem are unlikely to put up with ostracism