Ch11: Conflict

Question 1

interpersonal conflict

Answer 1

results whenever one person’s motives, goals, beliefs, opinions, or behaviour interfere with, or are incompatible with those of another

Question 2

conflict

Answer 2

occurs when one’s wishes or actions actually obstruct or impede those of someone else

• born of dissimilarity
• anger and hostility aren’t necessary

Question 3

dialectics

Answer 3

opposing motivations people experience in an intimate relationship that can never be entirely satisfied because they contradict each other

ex. autonomy and connection to others (opposing motivations)
ex. openness and closedness
ex. stability and change
ex. integration and separation from social network

Question 4

frequency of conflict

Answer 4

occurs more often than we realize

Question 5

what factors influence who is more prone to conflict

Answer 5

• people high in neuroticism
• insecure people (especially anxious + avoidant)
• younger adults
• dissimilar couples
• stress
• lack of sleep
• alcohol

Question 6

4 events that instigate conflict

Answer 6

1. criticism
2. illegitimate demands
3. rebuffs
4. cumulative annoyances

Question 7

criticism

Answer 7

verbal or nonverbal acts that are judged to communicate unfair dissatisfaction with a partner’s behaviour, attitude, or trait

Question 8

illegitimate demands

Answer 8

requests that seem unjust because they exceed the normal expectations that the partners hold for each other

Question 9

rebuffs

Answer 9

situations in which “one person appeals to another for a desired reaction, and the other person fails to respond as expected”

Question 10

cumulative annoyances

Answer 10

relatively trivial events that become irritating with repetition
- take the form of social allergies: repeated exposure to small recurring nuisances cause people to develop hypersensitive reactions of disgust and exasperation that seem out of proportion to any particular provocation

Question 11

attributional conflict

Answer 11

fighting over whose explanation is right and whose is wrong

Question 12

negative affect reciprocity

Answer 12

when partners trade escalating provocations back and forth

Question 13

demand/withdraw pattern

Answer 13

one partner engages in demanding forms of behaviour, such as complaints, criticism, while the other partner engages in withdrawn behaviour such as half-hearted involvement, changing the topic, avoiding discussion, walking away

Question 14

actor/observer effects

Answer 14

partners will have slightly different explanations for their actions

Question 15

self-serving bias

Answer 15

people judge their own actions more favourably than their judgements of other people’s actions

Question 16

3 ways to deal with the issue

Answer 16

1. avoidance
2. negotiations
3. escalation

Question 17

accommodation

Answer 17

the ability to remain constructive in the face of a lover’s temporary disregard // inhibiting the impulse to fight fire with fire

Question 18

four types of couples

Answer 18

1. volatile couples
2. validators
3. avoiders
4. hostiles

Question 19

volatile couples

Answer 19

have frequent and passionate arguments

Question 20

validators

Answer 20

fight more politely // tend to be calmer, more collaborative

Question 21

avoiders

Answer 21

couples who rarely argue // avoid confrontation // rather fix it on their own

Question 22

hostiles

Answer 22

couples who fail to maintain a 5-to-1 ratio of nice behaviour to nasty conduct

Question 23

5 outcomes of conflict

Answer 23

1. separation
2. domination
3. compromise
4. integrative agreements
5. structural improvement

Question 24

separation

Answer 24

occurs when one or both partners withdraw without resolving the conflict

Question 25

domination

Answer 25

one partner gets their way while the other capitulates

Question 26

compromise

Answer 26

occurs when both parties reduce their aspirations so that a mutually acceptable alternative can be found

Question 27

integrative agreements

Answer 27

satisfy both partners’ original goals and aspirations, usually through creativity and flexibility

Question 28

structural improvement

Answer 28

partners not only get what they want, but also learn and grow and make desirable changes to the relationship

Question 29

speaker-listener technique

Answer 29

provides a structure for calm, clear, communication about contentious issues that promotes the use of active listening skills and increases the chances that partners will understand and validate each other despite their disagreement

Question 30

effective steps for negotiation and accommodation

Answer 30

• be attentive
• be optimistic
• value both your partner’s and your own outcomes
• consider what you can do differently
• adopt a future orientation
• take a third-party perspective
• take a break if necessary