Ch13: Dissolution and Loss of a Relationship Flashcards
Prevalence of divorce
- current divorce rates are much higher than before
- people over 50 are less likely to divorce than younger adults, but rate of divorce has doubled over the last 25 years
- marriages are less likely to end than other romantic relationships, but they are less likely to last than they used to be
why has divorce rate increased?
- we hold more demanding expectations for marriage than before
- cohabitation before marriage is widespread
- women entering the workforce
- marriage is no longer a practical necessity
- we marry for love and passion
- we ask more of our spouses than ever before
- divorce is now more socially accepted
common reasons relationships end
- different values
- communication and miscommunication
- infidelity
- changes in personality and lifestyle
- growing apart
- better alternatives
- abuse
- expectations aren’t met
- comparison levels
- differences in priorities
- family approval and acceptance (social networks)
history of divorce in canada
- divorce law is under federal jurisdiction (all divorce across provinces is the same)
- in 1968, canada’s first unified divorce law was passed
- in 1986, time living apart was reduced from three to on year
reasons for divorce in canada
- you have been living apart for one year or more
- your spouse has been physically or mentally cruel to you
- your spouse has committed adultery –> a type of infidelity where you have to be married first
cost of divorce
- 1.3 k for uncontested divorce
- 13k for a contested divorce
- taking the divorce to court could cost over 50k
division of property
- under canada’s constitution, each province and territory is responsible for laws regarding the division and/or equalization of family or marital property
- these laws can vary from one province or territory to another
millennial divorce
-when unmarried couples buy houses together and then they break up = messy situation
Levinger’s Barrier Model- 3 elements that influence the breakup of relationships
- attraction –> attraction is enhanced by rewards a relationship offers and is diminished by the costs
- alternatives –> any alternative to a current relationship that lures a partner away is a threat
- barriers –> things surrounding the relationship that make it hard to leave
vulnerability-stress-adaptation model - 3 influences that contribute to divorce
- enduring vulnerabilities –> things people enter the marriage with that increase risk of divorce
- adaptive processes –> how people respond to stress
- stressful events –> require the partners to provide support to one another and to adjust to new circumstances
stress spillover
any frustrations and difficulties that we experience individually at work or school that cause us to be moody when we interact with our innocent partners
enduring dynamics
spouses bring their own problems, incompatibilities, and vulnerabilities into a relationship which may or may not necessarily be apparent in the beginning
-predicted how happy marriages would be
emergent distress
problematic behaviour that destroys a marriage emerges after the marriage
disillusionment
people begin their marriages with unrealistically positive views of their relationship
-best predictor of which couples would actually divorce
Conclusions from the PAIR project
- the size and speed of changes in romance best predict which couples will divorce
- the problems couples bring to their marriage determine how quickly divorce will occur
- both the level of satisfaction and couple experiences and the change in that satisfaction over time are key in relational outcomes
Three general types of influences on our marital outcomes
- cultural context –>
- personal contexts –> social networks of family and friends
- relational context –> intimate environment couples create
the process of breaking up
- people tend not to take breaking up and break-ups lightly
- specifically with divorces (but also with other relationships), people tend to think about them for a long time
distinctions in break-ups
- direct vs indirect
- other-oriented (protect partners feelings) vs self-oriented (more selfish)
- gradual vs sudden onset of one’s unsatisfaction
- individual vs shared desire to end relationship
- rapid vs protracted nature of one’s exit
- presence or absence of repair attempts
5 general stages during the dissolution of relationships
- personal phase –> partner grows dissatisfied
- dyadic phase –> unhappy partner reveals their discontent
- social phase –> publicizing distress to friends and family
- grave-dressing phase –> getting over the breakup
- resurrection phase –> person re-enters the world as a new single individual
churning
occurs when partners break up but then reconcile and get back together
-usually disadvantageous –> associated with stress and uncertainty and chronically lower satisfaction when relationship continues
churning
occurs when partners break up but then reconcile and get back together
-usually disadvantageous –> associated with stress and uncertainty and chronically lower satisfaction when relationship continues
children of divorce
- children whose parents divorce exhibit lower levels of well-being
- their adult relationships are more fragile
- but these effects are not large
- transmission of divorce can be genetic
- children are better off going through a divorce rather than be in a home full of conflict
children of divorce: parental loss view
children are presumed to benefit from having two parents who are devoted to their care, and children who lose a parent are less likely to be well off
children of divorce: parental stress model
the quality, not the quantity, of the parenting a child receives is key, and any stressor that distracts one’s parents can have detrimental effects
