personality and relationships Flashcards
Attraction similarities theory
Were attracted to people like us
Assortative mating
Complementary needs theory
Were attracted to people whose personality complement ours
opposites attract
What people want:
People believe they want someone similar to them(pos correlation)
Women want someone more similar to them than men
What people get: actual correlation between partner’s personalities
All positive correlation, no support for complementary needs theory(some weak evidence for assortative mating)
Intelligence being the highest( not a very strong correlation, but still positive)
Another explanation for low similarity
**Many studies show little personality similarity between partners
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**But, self-reported personality may be biased due to reference group effect
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When judging our own personality, we compare ourselves to people we spend time with
These people tend to be like us
So we exaggerate small differences
As a result, our self-rated personality may seem more different from our partner’s than is accurate
How to deal with reference group effect
measure presoanlity with behavior instead of self report
avoids reference group problem
Behavior on social media (facebook) can be used to measure personality
Likes and words in posts predict big 6 traits
People who like curly fries are more likely to be intelligent
People who like hello kitty are higher in O and N, and lower in C and A
Measuring partner similarity with facebook behavior
**People do end up in relationships with people that are similar to them
**
Using like, avg similarity between partners was r=.24
Using language in posts, avg similarity between partners was r=.38
Using self-report, avg similarity between partners was r=.10
Is similarity related to relationship satisfaction
Couples with similar personality traits are not necessarily more satisfied in their relationship
what makes a satisfying relationship?
But, if partner is similar to your “ideal personality” then relationship satisfaction is higher
What do people want in a partner?
Males and females want mutual attractiveness, dependable, emotional stability, pleasing disposition
Less important: similar religious background, similar political background, and chastity
Traits that predict(heteronormative) partner’s satisfaction
Overall:
Husband want: A, ES(emotional stability), O/I (in wife)
Wife want: A,C,ES,O/I (in husband)
Confide:
Husband are able to confide if: A(in wife)
Wife: A, ES, O/I (in husband)
Sexual
Husband: A, C, ES
Wife: A
Enjoyment
husband and wife: A, ES
Which traits predict future relationship quality and conflict
Positive emotionality (PEM): confidence, enthusiasm, social warmth, well-being, and zest
Negative emotionality (NEM): Threshold for negative emotions such as anxiety,fear, and anger
Constraint(CON): Self control, harm avoidance, and endorsement of social norms
How does age 18 personality (PEM,NEM)
and constraint relate to age 26 relationship variables
People with neg emotionality at age 18 lead to less quality of relationship and more conflict
How does happiness relate to opposite sex attractiveness
Happiness is the most attractive emotion for men(men looking at women)
Happiness is the least attractive emotion for women (women looking at men)
Pride
Pride is the most attractive male emotion expression and one of the least attractive when shown by women
Shame
Shame is attractive when shown by both genders
Expression of emotions in relationships:
Newlywed couples engaged in conflict discussion while videotaped
videotapes coded for emotional response (o-data)
physiological measure (t-data)
couples rate partner’s relationship satsifaction (informant data) and own satisfaction (self-data)
Couples followed up 5 years later and Divorce was predicted from data with 83% accuracy
4 main factors that predict divorce
1)criticism vs complaint
2)contempt
3)defensiveness
4)stonewalling
critisicism vs complaint
Criticism: global statement of anger, displeasure, distress, or other negativity tends to be blaming(You never take me anywhere)
Complaint: specific statement of anger, displeasure, distress, or other negativity(we dont go out as often)
criticism but not compaint predicts divorce
Escalation of negative affect is very bad
Deescalation of negative affect through humor is good
2)contempt
insult, mockery, sarcasm, derision of the other person
Includes disapproval, judgement, disdain, exasperation, mockery, put downs
defensiveness
Attempt to protect one’s self from perceived attack
May include denial of responsibility, counter blame,
May be a response to mindreading
* Attribution of motives, feelings, or behavior made by one partner to the other partner
*Example: “you always get tense in situations like this.” “No I dont, You are always the one…”
stonewalling
No small vocalization like “yeah” or mmmm
What distinguishes satisfied and dissatisfied couples is not how frequently they conflict, but they way in which neg feelings are expressed during conflicts
Disagreements not more common among dissatisfied couples, but dissatisfied couples more likely to express disagreement with neg affect
what ratio of pos to neg interactions is characteristic of a good marriage
A 5:1 ratio of pos interactions to neg interactions is characteristic of a good marriage
- One neg interaction can wipe out the effects of 4 pos interactions
Neg emotions are associated with high levels of physiological arousal for men, but not for women
- Men may avoid neg affect in relationships because its more physiologically punishing
- Emotionally, men experience lower levels of negative affect than women
