Lesson 10: Compensation Flashcards
What is compensation?
The strategy or act of covering up an underlying emotion - either non conscious or conscious - by HYPER INVESTING in something resulting in OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOR
What are we trying to compensate for?
Feelings of frustration, inadequacy, incompetence, strong desire
What are the two most common ways we compensate?
When we face a situation that evokes emotions of inadequacy/incompetency/frustration:
1. FIGHT - We try to double down and do too much of it
2. FLEE/FLIGHT - We do something completely different, dont face the situation
If there is a trigger for compensating, how can you get to its underlying root cause?
Star with what’s the trigger
What BEHAVIOR (compensation mech) does it leads to?
What are the THOUGHTS or INSECURITIES it’s coming from?
What EMOTIONS of PAIN/HURT/INADEQUACY does it bring up?
What CHILDHOOD TRAUMA OR MEMORY does this come from?
How can men and women be diff in how they compensate?
Similar in all ways but women may try to TEND & BEFRIEND - share with others with whom we have a bond. Why, cuz women have more estrogen which catalyzes Oxytocin and calms us down.
Describe 4 healthy compensation mechanisms
- FIGHT - Try harder with grit and growth mindset
- FLIGHT - Try a diff way of doing it or pivot
- FREEZE - recognize it’s over and cut yr losses
- TEND & BEFRIEND - Rely on social support to help you.
When does a healthy compensation become an unhealthy one?
When it hurts you or others
Describe 3 types of unhealthy COmpensations towards YOURSELF
- FIGHT - Doing too much of something - e.g. overbuying, over working, perfectionism, over criticising yourself
- FLIGHT - Running away from the problem through substance abuse - alcohol, drugs, smoking
- FREEZE - Repressing the memories into your subconscious so much that your conscious cant even retrieve them - hypnotherapy can help
WHat are 4 unhealthy compensations towards OTHERS
- FIGHT - Agression/bullying, bragging, belittling others
- FLIGHT - RUn away from everyone, go into isolation and away from social situations
- Make yourself into a victim and be helpless purposely- some do this just to get attention and be seen as fighting the perpretator, but actually plan to take no action
- SOCIAL - Over pleasing others just to be able to fit in
How do you recognize compensation
- Repetitive
- Excessive
How should you deal with someone’s compensation mech?
- Make them aware of it (show them proof of it being repetitive and excessive) and make them identify it
- Identify the root cause of where it comes from
- Guide them towards a healthy alternative
What are some HEALTHY compensation mech alternatives?
Depending on the situation…
1. FIGHT - Dont give up, keep at it with frit and growth mindset, upgrade skills
- Flee - Try other alternatives that make you feel better
- FREEZE - Recognize if losses need to be cut -> do a ritual and move on, let go
- TEND/BEFRIEND - Surround yourself with trusted ppl, talk & share
What are some common BIG traumas ppl experience? How should they be judged/percived by me?
- Shame / humiliation, esp public
- Rejection
- Abandonment
- Neglect
Never judge a trauma - its not yours to judge. The victim percived the danger not you.
Whats the diff between stress vs trauma
Stress - Goes away after bad situation is over
Trauma - Continues to stay with you even after bad situation is over
What happens to the brain during trauma
When trauma occurs, there is an imprint in our neuocircuitry in the part of our brain respoisble for survival (Amygdala, Hippocampus & PFC). Even without the trauma, our survival brain keeps sending signals as if that event is still occuring and therefore becomes hyper sensitive. This can be triggered by anything. Amygdala produces cortisol (stress hormone) and your whole physical impulse is to fight. This is also when disease increases.
