Gottman, Gottman Method

Question 1

Gottman Method

Answer 1

Contemporary
Most empirically informed couple’s work (w/EFT)

Informs basis for dysfunction - divorce - 4 Horsemen
How to cultivate healthy relationship

Nurturing relationship is necessary! Basis of Gottman.

Question 2

The 4 Horsemen of the Apocolypse

Answer 2

1) Criticism: Most common communication pattern in couples headed toward divorce. –> Messages that imply your partner is bad/has deficit/inadequate. “You” statements
–> Antidote: Complain, no global attacks, acknowledge
your role in conflict.

2) Defensiveness: Response to criticism w/more criticism, failing to hear your partner/unwilling to examine your own behavior
- -> Antidote: Stay regulated, HEAR your partner, identify your role

3) Stonewalling: Withdrawal from conversation. Usually males (80%), due to overwhelm at emotion
- -> Antidote: Manage anxiety, take breaks

4) Contempt: Most common predictor of divorce
- -> Stay regulated, hear your partner, ID your role.

Question 3

The 7 Principles of Stable Marriage

Answer 3

1) Love Maps: Getting to know your partner’s internal world and updating regularly
2) Express Fondness & Admiration: Enjoy your partner & reflect fondness toward them.

3) Turn Toward One Another: Intentionally attune to them. Be WITH them, not on phone, etc.
–> Emotional Bank Account: 20:1 engaging vs. ignoring
5:1 positive vs. negative interactions
Positive interaction: Deposit to account

4) Accept Influence: Build trust, balanced power in relationship, adapting to ea. others needs.
5) Solve the solvable problems: Figure out which things can be solved, and engage in meaningful dialogue around them.
6) Manage conflict & overcome gridlock: We can’t always solve it, so how can we manage it w/o dwelling on it.
7) Create shared meaning: Ongoing process of how our partner enriches our life