Ending #7 (General Spragmorton)

Question 1

*Lights up

Answer 1

Well, Mrs. Uno, I hate to tell you, but your husband has been murdered.

Question 2

MRS. UNO

Murdered?

Answer 2

Exactly. But not to worry, because I know exactly who the killer is. And I can prove it.

Question 3

*Lightning & thunder

Answer 3

Because I know the true identity of Mr. Uno.

Question 4

MRS. UNO

What true identity?

*You see, Mrs. Uno, before Mr. Uno began…

Answer 4

You see, Mrs. Uno, before Mr. Uno began a career as a postal worker, he was in a very different line of work. A line of work so secret that he never even spoke of it to his own wife.

Question 5

ISIS

Then how do you know what it is?

*My expertise in the field…

Answer 5

My expertise in the field of entomology has prepared me for this moment. You see, sometimes plastic surgeons use what is known as lepidurus spoccacus or skin worm, to assist them in special skin grafts.

Question 6

DAPHNE

Yeah, I heard about that on the Discovery Channel.

*I must caution you…

Answer 6

I must caution you that not everything you see on the Discovery Channel is scientifically accurate. Like the stuff about dinosaurs. They’re just making that up for ratings. However, back to my point, when he was a boy, the person who would become Mr.Uno was involved in a horrific accident. An accident so terrible it burned off ninety-eight percent of his skin. It seems that someone had strapped explosives to him and thrown him at a barrier.

Question 7

ISIS

That’s horrible.

*The use of skin worms…

Answer 7

The use of skin worms to recreate his skin created a scaring effect, which gave Mr. Uno his distinctive coloring.

Question 8

DAPHNE

Are you sure about this?

*And the husks of those worms…

Answer 8

And the husks of those worms gave him his cool modern haristyle. In reality, Mr. Uno was not the fine, hip gentleman you saw before you, but an operative, a secret operative from a Communist country named Dung Ho.

Question 9

MRS. UNO

What?! My husband was Korean?!

Answer 9

Indeed. And the former friend of one… General Alyosius Spragmorton.

*Aloe - ee - shus

Question 10

GENERAL

If I can chew through a brick wall, I can get out of these handcuffs. You’re right, Egghead!

Answer 10

I’m always right.

Question 11

GENERAL

I didn’t kill Mortimer.

Answer 11

Then who did?

Question 12

TARRAGON

I guess that was probably me. Sometimes I just do things like that. Whoopsie. I don’t really remember meeting any of you.

Answer 12

Well, case closed.

Question 13

CHARLOTTE

So now what do we do?

*Pause

Answer 13

I think we wait for the police to arrive.

Question 14

TARRAGON

Whoopsie! Darn gun.

Answer 14

Or maybe we just get out of here.